Grow a Goddamned Skin!!!
- Thread starter Saulkar
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It's all about psychological weighting and emotional investment.Saulkar said:
First off, if you want to understand people on the internet go read Lord of the Flies... (Kill the pig! Kill the pig!)
Anyway... psychological weighting is basically how much you let other people and things affect you. The larger the effect, the more 'weight' it has... This is mostly done un- and subconsciously but you can make a conscious effort to adjust this weighting and it's probably a good idea for most people to strip away as much psychological weighting from people they don't know or don't like as they can. I mean, honestly, who cares what a bunch of strangers or arseholes thinks or says? Fuck 'em... Strangers are, until you get to know them, just people shaped objects to your psyche... and people you don't like? Fuck 'em, if any of the shit they said was worth listening to maybe wouldn't dislike them.
Emotional Investment is how much of your emotions, your emotional balance you put into something. Do not emotionally invest in anything that does not give your equal emotional fulfillment in return. Don't get involved in shit that's just going to bring you down or piss you off.
TL;DR - if you don't know or don't like someone, fuck 'em and whatever shit they spout. Don't get involved in shit that won't give you a positive return.
HAH!emeraldrafael said:
Humor is a good medicine. Not sure I'd want that medicine so soon....but still. HAH!
OT: I guess it comes down to self esteem. I have a decent opinion of myself. What some random person on the internet say about me doesnt affect me much. Their opinions are not particularly important to me. If my best friend called me a goddamn idiot (in a serious way)...I'd be a bit more affected as his opinions matter to me.
That said we rag on each other all the time. ALL.the.time.
Leaning back, sipping some cider with a monocle and top hat. *ba-dum tish*
The only way to cruise the internet really is in style.
Meh who cares anyway. I find it hilarious that some people immediatly react as if you murdered their mum's cat if you point out something in a non threathening way of course.
The only way to cruise the internet really is in style.
Meh who cares anyway. I find it hilarious that some people immediatly react as if you murdered their mum's cat if you point out something in a non threathening way of course.
One of the most useful if rarely used phrases in the English language is "I'm comfortable with my level of hypocrisy."emeraldrafael said:
Good. Viscera is quite fragile and you don't want your internals going all external.TestECull said:
Personally, I do sometimes get upset by the things people say online, but what keeps it from taking too much from my overall happiness is the refusal to let cruel people drag me down to their level. I feel far happier trying (sometimes not succeeding, but always trying!) to be nice and patient towards others than I would if I let myself cast slurs and insults. At the end of the day, we turn off the computer and we have to be able to look ourselves in the mirror and know that we tried to be a decent human being in all our interactions. Keyboard anonymity is no excuse for being a jerk, no matter how many other people think it is. As such, I don't really think I have a thick skin; I just protect my thin skin with the armour of courtesy (to use a phrase from Sansa Stark's point of view in A Song of Ice and Fire).
'It's now very common to hear people say, "I'm rather offended by that", as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning, it has no purpose, it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. "I'm offended by that." Well, so fucking what?'
- Stephen Fry.
Perfectly sums it up, I feel.
- Stephen Fry.
Perfectly sums it up, I feel.
QED.TestECull said:
This too, which is why I end up laughing (although I probably shouldn't) when I see another dumb fucking teenager has killed themselves over something hurtful somebody said online. People tried to bully me online, back when Bebo was still a thing. You know what they did? They set up "I hate X" groups and spammed me with messages etc., and you know what my response was? Delete my account and get the fuck over it, fast. And these were people I actually KNEW, not some anonymous dumbfuck, and it still didn't bother me. The beatings perhaps, but not the name calling.Craorach said:
You really do just snap your fingers and get over it (figuratively speaking.) Knowing how much smarter I am than the people pissing me off, and knowing that their opinions dont make a lick of difference in my world, how COULD I get upset at what people say?
Hammer down. Make fun of me for being bald. Make fun of me for being skinny. Make fun of me for being poor. Make fun of the fact that one of my parents is dead. I really dont care.
I know that I just naturally have thick skin and you dont, but I dont know what to tell you. Some people are built broken. Some people have no sense of empathy. Some people are born with crippling genetic disorders. If you have polio, dont run track. If you have thin skin, stay away from mean people and stay away from online forums.
