How much have you changed?

[Kae]

I don't know how you guys are but personally I'm very introspective and I'm always thinking about how I am now and how I used to be and the implications and sources of those changes and it's become pretty obvious that I've changed a lot, I didn't grow up to be the person I thought I would be nor the person other people expected me to be and I find it very interesting, so since I'm bored as hell and don't feel like playing games or watching movies and am too tired to invite friends over but too insomniac to sleep, I thought I'd ask you guys how much you've changed, since I do find other people to be very interesting and I enjoy hearing people's stories quite a bit.

So my questions are.
How did you use to be?
How are you now?
Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?


Also if you feel like just telling your life story, feel free, I'll be listening to whatever anyone wants to say, because honestly I just think all people are interesting.

I understand it's common courtesy for the OP to share his answers but to be honest I hadn't realized how complicated my life story was until I tried to write it down, I might give it but it's going to be very abridged and it still might be pretty long, doesn't help that I'm not ashamed of any of it.

 

[MysticSlayer]

How did you use to be?

In general, I was the "good one". Of course, that means I basically walked in-line with the vision all the grumpy adults have for children today. More specifically, I walked in-line with whatever my parents' rather rigid religious beliefs were.

Some preacher gives a convincing enough argument that metal music and clothing with pictures of death on it are of Satan? I wouldn't question why I couldn't listen to metal or wear clothes with skeletons on them.

Did some guy that claims he performed dozens of exorcisms say that Star Wars was demonic? I wouldn't question why I wasn't allowed to watch Star Wars, Harry Potter, Pokemon, or any other media labeled demonic (or question whether or not the guy had performed all those exorcisms).

Was a well-respected televangelist (by televangelist-following-people's standards) going on and on about how we needed to stick to the Levitical dietary laws? I wouldn't eat pork or shellfish.

A lot of it had to do with the fact I wasn't particularly confrontational, so I didn't feel like going against what my parents said. A lot of it also had to do with living in a small town (so not a lot of diversity), being homeschooled (so no exposure to other ideas at school), having shitty Internet (so little access to other ideas online), and just generally being mostly isolated.

It didn't help that, in the few cases I saw people challenging the way I viewed things, they often were way off on why I viewed it. It's sort of odd to think about it now, but it is pretty easy to get angry at one group for going on and on about your bad motivations while inside their echo chamber while you go on and on about everyone else's bad motivation inside your own echo chamber.

How are you now?

I still will call myself religious (currently waiting to be picked up for church after all), but hardly what I was growing up.

That metal music I couldn't listen to and clothes I couldn't wear? They make up quite a bit of how I present myself to the world anymore. All those movies and games I couldn't watch and play? They now make up most of my favorite entertainment. (Granted, I never did go back to getting into Star Wars or Pokemon. Harry Potter, though...) All those dietary laws I followed are now something I couldn't imagine sticking to. Oh, and I'm probably going to tell you to send someone to a psychiatrist before an exorcist.

In general, though, quite a bit of what my parents wanted me to not be is how I turned out. My dad doesn't seem to mind, and my mom isn't alive to give her opinion. Sure, I'm not off-the-walls rebellious. At the same time, though, most people who know me probably know I probably won't let others tell me (or manipulate me) into doing what they want. I also get quite a kick out of their reaction when manipulation doesn't work.

At the same time, I do think I have more appreciation for the stuff I'm into now since I went so long without it. It isn't just something I spent my whole life doing or enjoying.

Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?

Honestly, not too much. As already mentioned, quite a bit of who I was was due to isolation. Once that was torn away, it doesn't surprise me that I changed. That said, I'm also hardly surprised I still kept some elements of my former self, such as my non-confrontational personality.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Eh, used to be the insufferable teen that thought everyone else was probably wrong about anything. I've toned that down a bit and mostly done away with the "else".

I'd also like to think I'm a lot more aware of problems that don't affect me, and how I'm not that aware of them.

 

[Bob_McMillan]

I'm probably a lot younger than most people on this site, so I can't say I've changed much.

