How would you deal with the rise of the apes?

[DuskServent]

You do know the apes in that movie didnt really 'take over' so much as survive, right? They got smart, then went off to live in the forest, and right after a huge murderous plague wiped out humanity, but the apes were immune. They got smarter again, then just enslaved the few remaining humans, then some people who were lost in space landed and you get the first apes movie.

Me, I would use the military. Shoot them. Done, boom. In most scenarios that would work.

Well yeah I know, but this is more or less like the usual "something takes over the world" kinda scenario.

Also:

Just because the joke will be made anyways:

I for one welcome our new ape overlords.

You sir, win a cookie

And you sir:

Poisoned bananas. Lots of poisoned bananas.

Win two cookies

 

[Maxtro]

Asbax, you might should edit your post. You basically spoiled the whole movie.

As for how to deal with a rise of apes. Shooting them is the best answer.

The fact of the matter is, there are many more humans than there are apes and monkeys. We'd overwhelm them with sheer numbers.

 

[HumpinHop]

Shoot them. Yes the movie wasn't realistic. I haven't seen it but from the trailer it seems that an entire army with guns etc can't take down a load of gorillas with spears.
Unless you mean a human uprising, since we're apes, in which case look in the news recently.

Wait till you see it before you judge it then, because under the circumstances it makes sense. It's a small regiment the city mustered last minute to defend a bridge, so it's far below an entire army.

If you haven't seen it yet, take my personal fucking recommendation that it's great.

OT: There is only one group to call, and they're angry.

 

[kokirisoldier]

Here is a crazy Idea. Use our attack helicopters but don't fly them 2 inches above the ground. That way none of them can jump on to them. Then we rip their heads off with the machine guns. Then we pull a couple of air strikes, send in the army with their UAV drones to wipe out the ape population....

Then PETA will still get pissed about it.

I'm with this guy. Shitty movies down playing the human ability to put aside morality and do what we do best, kill things that threaten us in order to survive. A guerrilla or chimp can "catch" a bullet just as well as anything out there and it can die from the same vital spots we possess as well. We have A-10 Thunderbolts, ac-130 spectre gunships, AH-64-D Apache helicopters just to name a few of the instruments of death and destruction these lousy monkeys would find greeting them.

 

[BanicRhys]

I would assume that a few guns would be more than enough to take them out in real life.

 

[Hero in a half shell]

We have A-10 Thunderbolts, ac-130 spectre gunships, AH-64-D Apache helicopters just to name a few of the instruments of death and destruction these lousy monkeys would find greeting them.

Damn damn damn damn ninja'd by about 3 minutes. Oh well, I was just going to say, we use the planes that are painted like sharks:

Spoiler: Your ape uprising is now invalid

 

[gostlyfantom]

as much napalm as humanly fucking possible.

 

[NoDamnNames]

You shoot them. Done. Seriously, why does it seem like the film looks like its really over dramatising it when we could easily kill them.

I agree. What exactly is so frightening about sentient monkeys trying to take over? with the number of excited blood thirsty gun owners in America chances are people would be back to shooting people before the week was through.

 

[The Stonker]

Beat them.
WITH A STICK.

 

[Drakmorg]

Just explain to them that not all humans are dicks, just most of them.

Then point out the biggest assholes and watch as the apes brutally cleanse humanity of it's worst examples.

Everybody wins.

 

[DarkRyter]

Beat them.
WITH A STICK.

They wouldn't see it coming at all. The notion of tools is beyond ape-kind.

 

[Teh Jammah]

Poisoned bananas. Lots of poisoned bananas.

... Ninja'd.

Buy a market fruit stall and see above.

That or use lots of barrels and one italian plumber

 

[game-lover]

Call them to the negotiating table. Apologise for the failings of mankind towards fellow forms of life. Then extend the hand of friendship so that man and ape may work together for a better future.

...

What?

You good brownie points of goodness. That was my first thought before I read the entire OP and saw it was asking specifically how to kill them. Because I figure, act good and loving of animals and maybe the apes will spare you. Then you can win them over and gain their loyalty and maybe things will be better.

Just explain to them that not all humans are dicks, just most of them.

Then point out the biggest assholes and watch as the apes brutally cleanse humanity of it's worst examples.

Everybody wins.

Rofl... a slightly darker version of making good with the enemy. But I'm not mad at it.

 

[TConti]

Ted Nugent with a high powered rifle and Chuck Norris can solve all kinds of non political problems, like a monkey up rising.

 

[The Stonker]

Beat them.
WITH A STICK.

They wouldn't see it coming at all. The notion of tools is beyond ape-kind.

It would be a pointy stick.
Which shoots lazorz.

 

[Son of a Mitch]

I would deal with it in the same way I deal with every other problem:
1)Shoot it in the face
2)Tactical Nuclear Strike
3)?????
4)Profit

 

[wulfy42]

I'd start serving many banana flavored meals at fast food place and provide the apes with free internet and cable thus allowing them to grow fat, unhealthy and make it very unlikely for them to pro-create until the species became extinct naturally.

Oh wait....perhaps that is what they are doing to us right now!!

 

[novixz]

Two words: Agent Orange. Have you seen what this stuff does to people? Much less apes, if you don't know what it is, just google Effects of Agent Orange. Quote me and tell me your reaction...