Maybe its the fact that at a young age I was taught that no one wants to listen to my bitching. I learned to stop bitching, which make me stop thinking about the things that piss me off. If you learn to have a short memory and not dwell on the negative, it gets easier and easier. Using the depression and stomach cramps as an excuse to slack off is only going to make situations spiral out of control and the hole you dig will only get deeper.
In your bathroom is there a bottle of pepto next to a bottle of throat spray, next to a box of losenges, next to a bottle of tums, next to a bottle of calamine lotion, next to 3 bottles of different pain killers? If so learn to get on without them. Toughening up takes time and is harder to do the older you are.
Sorry for the tough love, but you need to start somewhere. You want specific instructions, but what you get is similar to the answer I would give to anyone who wants to gain or lose weight. It's not quick and its not easy.
If all else fails, try doing something physical; the more exhausting the better. Nothing takes your mind off things like genuine fatigue. Im guessing its a natural human coping mechanism. Im not a behavioral scientist, but I try to tie things back to evolution. If you exhaust yourself running from a predator, you'll be too tired to dwell on it, and wont be too scared to go out and hunt for your clan the next day.
Hammer down. Make fun of me for being bald. Make fun of me for being skinny. Make fun of me for being poor. Make fun of the fact that one of my parents is dead. I really dont care.
I know that I just naturally have thick skin and you dont, but I dont know what to tell you. Some people are built broken. Some people have no sense of empathy. Some people are born with crippling genetic disorders. If you have polio, dont run track. If you have thin skin, stay away from mean people and stay away from online forums.
Maybe its the fact that at a young age I was taught that no one wants to listen to my bitching. I learned to stop bitching, which make me stop thinking about the things that piss me off. If you learn to have a short memory and not dwell on the negative, it gets easier and easier. Using the depression and stomach cramps as an excuse to slack off is only going to make situations spiral out of control and the hole you dig will only get deeper.
In your bathroom is there a bottle of pepto next to a bottle of throat spray, next to a box of losenges, next to a bottle of tums, next to a bottle of calamine lotion, next to 3 bottles of different pain killers? If so learn to get on without them. Toughening up takes time and is harder to do the older you are.
Sorry for the tough love, but you need to start somewhere. You want specific instructions, but what you get is similar to the answer I would give to anyone who wants to gain or lose weight. It's not quick and its not easy.
If all else fails, try doing something physical; the more exhausting the better. Nothing takes your mind off things like genuine fatigue. Im guessing its a natural human coping mechanism. Im not a behavioral scientist, but I try to tie things back to evolution. If you exhaust yourself running from a predator, you'll be too tired to dwell on it, and wont be too scared to go out and hunt for your clan the next day.
I've honestly never been sensitive to it. It's all just a bunch of anonymous nobodies (no offense people). I have a life, a job, friends, etc. Trolls troll. Nothing can be done about it. Not worth getting upset at them.
Slowpoke is slow, also, surely people stated it before, but whattahell...Saulkar said:
Self-confidence is the key to grow armor that even Space Marines would betray Emperor to acquire one!
Whatever people say, whatever they do, if you're sure that there's more in you than what they claim, nothing will hurt you that deep and for long. Let me remind this marvelous anecdote :
That's it. Self-confidence. Whatever they launch at you, you know, you're too big for their puny attacks.
How to gain self-confidence ?
This process takes some time, but it's worth it. Simplest way to do it is to win, constantly win, numerous times. Challenge yourself. At first your challenges may be easy ones, for example "do something you never did", or "resist urge to do something you're 'addicted' to".
Walk longer and further than usually. Drink no Mountain Dew (or whatever you like) for whole week. Write short story even thought you don't like to write and you don't know what to write about (just don't publish it
. Then try something more complicated, more challenging. Try some sports, do things you're mildly afraid of. Try crazy stuff that are against your personal beliefs - if you're an atheist, go to church and just stay there during mass passing no judgement, just observing. If you're religious person, read some atheist books and resist your rage or whatever emotion you'll feel. You dislike people of different nationality ? Speak with some, read about their heritage, history, try to use this nation in your next RTS game. You're active and all sports ? Stay at home for whole weekend and do nothing useful.
Then try even harder things.
Finally, at some point you'll awake with single thought : "geeeee, it seems that i can do almost everything, try anything, achieve whatever i want". And believe me, with that kind of attitude nooone will scar you for life, no matter what they say and or do.
Like you, I never had an inherently thick skin. Emotional response has never felt to me like something I can control: I feel how I feel.
