God, I couldn't make it through that post without crying. I'm sorry man, that really sucks. I could tell you you just have to keep trying, and all that, but you already know it.
All I can say, is take the chance to take something for yourself, even if it's just something small. Buy a pack of cheap cigars, and go somewhere nice and quiet and smoke them and just have a couple moments to yourself. Or, whatever it is you do. It takes time to heal these things.
Everyone goes through shit man. Some people go through more than others, but our hardships do not define us. What defines us is how we overcome these obstacles - how we defeat them and rebuild ourselves anew. To me it sounds like you need to do something for yourself - your uni degree was for the sake of pissing off your father, you play guitar because other people make you feel obligated to, you, you gave up on your love because you thought she deserved better. I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but just try taking something or doing something YOU want, do it for YOURSELF - because YOU DESERVE IT.
As someone who has let people walk over him for most of his life, and is only now becoming bolder an more comfortable with himself, I know that kind words will only go so far. Rather than waiting for something to go right, just go out and take something for yourself - even it is small. If someone asks you to do something you don't want to do, say "no". If they try and convince you to, say "no, because I don't want to". Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to be brat about it, but if you don't think you should do it, then don't. And you will feel good for standing up for yourself. And that person who asked you to do whatever, they may not like you as much for it, but they will respect you more.
It's horrible what happened to your kitten. I cried when my parents gave our family dog away, I still haven't gotten over it. I can't imagine how awful it must be to lose your pet like that, especially when he was as important a friend and symbol to you as he obviously was. But grow from this experience, don't let it break you down, let it strengthen and armour you. Think about what I have written, give it a try, I hope it helps you become stronger than you have been.
Ok ok ok.... Life gets really realy shit at times. So here is a quick and easy way to help.
STEP 1) Go into the kitchen and fill up your kettle with water, then switch it on.
STEP 2) Take a mug out of the cupboard and place it on the side.
STEP 3) Go into the other cupboard, no not that one... yes that one. Take out a teabag and place it in the mug.
Step 4) When the kettle has finished boiling add water to mug with teabag in, then add a little milk. Now stir with a teaspoon until golden brown.
Step 5) sit down in a nice comfortable chair. Take a sip of tea. Exhale.
Learn to be selfish. Sounds like you've spent you're whole life martyr-ing yourself for the good of other people, but you know what they say about nice guys? I've not saying be a dick but learn to, once in a while, do something that makes you smile. Even if no-one else smiles.
Go out, get drunk, go bungy-jumping, start a fight. Prove to yourself your alive.
Well, I dunno what to tell you for the first part, but everyone can identify with a pet dying. It sucks ALOT, and it'll take forever to get over. My dog died a month ago and I still cry every other day in the week. Hell, just writing this brings tears to my eyes (and I haven't even mentioned the circumstances of which I found him), but it's something you'll get over. Everything takes time.
I'd suggest quitting wow. I found it too stressful for a game.
Whatever happens, happens. You can scream and fight and be sad, or you can accept what has happened. The former is always the easiest way to go, but the latter will be best in the long run.
Hope that extremely cliche line will help you. Let us know how you do.
Scenario: I'm currently in a point of my life where I've realized that having dreams and fighting for them is more than pointless: it has destroyed me. I've taken a university degree only to prove my father wrong. I continue to play guitar because I have a compromise with my band. I'm levelling up a WoW character just to prove that I can. I decided to give up on the love of my life because I had to come to terms with the fact that I'd never be good enough for her .I've decided to give up on a chance to fall in love with another girl in my class just because my best friend likes her too. I've become class delegate in uni just because no-one would do it.
I'm, in essence, no longer living for myself, because I've found that it brings me no satisfaction. I've become an automat, doing things not for the purpose, for the ultimate goal, but for the sake of doing it.
And now?
My cat just died. My 3 week old kitten, the only light that shined in my life, just died, when I could've avoided this. I had to pull her out of the water-filled bucket in which she drowned. I had to believe that I could resuscitate her. I tried to resuscitate her, thinking that my previous experience in saving lives that way could be of some use, only to taste blood in my mouth. Blood from the internal organs that had taken damage from the cleaning fluid in the water. I had to stare into her dead eyes, believing that they would look at me again with that innocent stare. I had to wrap her in her towel so I wouldn't have to look at her anymore. I've cried my eyes out. And it's not the first time this has happened to me. I cannot fully explain all the implications of this situation, all the feelings, all the reasons for me being so utterly shattered. I can't, I won't, I don't want to.
I just want help. A kind gesture, a helping hand. It's not much to ask, and at the same time, it's hard to console someone who's just lost someone. I understand that, some of you might even think I'm a fool for getting so worked up over a kitten. But please.
It might not be much, but I am truly sorry about your kitten. I have a young cat myself, and there's always a fear she might drown as she likes to play with the fish in our pond, and our first two cats were killed by a car and went missing respectively. So I feel your pain, and hope that everything turns out alright for you again.
As for your first problems, you need to learn to let go of what other people want and just do things for yourself. Keep up with the things you are doing, if they interest you or if you enjoy them, and drop the stuff that isn't making you happy.