 

[The Eupho Guy_v1legacy]

That's a tough one. In some ways I've changed a lot, but in other ways I'm still the same as I was when I was going to school if that makes any sense.

How did you use to be?

A mass of contradictions. Usually serious, but able to make the stupidest jokes almost at the drop of a hat. I've always tried to be polite/friendly, but I find it hard to trust people so I could pretty much count the number of friends I had while I was at school on one hand. I could also chalk that up to having strange interests too, I guess. I started learning baritone horn when I was in primary school and was playing for serious in a brass band by the time I was in high school. I also started playing lawn bowls during high school (which at the time was an old man's game).

How are you now?

Tired, sader, still pretty serious although I'm more relaxed about it and the stupid jokes have morphed into sarcasm (the poking fun at the absurdity of any given situation sarcasm, rather than the make people miserable by tearing them down sarcasm). I still play lawn bowls and while I've changed from baritone horn to euphonium, I still play in a brass band.

Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?

That it took me about 5 years for me to get over someone committing suicide at the boarding college I was staying at when I was at university.

Spoiler: This will take some explaining

While I was studying at university, I was boarding at a place called "The Sem": A Lutheran seminary that offered rooms and board to country university students, so long as they were Lutherans. There were about 80 of us in one 4 storey building. The rooms were small, but really, we didn't need much. A bed, plenty of desk space and a wardrobe for clothes. Meals were held in the refectory and there were tv rooms on each floor where we could mingle, although the first floor had "The Pondering Room", which was a tv room with a single chair and nothing else. As you would imagine, being so close to each other meant that, like it or not, you got to know people pretty quickly.

So, there was this guy that started the same year as I did. He was into punk rock and was decently popular guy. I think I shared a lecture with him, but otherwise didn't see too much of him apart from floor meetings and at the refec for meals. It was late May, in my second year of university. I was up late doing something for Java (cursing, most likely. I hate Java) when I left my room to refill my drink bottle. On my way to the tap, I saw a girl in the ground floor tv room bawling her eyes out, like something had happened. That she was surrounded by floor seniors and staff members made me concerned. I didn't even think to poke my nose in, it wasn't anything to do with me so I just filled my bottle up and went back to my room. As I got into my room, one of the floor seniors followed me into my room and told me roughly what had happened. That he had taken his own life. That was his girlfriend.

I was one of the first to know. Most everyone else found out at breakfast the next morning. For the next few weeks, about the only thing you could hear in the halls was the quiet buzz of the intercom speakers. For my part, I basically switched off. I lost interest in my studies (I was sucking pretty hard in the first place, this killed any interest I might of had entirely), lost interest in socialising and became quite subdued overall. I dropped my course at the end of the semester and left the Sem to take up casual work. And that was me for the next 4 years. 41 hour of work on a weekly rotating shift.

After that I decided to try study again. I enrolled in an IT course at a local technical college. It wasn't as indepth as university, but it was a lot more relaxed too. I made a couple friends and at the time a local LAN group was in the process of folding. I was learning networking, one of the other guys was doing a multimedia course and another was friends with one of guys that ran the other LAN, so we decided to pick up where they left off. We purchased the switches from the other guys, got a donation of ethernet cables from a local business and set up a LAN group that is still struggling along today.

So yeah, that's me I guess.

 

[Dreph]

How did you use to be?

Pretty much your standard pseudo intellectual snot nosed entitled brat. More of less the poster child for people consider the youth of today. Unsurprisingly I look back at my teenage self and cringe, but it is all part of the learning experience right? Right?

How are you now?

Little more humble, as I have learned the hard way I'm not always the smartest person in the room. Free piece of advice, you never are the smartest person in the room, even if you are empirically smarter you there is always someone who knows subject matter better than you.

And while I'm less prone to snap judgments now, I've gone too far the other way and get stuck calculating all the possible fallout for a give decision, when the best choice was for me to close my eyes and jump an hour ago.

Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?

