How much are you willing to change for a partner?

[Eleuthera]

Like everyone else so far my answer is "depends"

Habits, probably (some easier then others)
Appearance, up to a point, I still have to feel comfortable looking like that
Hobbies, doubtfull, I'll cut down on some or might try some new ones though
Job, no problem, assuming the job is attainable and doable
Location, yes within reason
Social Circle, nope, my friends are my friends for a reason, though I might hang out with them less
Political/Religious Views, these things you can not change, at best you can fake them

 

[LarenzoAOG]

I would rather be alone than change who I am for someone.

This, I've had friends and girlfriends try to change something about me, they aren't my friends or girlfriends anymore, if you can accept me for who I am, and I can do the same for you, we can be the best of friends, if not then it wasn't meant to be.

 

[gazumped]

*repeats common sense sentiments about getting rid of bad habits and making small compromises for the sake of an easier life for both of you*

I can't imagine ever falling for someone whose political or religious views were very different from my own. But I have changed social circles, occasionally agreeing not to be friends with another guy or just finding myself dragged to see my boyfriend's friends every weekend while accepting that he's not that keen on hanging out with mine.
Looking back on it, I resent that. The not-being-friends-with-another-guy one for obvious reasons, the seeing-his-friends-but-not-seeing-mine one because he wasn't willing to make the same kind of effort I was making. (Both these guys are my ex's now anyway.) It definitely has to be an equal sacrifice thing.

My dad, for instance, ate meat when he met his vegan now-wife. When they started living together they both made a compromise and became vegetarian, meeting each other halfway. That's how changing for your partner should work, I think, if it must be done.

Appearance is arguable, you want to look nice for your partner but it's a thin line in making an effort and objectifying yourself. This goes for guys as well. Before I started dating my current boyfriend, when we were just friends, I mentioned that I approved of photos of him when he was younger and had long hair and a beard and reckoned he ought to grow it out again. He very bluntly said that we weren't ever gonna have sex so why should he care what I thought? Turns out he was wrong about the not having sex part... but it was the first time I'd really realised that it was unfair of me to tell people what I thought looked good or not on them.
Now we're going out he's been growing it out, and is almost apologetic about the fact that he wants to get his hair cut soon even though I insist I've no worries with it. I feel bad about making him anxious about how attractive I find him with or without long hair, 'cause I fancy him either way really.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Depends on her role when I trying to change my ways.
I mean I will be all up for it/ try if she is supporting me in a loving way. By all means I'm not expecting a reward at the end of it like a pet, more like just encourage me and put up whenever I whine about it.
However if she moan/ nag/ taunt my progress then I will quit full stop (tough love isn't my thing). Sorry but that just who I am which my brother never seen to learn (nagging me to do something never work for me).

The only things I would never change are my love for anime (to what reasons why she want me to stop liking it since I am not an Otaku), gaming (sure I can spend less time on it but I will not drop it competely) and my love for eating meat (I ain't going to be an vegan no matter what. Beside it will be awkward as hell when my parent are around as they cook meat alot).

 

[burningdragoon]

Changing some things is reasonable. Hygiene/bad habits, being more responsible with your money, spending less time/money on yourself and more on/with your partner, doing things you don't like because your partner does and wants to share it with you (even if it's just watching crappy tv shows). Even your appearance to some extent, even if it just means wanting to go to more places that require dressing up/down like a nice restaurant.

Some things are reasonable to change for a more long term relationship. Job/location being one. If one of you gets a new job that requires moving, are you just gonna say nope and end the relationship, cuz you really like your exact location? If you have a house together, are you going to refuse to get rid of/not put up any of your stuff?

Some things are not reasonable to expect to change. Core values, religion, political views, friends. These can change on their own over time, but you can't just flip a switch because someone doesn't like it.

 

[Karlaxx]

I'm willing to make the changes that I really should have made anyway; if someone can inspire me to be a better person and fulfill my potential, then I would regard them as a good choice.

 

[Phasmal]

Habits- Pshhhh, maybe. If it's a bad habit anyway.

