Ok, I see a classic case of woe is me self pity syndrome. I'm going to prescribe some volunteer work. you say nobody would care if you died, and I guarantee that isn't true, but if you don't believe me, just volunteer somewhere. help people, instead of begging to be helped by a bunch of strangers on a gaming site. if anything, do it to improve the world you live in, get some perspective of how good you have it, or make someone elses life a little bit less shitty. help people, its good for the soul, it makes you a happier person, and every person you help will care if you die.