If you talked to my teenage self, he would be shocked I'm not a millionaire at the least by now, but honestly I'm not that shocked by who I turned out to be. I'm more shocked the world let someone like me have a kid. The third generation of Gamers has started! (Old definition of gamers, which includes tabletop as well). May the world quiver in fear of their coming!

 

[Saltyk]

I'm always thinking and changing my thoughts and views. Over the years I'm actually grown quite against debating using insults. Debates, even with those you stringently disagree with, should remain respectful. Do not resort to personal attacks or attacking the group they belong to. Someone who resorts to such tactics will forfeit their right to debate me. This is why I was so supportive of the new CoC here.

To that end, I do not identify as belonging to any group. None. You want to know what groups I belong to? I'm in the Saltyk group. We have a massive membership of 1. We are not currently having a recruitment drive. Nor do we allow any person to join this group. Anyone, other than our official membership, that claims to belong to this group is lying and we disavow them even if we might agree with them on points.

This is largely as I don't want other people behaving badly and making me look bad by association. And yes, if you identify as a part of any group, there are extremists that make you look bad by association. It's not just the other guys.

When it comes to religion, I don't know if I have shifted completely, but my answer today is different in that I simply don't care. Whether God exists or not does not affect me or my life in any way.

When it come to homosexuality, I've changed slightly. Before I was okay with it, as long as you didn't hit on me. Nowadays, I wouldn't even care about that and be flattered. About five years ago I asked myself why a person would choose to be gay, and realized through logical deduction that they wouldn't.

These are probably my biggest changes in opinion, which aren't exactly massive changes. This is an interesting question OP. It's always nice to take a moment to be introspective. Then again, I am an introvert so this is a common practice for me.

 

[Elvis Starburst]

Interesting. Let's see...

I used to be this kid who was easy to get under their skin. Like, really easy. I didn't tolerate bullying without yelling at them back (Which only made it easier), I was an incredibly picky eater, and I didn't really like most people I knew at school. I gamed a lot back then, so much so I could spend entire days in the basement and only come back up for lunch and dinner.


How am I now? Much better. Went to a private school so I had more room to breath and mentally develop properly, I don't react the way I used to anymore, and as for the eating... Well, I still stick by old habits, but I at least have expanded my horizons by a huge amount and have tried many new foods. These days though, I've certainly become more polite, proper, and a lot more modest. As for anything gaming related, that's only gotten worse once my cash flow became my own, haha. Gaming since I was 5 and couldn't hold a N64 controller properly, and still am going strong now. Might explain the pain in some of my fingers, gah.

What surprised me is that my mind and attitude seemed to take a massive turn. As I mentioned above, I've become a lot more modest, my speech patterns in terms of being proper towards superiors or potential employers is nothing like it used to be, and overall I've just changed from what I guess people would call a "man." Not some manly man who likes only man things, but someone who takes responsibility, and does a good job while doing it. Though, I am still the joke making, very weird and not-afraid-to-speak-his-opinion goofball I've been since high school.

Oh, and I've become a bit apathetic in some regards, like dating, trying to "make the world special because if I try hard enough I can make it happen," etc. I've become a bit of a realist in spots in the most recent year or so, but I still know I can do more than what I am.

Hope this satisfies OP's questions~

 

[DerangedHobo]

How did you use to be?

Optimistic, carefree and weird.

How are you now?

Embittered, anxiety filled and weird.

Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?

Not particularly, if you were to chart it out, my current standing is the logical next step in the downward spiral.

 

[bartholen_v1legacy]

Hmm, I don't really know from what point to start. Let's say 12, 'cause around that time you start figuring out who you are (I'm turning 24 this year). When I was a kid I was what some might call a sweet little angel. Not rebellious, good grades in school, never got into fights, was nice to everybody and so on. Then in middle school that kind of backfired on me. What worked in an elementary school class full of exceptionally smart kids didn't do so well in a class with (if I remember correctly) the worst grade average in the school. For that time I was the loner, more out of forced circumistance than my own volition, and I've just recently come to realize how far the shadows from that time still cast themselves. I grew rather cynical and contemptuous of other people aside from the ones I trusted. I never fully dropped into outright edgelord territory, thank fucking god, but I developed a pattern of thinking that in the long run could be very dangerous. Thankfully high school mostly washed that away.

