Help. Just help.

[Cowabungaa]

Find dreams of your own and fight for them. For yourself, then use that to help others or further other goals.

But what if that's exactly what's causing so much pain? The OP mentioned it and I recognise it from myself. Every damn time I fought for a dream it only ended in pain, it only ended in misery. They all got stomped and burned and now there's nothing left to fight for.

I do share your mentality, I too know what you've learned and I try to do the things you're recommending, but it's all just having 0 effect. I know damn well that I have to make choices for myself, and I've repeatedly refused just doing what others told me to do just for the sake of it. But hell, that leaves me with nothing of my own. I don't hope the OP is in the same boat.

And OP, sorry for hijacking your thread a bit. Just so you know, here's someone who knows what you feel. I just want to say; be happy that you have skills. Be happy that, even though you have troubles with the band you actually can play the guitar. Be happy that you're able to do university. At least you have stuff you can do, you're worth something.

Condolences for the cat, they can indeed be that single beacon of light in dark times. As recommended before; get another one. Not because the other one meant nothing, but thousands of shelter cats and kittens are waiting for someone to care for them and love them. You seem to have a lot of love to give, and they'll give it right back to you.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I can only suggest you should go for your own happiness a bit more, sure you and your friend both like a girl...so what happens if you're both letting the other guy go first? Some third guy's gonna step in and take over while you're both waiting is what.

Plus, if you're the kinda guy to be that thoughtful, you deserve a good girlfriend, so ask, dammit.

I stepped aside once, and I still regret it, turned out the 'friend' was an asshole, both to me, and her, and yet she decided she loved him and put up with his poor treatment.

Not saying anything about your friend of course, but you seem a good guy, you've obviously got a lot to offer any girl mature enough to have got over the 'ooh bad boys are so exciting, I can't wait be treated like crap, it's so sexy' concept.

 

[zHellas]

Thank you. Thank you so very much.

*hugs you in a manly and in a COMPLETELY NOT HOMO WAY*

Life is shit sometimes. You just have to deal with it, and it'll make all the good things seem better too.

 

[PrimoThePro]

My heart goes out to you my friend. I cannot relate with your situation, but if you need someone to talk to, I can be there for you.

 

[Cowabungaa]

It could be, but the way he made it sound, it sounded to me like he wanted to change it or help it get better. Deep down I really believe that humans are only limited to what they see/know otherwise. So when someone says they have nothing left to live for or fight for, I don't truly believe that given how many things, people, causes and reasoning's there are in this world to fight for. You may think that you have nothing left, but unless you've tried everything, you can't really say that and mean it you know?

Just something I thought of when I replied to the thread. I do not know what he meant by the first part, but to me it sounds like he wants to change it..

What do you think?

I don't know, maybe he does want to change it. Doesn't know how perhaps. Maybe I overreacted a little, saw too much in his post, made me think it was my own.

 

[ninjaman 420]

their are billions of people in the world who got it way worse than you, think about that. not to bring you up and make you feel better, but to give yourself some perspective. Its probably just hormones you moody teenager.

 

[Tonimata]

their are billions of people in the world who got it way worse than you, think about that. not to bring you up and make you feel better, but to give yourself some perspective. Its probably just hormones you moody teenager.

Excuse me, but just in case you didn't look at my profile before saying that, I'm already an adult, so please refrain from using that sort of undertone with me.

 

[k-ossuburb]

... What?

 

[Red Right Hand]

All I can say is do something you want to do rather than doing the things that are expected of you. That is how I enjoy my life. I do what I want to do, and fuck anybody else who tells me otherwise. That doesn't mean that you don't do things for other people, or that you are completely self-absorbed and selfish. Still help others or accept orders from others if you are comfortable with doing whatever needs to be done. But, the point is, a life lived for other people is not a life at all.

Aw, come on, don't try to douche-up the guy, I'm sure that works for you (and it definitely works for me too), but he really seems like a sweet person. Yeah, maybe he's a bit of a pushover - that never killed anyobody. And he's altruistic, oh god, sue him!

Oh shit, did it come across as though I was being a bit of a dick? Cause that is certainly not what I was trying to achieve. I was just basically trying to say that if he's not happy doing things for, or because of other people all the time, then it's really not that difficult to change. I certainly wasn't trying to insinuate that he was a bit of a pushover. I know what it is like to be in his situation, or at least I think I know. I used to be like that, would just do what people told me to or what was expected. I just decided one day that I would do what I want and I certainly enjoy my life far more than I used to. That was all I was really trying to say, nothing nasty or bad about the guy.

Sorry OP, if that's what you got from my post as well, I was just trying to give advice that worked out for me.

