Grow a Goddamned Skin!!!

[Saulkar]

Beginning emotionally repairing rant in 3... 2... 1... GO!

This is the statement I often receive when something someones says online hurts. I am told to just suck it up and move on. That would be all fine and dandy if there were actual instructions on how to. The fact of the matter is words hurt. There is nothing that can really change that. Not everybody is born with a thick skin that can shake off words. Words have no physical nature but they have real connotations that the brain recognises, this in turn translates into feelings or understanding and thus negative words can still hurt for this reason.

I am far from a psychologist when it comes to the concepts of either water off of a ducks back or suck it up, but how do those work? I can easily rationalise that a comment made online by someone that I do not know is an anonomous attack that holds no true weight but it still hurts. I do not brood over it and move on but there is still that sick feeling at the bottom of my stomach that does not go away and whenever I notice it again my memories of the comment comes back and it hurts again.

I have been taught by friends on how to deal with this issue in reallife but no matter how I look at it, ignore it, distract myself from it, try to put it out of my life, a hurtful comment online still hurts and it hurts for a while. So how does one come about growing a skin against this? Do you constantly expose yourself to these assaults and become desensitised to them? How do you do it? It is not like you can snap your fingers and instantly stop comments from hurting. The internet is a mean place and I have been here for quite a while, 98% percent of the internet is out there to hurt you so you need armour.

TL;DR What steps did you take to become desensitised to the hate of the internet? Is it something you develop or something you are born with, or am I just a naturally sensitive guy if the basics do not work? The same thing does not work for everybody but I bet one of you has found a way to deal with it that will also work for me since just simply staying off of the internet is not an option.

I have a serious question and expect a serious answer. I did not google this because I want a real answer from a real person on a website that actually has friendly people on it. That would be you my good sir or madam!!! :-D

/Rant - I feel much better now but ranting cannot be the only way to deal with this.

P.S. Yes something recent did spur this and yes I do not deal with this well even if you do. I am not the same as you.

What Say You?
How do you deal with the internet and have you recently had an altercation online?

EDIT: I can honestly say that this was a worthwhile investment and that I am coming out of this forum smarter and better informed than before. The positive and well thought out comments have been a pleasure to read and have given me much food for thought in addition to tools I can use to defend myself online. Thankyou ESCAPIST!

 

[gabe12301]

Do listen to him! Us trolls need Trollium to survive!

But seriously. Everyone gets offended about everything. It's your choice to be offended, but if you can't take a good mental jab you really shouldn't be on the internet.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Ignore it if I can. Or take comfort in the hypocrisy people show. Relativism at work.

Plus my friends are dicks and i am to them, so we learned to not really be too bothered by stuff. Hell, my one friend lost his legs and the first thing I did after calling the ambulance was just start ragging on him about how he was no longer the tallest one of us anymore.

 

[Saulkar]

Do listen to him! Us trolls need Trollium to survive!

I will deny you!!! You shan't win!

 

[BanicRhys]

I pretend to be an asshole and I never never get emotionally invested in anything I say whenever I'm online. That seems to help.

 

[retyopy]

Just remember that you have a better social life then them. You don't know them, but it's true. Because you're awesome. Or something.

 

[Saulkar]

Ignore it if I can. Or take comfort in the hypocrisy people show. Relativism at work.

Plus my friends are dicks and i am to them, so we learned to not really be too bothered by stuff. Hell, my one friend lost his legs and the first thing I did after calling the ambulance was just start ragging on him about how he was no longer the tallest one of us anymore.

The thing is you guys are friends, you know that you have no real intention to cause them any lasting harm. Ignoring a comment that I have already read online is mystifyingly difficult, I subconsciously associate it as a personal attack on me even though I can consciously aknowledge it as stupid.

I however thankyou very much for your insight!

Hypocrisy, eh? That is an iteresting way to look at, I keep that in mind.

 

[Tiger Sora]

Wit. It is my sword, and my shield online. I have slain many a trolls with it, and have saved my emotions a rattling.

I also have a "I could give a F*** attitude". So peoples opinions and stuff that brush against me the wrong way are ignored, dismissed or destroyed utterly.

