How do get girl-friend and baby?
- Thread starter Sean Hollyman
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Getting a girlfriend requires two steps:
1. Meet New People.
2. Don't be an asshole.
Also, this advice is useful for getting laid, hired, pretty much anything you can think of.
After that, everything takes care of itself.
1. Meet New People.
2. Don't be an asshole.
Also, this advice is useful for getting laid, hired, pretty much anything you can think of.
After that, everything takes care of itself.
Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much....
Seriously OP? This has to babe a joke thread.
If it's not, you shouldn't be breeding.
Seriously OP? This has to babe a joke thread.
If it's not, you shouldn't be breeding.
I've done some research and I've come up with this
I'm going to try this out later to see if this is legit.
I'll keep you guys posted.
I'm going to try this out later to see if this is legit.
I'll keep you guys posted.
How to get a girlfriend:
Step 1: Buy some moose urine. Moose urine has pheromones that the ladies just loooove.
Step 2: Put a dab of moose urine on your neck, each side.
Step 3: Go into a pub or another public place.
Step 4: Perform the teenage mating call. It requires several pints of an alcoholic beverage in the bloodstream to perform correctly, and consists of Rick Astley's classic 'Never Gonna Give You Up.' It is recommended you stand on a table or other platform to attract more attention.
Step 5: Hopefully a female of the species will have mistaken you for someone funny and interesting, rather than the strange piss-smelling moose man that you are.
Step 6: Congratulations, you have got a girlfriend.
As for the baby bit, I still haven't found that out.
[sub]But I will eventually. Probably need more moose urine.[/sub]
Step 1: Buy some moose urine. Moose urine has pheromones that the ladies just loooove.
Step 2: Put a dab of moose urine on your neck, each side.
Step 3: Go into a pub or another public place.
Step 4: Perform the teenage mating call. It requires several pints of an alcoholic beverage in the bloodstream to perform correctly, and consists of Rick Astley's classic 'Never Gonna Give You Up.' It is recommended you stand on a table or other platform to attract more attention.
Step 5: Hopefully a female of the species will have mistaken you for someone funny and interesting, rather than the strange piss-smelling moose man that you are.
Step 6: Congratulations, you have got a girlfriend.
As for the baby bit, I still haven't found that out.
[sub]But I will eventually. Probably need more moose urine.[/sub]
Dude, you're 16.
Don't worry about this kind of stuff just yet, man. Just be confident in yourself, go out and talk to girls, get to know ones that you go to school with, and eventually you'll find someone.
Also don't focus on the baby stuff yet. Enjoy your freedom and youth while you can. Also, it might scare away some girls if you're that obsessed with it.
Captcha: Geez Louise
You said it captcha. He's 16! He has DOZENS of years to find someone!
Don't worry about this kind of stuff just yet, man. Just be confident in yourself, go out and talk to girls, get to know ones that you go to school with, and eventually you'll find someone.
Also don't focus on the baby stuff yet. Enjoy your freedom and youth while you can. Also, it might scare away some girls if you're that obsessed with it.
Captcha: Geez Louise
You said it captcha. He's 16! He has DOZENS of years to find someone!
I recommend what I call the 'Twilight'.
1. Find any girl who is new to the school.
2. Glare at her a lot, pretend you find her smell disgusting, and make sure she notices your general distaste for her.
3. Avoid her for a few days to make her paranoid.
4. Suddenly become really friendly to her. Follow her everywhere. (Bonus points added for watching her sleep)
5. Get a few friends to aid you in the illusion that you can read minds.
6. Tell her you're a vampire.
8. ??
9. Profit.
For best results, live in a small town and avoid sunlight. Contact lenses and pale make-up can add to the effect.
Disclaimer: TheBobmus accepts no liability for any failure, restraining orders or ridicule that may come as a result of such methods.
1. Find any girl who is new to the school.
2. Glare at her a lot, pretend you find her smell disgusting, and make sure she notices your general distaste for her.
3. Avoid her for a few days to make her paranoid.
4. Suddenly become really friendly to her. Follow her everywhere. (Bonus points added for watching her sleep)
5. Get a few friends to aid you in the illusion that you can read minds.
6. Tell her you're a vampire.
8. ??
9. Profit.
For best results, live in a small town and avoid sunlight. Contact lenses and pale make-up can add to the effect.
Disclaimer: TheBobmus accepts no liability for any failure, restraining orders or ridicule that may come as a result of such methods.
You know how people say that looks aren't important for a man? Well, that's bullcrap. Do some sports, shape up, take care of your body. Even if your face is ugly as chimps butt, this will help A LOT. Speaking from experience here.
Speak to girls. Speak to them a lot. If you are naturally shy, start with girls you don't find particularly attractive - then gradually move onto more human looking.
Don't be afraid of girls older than you. I made that mistake more than once, and it turned out for a long time I've been missing out.
Get an interesting hobby, like playing a guitar - it's not that difficult to learn, and chicks dig BIG TIME.
Try everything you can try - boongie jumping, surfing, hiking, etc... Even if you don't find something that captivates you, that would give you a lot of cool stuff to talk about.
And STAY AWAY from girls with crazy eyes, you'll know what I'm talking about... even if they have body to die for. Take that advice to heart, if nothing else.
Speak to girls. Speak to them a lot. If you are naturally shy, start with girls you don't find particularly attractive - then gradually move onto more human looking.
Don't be afraid of girls older than you. I made that mistake more than once, and it turned out for a long time I've been missing out.
Get an interesting hobby, like playing a guitar - it's not that difficult to learn, and chicks dig BIG TIME.
Try everything you can try - boongie jumping, surfing, hiking, etc... Even if you don't find something that captivates you, that would give you a lot of cool stuff to talk about.
And STAY AWAY from girls with crazy eyes, you'll know what I'm talking about... even if they have body to die for. Take that advice to heart, if nothing else.
So this is what I found out. Her skin chaffed mine, it's dark under those sheets and she has no va-jay-jayChertan said:
I will continue with my second option involving a flying storks and really big nets
I wouldn't worry too much about it. Remember every one of your ancestors has been naturally selected for their ability to create offspring.
And if all else fails you can't go wrong with Stockholm Syndrome.
And if all else fails you can't go wrong with Stockholm Syndrome.
So very ninja'd. Well played.evilneko said:
OT: If we're being serious here, it basically boils down to this: go out and meet folks. Make friends.
As we all know, friendship is magic.
And we could all use a little magic.
you forgot the part where you have to cover yourself in sparklesTheBobmus said:
OT
I,m 18 and never had a GF so yeah complaining about it at the age of 16 is kind of silly.
Between this and that terrifying stalker thread the other day, what is with all the lonely hearts on the Escapist lately?
solemnwar said:
[sub]I'm kidding, I'm kidding![/sub]
OT: You talk like women are just going to rip your throat out if you simple talk to them. Truth is, women are people like you and I. The best advice I can give is just straight up say "hi," break the ice, strike up a conversation. Don't think about anything serious until the time comes.Sean Hollyman said:
Just get to know her, see if you have anything in common. If you do, great! If not, you've lost nothing.