How would you run hell?
- Thread starter AzrealMaximillion
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If I could, I'd free everyone, but assuming that cosmic law dictates that Hell is a bad place...
Essentially a real life multiplayer game without a time limit. I think an eternity of being stuck in the same confided area, eternally killed again and again, with no rhyme or reason or chance of escape is a pretty gruesome fate. Not to mention that gamers are bigger dicks them demons would ever be. An eternity of being tea-bagged... *shudder*.
That or an army of killed baby seals. Baby seal punching gets you into hell... then they get their payback.
Essentially a real life multiplayer game without a time limit. I think an eternity of being stuck in the same confided area, eternally killed again and again, with no rhyme or reason or chance of escape is a pretty gruesome fate. Not to mention that gamers are bigger dicks them demons would ever be. An eternity of being tea-bagged... *shudder*.
That or an army of killed baby seals. Baby seal punching gets you into hell... then they get their payback.
It depends, who's going there?
Assuming it's a Biblical Literalists hell, pretty much everyone who's not a kinda strict Christian is ending up there.
So then I split them up using my superior human morality, and take the awesome half and have the longest rock concert of eternity, metal, punk, all of the good stuff.
And the legitimately bad ones get flaming clown spiders until they're rehabilitated, or amusingly insane.
If I get to decide who goes, I open up the entrance to everyone, let them see the awesome, and any bad ones who apply get the FCS.
Assuming it's a Biblical Literalists hell, pretty much everyone who's not a kinda strict Christian is ending up there.
So then I split them up using my superior human morality, and take the awesome half and have the longest rock concert of eternity, metal, punk, all of the good stuff.
And the legitimately bad ones get flaming clown spiders until they're rehabilitated, or amusingly insane.
If I get to decide who goes, I open up the entrance to everyone, let them see the awesome, and any bad ones who apply get the FCS.
What do you mean "How would I run hell?"
Have you NOT looked at my Profile?!?
And The King of Hell runs Hell as He DAMN WELL PLEASES!!![footnote]Honestly, these mortals are getting more and more uppity with every passing century![/footnote]
Have you NOT looked at my Profile?!?
Take a look at my Profile, petty mortals!. I AM THE MORNINGSTAR!!!AzrealMaximillion said:
And The King of Hell runs Hell as He DAMN WELL PLEASES!!![footnote]Honestly, these mortals are getting more and more uppity with every passing century![/footnote]
I'd shut the place down.
Life offers enough suffering as it is.
Don't need to torment people forever after they're dead.
Life offers enough suffering as it is.
Don't need to torment people forever after they're dead.
In charge of Hell?
I'd probably fashion it like an enormous prison, each individual confined to a single cell. However, each cell would be it's own pocket dimension, where the sinner in question is punished fittingly to the manner and severity of the sin for which they have been committed to Hell.
Think similar Dante's vision of the Inferno, but with a special punishment for each individual rather than each specific sin. The punishments would be a lot more inclined to the severity of the sin rather than their nature.
Sounds like a lot of work, but if I've been put in charge of punishing the Damned, certainly I've been granted some limited form of omnipotence, or special abilities that aid me in excelling at my job.
I'd probably fashion it like an enormous prison, each individual confined to a single cell. However, each cell would be it's own pocket dimension, where the sinner in question is punished fittingly to the manner and severity of the sin for which they have been committed to Hell.
Think similar Dante's vision of the Inferno, but with a special punishment for each individual rather than each specific sin. The punishments would be a lot more inclined to the severity of the sin rather than their nature.
Sounds like a lot of work, but if I've been put in charge of punishing the Damned, certainly I've been granted some limited form of omnipotence, or special abilities that aid me in excelling at my job.
How would I run Hell?
huh. huh huh. Huh Ahhahahaha. Ah hahahahahahaha ha ha ha. Mwahahaha. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
It's going to be twisted. Alice the Madness Returns meets Amnesia with 1000 Ways to Die and Silent Hill for desert. For snacks, every torture devise known to my brain and some I've invented. All of that multiplied by roughly 9^7 and a room entirely made out of inedible candy just to screw with someone.
There's punch and cookies by the door.
Oh, and that one creepy fake horror movie villain, Smiley.
also social experiments up the wazoo cuz I'm a curious SoB
My mind can be a dark and foreboding place when I want it to be. It'll be fun. For me. So much fun.
huh. huh huh. Huh Ahhahahaha. Ah hahahahahahaha ha ha ha. Mwahahaha. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
It's going to be twisted. Alice the Madness Returns meets Amnesia with 1000 Ways to Die and Silent Hill for desert. For snacks, every torture devise known to my brain and some I've invented. All of that multiplied by roughly 9^7 and a room entirely made out of inedible candy just to screw with someone.