 

[Ganthrinor]

I'm not much good at the consolation thing.


But look at it this way. It's not your fault your kitten drowned, you are not all-present, all-knowing or all-powerful and there's nothing you could have done. The one indisputable truth of life is that it ends.

As far as the other issues you've raised, here's another truth for you: Nobody or nothing can make you happy but YOU. If there's something you want, TAKE IT. Pay the price, reap the consequences, but TAKE. IT. Never look back.

Take a day or week off. Meditate, Pray, get high, whatever it is you do and ask yourself what it is you *really* want. Maybe take a pilgramage somewhere. Ye Olde Journey of Selfe Discoveree.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Spoiler

The first thing I would do is quite the course I'm doing and re-enrol, or if possible, switch to something you'll enjoy. If you don't enjoy Uni at all, then maybe it's not for you, and should try to pursue a career you want.
If you weren't good enough for your girlfriend, she wouldn't be with you. I an tell you're not a violent or abusive person and I'm sure your girlfriend wanted you to be happy, so you shouldn't be pushing people away. Try it with the new girl you like, there's nothing to lose.

I'm so sorry about your cat, that made me well up. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to my kitty. I'd get another one for a start, and give it all the love and attention I never had the chance to give my old cat.
Chin up, we got your back, bro!

 

[Chamale]

*Hug*

Go out there and hug some people. They won't mind.

 

[Gunner 51]

Scenario: I'm currently in a point of my life where I've realized that having dreams and fighting for them is more than pointless: it has destroyed me. I've taken a university degree only to prove my father wrong. I continue to play guitar because I have a compromise with my band. I'm levelling up a WoW character just to prove that I can. I decided to give up on the love of my life because I had to come to terms with the fact that I'd never be good enough for her .I've decided to give up on a chance to fall in love with another girl in my class just because my best friend likes her too. I've become class delegate in uni just because no-one would do it.

I'm, in essence, no longer living for myself, because I've found that it brings me no satisfaction. I've become an automat, doing things not for the purpose, for the ultimate goal, but for the sake of doing it.

And now?
My cat just died. My 3 week old kitten, the only light that shined in my life, just died, when I could've avoided this. I had to pull her out of the water-filled bucket in which she drowned. I had to believe that I could resuscitate her. I tried to resuscitate her, thinking that my previous experience in saving lives that way could be of some use, only to taste blood in my mouth. Blood from the internal organs that had taken damage from the cleaning fluid in the water. I had to stare into her dead eyes, believing that they would look at me again with that innocent stare. I had to wrap her in her towel so I wouldn't have to look at her anymore. I've cried my eyes out. And it's not the first time this has happened to me. I cannot fully explain all the implications of this situation, all the feelings, all the reasons for me being so utterly shattered. I can't, I won't, I don't want to.

I just want help. A kind gesture, a helping hand. It's not much to ask, and at the same time, it's hard to console someone who's just lost someone. I understand that, some of you might even think I'm a fool for getting so worked up over a kitten. But please.

Just please. Help.

I think you have two problems in your life.

1.) You are living too vicariously.
2.) You are expecting the impossible.

However, the first thing you need to do is look after number 1 - if you cannot help yourself, you cannot help others. If something is making you miserable, try to overcome it.

If you don't want to do the university course - don't.
If you don't want to play guitar with the band any more - don't.
If you don't want to level up in WoW - don't. (They don't call it a "grind" for nothing.)
If you don't want to be the class delegate - don't.
I'll support you in not making a play on the girl you had your eye on. I just hope your friend appreciates what you done for him by standing down.

The second thing you need to do is stop thinking that life rewards good deeds - the axiom of "no good deed goes unpunished" holds true. You're a really altruistic guy and a pretty great friend to have around - a guy who ain't afraid of mucking in where others shy away. The world needs more folks like you in it.

But unfortunately, life ain't fair. You tried to save your kitten - but if it had died in cleaning fluid, then there wasn't anything you could have done. Resuscitation isn't 100% effective, the success rate in humans is 40% - at best. So your kitten would have stood even less chance.

I can only hope things will get better for you, because you sure as hell deserve it.

 

[tzimize]

Scenario: I'm currently in a point of my life where I've realized that having dreams and fighting for them is more than pointless: it has destroyed me. I've taken a university degree only to prove my father wrong. I continue to play guitar because I have a compromise with my band. I'm levelling up a WoW character just to prove that I can. I decided to give up on the love of my life because I had to come to terms with the fact that I'd never be good enough for her .I've decided to give up on a chance to fall in love with another girl in my class just because my best friend likes her too. I've become class delegate in uni just because no-one would do it.

