How could you make the ending of Mass Effect 3 any worse?

[-Dragmire-]

- Shepard gets sick during Mass Effect 3 and dies right before going to the Cerberus base.

If (s)he died of alien STDs, that could possibly be the funniest ending ever. You know, in a dark humor sort of way.

My vote isn't really an ending, just an added plot point to make everything stupider(wow... according to Firefox, stupider is a proper word).

As the reaper ships land on earth they open up to reveal/unleash full human skeleton reapers(3 eyes, naturally. Just the completed form of the end boss from ME2). No explanation is given as to why all the ships contain human reapers when the cast and audience know they're formed from past alien species and no one reacts any differently to them.

The only recognition the audience will be given to convey that the audience and characters are seeing the same thing will be a single line along the lines of, "Man, fighting just half of one was hard enough, this could be trouble" or something cornier than that while the rest of the cast boost Shepard's moral with throwaway stock phrases like, "we can do it if we all work together!" but you know, in a way that fit's their race/character.

EDIT:

Or it was all a dream of ________ Hawke of DA2 who is a figment of Varric's imagination.

Shepard yells "YOLO MOTHERFUCKAS, I BANGED A BLUE CHICK AND I'VE GOT MY VOICE OVER IN 58674 STORES GALAXY WIDE!", jumps in the Mako and proceeds to crash it into the remains of Big Ben, killing himself.

However, this makes the Reapers laugh so much, they decide to let us live because "Humans are a funny race." and watch fail compilations of us on Youtube 5 before they simply die from...whatever the Reaper equivalent of dehydration is.

Shepard is declared a hero, given a statue in his honour but is swiftly forgotten about in about a fortnight, due to Joker suddenly becoming the next top model and gaining galaxy wide acclaim.

And that is how ME3 ends.
With Joker appearing topless in various magazines.

That's way too funny to be worse. Personally, an ending I laugh at always trumps and ending that numbs me emotionally. Not sure if that makes sense, but all well.

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Shepard and the crew all do Gangnam Style and fly into the sun

Biggest letdown of the century right there

 

[babinro]

This is actually current age 2012 and the events of Mass Effect were all a bedtime story that the old man told the young kid.

 

[Infernai]

The ending is basically the same up until the catalyst presents the choices, at which point it's discovered that due to the catalyst being activated that the fabric of reality has been shattered causing the subsuquent tear to start dragging random things in and the screen flashes white.

After that happens the following text appears on screen:

London: Present day

Shepard comes to on the Normandy with Joker and Co as the Normandy finds it's shields have been disabled and is now face to face with Harbinger and the Catalyst. It's reverted to a grayscale color scheme as Shepard and Co finally discover that they are now in modern day london.

At this point the Catalyst has a break down and basically starts claiming that Shepards actions have "Damaged the Cycle beyond repair!" and that he has decided that in order to rectify this he is going to start the cycle "Earlier" and merges with Harbinger as a means of broadcasting the reaper signal.

The rest of the crew starts questioning what they can do to stop it after which shepard suggests they "Fight music with Music" and...at that point gameplay is returned and it basically plays out like this:


After beating it, Harbinger suddenly falls apart and the Catalyst screams as this happens, seeming to die with Harbinger for reasons left unexplained. Shepard and Co breath a sigh of relief, receiving a communication from Hackett from the future that the reapers are all "Falling to pieces" during which Shepard says "We did it"

At this point the view cuts to outside as a squadron of fighter jets flies by and blasts the Normandy with Missles, causing it to explode and crash to the ground. The game ends on the following communication:

"Base this is Bravo 3, Target has been neutralized"
"Roger that Bravo 3, return to base: Good work"

The credits then roll.

 

[Magic Muffin Man]

Shepard manages to defeat the Reapers, and then awakens in a church, where he looks up and sees that Ashley is alive and well, and dating Tommy Wiseau. No words are spoken, they simply nod at each other and go on, knowing that they moved on. Then a baseball rolls towards Shepard's feet...it says "Yummy Garrus" Shepard then looks up...to see zombie Ashley eating her former companion! Shepard lets out a shrill "NOOOOOOOOO" before a cut to black, while "Don't you forget about me" plays in the background. At the end of the credits, there is an unskippable ten minute video of the writers laughing. When it ends, your hard drive is wiped and the only game you can play is Sonic 2006.

