Good point, why is she so eager to tell her parents if she lives away at college?dont_blink said:
She knows it will 'cause tension. Maybe address this with her first?
How Do We Break It To The Mom?
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She knows it will 'cause tension. Maybe address this with her first?
There are probably many problems going on underneath the surface. She may be making a big deal about the mother so she doesn't have to focus more real problems, like maybe the relationship is ending. Most 20 year olds hang on to relationships way too long anyway. Plus, bi girls aren't the most stable, I bet her girlfriend has some deep emotional issues that she needs to solve before she is ready to settle down. (thanks to MANsers, I know bi chicks have the more sexual partners than other chicks, thank you TV!)newuseforvintage said:
Actually my parents don't hate Kumori. They are deeply concerned that A) her depression will have a negative influence on me psychologically, B) having a relationship may negatively impact my grades and thus put my scholarship at risk, and C) her family dynamic may negatively influence the way she acts in a relationship. The last one is more something they have implied than actually stated. And I know I need to be careful when telling them, making sure I am respectful. The reason I cannot be too flippant is because I do live under their roof during break. And even though my scholarship covers tuition, room and board are being paid for by my parents. Also a formal meeting with them is highly impractical because the college I am at is 5 or so hours from home (by car, bus and train) and an hour and a half by plane. And why am I "so eager" to tell them? Possibly because lying to them about who I am spending my free time with not only shows disrespect for them but also implies that I am ashamed of Kumori, which I am not.
its your life and her life, just be nice to them and try to explain that you will make her happy.
Come out and speak with the parents, bring their attention to the fact that you care for her and ask them why it is exactly that they're so upset with your relationship.Kumori_Kio said:
= discuss it like adults.
They should appreciate this, mind you I often find myself talking to people like children because they act the part... and I'm 18.
Yeah but this is also a place on the internet where mods don't take kindly to that kind of attitude.Kamaitachi said:
And if you don't have anything that contributes to the OP's questions than all you are doing is trolling. Oh guess what! Guess that means you're an attention whore too.
Anyway I'm done with this little exchange. I'm sure you've been reported several times at this point anyhow.
MODS - Sorry if this went on longer than it had to.
Well, considering that you are both adults in college- who cares about their opinion. They can except you on your merits, reject you on your flaws, or simply acknowledge that its ya'll's choice. Whichever one they go with- it is only the choice of you and your girlfriend.
I have no advice of my own, but I suggest you e-mail Dan Savage [http://www.thestranger.com/savage] about this problem. I would link you to a relevant video from his YouTube channel [http://www.youtube.com/user/dansavage], but nothing quite fits your situation. E-mail him, you may get yourself answered on his Savage Love Letter of the Day.
This made my day. I promise someday I shall make yours...no matter what. Nothing will stop me.....nothing.Douk said:
It sounds like they're more concerned that you will suffer academically for having a relationship than anything else. It's probably a reasonable worry - relationships can be stressful and complicated. I think it may fall to you to convince them that you will continue to focus on your studies rather than allowing a relationship to divert you from achieving potential.
I know a fair few people whose parents are concerned that meeting someone will detract from their academic performance (and fair enough too - parents typically want the best for their children and academic success is probably the best way to improve your life chances). I don't think there's a simple solution to this, aside from reassuring them that you will continue to give study a priority. As for whether you actually do, that falls entirely to you.
Unless I'm misreading the situation entirely, I strongly doubt that they would cut you off for having a relationship that they didn't approve of. I know my mother would never have done so, no matter how seriously I disagreed with her. In general, I believe it's customary for parents to care about their children, and you'd need to do something pretty bloody heinous to offend them enough to cause them to take such extreme action.
As for the personal aspects of the other half of the relationship... well, again, their worry is probably legitimate but as has been observed many a time, it's not their decision to make. I suppose the crucial thing is to convince them that depression etc. will not have a damaging effect on the other half. Depression is a difficult one to get a handle on, as different people react to it in different ways.
Best of luck with it all. I should imagine that the parents will become more accepting with time (particularly after college), and I hope it works out.
I know a fair few people whose parents are concerned that meeting someone will detract from their academic performance (and fair enough too - parents typically want the best for their children and academic success is probably the best way to improve your life chances). I don't think there's a simple solution to this, aside from reassuring them that you will continue to give study a priority. As for whether you actually do, that falls entirely to you.
Unless I'm misreading the situation entirely, I strongly doubt that they would cut you off for having a relationship that they didn't approve of. I know my mother would never have done so, no matter how seriously I disagreed with her. In general, I believe it's customary for parents to care about their children, and you'd need to do something pretty bloody heinous to offend them enough to cause them to take such extreme action.
As for the personal aspects of the other half of the relationship... well, again, their worry is probably legitimate but as has been observed many a time, it's not their decision to make. I suppose the crucial thing is to convince them that depression etc. will not have a damaging effect on the other half. Depression is a difficult one to get a handle on, as different people react to it in different ways.
Best of luck with it all. I should imagine that the parents will become more accepting with time (particularly after college), and I hope it works out.
Because I would be wracked with guilt if I either A) slept with Kumori before telling them we are dating or B) they find out we are dating from another source. I don't want to totally fuck up my relationship with my parents, so I have to tell them in the near future.newuseforvintage said:
Speaking as someone who has been through almost exactly the same situation as you i'll say - it wont totally fuck up your relationship with them. Unless your parents are hyper religious or overtly homophobic (at it doesnt sound like they are) because there's no reasoning with people like that.Kimjira19 said:
I'm going to temper this by saying I don't know your parents, and i don't know either of you, but my advice would be to not come straight out with it but slowly let them get accustomed to the idea. It seems if they are even slightly clued on they will know what is going on by now, what they need to do is get over their mental images of her as "depressed" or "lesbian" or "damaged" and see she is actually a nice girl.
They may over react slightly at first but no parents want to be responsible for driving their child away. Unless there's other things going on then this would be what i would do. In fact that's what I DID and i still have a loving relationship with both of my parents.
Good luck to the both of you!