How far would you go to be happy in a relationship?
- Thread starter Rasputin1
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I wouldn't join a religion just so I could marry a girl. Are you going to believe in her religion? Will you dedicate yourself to it and believe in it wholeheartedly? If not and you're just doing it to get married...well good luck to you.
I personally would just live in sin. She can believe in her particular religion/faith and I can have mine. If that means no marriage, well, screw it. I never liked the idea of having an external source validating my personal relationships for me anyways.
I personally would just live in sin. She can believe in her particular religion/faith and I can have mine. If that means no marriage, well, screw it. I never liked the idea of having an external source validating my personal relationships for me anyways.
That would depend on what particular form of Islam she is a part of. Like all large religions, it covers quite a number of various different attitudes and beliefs.MasochisticMuse said:
Personally, though, it seems very odd to base your religion, that is, your beliefs about how the universe works, on what will allow you to get married.
I'd like to say I'm not a naïve person, I was always the kind of person that looked at people who would "do anything for their love" as being stupid and desperate soupting robotic drivile like "you should never comprimise yourself for another person" and "anyone you feel you need to change to be accepted by them isn't worth it".
I once fell for someone very very hard. Slowly but surely, I compromised my opinions and my veiws and overall, myself. It wasn't even a concious decision, I realised what was happening far to late to get out of it all cleanly. It took a long time to build up the self assurance and confidence I had before.
My point is, don't lose yourself in the moment and in the romance. You don't need to be stupid or blind to find youself in trouble in this area. Even if you're sure converting won't affect you as a person, is there a chance you will resent her for making you change like that? What does it mean to you converting for another person?
I once fell for someone very very hard. Slowly but surely, I compromised my opinions and my veiws and overall, myself. It wasn't even a concious decision, I realised what was happening far to late to get out of it all cleanly. It took a long time to build up the self assurance and confidence I had before.
My point is, don't lose yourself in the moment and in the romance. You don't need to be stupid or blind to find youself in trouble in this area. Even if you're sure converting won't affect you as a person, is there a chance you will resent her for making you change like that? What does it mean to you converting for another person?
I personally wouldn't marry into a religion I didn't believe in. Unless you're truly ready to seriously devote yourself to that religion, you're just insulting the faith itself and making a fool of yourself really. In my opinion, it's the bond you share that matters, not any religious or legal formalities.
In this case I would stay with her but not get married. If she can't stay with someone without marrying them (because of her faith - I don't know what the rules are), then make her understand that you may not be willing to actually devote yourself to the faith and the wedding will be a formality only (which to me seems worse than not marrying, but it's really between you two).
In this case I would stay with her but not get married. If she can't stay with someone without marrying them (because of her faith - I don't know what the rules are), then make her understand that you may not be willing to actually devote yourself to the faith and the wedding will be a formality only (which to me seems worse than not marrying, but it's really between you two).
I promise your religion prolly has an exact answer for this, whatever it happens to be. If you do not feel like it's answer is correct.. well, then why stick to it? Unless, you have found one of those rare cool religions that is perfectly fine with you only believing(sp?) and following like 30% of it. If you have, then you are golden in any case and no worries.
If that's the real issue and I was the OP, I'd ask my girlfriend why she's so worried that she's not going to please a family who basically wants to keep her apart from the person she loves.MasochisticMuse said:
There are times when you can't just be blindingly loyal to your family. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and to them if they act like complete idiots.
Well I cant say id convert but there is nothing to say that too completely different religions cannot still live under one roof. I guess if you love the person enough, and both feel there is no other way, then yeah I suppose I'd have to convert however sadly the relationship wouldnt last because ANY form of religion is useless for me, even Athiest. I'm a person who has her own ideas, and I refuse to transform into 1 particular belief even if it does mean getting the guy I love.
Also... How far would I go to being happy in a relation ship... Murder?
Also... How far would I go to being happy in a relation ship... Murder?
Last time I was in love I was willing to go very far. Literally too, I gladly would've traveled half the globe to see her and be with her. But she was sorta frightened about the whole thing and didn't feel that strongly about me so I kinda dropped that.
What I wouldn't do however, is betray myself. I would never put my nerdiness aside for her, I'd never change the way I am (at least more than I want to change myself for my own sake) and no way in hell I'd convert to any religion.
Then again, I cannot phantom loving a girl who would want me to do all those things and be religious herself. That last girl for example would slap me silly if I'd even think of ditching my videogames or sci-fi novels.
What I wouldn't do however, is betray myself. I would never put my nerdiness aside for her, I'd never change the way I am (at least more than I want to change myself for my own sake) and no way in hell I'd convert to any religion.
Then again, I cannot phantom loving a girl who would want me to do all those things and be religious herself. That last girl for example would slap me silly if I'd even think of ditching my videogames or sci-fi novels.
Oh the stupid things we may do in the name of "love".
I've almost given up my entire social life for the sake of puppy love, and several centimetres of flesh from my arm. Needless to say, it left me a little bitter.
It's great to see that you care enough about your woman to show her through actions, and seeing as it's not such a big deal for you it stops you form compromising yourself, which is a great peice of advice almost everyone in this thread seems to understand.
I've almost given up my entire social life for the sake of puppy love, and several centimetres of flesh from my arm. Needless to say, it left me a little bitter.
It's great to see that you care enough about your woman to show her through actions, and seeing as it's not such a big deal for you it stops you form compromising yourself, which is a great peice of advice almost everyone in this thread seems to understand.
I'd lie, I'd steal, I'd kill but I wouldn't change who I am.
I'd try new things, I'd do less of the things I love to spend time with her but I wouldn't give up my freinds who have remained loyal to me all this time.
I'd be willing to do the full 804.67200 though.
I'd try new things, I'd do less of the things I love to spend time with her but I wouldn't give up my freinds who have remained loyal to me all this time.
eastinfecter said:
I'd be willing to do the full 804.67200 though.
Right at the moment there is a girl to whom I am tremendously attracted. It's actually been her idea for us not to get any closer, because (her words) "I don't want to end up being the reason you don't get what you want from life."
She's amazing, and I wish I could find a way to work her plans for her life and my plans for mine together, but she's very close to her family and (again, her words) could never settle down more than an hour's drive from her dad, much less raise kids where she couldn't bring them to see Grandpa on a regular basis (total daddy's girl). Meanwhile, it would be career suicide for me to move where she is (rural southeastern Ohio, not much call for accountants 'round those parts.) I've got my heart set on Boston (where I grew up), maybe Philadelphia since I've got family in Delaware m'self.
I really do wish I could find a way to make it work. She's attractive. She brings out the best in me. I like the person I become when I talk to her. She lights up my life...but we may just be too star-crossed to make it "serious".
(edit: And since religion's come up in so many of these posts, for what it's worth she's Wiccan and I'm classical Roman, but we're both pagans.)
She's amazing, and I wish I could find a way to work her plans for her life and my plans for mine together, but she's very close to her family and (again, her words) could never settle down more than an hour's drive from her dad, much less raise kids where she couldn't bring them to see Grandpa on a regular basis (total daddy's girl). Meanwhile, it would be career suicide for me to move where she is (rural southeastern Ohio, not much call for accountants 'round those parts.) I've got my heart set on Boston (where I grew up), maybe Philadelphia since I've got family in Delaware m'self.
I really do wish I could find a way to make it work. She's attractive. She brings out the best in me. I like the person I become when I talk to her. She lights up my life...but we may just be too star-crossed to make it "serious".
(edit: And since religion's come up in so many of these posts, for what it's worth she's Wiccan and I'm classical Roman, but we're both pagans.)