 

[bl4ckh4wk64]

Came here expecting to hear people bitching about ME3 still. I am completely and happily surprised. However, I can't really add anything to what's already been said other than maybe if Anderson's speech at the end was cut off mid sent-

Or if there was some sort of quick time event that if you fucked it up a tactical nuclear missile was directed towards your house. (shameless stealing from Yahtzee)

 

[-Dragmire-]

At this point the view cuts to outside as a squadron of fighter jets flies by and blasts the Normandy with Missles, causing it to explode and crash to the ground. The game ends on the following communication:

"Base this is Bravo 3, Target has been neutralized"
"Roger that Bravo 3, return to base: Good work"

The credits then roll.

Hey, I liked that ending... well, actually no I didn't but unlocking the jet was totally worth it!

 

[Groxnax]

It was all a dream.

But when he wakes he realizes that he is Dorthy (from the wizard of oz) and the dream was only a result of another tornado related trauma.

But the Starchild is her brother.

Or

Musical dance off or battle

 

[Bat Vader]

Instead of meeting the Catalyst Shepard instead gets presented with a big red button. Upon pushing it a portal opens up and a fleet of Star Destroyers come through it destroying both the Reapers and taking over the galaxy.

We also find out that somehow Shepard is the son of Darth Vader.

 

[mikeli4194]

After Shepard makes his final choice, the screen cuts to black. Then, all the main characters in the series walk onscreen and take off their costumes to reveal that they had been Ewoks all along.

 

[bigfatcarp93]

Shepard defeats the Reapers by leading them in a musical number.

Harbinger singing Oaklahoma. Yes.

 

[Scars Unseen]

It turns out that everyone in all of the Mass Effect games has been dead all along. The Reaper extinction event is merely a metaphor representing the cycle of life and death, and the final game allows Shepard, Locke the Illusive Man, and all the rest to come to terms with their lives so that they can all move on together.

 

[natster43]

When you walk into the beam it turns into a sock puppet play about Sheppard defeating the Reapers through song and/or the power of friendship, or does that make it better...

 

[Jason Rayes]

Ive already posted this before so Ill just copy paste it because there is no way Im typing this crap again

The Cowboy ending:

Everything is as in the official version, up until the point of the final run to the reaper beam that leads to the Citadel, this time when Shepherd calls for the Normandy to evac the wounded crewman, Shepherd gets aboard to. As the Normandy soars around Harbinger, the side door opens and Shepherd stands there in his space armour, with a Ten Gallon hat perched upon his helmet. The camera zooms in on his faceplate and we see him scowl, the music to The Good the Bad and The Ugly begins. He twirls his lasso and as the Normandy hooks around again he lets fly, catching harbinger around his...head? Crying "For the Alliance!" he leaps upon its back and Harbinger goes berserk. A mighty battle ensues with Harbinger flailing around, firing his beam indiscriminately, leveling buildings and destroying other reapers. Finally exhausted and broken Harbinger floats quietly. The city smokes around them, without a live reaper in sight.

As the survivors slowly emerge and begin cheering, Shepherd heads Harbinger spaceward as the theme to Rawhide begins to play. Breaking orbit he heads straight for the crucible and picks it up (He can do that, he's Shepherd, besides logic finished at the colon up there) and wields it like an old time shooting iron. Armed with the equivalent of a BFG + 10,000,000 vs Reapers he heads for where the fleet is locked in combat. Soaring in from the flank he begins firing with unerring accuracy, every shot a kill, every kill one less enemy on the field. As the Reapers turn their attacks on Shepherd, the fleet, which had been in disarray at this point, rallies and begins an all out attack on the Reapers rear (heh). Assaulted from both front and back, down to half strength thanks the smoking crucible in Shepherds hand, the Reapers break and begin to flee as the theme to How the West Was Won gives a rousing farewell. The Star Child appears, desperate as his plans fall to pieces, he opens his mouth but Shepherd has him in his sights, all he manages is "Fu..!". The fleet, with Shepherd leading, pursues the remaining reapers into deep space, picking them off by one. Finally triumphant, the fleet heads home, as they near earth Shepherd rears Harbinger up on his hind legs (?), twirls his hat, and rides off into the sunset to the sound of the Bonanza theme.

Roll Credits.

 

[Ratimir]

The problem is that the endings are actually so inconceivably horrible that it's almost impossible to think of anything that doesn't cross the line into parody or farce, thus actually improving the ending by at least making it funny.

Let's start by making the Citadel/Crucible maps bigger, so that it takes at least half an hour to hobble from the entrance to TIM, and again from the lift to the starchild and the starchild to the suicide of your choice. Oh, and the lift moves slower than the one on the original Normandy, and has to travel the entire length of the citadel...

