Girl Problems...

[Samurai Goomba]

I really have no authority on this matter, but I'd say once you're friend zone'd, it's over. The fact that she claims she likes you while making no effort to get together with you while at the same time having meaningless hookups with other guys and THEN dumping all her emotional baggage on you makes me think you're getting used.

Personally, I'd either tell her something has to change or just book it.

 

[pjm]

There one truth to remember, men and woman can not be friends, ever!

Someone always wants something more, as you want it from her. You have become a friend to her and the chances of that changing are slim, yes i have been where you are and it doesn't change. She is doing stuff with other guys but not you, this won't change.

This is the hard truth, being a friend will not get you layed or a relationsip!!!

If you want something more from this girl it's not going to happen, ever, you have become a girl friend (i'm guessing here but she may be costing you money too).

Yes you care about her but she will not have the same feeling for you.

My advice to you it to start looking for another relationship (NOT A FRIEND), but once you have it you most likely with never talk to her again.

This is me talking from experience. Trust me i've been there and done that and got 2 kids now, so dump the friend and find a girl friend.

 

[LooK iTz Jinjo]

My advice to you it to start looking for another relationship (NOT A FRIEND), but once you have it you most likely with never talk to her again.

This is me talking from experience. Trust me i've been there and done that and got 2 kids now, so dump the friend and find a girl friend.

I'm not the kind of guy who is going to ditch a friend because she won't go out with me, even if nothing becomes of it, I'll still be friends with her.

 

[bad rider]

Sexual tension, do something or it'll build up, now may not be the best time though.

 

[the_hessian]

That is such a F***ed up state of affairs!!!
I utterly hate how stupid girls can be like that... I've had the same sort of thing happen, it makes you feel like you mean nothing at all to them, when they say they "like" you too, but wont be with you, then go off and f*** someone else.
Ugh... I usually, even if I love the girl, give up and run like hell. It's insensitive, but they've been far more out of order to act so stupid and selfish. I don't like it that we guys have to just take such stuff in our stride and forgive them, but if you'd went off and had sex with someone else they'd hate you and you'd never have a chance with them.
Anyway... If you can forgive her utter utter retardation then be her friend for now. Console her and make sure everything is okay. Make sure she knows you will always be there for her, whatever she needs, whatever is wrong. Find out the whole and total problem with her and try to help her through it. You may have to put in another 6 months of work here to be completely sure everything is fine and even then there is no way of being sure she doesn't just completely completely think of you as a friend and nothing more.
I pity anyone that gets like this... hmm... If a moment comes up during the consoling period where she then wants you, if you don't do something because she's being crazy she could take a step back and get worse and come to not like you, or that could happen for a little bit, then when she's better she'll understand why you did it, but will think of you as a realllllllly good friend, nothing more, or the former could happen, but she respects you more for it.
Or you take action if an opportunity arises and she then freaks instantly.
Or she doesn't freak and it makes things better for her for a time because the extra atttention makes her feel wanted and loved, but later she'll hate you for taking advantage.
Or she accepts your advances and nothing bad ever comes from it and you make her better faster and have a long happy time together as more than friends, you could feel bad that you took advantage of the situation, that you got her on a crazy patch, sort of reboundy, and you could get all crazy from that and cause problems, or feel resentful.
I'd say if you feel disgusted by her actions now there is the possibility that it could happen again while you're with her, and no one is worth that much pain. Be her friend, make her better, but give up on her and fall for someone else.
If what she's done doesn't bother you and you want her, love her, that much, then do all you can to make her better and only approach the subject of your love for her when she's better. Don't get angry and bring up any of this crap that's she's done, it will lock you out forever, just be there, be kind, put up with it, then go for it when things are okay.

 

[imperialwar]

Right so, this is coming from aguy who lived through the friend zone for MANY years.
My advice is slightly synical however. Become the one that got away. As in try your best to meet another girl as this one is leeching to many emotions from you OP. You are her safe haven from which to launch herself into these destructive relationships. So, don't be there for her any more. Involve yourself in your own relationship and see if she still tries to dump her baggage on you still. If she does then that is prettty much all she ever will do.

Either that or seek to comfort her as "phyiscally" as possible, hugs and cuddles might lead to a kiss which might lead to something more. If you do get together and she spouts "this was all a mistake." then just come back her with "Why is two friends who care for each other being together a mistake ?" it is a minipulative, but it is your best come back. She needs to confess the TRUE reasons as to you she hasnt gotten with you before. Usually it is some pathetic excuse. Which then shows what she really feels towards you. You need to be kept at a distance as you are to "safe" for her.

You need closure Op and unfortunately it is only ever going to be an explosion of emotions. At the end of it all she may or may not speak to you again, but it alot less self destructive. Plus you will feel heaps better having finally confronted this demon.