 

[dfcrackhead]

Eh, the way I deal with it is:

Intarnet tuff guy: "LOL U R SUCH A LOSER!! SO NOOBY!! STOP BEING A LOSER AND GO DIE"
Me thinking to myself: "Eh, you don't know me, it's the internet, I'm not being serious and I know you're wrong. Now I shall block/ignore/mute you so I don't need to deal with you any more"

 

[Saulkar]

I pretend to be an asshole and I never never get emotionally invested in anything I say whenever I'm online. That seems to help.

Unfortunatly that is when I am most vulnerable. If someone just came up to me online and said "FUCK YOU!". I would be like whatever but when I try to communicate to a person online I have to do it on the personal level otherwise I come off as a robot. I just cannot fake investment in an online conversation. Someone did however mention something interesting about the concept of hypocrisy. Something that I had not thought of before but may actually give me a better way of understanding a hurtful comment and in turn make it hurt less.

Thankyou very much for the reply.

 

[emeraldrafael]

snip

Its hypocrisy int hat if you were to do the same, they would be flustered and bothered as well. You could take any of the "___________ is wrong with the US" threads, turn that around say "this is what is wrong with the UK" and you would have a large stink come out of (some of) the people who live int he UK that bashed the US. Just as an example.

And even though we may be friends, just looking at my example above, it helps. I mean, the first thing you hear after getting your legs cut off probably isnt a shot at your height. Plus we constantly do it. I'll use the same friend. hes no in a wheel chair, so he gets us to the front of every line in amusement parks, then when they're about to strap him in we always say he doesnt meet height requirements and he shouldnt ride just to be jerks about it. when you do it constnatly, it gets wearing even without malicious intent. But he knows we're his friends and down underneath it all we're there for him, so it helps him to hear whatever you might here as an insult and brush it off.

 

[Saulkar]

Wit. It is my sword, and my shield online. I have slain many a trolls with it, and have saved my emotions a rattling.

I also have a "I could give a F*** attitude". So peoples opinions and stuff that brush against me the wrong way are ignored, dismissed or destroyed utterly.

Hmm, I generally try to be polite as possible online unless I am goofing around. This tends to make me an easy target, I other wise sound like a robot. I tend to rarely try to be as you say witty, I tend to come off as an ass. While there is nothing you could do, haters are going to come at you, leading them around with wit might actually do some good.

A most informative comment, thankyou.

 

[DeadlyYellow]

I... used... the internet?

Hell if I know. My feelings won't be hurt because someone on the internet calls me a fagamuffin or some stupid name, though I tend to respond with a poke-the-bear attitude because I find it funny. It's text on a slate. Horrible spelling and vulgar language may give it an angry emphasis, but only if you let it.

 

[Saulkar]

snip

Its hypocrisy int hat if you were to do the same, they would be flustered and bothered as well. You could take any of the "___________ is wrong with the US" threads, turn that around say "this is what is wrong with the UK" and you would have a large stink come out of (some of) the people who live int he UK that bashed the US. Just as an example.

And even though we may be friends, just looking at my example above, it helps. I mean, the first thing you hear after getting your legs cut off probably isnt a shot at your height. Plus we constantly do it. I'll use the same friend. hes no in a wheel chair, so he gets us to the front of every line in amusement parks, then when they're about to strap him in we always say he doesnt meet height requirements and he shouldnt ride just to be jerks about it. when you do it constnatly, it gets wearing even without malicious intent. But he knows we're his friends and down underneath it all we're there for him, so it helps him to hear whatever you might here as an insult and brush it off.

Hmmmmm. Good Point, good point. More info for the thinker box.

 

[Lightning Delight]

There are a few ways I deal with it.

1. Don't take anything too seriously. There isn't any point to it, since most of what happens here has no effect on the outside world. It isn't a big deal.

2. De-sensitize! It works for me. The more something happens to you, the less spectacular it is. When it happens incredibly frequently (which trolling and insults on the internet do), you will barely even notice it, much less care.

