How to win the girl. (Some help for all the "best friends" out there.)

[maximilian]

What I've found mostly follows with what you say. Be confident, be foward with your ideas, and don't mess a girl around. Once I started acting like that it seems girls started to like me more.

Yep. However, I found for myself in particular, that I need this advice you've given to be broken down into practical dos and don'ts.
When I retrained myself in this way, it was essentially just a process of becoming battle-hardened around the most intimidating girls. Then my personality could come through and do the talking.

 

[zhoominator]

* Be cocky. Don't be arrogant, just be happy enough to joke about yourself.

Cocky -Adjective
Arrogant; Overly selfconfident; aggressively self-assured; brash; conceited

I see, I'm not supposed to be arrogant. I'm supposed to be agressively arrogant, untactful and vain. Okay....

I'm not sure I get this "best friend" thing. Is this supposed to be for one of those situations where you're great friends for years and one develops an attraction for the other after a while? Am I thinking of something totally different? Or is this just one of those situations where some manipulative jerk just becomes friends with a girl because he wants to get in her pants?

 

[maximilian]

* Be cocky. Don't be arrogant, just be happy enough to joke about yourself.

Cocky -Adjective
Arrogant; Overly selfconfident; aggressively self-assured; brash; conceited

I see, I'm not supposed to be arrogant. I'm supposed to be agressively arrogant, untactful and vain. Okay....

Use a dictionary, not a thesaurus.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/cocky

When teaming self confidence with self deprecation, you can be confident without being arrogant, and funny without being weak (or, the "friend who always makes me laugh").

I'm assuming you're nitpicking for one of two reasons:
1. You have nothing better to do than annoy people on the internet.
2. The OP is actually grating on you, and you're having trouble digesting it, which is coming out in genuine confused aggression.

I'll assume it's 2, because I'm a nice guy. As such, I'll explain in further detail.

The aim behind that advice is for you to embody traits that show that you are strong and capable without being an asshole. The asshole part comes in when a girl can say for sure that what you're saying is pure arrogance.
Example:

"Oh, I'm the best drummer in this state."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I won the *prize* for it last semester."

Good example of cocky:

'What sport do you play?"
'Oh, I just generally excel."
*laughs*
"What, you don't believe me? You can ask my friends, they'll all tell you I'm really good at excelling."

So, FOR CLARITY, the "cockiness" comes in the fact that you're confident enough to joke around about "how good you are." I don't literally mean "tell her things that you do the best".

 

[Rarhnor]

Can we get a Girl's opinion on this?

secondly: You are not considering, cultural differences, religion, personality (specifically archetype or epitome), etcetera etcetera...
You post is WAY too shallow, man. You can't simply make a blueprint for girls. Feelings are not a 4-piece puzzle.

However, if someone actually DOES get something practically proved off this thing, I'll give a beer the next time I see you.

 

[SnipErlite]

That's half decent advice, makes a change from a lot of posts on the topic.

Nicely done.

 

[zhoominator]

* Be cocky. Don't be arrogant, just be happy enough to joke about yourself.

Cocky -Adjective
Arrogant; Overly selfconfident; aggressively self-assured; brash; conceited

I see, I'm not supposed to be arrogant. I'm supposed to be agressively arrogant, untactful and vain. Okay....

Use a dictionary, not a thesaurus.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/cocky

When teaming Over self confidence with self deprecation, you can be confident without being arrogant, and funny without being weak (or, the "friend who always makes me laugh").

Ummm... I think you missed the "Overly" part. Unless you were't aware, this generally implies arrogance.

This whole thing seems a little redundant. If you're confident, chances are you don't need this list, if you aren't then someone telling you to "be confident" is a pointless task.

 

[Tehlanna TPX]

Girl's comment: Just be yourself. Don't change for a girl. If you're an arrogant asshole, and find that you can't get a gf, then you change for YOU... unless you enjoy being an arrogant asshole.. with an extremely strong right/left hand.

OP's advice was great, honestly, at the core. Because it says to just be you. Some women like fakes and posers, and hell you might luck out and find a chick who digs a slave boy. But by and large we just want a good friend who we can also screw and cuddle... and beat the shit out of in video games .

 

[maximilian]

Can we get a Girl's opinion on this?

secondly: You are not considering, cultural differences, religion, personality (specifically archetype or epitome), etcetera etcetera...
You post is WAY too shallow, man. You can't simply make a blueprint for girls. Feelings are not a 4-piece puzzle.

However, if someone actually DOES get something practically proved off this thing, I'll give a beer the next time I see you.

I understand your opinion, but the heart of the issue is not the girl, it's the guy. Similarly, while there are enormous factors that influence attraction, I find that in Western culture, the above points cross most borders. It's essentially; be the king of the jungle and show you can provide security for her (by having security in yourself).

 

[SirDerick]

Best way is seriously through trial and error.

Just don't be shy and talk to lots of girls.

 

[Lineoutt]

Interesting. Sounds pretty good but you left out a few things.

Don't call her "dude" or "man" or "bro" or any other endearing nickname of that type... EVER!

