Guild rule: no hurt feelings

[sleepykid]

As a WoW nerd who's dinged 85 in the last month, I've been looking for some guilds. The last one I was in found my social autism not as hilarious as I did (I made fun of druids, which wringed some hands), so now I've been on the prowl for a guild where they're not as sensitive to some good-natured ribbing, now and again.

So, I come across a guild that has a lot of members (probably the most in the server), high level, high progression, yada yada. In making sure that my witticisms would be appreciated, the guild leader said "if you make someone feel bad, you have broken guild guidelines."

What are your thoughts on such a policy?

 

[Funky Flump]

Good Policy Imo, I come on games to have fun, If my feelings get hurt then I'm obviously not having fun! So although you can't expect to never ever be offended, accident or not, I think that kind of policy is a good idea and best for everyone overall.

 

[Jim Grim]

In general that sounds nice, but during a raid if someone's being really annoying in chat or something, I do like being able to tell them to shut the fuck up.

 

[rokkolpo]

People are sensitive.
Especially people who hang out only online and never acquire certain social skills in order to deal with ''good natured ribbing''.

 

[Kevlar Eater]

Seriously OP, what's your definition of 'good-natured ribbing?'

 

[sleepykid]

Seriously OP, what's your definition of 'good-natured ribbing?'

The dictionary's. Failing that, the farthest I go is either calling someone autistic, aspie, etc., or lightly engaging in one of our McCarthyish "ism"s. For example, if someone was genuinely hurt by me making fun of their class, I'd refer to them as a "weeping vagina".

Oh, and hardly a week goes by without someone referring to me as a smartass, so there's that.

 

[Erana]

Seriously OP, what's your definition of 'good-natured ribbing?'

The dictionary's. Failing that, the farthest I go is either calling someone autistic, aspie, etc., or lightly engaging in one of our McCarthyish "ism"s. For example, if someone was genuinely hurt by me making fun of their class, I'd refer to them as a "weeping vagina".

So... You can't be more creative than to use a real medical condition as an insult?

A good-natured ribbing would be to somehow retract a harsh comment humorously. Insulting people like that is just... well, ribbing.

There are tons of players in WoW; why would they go for the one who hurts other peoples' feelings and then feels like he should have the right to do so?

 

[Kevlar Eater]

Seriously OP, what's your definition of 'good-natured ribbing?'

The dictionary's. Failing that, the farthest I go is either calling someone autistic, aspie, etc., or lightly engaging in one of our McCarthyish "ism"s. For example, if someone was genuinely hurt by me making fun of their class, I'd refer to them as a "weeping vagina".

Oh, and hardly a week goes by without someone referring to me as a smartass, so there's that.

So you go from making fun of their class to making fun of the person altogether if someone doesn't like it. Lovely logic you got there.

 

[sleepykid]

So... You can't be more creative than to use a real medical condition as an insult?

A good-natured ribbing would be to somehow retract a harsh comment humorously. Insulting people like that is just... well, ribbing.

There are tons of players in WoW; why would they go for the one who hurts other peoples' feelings and then feels like he should have the right to do so?

Somehow I doubt my creativity is what's bothersome. I suppose I could've amped that up a notch by using a fake medical condition, but telling someone they have a severe case of the yintoblahs just doesn't have the same oomph.

I'm aware of the number of players in WoW, though quality and quantity are unequal, to say the least. It is a little alarming that the "right" to hurt feelings, intentionally or no, is an actual concern. That being said, I never intentionally talk to someone with the hope that my (ironic!) churlishness drives them to the depths of despair; if they bring it up that they don't like what I'm saying, I reign it in.

 

[sleepykid]

So you go from making fun of their class to making fun of the person altogether if someone doesn't like it. Lovely logic you got there.

Almost as lovely as your reading comprehension, no doubt. I didn't "go from" anything, just answering your question.

But this is going far afield. I'm not gathering opinions on whether or not people find my internet antics acceptable; I'm asking what people think of that particular policy in regards to the game. Stay on topic.

 

[Gralian]

I think guild policies like that are designed to keep people like you out. No-one likes crass, rude behaviour or individuals. It might be cute to start with and people may be able to tolerate it briefly, but having a constant bleating annoyance can really grate on people's nerves.

