How many sexual partners is too many?

[TotallyFake]

(p.s. i'm ready for the wahhhhh, you don't respect women. wahhhh, you're a jerk.)

Why would I bother with that, you obviously know it's true.

 

[stok3r]

When I was still in the dating scene, I followed three sacred rules:

1.Never think about who you could be with when you're committed to someone already.
2.Never talk about your past relationships, unless your partner specifically asks about them.
3.Never, under any circumstances, ask about their sexual past, unless they want to talk about it.

Of these rules, I believed that the third one was the most essential. Simply put, their past belonged to them and had no bearing on our present. What I would like to know is whether I'm alone in this assertion, or is there a valid reason to snoop into your significant other's past exploits? And, after having asked the big question, what number would have to be given in order to shut your relationship down?

2

Haha nah I'm not that stiff. But seriously, I would prefer my gf to not have that many, preferably none actually. I was brought up a christian, but have, umm, strayed a bit, so the idea of no sex before marriage is deeply ingrained in my mind, but, well, I'm a bit flexible in that area. As long as she is committed to me and only me, not too many is fine. I mean, I'm 19, thats not THAT bigger thing to ask right?

..

Right??

*crys*

 

[TotallyFake]

For guys, there is none.

For a girl, 3. That's when the tread starts to wear.

Double standard much? Why is it that when a guy sleeps with a ton of people he's a hero, but a girl doing it is a slut?

I hope you're joking, but that's not funny.

Really, the number doesn't matter to me so long as a. there was proper protection involved, b. my partner's not sleeping with anyone other than me when we're together.

you know why he's a hero? because a guy has to work to get a chick. not the same for a chick.

even if a guy is an 11/10, he still has to work and put effort into getting a chick. If a girl is even a 4/10, she just has to wait a little bit later but doesn't have to work at all. Thus the reason for the double standard.

totally correct here! shadowstriker, you're the man for that one. you must have been with hundreds of chicks.

Seriously, how do you justify the mind-blowing hypocrisy of this? It's okay for men to sleep with lots of people but for girls to? Why do I get the feeling that your reasoning is "men are just better"?

 

[II2]

Breaking into triple digits?

Know a couple of lusty dames who have, but they're escorts so at least it speaks to their competence and success at their chosen vocation. [not included in roster, myself]

 

[TotallyFake]

For guys, there is none.

For a girl, 3. That's when the tread starts to wear.

Double standard much? Why is it that when a guy sleeps with a ton of people he's a hero, but a girl doing it is a slut?

I hope you're joking, but that's not funny.

Really, the number doesn't matter to me so long as a. there was proper protection involved, b. my partner's not sleeping with anyone other than me when we're together.

you know why he's a hero? because a guy has to work to get a chick. not the same for a chick.

even if a guy is an 11/10, he still has to work and put effort into getting a chick. If a girl is even a 4/10, she just has to wait a little bit later but doesn't have to work at all. Thus the reason for the double standard.

totally correct here! shadowstriker, you're the man for that one. you must have been with hundreds of chicks.

Seriously, how do you justify the mind-blowing hypocrisy of this? It's okay for men to sleep with lots of people but for girls to? Why do I get the feeling that your reasoning is "men are just better"?

read what shadowstriker wrote, he said guys have to work for it and some nights, it isnt possible to get laid. for a girl, any time they want to get porked, all they have to do is say the word and someone will jump on it. say a girl wants to get some action once a week...yes, it's possible that they hook up with the same person once a week for a year, but that number could be 52. just because its that easy for a girl to get sex.

i didn't lose my virginity until i was 18, and damnit, i tried. it was always up to the girl (no means no, guys.)

also, for your "men are just better" reasoning. yes, that is true for some things. basketball, guys are better. having babies, women are better. boxing, men are better. cooking, men are better (you thought i was gonna say women here. sorry, bobby flay, iron chef morimoto, and emeril are good) slutting it up, girls are better.

That's a mindblowing over-generalisation, and speaks very badly of both men and women. It's also another misogynistic double standard. Do you still see nothing wrong with this viewpoint?

Oh, and claiming that girls are inherently better at slutting it up is a horrendous think to claim.

 

[TotallyFake]

That's a mindblowing over-generalisation, and speaks very badly of both men and women. It's also another misogynistic double standard. Do you still see nothing wrong with this viewpoint?

Oh, and claiming that girls are inherently better at slutting it up is a horrendous think to claim.

you're crazy. think of the concept of prostitution. who has been more successful? men or women? who stands on the corner, employed, in virtually any city in America? why is that?

strip clubs? any girl that will show the goods and isnt hideous, a guy will look. not the other way around.

Strippers and prostitutes are hardly a representative sample. And still doesn't justify your flagrant woman hating.

 

[antsinyourpantsmuch]

Look. People. Men and women NEVER tell the whole truth about their past sexual exploits. This much is a fact. Therefore, everybody is basically on the same playing field in my opinion. If you like a person, their past sexual history shouldn't matter. Sure you'd like to see an STD test if it's some ridiculous number, but barring extreme circumstances, does it really matter? Their past is THEIR past, and we all grow up and learn from our mistakes eventually. Putting too much value in that sacred "number" is childish in my opinion. Just saying...

