How to know if you've found The One? (if such a concept actually exists).
- Thread starter DarklordKyo
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There isn't a "one." I'm not a fatalist, so keep that in mind.
You have to work at relationships. Being with someone you love now doesn't mean it'll always be okay. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you are destined to be together or it's just a natural fit. You do have to be sure that you enjoy their company and aren't just looking past issues for an ideal. That's probably a huge cause of divorces.
You have to work at relationships. Being with someone you love now doesn't mean it'll always be okay. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you are destined to be together or it's just a natural fit. You do have to be sure that you enjoy their company and aren't just looking past issues for an ideal. That's probably a huge cause of divorces.
It takes time, but there is one thing you can do to help figure it outDarklordKyo said:
TALK TO THEM
Once you start to get to know someone, ask them how they feel about marriage, ask them if they can see themselves spending the rest of their lives with a person like you, ask them how often they do dishes, and other important questions like that
Just be up front about it, the more you find out about a person, the more you will know. It definitely helps spending time together to see if the crazy shit you do when you are alone matches up with their crazy shit
There is no "The One".
You can encounter MANY soulmates in your life, and some stop being soulmates along the way, and others just become best friends.
The best you can do is find someone you really click with, and who really clicks with you, and just keep communicating if something needs changing.
Find someone who feels lucky to have you, and someone you feel lucky to have in your life, and that's the best you can do, really.
You can encounter MANY soulmates in your life, and some stop being soulmates along the way, and others just become best friends.
The best you can do is find someone you really click with, and who really clicks with you, and just keep communicating if something needs changing.
Find someone who feels lucky to have you, and someone you feel lucky to have in your life, and that's the best you can do, really.
I don't really think there's "the one to rule them all" that a person is preordained by fate to marry.
I think there are many potential "ones" running around, as in people with whom you mesh well enough to spend the rest of your life with.
So in that respect, the question would be of compatibility. Can I deal with them on a regular basis for all their strengths and faults without wanting to run away? Can they do the same for me? Are we aligned on all our major deal-breakers (children, living habits, marriage, religion for example). If the answer is yes, congratulations you've found "the one".
And even then there's no guarantee of forever because people change, just that it might be worth trying. It would also be a good idea to know yourself well enough and have a good grasp of your personal boundaries and what is important to you in the grand scheme of things.
I think there are many potential "ones" running around, as in people with whom you mesh well enough to spend the rest of your life with.
So in that respect, the question would be of compatibility. Can I deal with them on a regular basis for all their strengths and faults without wanting to run away? Can they do the same for me? Are we aligned on all our major deal-breakers (children, living habits, marriage, religion for example). If the answer is yes, congratulations you've found "the one".
And even then there's no guarantee of forever because people change, just that it might be worth trying. It would also be a good idea to know yourself well enough and have a good grasp of your personal boundaries and what is important to you in the grand scheme of things.
Damn, all the good jokes are gone, basically.
Anyway, I don't believe in "the one", and if there is it's just "the one I want to spend my life with", not "the one I am magically destined for".
And you don't know if someone is that "one" for you until you've been together a while, so I imagine by then you'd know if they were interested in you.
There's no foolproof way to know that someone is the one for you. They may change, you may change, life is just like that.
Still, boyfriend and I are supposed to be getting officially engaged soon so I suppose I should say something vaguely romantic.
You just kind of know. You sort of forget what life without them is like, it's like life without one of your limbs.
And you love them even when they just pile shit up on top of the bin when the bin is clearly full when you have told them several thousand times-
Anyway, I don't believe in "the one", and if there is it's just "the one I want to spend my life with", not "the one I am magically destined for".
And you don't know if someone is that "one" for you until you've been together a while, so I imagine by then you'd know if they were interested in you.
There's no foolproof way to know that someone is the one for you. They may change, you may change, life is just like that.
Still, boyfriend and I are supposed to be getting officially engaged soon so I suppose I should say something vaguely romantic.
You just kind of know. You sort of forget what life without them is like, it's like life without one of your limbs.
And you love them even when they just pile shit up on top of the bin when the bin is clearly full when you have told them several thousand times-
Honestly?
When you look at the person next to you and think quietly with warmth
"I can't imagine you not being there..."
If you end up feeling that, thinking that? Chances are you have found someone who can be your soulmate. They fit... honestly when I met my wife? It was like a puzzle piece that I hadn't realised was missing had clicked into position.
I can truly say about my wife that I cannot imagine her not being there...
and it makes me happy.
When you look at the person next to you and think quietly with warmth
"I can't imagine you not being there..."