3. Imagine yourself as better than them. This one may sound a bit arrogant, but its probably true if they are flaming you on the internet. Just think to yourself, "That's nice. Now I'm gonna go on and enjoy my life while you have nothing to fulfill yourself with but insulting random people on the internet." You have friends, they have the internet. Which is better?

4. Focus on the positives. You know that happy feeling you get when someone quotes your post to agree with you? Doesn't that feel good? That feeling can easily overshadow anything anyone says that is mean, since the positives come from genuine feelings rather than boredom. Just think of all the good conversations you have had on the internet, or better yet go start a new one!

That's all I got. Hope it helps!

EDIT: Waitigotanotherone!!

5. Music. It helps. Just put on something nice and relaxing, and it'll just make that feeling in your stomach fade away.

 

[NotSoLoneWanderer]

Humans are humans and are thus in part responsible for things like war, bad translation of books to movies, and sandwiches constructed from other foods. I can't take anything they do seriously and I remain above it.

Hmm well I guess I just have a thick skin, yet I am an emotional person, yet I've been described as cold and calculating...hmm I'm me, I'm awesome, and I don't let anybody say otherwise through kindness and wit.

 

[Saulkar]

I... used... the internet?

Hell if I know. My feelings won't be hurt because someone on the internet calls me a fagamuffin or some stupid name, though I tend to respond with a poke-the-bear attitude because I find it funny. It's text on a slate. Horrible spelling and vulgar language may give it an angry emphasis, but only if you let it.

It is the people who gather some dirt on you and have good grammar that are the hard ones to deal with. Ones who word themselves so carefully or so convultedly that it is only later that you really realise that. Simple angry statements online while they give me that innitial shock it goes away pretty fast. I personally wish it was just text on slate, but the constant reaffirmation of that idea seems to be having a positive effect on me.

Thankyou.

 

[shrekfan246]

Emotional Snip

I don't tend to get involved with online arguments, mostly for the reasons you've posted. I wouldn't say I get emotionally hurt by comments online, but if I happen to actually invest in an argument and find the person on the other end has a particularly annoying personality or a particularly unenlightened viewpoint, it will get on my nerves and possibly get me worked up at how there could still be people in this world who automatically think offensive insult = sexism.

But I've grown a rather thick skin to the internet, after years of playing WoW and lurking on these very forums, and so I often find it to just not be worth it to engage discussion with people who hold the polar opposite of my opinion on a subject. Most of the time all you'll get out of it is a headache because people are incredibly stubborn when it comes to changing their views of anything.

As far as raging troll comments go in things like multiplayer shooters or inflammatory news articles (or /Trade chat in WoW), I usually read them for a good laugh or a shock at the ignorance some people might show, but try not to comment myself because I don't feel like getting involved in their trolltastic internet lives.

Also, I learned long ago that most people who frequent most sites are either angry, childish, or pretentious, and will treat you as if you're inferior to them no matter what the situation is, even if you're discussing something like your Grandmother's recipe for Chocolate Cake.

 

[Saulkar]

There are a few ways I deal with it.

3. Imagine yourself as better than them. This one may sound a bit arrogant, but its probably true if they are flaming you on the internet. Just think to yourself, "That's nice. Now I'm gonna go on and enjoy my life while you have nothing to fulfill yourself with but insulting random people on the internet." You have friends, they have the internet. Which is better?


EDIT: Waitigotanotherone!!

5. Music. It helps. Just put on something nice and relaxing, and it'll just make that feeling in your stomach fade away.

I have really never tried number three because I know that I am not inherrently better than them. I try to be humble (not always successful). None the less I guess it would not hurt to try it some time.

Music? Excuse me while I go bang my head on my desk for not thinking of the blantantly obvious.
Actually music does help soothe my nerves, I just tend to view it as a form of escapism rather than dealing with the issue.

None the less thankyou for your input.

 

[Saulkar]

Hmm well I guess I just have a thick skin, yet I am an emotional person, yet I've been described as cold and calculating...hmm I'm me, I'm awesome, and I don't let anybody say otherwise through kindness and wit.

I envy you and hope that you stay the way you are.