Appearance- To some extent. I'm not a person who wears make up or anything, so if a guy's looking for that, he'll be disappointed. I'm not wasting my money or my time painting my face every day, it's not who I am.

Hobbies- Nope. I may be willing to dial down the amount of time spent on X or Y thing but otherwise no.

Job- Are you kidding? In this environment I'd be damn lucky to have a job at all!

Location- I moved 500 miles to be with boyfriend so this is a Yes.

Social Circle-.... Perhaps. If there was something wrong with my social circle.

Political Views- I'd debate with them, and that may cause some change, but I won't be told what to think.

Religious Views- Not possible.

I do believe in changing somewhat for your partner, but if they want to change who I am, then there is no point going out with them.

 

[generals3]

A pretty clear-cut question.
Are you willing to change parts of yourself (habits, appearance, hobbies, job, location, social circle, political views, religious views, etc) if doing so would land you, or give you a very high probability, of landing a partner you desire?
Are there some things you would never change, or never compromise?
How much of 'you' are you willing to change for the love and affection of someone else? If a lot, or little to nothing, explain your reasoning.

Habits? Perhaps. It really depends on which ones. If they aren't really "essential" (not as in vital, but as in "i think they are important to me") and they make my partner happy why not. I mean if she'd ask me to play less games, why not. But is she'd ask me to STOP playing games i'd show her "the door". The same would go for appearance. I wouldn't change my clothing style because i believe its part of who i am but if it's about minor details why not. And job, really? Why? Unless i have a decent alternative she finds acceptable there is the door. Location seems quite reasonable. However when it comes to political or religious views or social circles: there's the door.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

What would make me happy is for someone to love me for who I am.

No one, other than possibly your parents, is going to love the entirety of who you are. No one will ever approve of everything about you. Part of loving someone is learning to live with those parts of the person you're less than thrilled with. And part of compromise and having a long term relationship is learning which hills to die on, and which parts of yourself you are willing to change in order to make the person you love more comfortable and happy.

"I will never change!" is a silly rallying cry. You're going to change anyway, whether you want to or not, simply through the process of living. Sometimes those changes will be voluntary, and sometimes they won't. Budging a little to make a romantic relationship a more harmonious place is not a sign that you've sold yourself out. It's a sign that you're mature enough to be flexible.

Now, none of this means you need to toss aside core beliefs, beloved hobbies, or things that are fundamental to who you are in order to please someone. But you can most certainly do a lot of trimming around the edges.

 

[King Billi]

I can't possibly know how to answer this question at this point in my life

I don't have any delusions of perfection about myself and there are alot of things about myself I feel I could stand to improve without someone else pointing them out.

I'm certainly NOT so self absorbed as to be adamantly opposed to the very prospect of changing for another person. I think approaching this issue with the mindset that someone is demanding you change yourself for them is very much the wrong way to look at this.

Either way I'll just have to wait and see how life plays out if and when I find someone special I truly consider worth bettering myself for.

 

[bearlotz]

Eh, I'll effectively have to anyway if I want to adjust to being anything but a self-sufficient cynical bastard. There's limits though: not sharing my ideological world-views isn't a deal-breaker, but forcing yours on me kind of is.

That works pretty well to describe my own thoughts on the topic. Most of the time I find myself changing to be a bit more of a "sunny" person when I'm in a relationship, despite my best efforts to the contrary.

OT: Most people have pretty well covered this, change things that don't fundamentally alter yourself (unless it involves fixing a fundamental problem) but try to avoid seriously compromising your own identity in the process. Of course, that is subject to how broadly people define their "own identity"...

 

[SlaveNumber23]

snip

I agree with you entirely, I didn't make it all that clear but in my original post I meant that I have a fair amount of room to change but I'm not going to become a different person for them. There is always opportunity to change and improve yourself even when it isn't for a partner. However I'm not going to choose a different career path or start believing in a god for someone else, they would have to accept some parts of me as concrete. Its quite difficult to define how much exactly I would change for a person and who knows, maybe I could adopt a religion for someone I loved. I don't have much experience in romantic relationships so its hard to tell.