I used to characterize myself as calm, collected and a bit of a lone wolf, but I don't think those apply anymore. In recent years I've had flashes of a rather fiery temper, and tend to get frustrated when things aren't going right or I feel I'm left in the dark about something. And I'm not afraid to show that temper when it bursts. After spending most of last summer alone out of town on a job with irregular schedules yet zero downtime (figure that one out), I realized that I can't bear forced solitude. After enough time alone in a single location I'm crawling up walls. All of these changes in personality are largely thanks to the last 5 years of my life being a non-stop sausagefest, wherein I've made maybe 1 female friend. Believe me, sooner or later that kind of thing will shred your brain like a lawnmower.

Spoiler: An aside that hardly relates to the topic

Just recently I had a rather unpleasant double bill reminder of this fact when I was on a cruise with my study mates, and one of them got absolutely stonkingly shitfaced and started behaving like a total fucking pig. I mean swearing loudly in public, talking shit you'd never say in a crowded room, spilling wine all over tables, burping and so on. It was simply disgusting, and the first time in my adult life I've honestly wanted to punch someone for the way they were acting. And then it hit me: this was the company I'd chosen. And it only got worse the next day when I was at a party with my friend who studies psychology. It was a party of their discipline community, and guess what: brimming with beautiful, smart, funny and nice young women. Almost all of them taken according to my friend, but that hardly mattered. All I could think of was: "there's schools where this is the norm, and I'm not there. I've never been there." Fuck.

I've also become a lot more assertive, outspoken and quick to take charge whenever a school project is on. A lot of my study peers seem quite withdrawn and reluctant to take a leading role, so often it falls on me. I don't mind, since I know I'm usually a better leader than other students. Perhaps this is due to the effect of having spent the last 5 years treading water in a lot of social respects, a "life's short, get out there while you can" reflex is perhaps kicking in.

TL;DR: Used to take my time, be calm and withdrawn, now loud, outspoken, frustrated, assertive and a lot quicker to anger.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Oh boy, where do I begin?

I was quite an upbeat and naive child. I was also a dick to my brother (which I do got to thank him for putting up with me all the child years). Lastly I did question to my parent why I never had a birthday party,I don't have a pet or show up at school events like a play or sports etc but I guess I got used to it (it still suck that I never had a birthday party or a pet!).

I guess it was thanks to the teenage years that the weight of reality pull me down to where I am today. I naive part of me got burst when I learn the truth on how everyone treated me. Just to back up abit, I was one of the very few asian people in the town and primary and high school. All those times I thought I was making friends, yeah they were basically treating me as the handicap token sort of person as if they offended me, I would pulled the race card on them (apparently my cousin did that to the teacher as a joke). So yeah I became quite depressed from them onward (my "Linkin Park" era).

Don't worry, a light shine on my darkness times. After highschool I went into uni and I became friends with my classmates. I pretty much see this as a new fresh start since they did not know my embrassing past. I became happy now that I know what real friendship since they liked me the I am (and thinking about them made me smile).

As for recently years, I guess I have pretty much stayed the same which it seen people view that to be a bad thing including myself at times.

PS- I used to be a couch potatoes which I guess I had traded in the TV for a computer. Kinda ironic cos I was afraid of pc when I first started to used them in class.

 

[Dizchu]

In school I was a complete dick. My social skills were awful as school was the only place where I even interacted with people my age. I hung around with the only kid with even worse social skills than me and interestingly since leaving school he's stayed much the same, and I consider him to be quite creepy. I used to ask pretty girls for hugs and I used to get really upset about people not being romantically interested in me.