If you want an anarchic guild where people can sling insults and talk trash all day long, i think you need to look for one that specifically states it has absolutely no leadership and responsibility. Basically, a WoW version of 4chan. I'm sure there are at least one or two guilds out there that fit that criteria. However, the majority of which will certainly not. That shouldn't be a surprise. No-one wants to pay £8 a month to get slagged off during their leisure time, especially when they most likely have to deal with people who do slag them off during work or study hours.

I'm asking what people think of that particular policy in regards to the game.

In that case, go and read the terms and conditions. Harassment is taken seriously by blizzard and is punishable by having ~number of hours or days banned. Not just racial or sexual discrimination. Harassment can be verbal abuse, griefing (constantly following someone's avatar), slandering against people unjustly in public chats, that sort of thing. So if you're essentially abusing people in guild chat that pretty much equates to harassment and something Blizzard do not condone.

 

[Kargathia]

Essentially you'll have to earn the right to be abrasive. During my two years leading a guild I kicked multiple recruits for being less offensive than what veteran members were doing among themselves.
The difference was that they managed to piss off the rest of the team, and that meant you'd get one warning, and then a kick.

EDIT: but as the exact question was what I thought of the policy... I'm not too sure how the rule translated into policy, as you'll have to take into account many of these guild rules are badly worded, and rather seldom literally enacted.
Personally I always kept a bit of a hands-off policy, that decreed that as soon as you couldn't keep your social problems outside the raiding gate then it became my problem.

 

[Jazzeki]

allright we need to make very sure how that policy should be taken before we go further with this. i have feeling Op isn't a kind natured as he himself belives but that's beside the point. if he does in fact get across as an ass once in a whille too bad it's obviously not because he's trying to be an ass.
as for the policy... you can't "hurt other's feelings"? what the hell? sure you can't have a working guild if some people up in each others grill all the time but honestly in any guild especially big ones some people just ain't gonna match up. i'm not saying they should fight over it just leave each other alone as much as possible.
and hell even among friends sometimes you'll say something stupid and they'll be hurt. this is infinitly more likiely to happen over the net since sarcasm and the likes translate like shit there and sooner or later we are gonna have a minor personality clash. what you do then is not to kick the person who "hurt" someone else but to have acivil discusion like god damn adults and come a to a solution and if nececary an apology.
if some one is deliberately hurting someone else find out why. i'm not saying they'll have a good reason but most likely there's a reason. and maybe it cvan be solved. treat guildies like friends. not your close friends but the guys you'd hang out with at a bar or something. don't throw a tempertantrum because someone happen to say something you don't agree with.

 

[2xDouble]

My guilds have always had the same #1 Rule, coincidentally the same as the Escapist's Rule #1: Don't be a dick.

 

[DEAD34345]

Sounds incredibly overbearing to me. Almost anything can make someone "feel bad", and it's as often the fault of someone being over-sensitive as it is anything else. If someone is so insecure as to actually get upset over petty name-calling on a WoW server then they shouldn't be playing MMOs or even interacting with people at all.

I could understand if annoying players who simply wouldn't shut up with their name-calling (or whatever else) were banned, but for hurting someone's feelings?

Judging by the responses in this thread however, I appear to be in a minority with that opinion.

 

[sleepykid]

I think guild policies like that are designed to keep people like you out. No-one likes crass, rude behaviour or individuals. It might be cute to start with and people may be able to tolerate it briefly, but having a constant bleating annoyance can really grate on people's nerves.

Warmer. I know what the intention of the policy is, but I'm asking what you, specifically, think about it. Good, bad? Why or why not?

If you want an anarchic guild where people can sling insults and talk trash all day long, i think you need to look for one that specifically states it has absolutely no leadership and responsibility. Basically, a WoW version of 4chan. I'm sure there are at least one or two guilds out there that fit that criteria. However, the majority of which will certainly not. That shouldn't be a surprise. No-one wants to pay £8 a month to get slagged off during their leisure time, especially when they most likely have to deal with people who do slag them off during work or study hours.

People are getting the wrong impression here. This isn't a nerd version of a rap battle, it's just the kind of fun-making guys are known for, of which I occasionally partake. Hardly 24/7 verbal mud-wrestling.