There's punch and cookies by the door.
Oh, and that one creepy fake horror movie villain, Smiley.
also social experiments up the wazoo cuz I'm a curious SoB
My mind can be a dark and foreboding place when I want it to be. It'll be fun. For me. So much fun.
Eh, that would just drive people insane and then who cares?krazykidd said:
My hell would be a world just like our own but one where the moments of joy and beauty never occured. You would wake up, go to a dull and boring job devoid of personal reward and satisfaction, then go home, perhaps to a family that is distant and withdrawn. You would watch banal television or even play games but the games would be thin and shallow things.
It would continue on and on that like that forever.
I would make it look really nice, like waterslides and stuff.
BUT, you'd need to get in line for any of the activities, even small things like restaurants. With hell being packed with damned souls, everyone would be stuck in a eternal line stretching from one activity to another. Then i'll run around with a fastpass cutting everyone in line.
"AWWWWWW this food is amazing, just think that in 5 years you'll get to try it!"
There is no greater damnation.
oh and for shits and giggles, i'd give Hitler a fastpass, but in return he'd need to provide comedic relief for my crazy antics.
Me: "Dang, why can't i ride the hell-coaster?"
Hitler: "You aren't tall enough, so you can go no FUHRER!"
BUT, you'd need to get in line for any of the activities, even small things like restaurants. With hell being packed with damned souls, everyone would be stuck in a eternal line stretching from one activity to another. Then i'll run around with a fastpass cutting everyone in line.
"AWWWWWW this food is amazing, just think that in 5 years you'll get to try it!"
There is no greater damnation.
oh and for shits and giggles, i'd give Hitler a fastpass, but in return he'd need to provide comedic relief for my crazy antics.
Me: "Dang, why can't i ride the hell-coaster?"
Hitler: "You aren't tall enough, so you can go no FUHRER!"
Depends... I don't like seeing things hurt so I would probably make the torture rooms somewhere I never go. The people I don't like but weren't too bad would be my slaves. The people I like would probably just live like normal except in hell.
I might even make public holidays to give the people being tortured a day off.
I might even make public holidays to give the people being tortured a day off.
A few possible factors here:
1. Have I been slighted by God? If so, I would arrange for top grade military equipment and train up an army to invade heaven. I imagine I would already have some great leaders and military personnel on my side, regardless of their morals, from Hitler to soldiers who committed war crimes or beat prisoners of war. And the rest would be fast learners, faced with eternal damnation otherwise.
2. Am I merely out to annoy God? If so, I would make Hell better than Heaven in every way and make sure the most dastardly of sins are rewarded by only the greatest luxuries. Forget the pearly gates, we shall have gates of gold, or chocolate, and bacon shall come free with every meal. Proper bacon too, not that striped crap. And the ceiling shall be shatterproof glass, such that all in heaven may look down and constantly be reminded of what comparatively poor conditions they are in.
3. Am I a dick? In this case, I would be punishing sinners eternally, which is the standard approach. The setting would be a standard city, except that it is impossible to sit down and everything is boring. No food would be provided, although hunger would still be in effect. I would install a one-way glass ceiling so that all of the inhabitants of hell could look up at heaven and see what they were missing out on. They would also have random limbs paralyzed without warning or explanation, if possible while they are being used, and would have constant sin-specific punishment. I would also spend most of my time devising other one-off punishments, to occur randomly over the course of eternity, such as a waterslide with no water, a rising water level and descending ceiling at the same time, endless steps or an endless queue, being substituted for Pacman in a game of Pacman, having to count a mountain of rice with only hot tweezers (only the right answer will end this treatment), being placed on a conveyor belt that extends over a pit of decaying flesh and bugs (the belt gets gradually faster and is relative to the person's fitness), playing a video game where you are killed right at the start and your respawn timer never decreases, being placed in complete darkness with only an invisible mosquito, having to recite a list of every Team Fortress 2 hat ever made in order, and having a bug placed under the flesh that cannot be extracted until the treatment is over. If I was feeling bored, I would send some of them back to Earth in positions where they were able to commit the sins that had them sent to hell in the first place.
