How do I tell a guy I just want to be his friend?

[Lilani]

God, never did I think I'd ever be posting one of these topics here, of all places. But here we go.

So there's a guy that is flirting with me. I've known him for quite a while, and currently because of our schedules I see him 5 days a week in class. I did flirt with him a little bit at first too, but then I had a moment of clarity and realized I don't really like him that way. He's still a very good friend, I just want things to stay the way they are.

And also, to complicate things a bit more, there is another guy I'm currently trying to nab myself. He doesn't know I like this other guy, and he does not know who the guy is.

So how should I tell him that I want to be friends? Should I make a point of bringing up this other guy I like to make the point, or would that be too vague and would just pulling him aside and explaining it straight out be the least cruel way in the end?

Thank you, and sorry for the drama dump.

 

[Dimitriov]

If a guy likes you he will probably continue to try and believe he has a chance with you no matter the circumstances. Best bet is to be as upfront and unambiguous as possible.

 

[Lilani]

Sounds like you've used the right words here. Just explain it to him the same way. If you try to be subtle about it, he might not take the hint.

Thank you. That's sort of what I've noticed with the guy I like, come to think of it. I drop hints here and there, but he seems to just be oblivious. It's funny how women can be experts in the art of subtle hints, but guys go by and don't notice a thing >_>;

 

[Gxas]

God, never did I think I'd ever be posting one of these topics here, of all places. But here we go.

So there's a guy that is flirting with me. I've known him for quite a while, and currently because of our schedules I see him 5 days a week in class. I did flirt with him a little bit at first too, but then I had a moment of clarity and realized I don't really like him that way. He's still a very good friend, I just want things to stay the way they are.

And also, to complicate things a bit more, there is another guy I'm currently trying to nab myself. He doesn't know I like this other guy, and he does not know who the guy is.

So how should I tell him that I want to be friends? Should I make a point of bringing up this other guy I like to make the point, or would that be too vague and would just pulling him aside and explaining it straight out be the least cruel way in the end?

Thank you, and sorry for the drama dump.

Being a guy and having been let down in every single way besides, "I just want to be your friend," I can honestly say that telling him that you are 100% not interested in him romantically is the best bet. He will, of course, refuse to believe this for a while, but he'll come around.

 

[lostzombies.com]

God, never did I think I'd ever be posting one of these topics here, of all places. But here we go.

So there's a guy that is flirting with me. I've known him for quite a while, and currently because of our schedules I see him 5 days a week in class. I did flirt with him a little bit at first too, but then I had a moment of clarity and realized I don't really like him that way. He's still a very good friend, I just want things to stay the way they are.

And also, to complicate things a bit more, there is another guy I'm currently trying to nab myself. He doesn't know I like this other guy, and he does not know who the guy is.

So how should I tell him that I want to be friends? Should I make a point of bringing up this other guy I like to make the point, or would that be too vague and would just pulling him aside and explaining it straight out be the least cruel way in the end?

Thank you, and sorry for the drama dump.

Tell him straight up and right away.

If you don't you will leave him with a mind fuck and you will loose a friend/he will hate you.

Seriously, it isn't cruel. The only thing guys hate is being messed around and not telling him is messing him around.

 

[Wintermoot]

why don,t you just tell him you want to remain friends and you already have another guy?

 

[Kathinka]

as many before said, just plain telling him is probably the best thing you can do.

though i want to add that you probably fucked up by flirting back at him. you should have made your point clear from the beginning instead of giving the poor shmuck hope.

 

[VanQ]

If a guy likes you he will probably continue to try and believe he has a chance with you no matter the circumstances. Best bet is to be as upfront and unambiguous as possible.

This is the truest piece of advice you will ever hear about guys, from the moment they think they have a chance they will always think they have a chance until you tell them flat out they don't, in some rare cases, they will still think that way.

Sounds like you've used the right words here. Just explain it to him the same way. If you try to be subtle about it, he might not take the hint.

Thank you. That's sort of what I've noticed with the guy I like, come to think of it. I drop hints here and there, but he seems to just be oblivious. It's funny how women can be experts in the art of subtle hints, but guys go by and don't notice a thing >_>;

Hints and body languages are a ladies domain, you evolved to be able to notice those sorts of things, at least that is, according to science, guys, not so much. Apparently (and I agree) we are more in tune with the appearance and scent of a girl.

Yes, I am well aware of my terrible grammar in that last paragraph. Anyways, better to be upfront about it, if he takes it badly and stops being friends for such a reason, then he isn't worth the time anyway.

