How to break away from my girlfriend

[ma55ter_fett]

No way, no way now way no way, am I answering another "my girlfriend is ________" or "I have _______ problems with my girlfriend" thread considering how much heat I took for the last one.

Oh what the hell,

Tell her that it is time for you both to see other people.

Tell her that you have been banging her sister

Tell her you're gay

Tell her you are really "The Docter" and have to go to another dimension where you will never see each other again.

Tell her she looks like her mother, but her mother is way more attractive.

Tell her she looks like her father, but her father is way more attractive.

Tell her that you would rather screw the cat than her

Tell her that you just found out you had an STD

Tell her that you have just discovered this game called "World of Warcraft" and can no longer spend time with her.

Ask her to marry you

Ask her best/hotest friend to marry you

Flee the country

Make her flee the country

Learn to make your own choices in life

Actually don't because I like giveing out advice like this.

 

[DazZ.]

Here is a moderately relevant story, it might help you out aswell.

I was in year 7 (around about 12 years old or something, for non brits) and me and my girlfriend plus some of our friends were in a bush.
My friend had recently learnt to spit and suck it up again, girls were unimpressed but the dudes were intrigued and all gave it a go. I felt quite confident that I could do it so whilst my girlfriend was talking to someone I attempted it over her head, and failed horribly.

Everyone laughs at her, no one says why for quite awhile, then she found out and got all embarrassed about the public humiliation and then ran out the bush and didn't speak to me for afew years.

So I learnt public humiliation is one way to get out of a relationship, and don't spit in a girl that you likes hair. I'm sure you can apply the former life lesson.

 

[Gene O]

I recommend smoke bombs to disorient her while you make your getaway. Toss down some caltrops to discourage pursuit. Hopefully you'll be jumping rooftop to rooftop before she figures out what happened. If she didn't lose you and is in fact gaining then you might want to consider pulling out your tranquilizer gun.

Alternatively, you could say, "no."

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

Whatever you do, you've gotta end it with "so buy your own shit." Preferably after calling her out on every single one of her insecurities.

 

[kholdstare90]

"I'm sorry but you're such a horrible excuse of a female human being I think you have turned me gay" Then just walk out.

Better yet do it by text so she can have her storming hissyfit and you can laugh at the whole thing.

 

[Supreme Unleaded]

My current girlfriend is just using me. I buy most of the things for her. I drive her around but i don't know how to just brake off from her cause she is just being a *****, by using me and playing with my emotions. How should i tell her off?

just be like, "lately your being a total *****, and if you don't stop this relationship is ending here and now." If she asks how she's being a ***** then tell her what you said, your using my in many ways blah blah blah.

And if she doesnt stop being a total ***** after a week then end it,b you warned her.

 

[Lordpils]

No way, no way now way no way, am I answering another "my girlfriend is ________" or "I have _______ problems with my girlfriend" thread considering how much heat I took for the last one.

Oh what the hell,

Tell her that it is time for you both to see other people.

Tell her that you have been banging her sister

Tell her you're gay

Tell her you are really "The Docter" and have to go to another dimension where you will never see each other again.

Tell her she looks like her mother, but her mother is way more attractive.

Tell her she looks like her father, but her father is way more attractive.

Tell her that you would rather screw the cat than her

Tell her that you just found out you had an STD

Tell her that you have just discovered this game called "World of Warcraft" and can no longer spend time with her.

Ask her to marry you

Ask her best/hotest friend to marry you

Flee the country

Make her flee the country

Learn to make your own choices in life

Actually don't because I like giveing out advice like this.

Tell her that you need to go to a happy place so that the monsters don't get you.

Tell her you'd like to show her your "dark secret".

Ask her how she feels about hot wax.

Introduce her to scientology.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

Give her a new jacket while you're chauffering her around. When she takes her seatbelt off to put it on, open the door, push her out...I doubt it's too subtle.

 

[Doctor Glocktor]

Why the HELL would you say sorry when you break up with her, and why is everyone here suggesting it?

Shes being a *****, what does he have to apologize for?

 

[Mozared]

punch her in the stomach jeans.

FTFY. Also, the thread title looks like a name for a bad movie.

That out of the way, tell her what you're telling us. You're sick of her using you.

