How Do We Break It To The Mom?

[Kumori_Kio]

Situation: I'm a lesbian, my girlfriend is bi. Her parents know this. They knew we were really close friends and have been worried that we'd start dating. They don't have an issue with gays or lesbians, far from it. They have an issue with me. They met me a few months ago and simply don't like me. I have depression and they fear the worst of it. They don't give me credit for the good I've done, and they don't trust their daughter enough to let her make her own decisions. We're dating, but she wants them to know before it gets too serious.

Also, her parents are a little overbearing. This morning marks the third time they've called ME to find her. And no, I didn't give them my number.

Any advice on how to break the news to them?

 

[Kumori_Kio]

In all seriousness, her mom is really starting to freak me out. I'd never let her mom scare me away from her, but it is hard to deal with.

Among the other things said this morning was "How often do you sleep in your own room?" "Most of the time..." (a lie) "Do you have any classes with her?" "No." "Then you have no excuse to be sleeping over at 's place."

I don't know how to deal with her. And your relationship expert seems to be a little more keen on the actual relationship, not the parents of...

She didn't even want us to be close friends. My girlfriend is considering cutting them off as soon as she's done with college, but that's a few years away, and I know it's not the best solution. Her mom's not even leaving herself open to the possibility, it makes it really hard to bring it up with her.

 

[pickleweasel785]

Hmmmmm... just straight out tell them?

Considering you guys are both adults, doesn't seem like there is much they can do to separate you two.

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

If your adults then the parents have absolutely no say in what you to do. They can ***** and moan all they want but in the end it's up to you and her if they still don't like it tell them to "Piss off"

 

[Americow]

It's your life, you'll just have to tell them.

 

[JRCB]

Hmmmmm... just straight out tell them?

Considering you guys are both adults, doesn't seem like there is much they can do to separate you two.

If your adults then the parents have absolutely no say in what you to do. They can ***** and moan all they want but in the end it's up to you and her if they still don't like it tell them to "Piss off"

These guys have a good idea. How often do you see the parents? Maybe having a discussion with them about it could help?

 

[Kumori_Kio]

I'd like this to be on as good enough terms as possible, though. Basically, I don't want this to drive a wedge between her and them. They'll blame me. I look bad enough to them already, I'm very wary of doing anything to seem worse to them. If the only way for them to know is for her and I to be on bad terms with them, of course I'll do it, I love her too much to just lie to them forever, but still my preference is anything better than that.

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

Er, kinda hard to pull the "we're adults, we can do whatever we want" card when she's living under their roof. So long as your girlfriend lives at her parents house and accepts their money, she's got to be civil with them.

Just tell them, but be respectful. They'll have to learn to deal with it.

 

[AvsJoe]

I wish I could be of help but I have no experience with this whatsoever. My uninformed suggestion would be to act like an adult and break the news seriously and respectfully.

 

[Irridium]

I suggest straight up telling them.

There's really nothing else you can do.

 

[JRCB]

I'd like this to be on as good enough terms as possible, though. Basically, I don't want this to drive a wedge between her and them. They'll blame me. I look bad enough to them already, I'm very wary of doing anything to seem worse to them. If the only way for them to know is for her and I to be on bad terms with them, of course I'll do it, I love her too much to just lie to them forever, but still my preference is anything better than that.

Just as a question, what don't they like about you? As the original post said, is it just because you have depression? Or are there other things behind it?

 

[Liberaliter]

Man up.

Act like an adult and make your own decisions?

 

[Kumori_Kio]

Er, kinda hard to pull the "I'm an adult, I can do whatever I want" card when you're living under their roof. So long as your girlfriend lives at her parents house and accepts their money, she's got to be civil with them.

Just tell them, but be respectful.

I agree. And although most of the year, she lives at college, there's still summers and breaks. And she definitely still accepts their money, she has tuition to pay and no full-time job. We've talked briefly about the possibility of them kicking her out, but unless it goes horribly, it shouldn't come to that.

The worst part of this, is that I simply don't understand how her parents think. Mine are so different. I have nothing to do with my father, and my mother and I have a completely open, honest relationship, even though we don't talk often.

 

[Trivun]

Try calling them and asking to meet them formally. Even though you already know them, ask your girlfriend if the two of you can simply meet her parents together on a formal basis, and talk it out with them. Communication is the key. If they have no problem with homosexual or bisexual relationships then fine, that should make things easier. If they simply have a problem with you then talkiing to them on neutral ground should hopefully help sort out any problems and clear the air. If things still aren't any better afterwards, then demand to know why they don't like you and try and find some sort of compromise. It's the easiest way to get results where everyone is, if not happy, then at least not hurt too badly.

 

[likalaruku]

As far as I'm concerned, parents have no place in a relationship. They don't need to know about it, be part of it, give their blessings, or even know who the other person is. There opinions on the subject don't matter.

 

[Orekoya]

Among the other things said this morning was "How often do you sleep in your own room?" "Most of the time..." (a lie) "Do you have any classes with her?" "No." "Then you have no excuse to be sleeping over at 's place."

"You have no excuse to be so concerned about where I sleep either but I don't see that stopping you."

You are adults yes? Stop the child mentality that you have to answer them; you do not need their permission nor do you have to answer their invasive questions. Simply live your own life and if that's not enough simply do not talk to them. The only reason she's still digging/asking is because she knows you're willing to answer.