Right next to the starchild is a big red button marked "Reaper Horde Self-Destruct: Targets only Reapers". When you press it nothing happens, except that the Catalyst gives you a long dreary lecture on how actually being able to win is "too video-gamey" and explaining that sacrifice is required because art.

Long-winded technobabble attempting to justify the space magic of synthesis (and failing miserably).

Starchild doesn't seem to recognise Shep, and keeps calling him/her Adam Jensen for some strange reason.

Actually allow Shepard to raise a few of the thousands of counter-arguments to starbrat's 'logic' that have been posted all over the internet. Rather than addressing them in any way, Starbrat simply answers each with "No, I'm right. Now how do you want to kill yourself?" (alternatively, the starchild morphs into a hologram of the turian councillor and 'dismisses those claims')

Add a counter to the HUD after the starchild chat, indicating how many people the reapers have murdered while you make up your mind, and what species are now completely extinct. Due to the distance Shepard has to limp before activating his/her choice, the most popular species are inevitably wiped out, leaving the Yahg, Vorcha and Batarians as the dominant species of the galaxy.

Because players are still making the 'wrong' choice, more artificial disincentives are tacked on to Destroy and Control. Destroy now also kills the quarians, volus & raloi by targetting their suits. Control magically kills the entire crew of the Normandy. Only Synthesis is art, so in synthesis everybody now gets a free unicorn.

 

[AlbinoAaron]

To Be Continued...

 

[TeletubbiesGolfGun]

Shepard is actually a butterfly living in a parallel universe and he's friends with time.

Spoiler

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

Shepard is actually a butterfly living in a parallel universe and he's friends with time.

Spoiler

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

Spoiler: Let's make that even more horrifying

Produced and co-directed by George Lucas

fuck both of your fucked up brains, YOU NEED TO BE INSTITUTIONALIZED.


OT: to be honest, they could've had a reaper fart blow up the entire existance of life and i would've been more satisfied with that then the shit that is the ending now.

 

[lacktheknack]

Shepard is actually a butterfly living in a parallel universe and he's friends with time.

Spoiler

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

Spoiler: Let's make that even more horrifying

Produced and co-directed by George Lucas

Starring Tommy Wiseau, featuring Nicolas Cage.

 

[RJ 17]

The ending of ME3 has been considered by some one of the worst endings ever made (at least before the DLC). Obviously that is not true as long as people can put crap on paper. So how could this ending be any worse, how can you ruin your beloved franchise even more?

Maybe:

- Shepard gets sick during Mass Effect 3 and dies right before going to the Cerberus base.

- When the game is over he wakes up on the Normandy. During the time when he was knocked out by the prothean beacon he dreamed all of the events in the series.

- Shepard wakes up and realizes that the year is 2012 and that he dreamed about the entire idea of the future, space travel and alien races. He is a 14 year old teenager with no friends.

Putting them together:

Shepard gets sick during the war against the reapers. Still he manages to complete missions quite successfully. He is just about to go to the cerberus base and defeat them when he dies. On his death bed he declares his love for his LI and she says that they should just be friends. Credits roll for a minute.

He then wakes up on the Normandy after he got struck by the prothean beacon. He is not a spectre, the reapers doesn't exist and Saren is just crazy. They start looking for Saren, they find him but he manages to kill everyone except Shepard. Shepard lusts for revenge. He tracks Saren down once again. He defeats him and holds a gun to his face. Slowly but surely Saren is starting to transform into the god child. Shepard starts to realize that the boy is in fact his little brother and he has just woken up. The year is not 2183, it is 2012. Space travel does not exist, humanity is stuck on earth, and Shepard is nothing more than an unpopular teenager. He begins to weep furiously while beating the shit out of his brother. With his last ounce of energy he cries out "LIARA". Credits roll for real this time.

Epilogue:
We see Shepard in front of his computer crying while looking at recent posts at escapistmagazine.com. He starts writing about a new game idea.



It should be added that I was generally satisfied with the DLC ending. Write down your ideas.

As bad as all those would be, they still wouldn't be the worst case scenario. Worst case scenario would be to pull a Sopranos and have it cut to black right after Shepard takes a laser blast to the face, then roll the credits.

 

[RJ 17]

Shepard is actually a butterfly living in a parallel universe and he's friends with time.

Spoiler

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

Spoiler: Let's make that even more horrifying

Produced and co-directed by George Lucas

Starring Tommy Wiseau, featuring Nicolas Cage.

Spoiler: And don't forget the Special Guest Star...

Keanu Reeves, with acting coach Arnold Schwarzenegger.