How far would you go to be happy in a relationship?

[Rasputin1]

This thread has been inspired by events in my own life. Also apologies if something similiar has been made before.

Essentially what's happened to me, is I fell completly for a girl. We're now dating and have been for quite a while. We're also now seriously discussing marraige and plan to do it.
The catch here though, is she's Muslim. Which essentially means for me, to be able to marry her, I have to convert.

So, my question is, how far is too far for you in a relationship?

EDIT: For the record, I am converting, and have no problem doing so. The situation just got me thinking about what others would do.

 

[RatRace123]

Never having been in a relationship I can only speak in terms of what I think I'd do.
I don't think I'd go terribly far, especially because I'm something of a pessimist when it comes to relationships, thinking they'll all end eventually.

For you, I'd ask how important is religion to her, and how important is it to you? If you love her, do it.

 

[Death916]

Too far is dealing with a girl u love who has a horrible attitude and expects you to deal with it no matter ehat. ok mayb not too far cuz im doin it lol

but i guess too far would would be to convert, im vhristian and if my gf/baby mama asked me to convert or else i guess wed be done

 

[Blackjack 222]

I wouldn't take up a religion but i would bold face lie to a reverend to get married to a girl i love.

 

[Death916]

Never having been in a relationship I can only speak in terms of what I think I'd do.
I don't think I'd go terribly far, especially because I'm something of a pessimist when it comes to relationships, thinking they'll all end eventually.

For you, I'd ask how important is religion to her, and how important is it to you? If you love her, do it.

if ur love 4 a girl trumps your religion it shouldnt matter what you claim to be because it wont be true faith

 

[Death916]

I wouldn't take up a religion but i would bold face lie to a reverend to get married to a girl i love.

im with you

 

[Rasputin1]

Never having been in a relationship I can only speak in terms of what I think I'd do.
I don't think I'd go terribly far, especially because I'm something of a pessimist when it comes to relationships, thinking they'll all end eventually.

For you, I'd ask how important is religion to her, and how important is it to you? If you love her, do it.

I've never given religion much thought. Never any serious thought anyway. For her, she's grown up being Islamic her whole life, so I'm not going to ask her to change. I've already told her I'll do it .

 

[RatRace123]

Never having been in a relationship I can only speak in terms of what I think I'd do.
I don't think I'd go terribly far, especially because I'm something of a pessimist when it comes to relationships, thinking they'll all end eventually.

For you, I'd ask how important is religion to her, and how important is it to you? If you love her, do it.

I've never given religion much thought. Never any serious thought anyway. For her, she's grown up being Islam her whole life, so I'm not going to ask her to change. I've already told her I'll do it .

It seems like your mind is made up, I'd say you made the right choice.

 

[demoman_chaos]

I'd go 20 miles, nothing more. With my car, any relationship becomes a long distance one if they aren't in my neighborhood.

 

[viranimus]

Too far is dealing with a girl u love who has a horrible attitude and expects you to deal with it no matter ehat. ok mayb not too far cuz im doin it lol

I feel your pain. I did that for basically better than 5 years and after all was said and done, it ended almost as badly as it possibly could have.

As for the question. The psychologist side of me says, You might have greater problems if you have to change part of yourself to make you happy. You cannot look to another person expecting them to make you happy. You should already be happy. Its an unfair burden and expectation to place on someone to have them responsible for your happiness. However, I suspect I might be taking your words too literally there. If so my apologies.

The philosopher side of me says. If you have to convert to be with someone that it is a point of contention, then your relationship is likely doomed as it would be built on a foundation of fallacy. If it is a difficult decision to change your faith, then you either will not be able to change your faith, which will destroy your relationship, or you will be able to change, which deep inside yourself you will know that your change of belief structure is at best half hearted and at worst done purely to give lip service in order to keep her happy.

The man side of me says. Women enter into relationships hoping they can change a man to what they want him to be, Men enter hoping their woman never will change. Inevitably both end up disappointed.

The prick side of me says... Go ahead and change, but tell her before you convert you require her to sign a prenump that specifically states failure to perform when requested is to be considered abandonment of commitment leaving her entitled to nothing and you are no longer held responsible for your actions that are under normal circumstance permissable by law.