 

[Vault boy Eddie]

Having recently gone through the same situation from the male perspective, the girl let me know that she wanted to just be friends, and I respect that, if you lose him as a friend so be it, but anything other than the straight up truth on your part is selfish, the girl I mentioned and I are still great friends.

 

[Admiral Stukov]

Brutal honesty. It may not be to pretty, but for this guy's sake it's better to know for certain and have a friend, rather than continue to live with unanswered love. And I have plenty of experience being the one with unanswered love.

 

[Eumersian]

If he wants you that badly, he'll eventually try something. When he does, all you need to do is just say "Sorry, but no. I don't like you that way." He'll deal with it. Although he might be heartbroken if you come off as too cold, and he'll certainly be heartbroken if you say something about liking another guy.

Of course, this is all assuming he's a sensitive type.

 

[RandallJohn]

Here's the thing: Tell him straight up that you just want to be friends, but CONTINUE TO BE FRIENDS. I've had girls tell me that, and them proceed to ignore me for the next few months. Make sure he knows you're not just ditching him. (Also, the flirting at the beginning might need to be addressed.)

Also, I dunno if I would bring up the other guy just yet.

(Ignoring the "Guys go by and don't notice a thing" comment because I don't feel like ranting. ^_^ )

 

[Arsen]

I'd give you advice on how to deal with the subject, but some girl I met when I was very young did the exact same thing to me. Guess what happened? I didn't want to date, associate myself with, or even try to "understand" the art of relationships, dating, sex, etc...for eight years.

In other words? It completely and totally fucked my world up.

So, regardless of the advice I'd give...I am a very biased, apathetic human being towards the subject at this point in time. However I will offer one piece of advice: Be truthful and up front about it. No beating around the bush, no mere suggestions, nothing in which the individual at hand needs to "read between the lines" per say. A hint and an answer are two different responses.

Second, don't be surprised if you end up not talking to him. Some people see it as an insult that they are turned down by their equals.

 

[Diablo2000]

May I sugest a song and dance routine with lyrics that explain why you only want be friends with this guy?
Other than that try to tell him straigh out, it will be better that way.

 

[Legion]

Thank you. That's sort of what I've noticed with the guy I like, come to think of it. I drop hints here and there, but he seems to just be oblivious. It's funny how women can be experts in the art of subtle hints, but guys go by and don't notice a thing >_>;

To try and put this as politely as possible, generally speaking, guys are less manipulative when it comes to things like this, and tend to just outright say what they mean, it's a hell of a lot simpler, even if it is a lot more crude.

I would also like to add that guys can get hints but there is a significant difference between a hint between someone who is a friend, and someone who you are attracted to. Your emotions cloud your judgement and so you are not sure whether you are right or not when you are interpreting what they say.

Hinting is not a sign of maturity, it is a sign of being unable to deal with things directly and openly, and I am also getting off topic, so...

1: Don't start doing things with the other guy in front of him in order to make it clear you aren't interested. That is just cruel.
2: Don't use the "We can still be friends" line because guys hate it. I am not suggesting you shouldn't try and be friends, I am just saying don't use those words, as it comes across as false and a lot of the time friendship doesn't work out between people when one has been romantically rejected.
3: Don't drop hints, for the reasons mentioned above.

You: (At a relevant point in a conversation, for example if he is flirting) "I get the impression you like me as more than a friend?"
Him: "Yes/No" or whatever he says.
You: (Assuming he says yes) "I am sorry but I don't feel the same way."

If you don't make it absolutely clear that you don't feel the same way, then he is going to keep on hoping, and eventually you will probably have to be quite harsh with how you deal with it. Be nice, be direct, and be honest with him.

I'd give you advice on how to deal with the subject, but some girl I met when I was very young did the exact same thing to me. Guess what happened? I didn't want to date, associate myself with, or even try to "understand" the art of relationships, dating, sex, etc...for eight years.

In other words? It completely and totally fucked my world up.

So, regardless of the advice I'd give...I am a very biased, apathetic human being towards the subject at this point in time. However I will offer one piece of advice: Be truthful and up front about it. No beating around the bush, no mere suggestions, nothing in which the individual at hand needs to "read between the lines" per say. A hint and an answer are two different responses.

Second, don't be surprised if you end up not talking to him. Some people see it as an insult that they are turned down by their equals.

I'd ask if you are me, but for obvious reasons... although it's not eight years yet.