Greatest Quotes Ever

[MagnetoHydroDynamics]

"salad's for pussies, real men eat trees"
-me, when a friend recommended a salad bar

"If you aren't sure...mix random chemicals"
-friend in science class-

Lol... good ones


"They got more ********************************************** than they got the likes of me"
-the Demoman, TF2

"I got a hammer!.. I can build things, I can destroy things. It's wonderful to be a male"
-Calvin, Calvin and Hobbs

"Remember, in Garrysmod, welds are not welds and the speed of light is 111mph"
-Someone, don't recall who.

"When in doubt, use more explosives"
-Jamie Hyneman, Mythbusters

"Spy as me!"
-Me playing TF2

"Spyro!"
-Same as above

Someone (spy):"There's just NO WAY you could have seen me!"
Me (sniper):"I didn't, I tried to kill the scout behind you"
-TF2

"[insert snappy comeback here]"
-A guys name in TF2

Cortana:"This thing is falling apart!"
Mastercheif:"It'll hold!"
Cortana:"We're not gonna make it!"
Mastercheif:"We'll make it!"
Cortana:"Pull up! Pull Up!
*Crash*
-Halo

"The Free man honours us by his precence"
-Vortigaunt, HL2

"We may need you to play twing-twang"
-Nariko to her adopted, mentally ill sister Kai, Heavenly Sword

Edit:
And now a couple for the Dune books:
"I did not even draw my blade today, nut it will be said that i kille twenty sadukars by my self" -Paul Muad'Dib

The emperror:"You used nuclear Weapons against our forces!"
Paul Muad'Dib:"I used nuclear weapons against a mountain formatin that was in my way"

"We sent their messengers back without their water..."

"Mood? Mood is good enough for love and music, but when you need to fight, you fight!"

 

[The Sorrow]

Richard/Black Mage/Yahtzee/Kris Wilson/Dogbert.

Bow before the gods of comedic lines.

 

[Kasio]

Wow, epic fail for all of you. Please move right along until you find the wonder that is Ash Williams from the Evil Dead series.

"Ok you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my boomstick! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?"
-Ash Williams, Evil Dead: Army of Darkness

"Good, bad, I'm the Ash with the chainsaw."
-Ash Williams, Evil Dead: Hail to the King

Sam: "Hey, who left the stove on? Know what this furnace reminds me of?"
Ash: "I have no idea."
Sam: "Johnny Sticks. Him and me, we used to be connected."
Ash: "Connected to what? The union of verbally challenged half deadites?"
Sam: "You know, "connected"! Me and Sticks, the guy was thin as a toothpick, we were top earners."
Ash: "I thought you were an ice cream driver."
Sam: "I was a lot of things, you know for cover. Me and Sticks used to pose as chimney sweeps, sneaking out of furnace vents with the loot. Sticks must have put on a couple of pounds cause he got himself stuck. Furnace comes on and *boom*! Then, err..."
Ash: "And then you played "pick up sticks" right?"
Sam: "I don't deserve sarcasm."
-Ash and Sam, Evil Dead: Regeneration

 

[Anarchemitis]

"Grenade!"
-Tk-421

 

[Anarchemitis]

"My name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
-Indigo Montoya

 

[Karmic]

"When i give food to the poor, they call me a saint.
When i ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist"

Don't remember who.

A friend of mine also has this as a favourite quote, it was Archbishop Dom Hélder Pessoa Câmara, apparently.

?Humanities unfailing capacity to believe what they prefers to be true rather than what the evidence shows to be likely and possible has always astounded me. We long for a caring Universe which will save us from our childish mistakes, and in the face of mountains of evidence to the contrary we will pin all our hopes on the slimmest of doubts. God has not been proven not to exist, therefore he must exist"-Academician Prokhor Zakharov, Alpha Centauri

When I first heard that I was like wow, so true especially the last part about God

How splendid that someone else would use an Alpha Centauri quote, my favourite however was:

We sit together,
the mountain and I,
until only the mountain remains

From the Yang Collection

A silly lot of pretentious twaddle, to be sure, but rather amusing none the less.

 

[jim_doki]

"ok, its 75 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, its dark, and we're wearing sunglasses"
Elwood Blues

"what if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?"
Annon, written on an astrophysics tutorial chalk board

 

[Flack]

"Don't waste your time or time will waste you"

"On the contrary i think it would better world where people did good things because they wanted to rather than out of fear of divine punishment."

"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all outta gun." -Duke Nukem

"I've got Balls of Steel" -Duke Nukem

"I outta break a broom handle off in your ass" - Duke Nukem

"Please note that we have added a consequence for failure, any contact with the chamber floor
will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official record, followed by death" - GLaDos

"Contact with the high energy ball may result in permanent disabilities - such as vaporization."-GLaDos

 

[j_6zcr]

"college is for pussies"
-girl from "accepted"

"i wonder if like how the invention of realistic sex will whipe out the entire human raze
within one generation..."
-yahtzee talkin about guitar hero


"they forked... and then they spooned"
-random guy from House

Bono-"hope you've said your prayers"
Neil McCormic-"i don't need to pray, i believe in the power of rehearsal"

"i killed your partner, blew you up, rammed a cattle up your rectal passage, and the last time we met i shot you in the head at point-blank range...how many more hints do you need?
-yahtzee takes on the world


-"ohh, real inspired plan chief. bet that took you a whole fifteen seconds"
-"you don't go sarcastic on the boss"
-yahtzee takes on the world

-energy is neither created or destroyed, is... created
-answer from a friend in a physics exam

 

[Anarchemitis]

"English, Mother******! Do you speak it?
-Samuel L. Jackson.

Creedy: "Die! Die! Why won't you die?!"
V: "Because benath this mask is more than flesh. Beneath this mask is an idea, Mr. Creedy. And Ideas are bulletproof."
-V For Vendetta

 

[Computer (Easy)]

Some of my favorites:

"Will you help me? We must join together once more, and our fury will be such that bards will run their quills dry! Yes, ink will be scarce where e'er we go!" - Minsc

"What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it. Who was it who said, 'Blessed is the man who has found his work'? Whoever it was he had the right idea in his mind. Mark you, he says his work -- not somebody else's work. The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all. Cursed is the man who has found some other man's work and cannot lose it." - Mark Twain

"Surely you can't be serious!"
"I am. And don't call me 'Shirley.'" - Leslie Nielsen in "Airplane!"

"Look at you, hacker. A pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?" - SHODAN

 

[The Franco]

"Good news! It's a suppository."
-Professor Huber J. Farnsworth.

"Kiss my Front-butt"
-Hermes Conrad.

"You have to defile the corpse completely, or else they come back"
(Brock Sampson peeing on a mummy)

Skwisgaar- "Ugh this is total sausages festivals"
Toki- "Oh, I love sausage festivals, like that one in Vienna!"
Skwisgaar - "Noes, Toki, that actuallys was sausage festivals. I'm sayings that there's no ladies here to puts 'you know whats' ins."
Toki - "The sausage?
Skwisgaar - "Yeah, the sausage."

Or pretty much anything from Futurama, Venture Brothers or Metalocalypse. ([AS] fanboy much?)