I'm, in essence, no longer living for myself, because I've found that it brings me no satisfaction. I've become an automat, doing things not for the purpose, for the ultimate goal, but for the sake of doing it.

And now?
My cat just died. My 3 week old kitten, the only light that shined in my life, just died, when I could've avoided this. I had to pull her out of the water-filled bucket in which she drowned. I had to believe that I could resuscitate her. I tried to resuscitate her, thinking that my previous experience in saving lives that way could be of some use, only to taste blood in my mouth. Blood from the internal organs that had taken damage from the cleaning fluid in the water. I had to stare into her dead eyes, believing that they would look at me again with that innocent stare. I had to wrap her in her towel so I wouldn't have to look at her anymore. I've cried my eyes out. And it's not the first time this has happened to me. I cannot fully explain all the implications of this situation, all the feelings, all the reasons for me being so utterly shattered. I can't, I won't, I don't want to.

I just want help. A kind gesture, a helping hand. It's not much to ask, and at the same time, it's hard to console someone who's just lost someone. I understand that, some of you might even think I'm a fool for getting so worked up over a kitten. But please.

Just please. Help.

In bad times what has made me go on is this:

Tomorrow your life might be better. If you die it wont be anything. We will all die sooner or later, but as long as we are alive it seems a waste to not experience more. There will always be hard and good parts of life. The good parts are to be enjoyed, and the hard parts are to be learned from. Think about what you experience, learn from what happens to you and those around you, and live a better life afterwards.

In the words of Gandalf: All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

 

[Imp Poster]

This sounds like a good time to get out of your "life". A backpack trip around europe/USA/Canada. Something like that. Nothing Like looking how/where other people live to put your life into perspective.

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

Wow. Just wow. I can't even begin to feel your pain man, but I hope that its some consolation that I hope things get better for you.

I guess the main advice I'd give is to start living for yourself. I know that sounds selfish but its your life, no one elses. You don't owe them shit. Do things that make you feel happy and joyful. Drop some of the things you don't have to do if they are becoming a burden for you (playing WoW comes to mind, if you're enjoying yourself fine, but if it becomes a chore drop it like it's hot).

As for you relationship problems, how old are you? Because if you're in college and think that you can't find love just because you "weren't good enough" (which sounds like self-degradation to me) for one girl, doesn't mean there aren't plenty of other women out there for you to fall in love with. You're young, you don't have to fall in love and get married before your thirties. Try to take advantage of your single status, I know it isn't easy when you want to be with someone but you have no one to worry about but yourself right now. Take that for what its worth.

All in all, I guess you just "hang in there" and keep soldiering on. You're gonna hit some rough points in your life which will beat you up and knock you down. But there will also be points in your life where there isn't a metaphorical cloud in the sky and nothing seems to be going wrong. When you get knocked down, get yourself back up, dust yourself off, and keep trudging on.

P.S. And I'm sorry to hear about your kitten. I don't really know what to say but that I feel your pain. Losing a beloved pet is never easy.

 

[Not-here-anymore]

I don't really know what to say... Other than I'm sorry to hear all that, I guess. But there is an important thing to remember here, and that is this - life does not suck! Sure, shit happens, and sometimes it can cripple you for a while, but you have to keep going. There's always something worth your while to do - if you feel you've spent your life doing things for other people, take a couple of months to do things that you want to do.
Evaluate your priorities, and work out what you enjoy. Then do it.
Do you enjoy your degree? If not, change subject, or do something else with your life. Don't enjoy your band? Find a new one. Only grinding your WoW character out of a sense of obligation? Then stop.

Without having your own reasons to do things, there is little point in anything. That's pretty much what happened to me - I didn't feel I was doing anything in life for myself - it was all done for other people or because it was the expected path. Avoid that, or you end up spending hours with a knife resting against your wrist debating with yourself what to do - not a good idea, for the record.

I'm rambling a little, but the tl;dr is here:
Don't start down a life path you don't want to follow - you don't have to prove anything, to anyone. Do what you want to do, because you want to do it.

 

[ninjaman 420]

their are billions of people in the world who got it way worse than you, think about that. not to bring you up and make you feel better, but to give yourself some perspective. Its probably just hormones you moody teenager.

Excuse me, but just in case you didn't look at my profile before saying that, I'm already an adult, so please refrain from using that sort of undertone with me.

its not an undertone i said it plain as day. i did look at your profile, your 18, which means your a teenager. just because your 18 doesn't make you an adult by default. as a matter of fact from everything ive heard about your life how was i suppose to reach the your an adult conclusion anyway?. so i stand by my statement, thank you.