Internet assaults have never bothered me TOO much, though, mostly because I was constantly bullied in school and by the time I got into the more social aspects of the Internet I had long stopped caring what random people said to me. Exactly how I stopped caring, I'm really not sure. I think I gradually (not by choice) stopped seeing them as people, or even as animals, since they never behaved in any way to which I could relate. They are objects, programmed to spew bile at every opportunity. They should be avoided when possible, but are of no consequence.
I feel like a tremendous asshole even saying that, and I can't really recommend that particular mechanism. Still, that's my story, take from it what you will.
Internet assaults have never bothered me TOO much, though, mostly because I was constantly bullied in school and by the time I got into the more social aspects of the Internet I had long stopped caring what random people said to me. Exactly how I stopped caring, I'm really not sure. I think I gradually (not by choice) stopped seeing them as people, or even as animals, since they never behaved in any way to which I could relate. They are objects, programmed to spew bile at every opportunity. They should be avoided when possible, but are of no consequence.
I feel like a tremendous asshole even saying that, and I can't really recommend that particular mechanism. Still, that's my story, take from it what you will.
I used to ***** and moan and argue on the internet all day, every day. I used to take everything seriously and go for every idiotic drivel, grab every argument, feel every half-hearted jab someone typed without even thinking. The internet was, in short SERIOUS BUSINESS.
Then something just clicked, and it wasn't my mouse. What the hell was I doing? Why? Was I seriously letting myself get this worked up about people who I didn't know, would never meet and who, in all seriousness, didn't probably give a shit? And then, a wonderful new option sprung up from this poor man's enlightenment: I don't have to. I can simply sigh, shrug and let it be. Hell, I don't need to do even that! I can totally ignore all I want to! I CAN let it be and take seriously only those people I know worthy of it.
And never again was I forced into carrying on a pointless argument "because someone's wrong and mean! ON THE INTERNET!" For I realized that there will always be bile and horrible things and incredible ignorancy on a worldwide information lane with free access for any subhuman simian with a computer and a prodding implement to manipulate its keys. And that wouldn't change. What could and would change is how I'd react to these things. I could choose to take that pathetic drivel seriously, and allow myself to be hurt, and thus empower the aforementioned subhuman monkeys. Or I could just let it go and forget.
In the end, there's no real instructions to dealing with trolls or idiots (who, even if the term gets thrown around more than a basketball during the game, are different things), other than the fact that you really should ignore it. It's hard at first, but you need to realize that this is the internet, where actions very seldom have consequences and other people are just faceless blobs of text. Realize that these people, too, are most of the time ordinary blokes in real life, and write the shit off as just being what internet does. And then carry on, you have better things to do after all than to empower trolls and possibly turn them into Dire Hellish Fiendtrolls or something. Sooner or later, you'll notice your skin is no longer a skin, but a hide. A thick hide with +30 damage resistance against troll bile, which is pretty good.
Then something just clicked, and it wasn't my mouse. What the hell was I doing? Why? Was I seriously letting myself get this worked up about people who I didn't know, would never meet and who, in all seriousness, didn't probably give a shit? And then, a wonderful new option sprung up from this poor man's enlightenment: I don't have to. I can simply sigh, shrug and let it be. Hell, I don't need to do even that! I can totally ignore all I want to! I CAN let it be and take seriously only those people I know worthy of it.
And never again was I forced into carrying on a pointless argument "because someone's wrong and mean! ON THE INTERNET!" For I realized that there will always be bile and horrible things and incredible ignorancy on a worldwide information lane with free access for any subhuman simian with a computer and a prodding implement to manipulate its keys. And that wouldn't change. What could and would change is how I'd react to these things. I could choose to take that pathetic drivel seriously, and allow myself to be hurt, and thus empower the aforementioned subhuman monkeys. Or I could just let it go and forget.
In the end, there's no real instructions to dealing with trolls or idiots (who, even if the term gets thrown around more than a basketball during the game, are different things), other than the fact that you really should ignore it. It's hard at first, but you need to realize that this is the internet, where actions very seldom have consequences and other people are just faceless blobs of text. Realize that these people, too, are most of the time ordinary blokes in real life, and write the shit off as just being what internet does. And then carry on, you have better things to do after all than to empower trolls and possibly turn them into Dire Hellish Fiendtrolls or something. Sooner or later, you'll notice your skin is no longer a skin, but a hide. A thick hide with +30 damage resistance against troll bile, which is pretty good.