(Yes, Im a Gemini.. I have 4 sides)

Honestly, and my point basically is, even if you have deep feelings for this girl, this is potentially changing who you are on a fundamental level. It is a lot to ask from anyone, so should you agree to do something like this, I fully suggest that you absolutely know she would be willing to make the same kind of fundamentally life altering change on your behalf based on a verbal request. If you cant enter into a relationship on equal terms, you will never be on equal terms and end up allowing someone else to dictate your life.

But.. ehh.. Perhaps Im full of wisdom, Perhaps Im severely jaded right now. Make what you will of it.

EDIT: Almost forgot, The point of the thread. How far would I go? I took two bullets. I will never go that far again.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

So let me get this straight, you're actually seeing a muslim girl and you're so close that you're talking about marriage?

She's already breaking several islamic rules just by seeing you before marriage, and if you've had sex then she's broken another fundamental rule to the muslim faith. Clearly she's not taking her religion too seriously so you yourself can't be expeted to be fully candid about your professed conversion.

I.e if you decide to "convert" in order to simply be able to marry her, then no one in their right mind would hold it against you...

 

[Mcupobob]

I know exactly what you mean, been dating this girl and its getting kinda of serious. Though shes Mormon, and that would mean giving up on almost all vices. Also church, but apparently Mormon church starts at 2 in the afternoon, so thats one thing I could deal with.

 

[zehydra]

when you have to lie for her. That's too far for me.

 

[Panzer_God]

Well I've already traded my schooling, my religion, my politics and my outlook on life for various relationships that failed, so I'm not sure if there's anything left that I wouldn't.

EDIT: Oh yeah, and how could I forget the Grade-A beatdown I received to keep her safe. She got out, I went to the hospital. She dumped me less than a month later.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Never having been in a relationship I can only speak in terms of what I think I'd do.
I don't think I'd go terribly far, especially because I'm something of a pessimist when it comes to relationships, thinking they'll all end eventually.

For you, I'd ask how important is religion to her, and how important is it to you? If you love her, do it.

I've never given religion much thought. Never any serious thought anyway. For her, she's grown up being Islamic her whole life, so I'm not going to ask her to change. I've already told her I'll do it .

Well this is taking it too far, in my view anyway, noone should take it personally.
Marriage adds nothing to a relationship, it is simply a legal and financial bound that will keep you chained to your partner even if the relationship is unbearable.
And then putting up a hat of religious ignorance for someone... well that just wouldn't happen, I am who I am and my views are as I define them.

People can be together without marriage just fine, and if they get fed up with each-other they can go their separate ways without years in court trying to steal each-others property.

 

[eastinfecter]

804 km and maybe 804 km more. But nothing more.

 

[Instant K4rma]

I wouldn't change very drastically for anyone. If someone I'm in a relationship asks me to change something about myself, I probably wouldn't do it. If she doesn't like the person I am, then she shouldn't be in a relationship with me. That's how I feel. You should like me for who I am and the tendencies I have. If I'm not the person you want me to be, go find that person who you want, but don't try to force me to change into that person.

 

[MasterChief892039]

I'm not sure I would ever get serious with someone who didn't have similar views to me. It seems like there would be a fundamental disconnect and it would be difficult to form any sort of meaningful bond with someone if our outlooks were constantly at war with one another's. If I did end up getting involved with someone of a religious background, I'd find it very disrespectful if they expected me to change my world view to match theirs just so I could have the "honor" of being with them - even if it was just for appearances and there was no actual expectation to internalize the faith.

So let me get this straight, you're actually seeing a muslim girl and you're so close that you're talking about marriage?

She's already breaking several islamic rules just by seeing you before marriage, and if you've had sex then she's broken another fundamental rule to the muslim faith. Clearly she's not taking her religion too seriously so you yourself can't be expeted to be fully candid about your professed conversion.

I have a feeling that the religious pressure is being put on this couple more from the parents than from the woman herself. Like you said, if she's doing these things she probably doesn't take the faith seriously (or at least interprets it differently than what is traditional), but such actions would be in private, whereas a wedding would be public and she would have family to please.