How would you survive a horror movie?
- Thread starter Vrex360
- Start date
Recommended Videos
This thread is a trick question.
You see, no one really survives in a horror movie. Even if it requires the writers to think of the most ridiculous plot ever, they'd do it if it means everyone dies.
They could even go as far as breaking the Fourth Wall and having themselves and/or the director killed off.
I could name examples of everyone that thinks they're safe and why they're wrong. The Final Destination movies showed a great example of "Everyone dies. Off-screen and in between sequels if we have to!".
Being prepared or not likely to die only makes you an even better target, as it'd be unexpected and a 'shock' to the audience.
Long story short: Everyone dies. No exceptions.
You see, no one really survives in a horror movie. Even if it requires the writers to think of the most ridiculous plot ever, they'd do it if it means everyone dies.
They could even go as far as breaking the Fourth Wall and having themselves and/or the director killed off.
I could name examples of everyone that thinks they're safe and why they're wrong. The Final Destination movies showed a great example of "Everyone dies. Off-screen and in between sequels if we have to!".
Being prepared or not likely to die only makes you an even better target, as it'd be unexpected and a 'shock' to the audience.
Long story short: Everyone dies. No exceptions.
Why would you come back anyway? You really should be concentrating on getting the fuck out.Evilbunny said:
Again, you should be starting your car *before* the situation becomes so dire that you can't spare the time to chant "C'mon" as you get the fuck out.
See? Something scary *in there* means I'm keepin my ass *OUT HERE*. Then proceeding to get the fuck out.
That's cool. I'm taking her with me when I get the fuck out, anyway. (The big-breasted one, not the blond, you can keep her.)
NOW your gettin it. That's what's called preemptive gettin the fuck out.
EXACTLY, thank you.
ESPECIALLY if the mother-fucking power has gone out. See? Now we're vibin'.
This is really something you should find out before you move into said house, but I can't argue with your solution of gettin the fuck out if you find out after the fact
How does someone not do that anyway? How does someone not notice an entire dude in their backseat? This goes back to #2, gettin the fuck out while you still have the 1/2 second to spare to look in your own damn back seat.
Why wait 'till he turns back? Kill 'im NOW. Better yet, if he doesn't get the fuck out when you get the fuck out, leave his ass behind. You don't need friends that dumb.
Serious. Who really does that shit? I might decide to split up with you because you want to "investigate" and I'm "gettin the fuck out", but apart from that, I'm keeping with strength in numbers.
...Maybe. You ever listen to kids? Some of 'em (none YOU know, I'm sure) are just dumb. Now that one freaky kid that everyone knows is psychic, but no one wants to admit is psychic? If she says get the fuck out, then yes, listen to her.
Uh, yeah, sounds good.
Just listen for "Run, *****, run!". You might not have heard them talking about how they'd have gotten the fuck out 30 min ago, but they're there (homonyms bitches!) and they will be very vocal on how you can get the fuck out too.
Hide in the corner of a room with some people, each wielding a high caliber weapon. Anything comes through the door, blow it to hell.
I remember one horror movie I glimpsed on the TV when I was twelve, smartest character I ever witnessed, ever.
He ran outta the house just as the monster or whatever got around to murdering someone, he knew it was there, but he didn't know the what or why. Anyway, he ran and ran until he reached the gas station, handed the guy there a load of money (either for fixing the car or for the car it's self) and simply said "I'm a damn coward" and drove off, never to be seen again.
That's what I would do, though I probably wouldn't use the cheesy line.
He ran outta the house just as the monster or whatever got around to murdering someone, he knew it was there, but he didn't know the what or why. Anyway, he ran and ran until he reached the gas station, handed the guy there a load of money (either for fixing the car or for the car it's self) and simply said "I'm a damn coward" and drove off, never to be seen again.
That's what I would do, though I probably wouldn't use the cheesy line.
I'm doomed I just know I would end up as the cop who everyone see and thanks. Oh good we are all safe now. Then a axe comes through my chest. I turn to see the killer and drop dead. So how the "hero" gets my gun and kills the killer.
Zombie Movie- Keep on moving (Every time someone holds up in a place to fight off the zombie horde bad shit happens)
Psycho Killer Movie- Stay in a well lit warehouse powered by a generator in the the middle of the room that you are in with a multitude of nasty weapony things until he is very dead. (Then don't walk up to him to check that he is dead, instead firebomb his murdering arse)
Evil Mystical Curse (of any kind)- Ok first of all leave it well enough alone if you can. If this impossible due to a friends extrememly dickish attitude of, "lets check this out" then first of all kill that friend for dooming you all (offering him/her as a sacrifice to the curse). Secondly find anyone who knows about the curse (preferably a voodoo guy as they are the most hardcore of mystical badasses) and try to get the curse lifted.
P.S If this does not work see Psycho Killer Movie.
Creepy Monsters all over town Movie- This includes Vampires, Running Undead, Strange human like things, Giant Spiders, etc. I do have to admit that I don't know a great deal about this particular class of mind fuckery but from what I have seen I would say that your best choice in this case is to do whatever the fuck you want because it always ends up going very VERY wrong by about scene 12. So my choice would be to end up being the guy that convinces a girl to have sex with you "because it would be our last chance to make love" and therefore die just as I climax meaning I die but I do die happy!