In university I changed A TON. I finally had a social circle that I interacted with regularly, I became more open about my gender identity and I became a lot more self-aware. People thought I was entertaining, attractive and interesting. I wasn't really popular and I wasn't the first person people thought of when they decided to go out for drinks, but people liked me. However I still had tons of insecurities and I still got really depressed about girls not finding me desirable.

Then I left university and sadly any plans to stay in the city where my social life was fell apart due to my uni friends either ditching the plan or already having living arrangements. I became extremely depressed but around March last year a girl took quite a liking to me. We met on Facebook and she lived 160 miles away so it was difficult, but this period of my life was one of the best. I became more confident and productive and I was actively seeking employment.

Then we broke up, the long distance being too much to handle. I became withdrawn and paranoid and any motivation I had was gone, for a while I wrote really desperate messages to my ex begging for some sort of safety net but I kinda knew it was pointless. Then when I thought things couldn't get worse, one of my best friends committed suicide. Since then I have been very depressed and cynical and I purposefully kept to myself.

In terms of gender identity I've gone from not caring to wanting to be female to not knowing where I stand at all. Oh well at least I've realised that having a dick is awesome, even if the facial hair and body structure that comes with being biologically male just grosses me out.

tl;dr: When I was a kid I was a dick, in university I was likeable, my ex absolutely loved me and thought I was the best thing in the world and now I'm just a miserable sod with no ambition.

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

How did you use to be?

Embittered, skeptical, cynical and un-trusting.

How are you now?

Validated

Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?

No, not really. I've been paying attention my whole life, so nothing surprises me anymore.

 

[Phasmal]

How did you use to be?

A bit all over the place, a constant worrier, really not okay with how I looked or anything that I did. Angrier, too. I think everything just affected me more than it does now. Cared a lot more about the opinions of people who will literally never affect me. Small angry girl.

How are you now?

Much better. Therapy helped, honestly, I'd recommend therapy even to people who feel like they are perfectly fine. I'm much more positive and in control of my life than I was. I also no longer feel like I have to be not-feminine to enjoy the things I enjoy- that was an awkward phase. It took me a while to accept that I can like both shooting motherfuckers in the head and also baking lemon drizzle cakes and learning to crochet.

Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?

For a messy, disorganised person, I really like organising things. Since I've got more of my shit together I've been totally overhauling my flat, bit at a time, to make it more how I want it to be. Rearranged Boyfriend's drawers today, and sorted out his bedside table so everything's neat and tidy.
Also I probably never thought I would go to therapy, because "Therapy's for crazy people!".

Spoiler: I wish I could talk to myself back then

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

I used to be very angry and violent. I've had anger issues for as long as I could remember, and I frequently got into fights. When I was a little kid my family considered it a good thing since I stood up to neighborhood bullies. When I hit my teen years though it turned into a problem. I got into fights left and right, and I had virtually no control over my temper. I started to suffer from extreme mood swings (years later I would be diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder), which only made my temper control issues worse.
Sad thing is, I used to love the fighting and rage issues. The only time I felt alive was when I had fire in my blood and a fist in someone's face.

Now, I am much calmer. I value peace and abhor violence. I still have anger issues, my fuse is still shorter than the average persons', but I am much better at keeping cool and not letting the anger out. The biggest reason for that change was my ex-girlfriend. I was never physically abusive, but I was very verbally and emotionally abusive. I'd have a mood swing or be in a funk, and I would snap over the tiniest of reasons. She kept all of her pain locked up, so I never realized how much it hurt her until it was too late to fix anything.
But I tried anyway. Once I realized how much I had hurt her I did everything in my power to deal with my anger issues and moods. I made great progress. All of my friends and even my co-workers noticed the great difference and shift in my personality. It was unfortunately too late to save my relationship, but I am now a calmer, nicer, more peaceful person. So much so that nobody new I meet believes that I used to be not so nice.

My political and religious beliefs have not really changed very much. I was always somewhat of a politician hating liberal, and I've never been religious.