Finally i offer this: I just let go of nearly all the girls i was infatuated with when i was younger. Why ? because that was all it was ever going to be between us, me longing for them and them treating me like a big brother they never had. I eventually met a girl i had never known before and it was an instant attraction between us both. There was no complications of emotional insecurity, we knew straight off we both wanted each other. now it is a given we both have baggage of sorts, but there was none of this "involvement" baggage. Again it comes down to this friend zone. Are you to close to her to see the damage she is doing to you unloading her emotions upon you ? No, as you are asking for advice. That to me is the first step of getting away from this situation.

PS: this will all work to your advantage however as it will allow you to listen to the girl you eventually DO get into a relationship with. Talking is one of the keys, where both people need to feel free to express themselves eevn if it might hurt the other persons feelings.

 

[LowFatLoki]

My advice... ditch the *****. She is not your friend. A friend would not play those mind fuck games with you. Plain and simple.

Follow what this fellow said. He's right even though he may not sound like.

 

[Dys]

she hooked up with more than 1 guy and had dry sex, and how ashamed she is of herself.

And you still want to hook up with her? She might be nice looking and all, but apparently she's also not too picky about her company. I suggest you elevate your standards, and search for somebody worth your effort. You don't need to act like your avatar implies (no offence, I hope).

That would generally be a sign of low self esteem.
Rather than blow her off just keep talking to her, stay friends. Don't be closed to the idea of being with other friends but make the effort to make her feel loved. She'll definately go for you if feels your genuine, but you can't force that so for now it's probably best to just go with the flow.

 

[Same River New Water]

So basically I've spent the last 6 months to a year just being a friend to her, standing by her, helping her all the stuff expected by a best friend.

That doesn't sound like a healthy friendship to me. You're "there for her" for months on end; but you don't mention her being there for you. She knows that you like her but she gives specific details about the multiple guys she just hooked up with - that's not a nice thing to do.

Ask yourself: does she go out of her way for you? Does she seem genuinely interested in your life? Does she not just listen when you talk and give occasional feedback, but does she make an effort to find out about your life the same way you do for her? Or is it mostly a one-way street? Because at a glance it looks like you're living the cliche of The Friend. And that's no basis for a relationship OR a friendship.

 

[cuddly_tomato]

Either take some time away from her until you loose the flame for her or try your luck and tell her how you feel about her. Spending time on the edge like this will destroy you.

 

[the_hessian]

2) She's a slut buuuung! (cookie for reference)

Jay and Silent Bob my good man, I do say!!!
Well specifically Jay, and I do concurr with it's very apt use.
Now where's my cookie!!!

 

[Velocirapture07]

This kind of shit has happened to me. It's total bullshit dude. Unfortunately if she hasn't decided to be with you by now there's probably a reason. Same thing happened to me...I had a very good friend who was a girl and then I developed feelings for her and told her and she said she had too, and the rest is pure bullshit.

Good luck dude....but you might want to move on eventually. And if she screws you over don't even look back...

 

[Nickisimo]

Ahh, this old lark. Yeah, this scenario(or one eerily similar) happens to any nice guy over and over until you become jaded enough(and perhaps experienced enough) to not allow yourself to be involved in that kind of shit again. I do feel your pain though, I've been in a few of these myself in years past.

I hate to tell you, but women can and will use and abuse any guy with half a spine in a 20 mile radius. I don't even know her but I'm 99% sure from what I read that she gives less than half a shit about you and has no interest ever in being romantically involved with you. It sucks, it really does. Try and learn from it and understand you're not the first(and definitely not the last) nice guy who will find themselves in this place. Things will be better in the future because of that experience though...if you can believe that.

 

[joystickjunki3]

There's no good answer to this dilemma, most every guy goes through this problem and nearly every one of those guys' hopes don't come to fruition.

 

[Samurai Goomba]

There's no good answer to this dilemma, most every guy goes through this problem and nearly every one of those guys' hopes don't come to fruition.

Bingo. Best to just assume she's a lying, manipulative little brat who doesn't really give a rip about you and just wants to use you to vent her emotions and feel special, Ladder Theory style. At this point I'd say the odds are definitely against you. Most girls who care about a guy don't tell him about the sex they have with other men. Seriously. Not cool!

Be honest with her, tell her how you feel about this retarded situation and stop letting her manipulate you like this. You deserve better... Probably. Despite the fact that you apparently wear pants on your head.

 

[Inverse Skies]

You've developed feelings for her because you've been friends for so long, this is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. The problem here is the feeling isn't mutual, and you must be respectful of her wishes as well. Right now it seems like she really needs a friend to comfort her, so do but don't think about getting together with her. From what you've said I very much doubt it will happen. The thing here is you're going to have to move on from her and treat her as a friend rather than someone you're desperately in love with - she doesn't need that. She needs a friend and that friend is you. Push aside your urges and be the friend she needs, thats all the advice I can give you here.

 

[CoziestPigeon]

Dry sex? Sounds serious bro.

But in all seriousness, you friend-zoned yourself hard. Get over this chick, it's not going to work the way you wish it would.