 

[The Kangaroo]

No way, no way now way no way, am I answering another "my girlfriend is ________" or "I have _______ problems with my girlfriend" thread considering how much heat I took for the last one.

Oh what the hell,

Tell her that it is time for you both to see other people.

Tell her that you have been banging her sister

Tell her you're gay

Tell her you are really "The Docter" and have to go to another dimension where you will never see each other again.

Tell her she looks like her mother, but her mother is way more attractive.

Tell her she looks like her father, but her father is way more attractive.

Tell her that you would rather screw the cat than her

Tell her that you just found out you had an STD

Tell her that you have just discovered this game called "World of Warcraft" and can no longer spend time with her.

Ask her to marry you

Ask her best/hotest friend to marry you

Flee the country

Make her flee the country

Learn to make your own choices in life

Actually don't because I like giveing out advice like this.

Tell her that you need to go to a happy place so that the monsters don't get you.

Tell her you'd like to show her your "dark secret".

Ask her how she feels about hot wax.

Introduce her to scientology.

Ask how she feels about a Star Trek marathon

Ask her if she likes zombies, then ask her how much

Introduce her to a hot male prostitute, then after she sleeps with him you inform her of her lover's occupation

Ask her if you can borrow her clothes on the weekends

Refer to her only as n00b and never explain to her what it means

Talk to her in only hilariously demeaning pick up lines. eg. Wanna come back to my place for sex and pizza, What you don't like pizza?

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Oh my, another relationship thread...
Say: "It seems you are just using me as a way to get gifts. If you love me, then show it. If not, then I cannot be with you anymore."

 

[ae86gamer]

Tell her to leave you alone and to not bother calling or texting. Problem solved.

 

[Chipperz]

Refer to her only as n00b and never explain to her what it means

Talk to her in only hilariously demeaning pick up lines. eg. Wanna come back to my place for sex and pizza, What you don't like pizza?

These two are pretty much golden.

Also, only talk to her in languages that she doesn't understand. If you don't know any, make one up!

 

[MorsePacific]

If she's really making you feel like you're being used, I suggest just telling her it's over. If you feel like you might want to work things out, though, you need to explain to her that her actions are getting annoying.

Or make a breakup crossword puzzle and send it to her. Worked for me.

 

[quiet_samurai]

Dude just be a man about it,maybe if you actually showed some brass she would stop using you in the first place. Do you want to be like the dentist guy in The Hangover?

 

[ZeroMachine]

Step 1: Run away.
Step 2: Change name.
Step 3: ????
Step 4: Profit!

... Wait, no... Yeah, just break up with her. "Sorry, but we have to break up". It's awkward, it's tough, but sometimes you just gotta bite your lip and go for it. Good luck, man!

 

[VeX1le]

Step 1: Run away.
Step 2: Change name.
Step 3: ????
Step 4: Profit!

... Wait, no... Yeah, just break up with her. "Sorry, but we have to break up". It's awkward, it's tough, but sometimes you just gotta bite your lip and go for it. Good luck, man!

umm is that Loading ready run?

OT yah just break up with her.
"Hey sweetheart just shut up pack your bags and leave."

 

[Spacelord]

My current girlfriend is just using me. I buy most of the things for her. I drive her around but i don't know how to just brake off from her cause she is just being a *****, by using me and playing with my emotions. How should i tell her off?

Really depends on whether you want to get rid of her in a decent, respectful way, or if you want to hurt her as much as you possibly can.

The decent respectful way would probably go something like this: "I've noticed some aspects of your behavior that I dislike so much that I don't want to be around you anymore. I see no room for improvement, and I would appreciate it if you would disappear from my life for the sake of my well being."

The dick way would go something like this: After sex, just turn away. If she asks what's going on, say "Nothing." If she doesn't reply, sigh audibly. If she doesn't say anything, exit the bed with a really big sigh. By then she should be feeling quite anxious. When she asks you what the hell that was about, counter angrily with "You're fucking another guy aren't you!" Then, regardless of what she says, maintain that she is an adultering whore. Then - this is very important - spread the word about her sexual misconduct before she has the chance to talk to any of her friends. In fact, if you know any of her friends, phone them and sound really distraught. Tell them how hard you tried to be good for her but that she couldn't stop fucking strangers.

I hope I was of any help.