I also didn't think I would turn out this way. When I was in my young teens I honestly thought I'd land myself in jail or end up dead somehow by 18.
I still feel empty and dead inside unless I'm angry. I don't know how to fix that.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

I used to be neck deep in musical experiences, in five bands simultaneously and never having to practice my trumpet because I was playing so many rehearsals and practicing tricky passages. That's definitely something not in my life now.

I also have a camera/audio package that I can wheel out to record things that I never would have dreamed of owning even three years ago. I built a lot of that up myself.

I still know what I don't know about what I'm doing in the film industry but I've pretty much got everything I need to learn from school under my belt. I'm sticking around in my program for the degree and then I'm off to repay my debt to society the government for giving me student loans.

Basically just anxious about financial things these days.

 

[distortedreality]

I'm changed quite a bit in the past six months.

I've gone from being a guy that lives day to day, pay cheque to pay cheque. Unhappy in a long term relationship. Drinking and smoking quite a lot. Only reason I wasn't engaging in other drugs is because I went through that when I was younger and knew how bad it would be if I went back to it. Was totally insular, didn't really talk to anyone, dealt with shit myself and somehow managed to stay reasonably sane. Didn't really care about my exterior appearance.

Now, things are different. I got out of the relationship that was slowly killing me after 10+ years, started looking after my appearance, buying clothes that fit. I'm back to being a more out going person. I'm in a new relationship with an amazing woman who is helping me become the person I want to be. I barely drink now, and when I do it's normally only a couple, I've cut back my smoking to almost nothing. My outlook is overwhelmingly positive, despite the state the world is in. My bank balance is always on the up instead of being almost non existent. I'm writing more and better music. I'm putting more time and emphasis on my own happiness and overall wellbeing, including my health. I'm proactive in my work (I have two jobs which are polar opposites), and I'm less inclined to let bad situations be.

It's a constant source of amazement to me what a difference a single person can make.

 

[Auron225]

How did you used to be?

I think I used to be more ambitious and fearless than I am now. I'm thinking back to when I was finishing school, and I thought the world was my oyster. I know it's good to think of it like that, but I think I wasn't as afraid because I didn't have as realistic a view of the world that I do now.

How are you now?

I'm moving to Japan in a couple of weeks to start a new job there. The idea of that would've had me counting down the days years ago, but now... well I'm excited of course, and I know that if I don't then I'll always wonder "what if" (so I HAVE to now). But I'm also kinda terrified about the prospect of living away from home, and so far away from home. I mean I'll be living with a friend, and I know a lot of people there already, so I'm at the advantage... but it's still keeping me up at night. I'm very close with my family which is a big part of it. Doing this is going to be the biggest, scariest thing I've ever done... and possibly the best.

Is there anything that surprised you about the kind of person you've turned out to be?

I didn't plan on becoming a teacher, that's for damn sure. The course of my life since leaving school kind of crafted it in becoming the logical career choice for me, and since completing the training, I can confidently say that it is not what I want to do for the rest of my life... in the UK anyway. My new job in Japan is a teaching post (Maths & English in an international school), so I'm considering it my trial run. If I like it, I'll stick with it for a while. If not, I'll explore other options. One thing in realizing that I didn't want this long-term (probably); it made me seriously look into other career choices. I'm gonna look more into programming, and then either data science or robotics (or both) if teaching doesn't work out.


For now, I'm just gonna move away from home for the first time (to the other side of the world) and find out whether teaching is for me.

 

[FPLOON]

I used to be whiter than sliced wheat bread... Now, I'm more toasted than a BLT...

Honestly, I'm more surprised about the shit that hasn't changed about me... especially when I do look back at all of the small moments in my life that ended up being the precursor to who I am now and/or who I could end up becoming later on in my life... Then again, in terms of these forums, knowing that I went from less than 5 post per day to up to 15 post per day excluding any of the moments that I've posted in a usergroup is still quite shocking when I divide all of the days since creating this account by my OG post count...

Other than that, I still don't think adults exist... I'm still sticking to that ideology...