Be gentlemanly (I.E. volunteer to help her out and such but don't be overly enthusiastic

Show some flaws, but try to make this endearing as well. (ok what I mean by that is that 90% of girls judge themselves constantly. If you pull off the above things perfectly then she has a very good chance of thinking you are too good for her and she is stupid/fat/ugly compared to you. Self deprecating humor is good for this, as well as other acknowledgment that you aren't perfect without sounding too insecure. Remember she will feel more comfortable around you if she feels she is on par with you in anyone of looks/brains.

Wow that last one sure made a lot of sense.

 

[Booze Zombie]

No advice can prepare you for the minefield that is another person's psyche, you've just got to get to know the person and be honest with them.
Hell, be honest with everyone (unless it'll get you shot in the head or something, then lie, in that situation).

I've seen over 100 articles over the internet (I wasn't looking for them, not that it really matters) and they all seem to tell people to man up, as if the best way to help someone is to insult them, because they had the audacity to not already follow your article before they've read it.
I must honestly say I hate the term "man up", it's quite an annoying phrase.

So, what, I'm not a man if I don't follow some dude's advice?
Fuck that.

All in all, mang, what I've basically just read was "be yourself" but with the annoying phrase "BE A MAN" confusingly chucked in front of it, don't those two contradict each other?

I mean "being yourself" is just being you, "being a man" implies some macho bullshit regulations on your actions, limiting your actions to create the illusion of being some dominating alpha-male.

 

[maximilian]

This whole thing seems a little redundant. If you're confident, chances are you don't need this list, if you aren't then someone telling you to "be confident" is a pointless task.

No, "confidence" generally as you know it is not the point. I'm not talking about loud mouthed football players and rock stars, I'm addressing the small moment of time in which a guy reveals a certain unattractive "weakness" to the girl he likes. You can be Russell Brand, Bradd Pitt, Bill Gates or Erkel - there will always be an element of fear (which needs to be developed into only excitement) around a girl who you find really attractive.

Simply: it is an independent factor usually regardless of the guys personality. It is something that he loses, and must keep, as opposed to a confidence he must add.

In terms of "confidence", I am talking about the physical signs that you can STOP from happening that make you appear unconfident in those few precious moments that establish a connection with *that* girl.
The ironic thing is that some of the best looking guys I know cripple their chances with a lack of confidence!

 

[Tharwen]

So basically you're saying "be confident and don't fawn after her".

As threads go, this one's not at all bad.

 

[Lineoutt]

Can we get a Girl's opinion on this?

Yep! here ya go.

It's good if it can be put into practice but that will probably be difficult.

We are all different so even if it is pulled off 100% it still is not guaranteed to work.

Be yourself but don't be needy or brotherly. <- that about sums it up

If you don't want to be yourself you can always be Justin Bieber if you want to go after a 10-14 year old.

Good luck

 

[Oh That Dude]

That's great, now can you do one for getting that one guy?

 

[zhoominator]

This whole thing seems a little redundant. If you're confident, chances are you don't need this list, if you aren't then someone telling you to "be confident" is a pointless task.

No, "confidence" generally as you know it is not the point. I'm not talking about loud mouthed football players and rock stars, I'm addressing the small moment of time in which a guy reveals a certain unattractive "weakness" to the girl he likes. You can be Russell Brand, Bradd Pitt, Bill Gates or Erkel - there will always be an element of fear (which needs to be developed into only excitement) around a girl who you find really attractive.

In terms of "confidence", I am talking about the physical signs that you can STOP from happening that make you appear unconfident in those few precious moments that establish a connection with *that* girl.
The ironic thing is that some of the best looking guys I know cripple their chances with a lack of confidence!

Well, this was the confidence I was meaning as well. But if you don't have it, you can't magically make it appear just because you supposedly need it. Perhaps I'm just rather cynical since I've never met *that* girl, perhaps never will. Girls to me are just the same as guys except generally more fun to hang around with and less intimidating to be around. I don't know if I'll feel that connection but if I ever do, I may end up eating my own words after all.

 

[Naheal]

Girl's comment: Just be yourself. Don't change for a girl. If you're an arrogant asshole, and find that you can't get a gf, then you change for YOU... unless you enjoy being an arrogant asshole.. with an extremely strong right/left hand.

OP's advice was great, honestly, at the core. Because it says to just be you. Some women like fakes and posers, and hell you might luck out and find a chick who digs a slave boy. But by and large we just want a good friend who we can also screw and cuddle... and beat the shit out of in video games .

Well, congrats. You took a two page thesis and condensed it into two paragraphs.

I'll assume it's 2, because I'm a nice guy. As such, I'll explain in further detail.

Yes, you're a nice guy.

Then I suggest you add this to your OP

Spoiler: In summary

[HEADING=1] CHILL [/HEADING]

Is English your second language? Or are you just having trouble finding something worthwhile to say?

Especially since this person put a tl/dr which was essentially what you said, but lacking in the substance and you ripped them apart.

 

[AVATAR_RAGE]

Too long,SERIOUSLY,do you think girls are all the same?


There is no foolproof way.Good advice thought,I guess.

ninja'd again

 

[Naheal]

That's great, now can you do one for getting that one guy?

We're simple. We like boobs and explosives. We like to say otherwise, but it's a complete lie, both to you and ourselves.