 

[Stranger of Sorts]

You don't want to be going through too many too quickly, I made that mistake and I successfully alienated every single one of them and their friends thanks to it, which is why I'm on the internet now instead of going out.

But seriously NEVER EVER ASK THEM ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL HISTORY, more often than not it freaks the shit out of you.

 

[Soulkiller3]

Just dont ask.

Also dont ask just before your about to do it for first time with sead girl, becouse if the number is alot higher then yours, its going to put you off your game

 

[lacktheknack]

I think you misunderstood. He didn't ask how many sex partners at one time (as in, an orgy), he meant, how many in the past. As in, how many exes you've had.

No, I understood. I actually believe in not having sex until you are married, and divorce being the very last possible option.

Shocking, I know.

So it's impossible to have an ex without having sex? You're automatically going to marry your first girlfriend?

For the record, I'm in a similar boat to yours (less official though: just no sex before love, since marriage has lost all meaning to me). But despite the fact that I'm a virgin, I still have an ex girlfriend, you understand?

Where did I imply what you just said? The question was about sexual partners. I'm all for breaking up with DATES that don't work out...

Two.

Yeah, I'm one of those freaks who actually believes in virginity until marriage. Don't try to convince me otherwise, people have already tried (and failed).

So this post has been cited a bunch in this thread as if some sort of commonly held belief. But- It begs some questions.

Is the poster married? If yes, are they divorced? If yes, did they remarry before the sex again? Yes?

Plain and simple, any answers other than the ones I just lined out make the poster (and I would venture every last person that quoted them) hypocrites. In all probability, the aforementioned poster espouses this view, but has never been married. Instead, the reality is more likely that the espoused belief cover some fears/insecurities/etc associated with sex courtesy of said belief system, yadda yadda yadda.

Or maybe I watched people get RUINED by messing around and had people who waited say that they don't regret it, and maybe I believe - non-religiously - that having multiple sexual partners can cause irreversible emotional damage.

Why so antagonistic? Besides, my belief system ENCOURAGES sex in a marriage context.

Two.

Yeah, I'm one of those freaks who actually believes in virginity until marriage.

Would that be for any reason other than "my religious text of choice says so"?

OT: 73.

Yes, see above.

 

[CloakedOne]

Of these rules, I believed that the third one was the most essential. Simply put, their past belonged to them and had no bearing on our present.

I think this is a bit naive. It definitely does have bearing and that is unavoidable just like a person's pat bears on their present and future on everything. The question comes up about how much that past affects their future as well as their partner's/s'.

I've honestly never really thought about how many is too many. Part of me wants to say that there would be a limit, but that might just be my conservative upbringing talking. Even if it might end up mattering, I believe that it shouldn't matter. If you care about that person, that means you care about them for who they are and understand what they've done. With that in mind, the "past relationship discussion" is essential for a truly caring relationship and, if you don't have it, you're trying to escape a truth that you may not find favorable. As a result, there is no complete trust, honesty, or acceptance in that pairing.

 

[DarkLight523]

Rule 3 exception:

Unless they happened to have had sex with one of your friends in high school whom you were certain had about a dozen different types of STDs from being a total slut (yes, I used slut to describe a man, because he was one, and it totally ruined the possibility of intimacy in my last relationship when she got tested and found out she got HPV from the asshole).

 

[Pearwood]

I wouldn't care about the actual number but someone who does regular one night stands is most likely not going to be someone I'd want to be with, they'd want different things out of a relationship to me and most likely have self esteem issues that I can't deal with. Totally agree with Darklight523, both what he said and calling men who deserve the name sluts.

 

[Avatar Roku]

I think you misunderstood. He didn't ask how many sex partners at one time (as in, an orgy), he meant, how many in the past. As in, how many exes you've had.

No, I understood. I actually believe in not having sex until you are married, and divorce being the very last possible option.

Shocking, I know.

So it's impossible to have an ex without having sex? You're automatically going to marry your first girlfriend?

For the record, I'm in a similar boat to yours (less official though: just no sex before love, since marriage has lost all meaning to me). But despite the fact that I'm a virgin, I still have an ex girlfriend, you understand?

Where did I imply what you just said? The question was about sexual partners. I'm all for breaking up with DATES that don't work out...

Oh. You're right. Now I feel stupid. I thought it meant "sexual partner" as in "romantic partner" (which it still could be, although it's unlikely), but your way makes more sense.

 

[Samcanuck]

When I was still in the dating scene, I followed three sacred rules:

1.Never think about who you could be with when you're committed to someone already.
2.Never talk about your past relationships, unless your partner specifically asks about them.
3.Never, under any circumstances, ask about their sexual past, unless they want to talk about it.

Of these rules, I believed that the third one was the most essential. Simply put, their past belonged to them and had no bearing on our present. What I would like to know is whether I'm alone in this assertion, or is there a valid reason to snoop into your significant other's past exploits? And, after having asked the big question, what number would have to be given in order to shut your relationship down?

Hmm...all depends, when do you feel you're out of the dating scene?
In a long term relationship these things are addressed, especially if your thinking about going in without a jimmy.

And in a relationship, nothing should be taboo...in my opinion.