If you end up feeling that, thinking that? Chances are you have found someone who can be your soulmate. They fit... honestly when I met my wife? It was like a puzzle piece that I hadn't realised was missing had clicked into position.
I can truly say about my wife that I cannot imagine her not being there...
and it makes me happy.
...when I saw the title for this thread, my first instinct was going to be making a matrix joke.Bobular said:
Upon reading the first line of the OP, I was like "ugh, dammit!"
so, my backup plan was to start my original matrix joke, then quote the first line of the OP, and feign frustration...
then I saw your post... "ugh, double-dammit"
I fail at being an internet wiseguy today. XD
In the effort of contributing to the OPs intended topic, I don't really believe in the concept of "the one", since most people have personalities faceted enough to find long-term compatibility with any number of others, although the odds of finding one such person at random is pretty low.
I'd say, if the two of you can still enjoy being around each other after the first few months: when the brain chemistry that tricks you into passion because your body really wants to reproduce finally starts to die away, then you have a pretty sincere shot at making it for the long haul.
A few points.
1) how do you know if they're interested in a joe schmo like you? you will never need to ask yourself that question of your soul mate.
2) you want to get married some day? marriage should be about the person you are with. you should want to marry that person because it is right for the two of you, I would not advise trying to find a person to marry.
c) generally you are over thinking it. I've been with my wife 8 years. I made plenty of mistakes in previous relationships before (and plenty with my wife, but we survved). One piece of advice I hope will help someone reading this; give up your preconceived notions of what rules there should and shouldn't be. 99% of the time romance isn't like Disney nor the sex is like porn. theres a little give and a litte take. If you're gonna spend your life with someone, you need a partner, not a competitor.
But what do I know?
1) how do you know if they're interested in a joe schmo like you? you will never need to ask yourself that question of your soul mate.
2) you want to get married some day? marriage should be about the person you are with. you should want to marry that person because it is right for the two of you, I would not advise trying to find a person to marry.
c) generally you are over thinking it. I've been with my wife 8 years. I made plenty of mistakes in previous relationships before (and plenty with my wife, but we survved). One piece of advice I hope will help someone reading this; give up your preconceived notions of what rules there should and shouldn't be. 99% of the time romance isn't like Disney nor the sex is like porn. theres a little give and a litte take. If you're gonna spend your life with someone, you need a partner, not a competitor.
But what do I know?
If by The One you mean to fall in love, it's all about feels. Just thinking on her blocks your reasoning, your critical thinking disappears, and everything about her seems right, flawless and perfect for you.
Anyways. Try to make friends with more people from the gender you're interested in. Even if you don't fall in love, finding good company is worth it.
Anyways. Try to make friends with more people from the gender you're interested in. Even if you don't fall in love, finding good company is worth it.
You'd best hope they can at least halfway tolerate being grabbed like a life raft =Pjademunky said:
Tbh that sounds a bit desperate. Obviously it's not serious but I think some people would do just that lol...
Well not literally grab them. Yeah I was kidding, I've been in relationships with clingy people and it is exhausting.The Decapitated Centaur said:
I was just pointing out that the perfect is really the enemy of the good in romantic situations and waiting for the ideal someone will probably just lead to a person missing out.
Yeah, it's true that waiting for perfection is dumb, what someone imagines is probably never gonna be real.jademunky said:
On the other hand I also see people who seem so absolutely desperate to be in a relationship their main motive seems like getting a relationship more than the specific person. Waiting for perfection seems like a bad idea, but I think more often people fall into just wanting a relationship. I think ideally people ought to wait until they find someone who they want because of their like for the person and not for their desire for a relationship. It's not what you meant obviously about the grab them like a life raft, it just made me think of that attitude.
Attracted weird spectres, hellish visions and is toroidal in shape, 0.01/1 would not bang.The Decapitated Centaur said:
I think it's a matter of standards. The "One" is someone who raises the bar not only for other romantic partners, but also for everyone else.
Try and be their friend first, get into arguments, bond, understand, and accept one another. Give it years, and slowly try and make things more romantic. Just keep things at a slow and steady pace, rushing a relationship can literally ruin it.
I found my One, it's not impossible, but it's also in no way easy.
I wish you best of luck in your own search.
I found my One, it's not impossible, but it's also in no way easy.
I wish you best of luck in your own search.
There's so goddamn many people in the world you wouldn't even know if there's someone out there somewhere that's a better match than who you currently got. But it's kinda pointless to even think about since statistically you'll probably never contact such a person.
At some point you just build something up with whoever is within reach and you settle for it.
At some point you just build something up with whoever is within reach and you settle for it.