Sci-Fi Horror- This is essentially the same as the others with the added bonus of being in space. In this case you are likely to have amazing UBER* weapons (unless you are in aliens one that is in which case you have stingy amounts of weaponry**). More importantly it is important to note that you will eventually find a way off of the ship (and it will be a ship) but don't bother with the escape pods as they will be gone i can definately assure you. Until you find a way off it's best to keep yourself as the social pariah until such time as there are very few people left and you can have an appifiny in which you realise that everyone else is just as important as you are and you can go save the day (notice this is the Vin Diesel method). It is good to note that this is the only way you will survive unless you are a kid, in which case you will survive no matter how mind numbingly dumb you are (until of course until you are cryogenicaly frozen for the trip home in which case the you are totaly screwed***).
*UBER must always be written in capitals from now on as it is sacrilage to how UBER the word UBER is not to do so.
** Yes that was a dig at Aliens don't act like tits I love the film it was immense and still is, but come on seriously they are in space in unexplored places and all they get are quite shitty flamethrowers (Plus they are from a time after thier film was made so why didn't they go and watch the movie they were in to see what would happen?).
***I loved Aliens aswell ok it was UBER**** but if there ever was a stingyer way to get a charecter out I haven't found it.
****See UBER*
Psycho Killer Movie- Stay in a well lit warehouse powered by a generator in the the middle of the room that you are in with a multitude of nasty weapony things until he is very dead. (Then don't walk up to him to check that he is dead, instead firebomb his murdering arse)
Evil Mystical Curse (of any kind)- Ok first of all leave it well enough alone if you can. If this impossible due to a friends extrememly dickish attitude of, "lets check this out" then first of all kill that friend for dooming you all (offering him/her as a sacrifice to the curse). Secondly find anyone who knows about the curse (preferably a voodoo guy as they are the most hardcore of mystical badasses) and try to get the curse lifted.
P.S If this does not work see Psycho Killer Movie.
Creepy Monsters all over town Movie- This includes Vampires, Running Undead, Strange human like things, Giant Spiders, etc. I do have to admit that I don't know a great deal about this particular class of mind fuckery but from what I have seen I would say that your best choice in this case is to do whatever the fuck you want because it always ends up going very VERY wrong by about scene 12. So my choice would be to end up being the guy that convinces a girl to have sex with you "because it would be our last chance to make love" and therefore die just as I climax meaning I die but I do die happy!
Sci-Fi Horror- This is essentially the same as the others with the added bonus of being in space. In this case you are likely to have amazing UBER* weapons (unless you are in aliens one that is in which case you have stingy amounts of weaponry**). More importantly it is important to note that you will eventually find a way off of the ship (and it will be a ship) but don't bother with the escape pods as they will be gone i can definately assure you. Until you find a way off it's best to keep yourself as the social pariah until such time as there are very few people left and you can have an appifiny in which you realise that everyone else is just as important as you are and you can go save the day (notice this is the Vin Diesel method). It is good to note that this is the only way you will survive unless you are a kid, in which case you will survive no matter how mind numbingly dumb you are (until of course until you are cryogenicaly frozen for the trip home in which case the you are totaly screwed***).
*UBER must always be written in capitals from now on as it is sacrilage to how UBER the word UBER is not to do so.
** Yes that was a dig at Aliens don't act like tits I love the film it was immense and still is, but come on seriously they are in space in unexplored places and all they get are quite shitty flamethrowers (Plus they are from a time after thier film was made so why didn't they go and watch the movie they were in to see what would happen?).
***I loved Aliens aswell ok it was UBER**** but if there ever was a stingyer way to get a charecter out I haven't found it.
****See UBER*
Id be the realist and know thatif what ever it was stabbed me. I DONT FUCKING DIE INSTANTLY!!! if the killer shot me in the shoulder, I DONT FUCKING DIE INSTANTLY. If it was just a killer. SMASH THE MOTHER FUCKER!!! why can say a group of ten people not beat down one mother fucker in a trenchcoat? USE FUCKING STICKS IF YOU HAVE TO!!!! Fuck me!
By being the really nice guy that never does anything questionable, takes care of the wounded, packs the best gun, always carries a bible, wears generic clothing and by always being optimistic, but not in an annoying way.
Lets see any of the evil bastards get around that.
I may also make a lot of jokes/one liners, none of which are offensive. Then if all else fails, find the most attractive but least slutty chick and hold on for dear life, avoiding sex/drugs/loud music.
Annoying thing is that I'm fat and nerdy so the audience will want me to die early, the pricks. Best chance I have is second kill in the crappy sequel.
Lets see any of the evil bastards get around that.
I may also make a lot of jokes/one liners, none of which are offensive. Then if all else fails, find the most attractive but least slutty chick and hold on for dear life, avoiding sex/drugs/loud music.
Annoying thing is that I'm fat and nerdy so the audience will want me to die early, the pricks. Best chance I have is second kill in the crappy sequel.
They're either really relieved, or are bad drivers. If you watch movies where that happens you will see them being either of those. Believe me, the thing a psycho killer hates most is someone who doesn't check before changing lanes.delta4062 said:
Ghost horror: Get Scooby-Doo to expose the fraudsters
Monster Horror: See above
Zombie Horror: Pretend to be a zombie, untill I find a decent mode of transport then go to some mountains somehwere, or Madagascar. If not, see above again.
Slasher movie: Be the slasher
Monster Horror: See above
Zombie Horror: Pretend to be a zombie, untill I find a decent mode of transport then go to some mountains somehwere, or Madagascar. If not, see above again.
Slasher movie: Be the slasher