In that case, go and read the terms and conditions. Harassment is taken seriously by blizzard and is punishable by having ~number of hours or days banned. Not just racial or sexual discrimination. Harassment can be verbal abuse, griefing (constantly following someone's avatar), slandering against people unjustly in public chats, that sort of thing. So if you're essentially abusing people in guild chat that pretty much equates to harassment and something Blizzard do not condone.

Abuse is one thing. Constant vigilance against hurt feelings is quite another. Were that the case, pvp servers probably wouldn't exist. In any case I'm not asking for Blizzard's opinion either. Just the users of The Escapist. The first two replies should be exemplary of those that follow.

 

[Blackpapa]

What are your thoughts on such a policy?

In regards to someone's hurt feelings:

If you fuck something up, you deserve the flak. Some people are oversensitive and will curl up and crawl into their hugboxes at as much as a note that they were slacking during a raid. This makes such a policy unenforcable.

Of course there's little sense in flinging mud just for the sake of it. Game worlds however are in general violent places with plenty of death and emotions - in particular games like Eve Online. It's normal for people to let off steam and dick around - however it's usually clear when someone's taking it too far. Regulating this with senseless clan policies taken out of an episode of Care Bears isn't a solution.

 

[TheBaron87]

I could never join a guild like that. The guild I'm in now is driving me crazy with how much I have to hold my tongue, but it's a guild of IRL friends so it's not like I can tell off the healer and then have a nice lunch with my friend the next day. If it weren't for the limited number of ways I can spend time with my friends I would much rather be in a more hardcore, competitive raiding guild. And I'm pretty sure OP is asking for license to say whatever he wants without consequence. Treat others as you wish to be treated? Well I wish for people to tell me when I'm doing something wrong and cut that "spare their feelings" crap. I had to go through hell for many years because nobody had the guts or decency to just tell me what I was doing wrong. I'm not going to be nearly as offended by criticism as I will be by being lied to, and I expect you to be able to take the same criticism without turning it into a personal attack and trying to make me out to be the villain.

a severe case of the yintoblahs

In my guild we call that "the downs."

I think guild policies like that are designed to keep people like you out. No-one likes crass, rude behaviour or individuals. It might be cute to start with and people may be able to tolerate it briefly, but having a constant bleating annoyance can really grate on people's nerves.

If you want an anarchic guild where people can sling insults and talk trash all day long, i think you need to look for one that specifically states it has absolutely no leadership and responsibility. Basically, a WoW version of 4chan. I'm sure there are at least one or two guilds out there that fit that criteria. However, the majority of which will certainly not. That shouldn't be a surprise. No-one wants to pay £8 a month to get slagged off during their leisure time, especially when they most likely have to deal with people who do slag them off during work or study hours.

EDIT: Derp, somehow I made it to the end of that paragraph and missed the whole "one or two guilds" sentence. Yes, I'm sure there are a couple guilds out there that are fine with that sort of thing.

 

[hotsauceman]

I was i n a guild where insulting was fine as long as it was good natured and that guy really did care. I insulted the guild leaders and her husband on numerous occasions. They ust fired back at me. I got my fair share of insults aswell. You need to find a guild that likes that.
May i ask what server you are on?

 

[Lyri]

As a WoW nerd who's dinged 85 in the last month, I've been looking for some guilds. The last one I was in found my social autism not as hilarious as I did (I made fun of druids, which wringed some hands), so now I've been on the prowl for a guild where they're not as sensitive to some good-natured ribbing, now and again.

So, I come across a guild that has a lot of members (probably the most in the server), high level, high progression, yada yada. In making sure that my witticisms would be appreciated, the guild leader said "if you make someone feel bad, you have broken guild guidelines."

What are your thoughts on such a policy?

It's kinda crappy. I've been in a guild where on sign up you accept the fact you're up for ridicule, nobody is safe and if you can't take a joke then don't sign up.
We had a tonne of chicks too, yes they took the ribbings well and even went along with the "Get in the kitchen" jokes.
We dropped the Nbomb on one of our co leaders because he was our N****.

We were all pretty solid and tight nit, a small community that could take the piss out of one another and not care. It made the guild experience far more pleasant that some carebear guilds I've been in.
Everyone understood that what you said was a joke and nobody took it as anything more, it was a really good guild to be in.