4. If none of these are in effect, I would simply judge people myself based on all their crimes and any mitigating circumstances, people who simply didn't believe in God or maybe worked on the 7th day or had sex before marriage, I send either to heaven or if that is not possible, to a small dimension similar to solution 2. Everyone else would be placed somewhere similar to the loading screens in Assassin's Creed games, except in the person's least favourite colour, and given no clue as to how long they would stay there. They would all eventually have atoned, at which stage they would either go to heaven or Luxury Hell. The time is according to the severity of their sin and their understanding of how evil it is. For example, committing euthanasia with good intentions would net you free passage, swearing in public would get you perhaps a day if it was not necessary or for comedic effect, killing someone would depend on their character, your motivations, and the manner of death. Original Sin would not be punished at all.
1. Have I been slighted by God? If so, I would arrange for top grade military equipment and train up an army to invade heaven. I imagine I would already have some great leaders and military personnel on my side, regardless of their morals, from Hitler to soldiers who committed war crimes or beat prisoners of war. And the rest would be fast learners, faced with eternal damnation otherwise.
2. Am I merely out to annoy God? If so, I would make Hell better than Heaven in every way and make sure the most dastardly of sins are rewarded by only the greatest luxuries. Forget the pearly gates, we shall have gates of gold, or chocolate, and bacon shall come free with every meal. Proper bacon too, not that striped crap. And the ceiling shall be shatterproof glass, such that all in heaven may look down and constantly be reminded of what comparatively poor conditions they are in.
3. Am I a dick? In this case, I would be punishing sinners eternally, which is the standard approach. The setting would be a standard city, except that it is impossible to sit down and everything is boring. No food would be provided, although hunger would still be in effect. I would install a one-way glass ceiling so that all of the inhabitants of hell could look up at heaven and see what they were missing out on. They would also have random limbs paralyzed without warning or explanation, if possible while they are being used, and would have constant sin-specific punishment. I would also spend most of my time devising other one-off punishments, to occur randomly over the course of eternity, such as a waterslide with no water, a rising water level and descending ceiling at the same time, endless steps or an endless queue, being substituted for Pacman in a game of Pacman, having to count a mountain of rice with only hot tweezers (only the right answer will end this treatment), being placed on a conveyor belt that extends over a pit of decaying flesh and bugs (the belt gets gradually faster and is relative to the person's fitness), playing a video game where you are killed right at the start and your respawn timer never decreases, being placed in complete darkness with only an invisible mosquito, having to recite a list of every Team Fortress 2 hat ever made in order, and having a bug placed under the flesh that cannot be extracted until the treatment is over. If I was feeling bored, I would send some of them back to Earth in positions where they were able to commit the sins that had them sent to hell in the first place.
4. If none of these are in effect, I would simply judge people myself based on all their crimes and any mitigating circumstances, people who simply didn't believe in God or maybe worked on the 7th day or had sex before marriage, I send either to heaven or if that is not possible, to a small dimension similar to solution 2. Everyone else would be placed somewhere similar to the loading screens in Assassin's Creed games, except in the person's least favourite colour, and given no clue as to how long they would stay there. They would all eventually have atoned, at which stage they would either go to heaven or Luxury Hell. The time is according to the severity of their sin and their understanding of how evil it is. For example, committing euthanasia with good intentions would net you free passage, swearing in public would get you perhaps a day if it was not necessary or for comedic effect, killing someone would depend on their character, your motivations, and the manner of death. Original Sin would not be punished at all.
I'd just block the entrance to it, so that something like this happens...
http://www.nytimes.com/1989/04/16/world/93-are-dead-after-a-crush-at-soccer-game-in-england.html
http://www.nytimes.com/1989/04/16/world/93-are-dead-after-a-crush-at-soccer-game-in-england.html
I like the idea that Hell is exactly the same as Earth, except little tiny things change that you can't quite put your finger on. Like all ice-cream tastes faintly of piss. Or every door takes a little extra budge to open. Or everyone agrees that they can totally comprehend Metal Gear Solid's plot. The kind of tiny things that eventually multiply and drive a person mad or complacent (and they wouldn't be told they're in Hell, with any luck the transition from Earth to Hell via death would be seamless).
That's if they're enjoying themselves. If they hate their lives... more of the same for all eternity seems about right. I guess time wouldn't pass, but I'd just make it so they can't perceive it not passing. So kind of like Groundhog Day crossed with Universe One.
That's if they're enjoying themselves. If they hate their lives... more of the same for all eternity seems about right. I guess time wouldn't pass, but I'd just make it so they can't perceive it not passing. So kind of like Groundhog Day crossed with Universe One.
