How Do We Break It To The Mom?

[Orekoya]

Among the other things said this morning was "How often do you sleep in your own room?" "Most of the time..." (a lie) "Do you have any classes with her?" "No." "Then you have no excuse to be sleeping over at 's place."

"You have no excuse to be so concerned about where I sleep either but I don't see that stopping you."

You are adults yes? Stop the child mentality that you have to answer them; you do not need their permission nor do you have to answer their invasive questions. Simply live your own life and if that's not enough simply do not talk to them. The only reason she's still digging/asking is because she knows you're willing to answer.

Uh yeah. But my parents are paying for my room and board, they kinda have the right to ask.

No they don't. They really don't. If it is your own parent, then simply say "I'm not going to talk about it." Seriously, you do not have to answer those kinds of questions. The results you can get from just not talking about it are great. After poking and prodding into the aspects of your life beyond their control and that being the only answer they get, they'll drop it. If they are so hung up on it that they can't drop it then say nothing. Silence is its own response too, and usually a parent will catch on that what they're doing isn't acceptable.

I used to have an overbearing mother until I simply ceased any response to her probing questions and within the year she stopped bringing it up. That was many years ago and we get along just fine, she has even visited me at me and my partners house.

 

[Kimjira19]

If they have an issue with you, maybe you're the problem?

You say you have depression. Depression pulls in others into depression. Depression could lead to self destructive behavior or suicide. Why would any parent want their children to kill themselves?

Not only that, but you're already making plans to sever the parent/child relationship between them and your girlfriend.

So already the parents risk losing their daughter.

Also nobody will ever admit/answer this, but what exactly do you have to offer? Parents want good things for their children. Do you have an education? Do you look good? Are you a good person? Do you have a means of financial support? etc.

In short: If I were a parent, I'd be wary of you, especially since you plan to steal my hypothetical daughter away and ruin our family. Or in the case of depression, steal my daughter away and do a double suicide.


That said, maybe the parents are in the wrong. There are plenty who are. Perhaps you should change their perception of you by using some of the advice from others in this thread.

No worries everyone. I told my parents a few weeks ago and they are mostly fine with it. The academic aspect is still a legitimate concern for them but I am working on making that a non-issue. And things have been even better betweeen Kumori and I since I told them. So thanks to all of those who gave us advice and did not use our quandary as a chance to be rude and spiteful. THANK YOU ESCAPIST!
Much love, Kimjira19 (aka Adrienne) <3

 

[Kimjira19]

Speaking as someone who has been through almost exactly the same situation as you i'll say - it wont totally fuck up your relationship with them. Unless your parents are hyper religious or overtly homophobic (at it doesnt sound like they are) because there's no reasoning with people like that.
I'm going to temper this by saying I don't know your parents, and i don't know either of you, but my advice would be to not come straight out with it but slowly let them get accustomed to the idea. It seems if they are even slightly clued on they will know what is going on by now, what they need to do is get over their mental images of her as "depressed" or "lesbian" or "damaged" and see she is actually a nice girl.
They may over react slightly at first but no parents want to be responsible for driving their child away. Unless there's other things going on then this would be what i would do. In fact that's what I DID and i still have a loving relationship with both of my parents.
Good luck to the both of you!

Thank you for the advice. I ended up just straight out telling them and explaining to them that they really do not know her well enough to judge her as a bad influence. They have mostly accepted our relationship, although they are understandably still wary of academic influence.

 

[Kumori_Kio]

Thank you for the advice. I ended up just straight out telling them and explaining to them that they really do not know her well enough to judge her as a bad influence. They have mostly accepted our relationship, although they are understandably still wary of academic influence.

You make it sound like I negatively impact your studies...except for a few missed classes last week, I haven't really done anything. I, at least, go to my classes, do my work, albeit a struggle to get it done in time some days.

 

[Kimjira19]

Thank you for the advice. I ended up just straight out telling them and explaining to them that they really do not know her well enough to judge her as a bad influence. They have mostly accepted our relationship, although they are understandably still wary of academic influence.

You make it sound like I negatively impact your studies...except for a few missed classes last week, I haven't really done anything. I, at least, go to my classes, do my work, albeit a struggle to get it done in time some days.

No no no. That is not what I was trying to say. I was trying to say that it makes sense for them to worry about any new relationship impacting my academic performance. My performance is my own responsibility and they know that.