Here's a bit of advice lifted from my own life. I've spent most of my life trying to please everyone else. And it's not really gotten me much joy. I was lucky in just one point, when my family were pushing me so hard to join the RAF after I expressed an interest in it, to the point where they were smothering me over it. In the end I just rejected it, decided to go to university instead, and now I'm on the third year of a Mathematics BSc in Leeds and couldn't be happier.
Nevertheless, I feel like I've squandered most of my university time. I'm still young but there's so much more stuff I want to be able to do that I haven't done yet. So now I have a part-time job and can afford to do new things, I'm making a list of all the things I want to achieve and do in my final year of university.
Some are fairly mundane, like trying sushi or riding a bike along the Yorkshire Dales. Some are somewhat more advanced, like my dream to write a play to be performed at my university (through the theatre group we have), or to get a long-term girlfriend. Either way, these are all things I really want to do, to broaden my horizons, expand my mind, and just to enjoy the time I have left as a student while I'm young and free to do it.
So that's what I want you to do. Write a list of all the things that you hate about your life, where you're getting nowhere, and quit or drop those things (if you can afford to, like don't just drop out of uni or quit your job for this, keep at those because they'll help you in the long run). Then, write another list of all the things you really want to do, and just go out and do them. You're only young once, so just go out and enjoy it, and stop trying to live just to please everyone else.
Oh, and as a side note, to get a better idea of all this, try watching the film Amelie. It's a French subtitled film with Audrey Tatou, and basically her character is the same as you (except from a romantic standpoint). It'll open your eyes, believe me...
Ok, you gotta stop thinking "Oh I'm not good enough because of __________" If you do that you are basicly going to melt away into the ground like a sack of pototos (lol wierd)
anyway, I am sorry for your loss, it can really suck, I mean incredably suck, but after a good cry you have to move on.
God... I... I'm crying right now man. I can't even begin to put myself in your shoes.
My first suggestion would be to quit WoW. Immediately. It's not going to help your cause. Also, you need to realize that you're a human being and that even Hitler had a love life. Just go out and be social. You're in college right (Uni=College?)? This should be the best time of your life. Do something you've always wanted to do. Go out and experience things, then after you've explored the world to your hearts content, it's time to use all the knowledge you learned during college. Make it less about proving yourself and living to other peoples expectations and make it more about you and your life.
Some helpful quotes:
"Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live."
"To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent." -Buddha
"Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits." -Thomas Jefferson
"I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan
"The energy of the mind is the essence of life." Aristotle
Dude that sucks...
You just sorta have to remember that shit always turns around. The bad eventually gets bored of being bad, and there's always a new day after the night.
There are literal billions of girls to fall in love with, there are no boundaries but the ones you set for yourself, and there are no failures before you label them failures.
Accept and move on. Start a new chapter and do something you love. Maybe get a new kitten! A really cute one, that can look really awesome and happy
Tonimata - I just want to see you post again so we can all be sure you're ok. I haven't posted before because I haven't got any answers, just wanted to say that you seem like a really great guy, and I hope life doesn't throw any more crap your way.
As to your kitten, I'm so sorry dude, but you mustn't treat yourself too harshly for it. My suggestion is to get another cat - if you dwell for ages on the death of your kitten, it will just make you miserable, and there are thousands of unwanted kits that need your love and care. Give it to them, and they'll give back.
As Winnie Churchill said: KBO - Keep Buggering On!
Everyone, at some point, goes through a rough patch, either mentally or physically. Think of it like this, you're driving a car along a mountainside road, when you start to slide off the road.
If you loose control, you fall off the road. You could spend the rest of you life trying to get back on the road, you could land on a lower road, or you could crash.
Or, you could keep control, get back on the road, and leave your troubles behind. All you have to do is keep it together, and you should be able to pull it together. There are no guarantees, but most likely you'll be alright. You just have to make it through the day, the week, the month, and you'll look up from your feet and everything will be alright.
I know everything is shit right now, but seriously, just try and make it. Try and make friends, maybe find a purpose. Religion works for some people, music for others. Find a passion, and don't bother with anything but that for a few months. Hell, maybe throw yourself into schoolwork, whatever can distract you.
Just do what you can to carry on with your life. Take any time out that's necessary to relax and get your bearings, because to me it doesn't seem like you have them right now. And definitely quit WoW, if it isn't doing anything for you.
I wish you all the best, friend. *Hugs*
I'm really sorry about your kitten. That's tough, and you're not a fool for feeling so sad about it. I really can't add anything new, everything that needs to be said has been said. All I have to say is good for you for seeking out help. That's actually really positive. Also as many others have pointed out, most of us have felt exactly the same at some point in our lives, and for most of us it gets better. In my opinion, for what it's worth which I understand is probably not a lot, I think you are on the right track. It's not going to magically get better over night but the fact you are reaching out to people, even if it is on a internet forum, is a good sign. If you haven't already I would talk to a friend, or even a counsellor or some such professional. I personally hate them, but I have friends and family who have been really helped by them.
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