How would you tell your kids 'bout them birds & bees?

[NJ]

Talk frankly about it when they're eight, so they grow into the idea naturally.

So your going to say something along the line of "A man shoves his dick in a woman's giner and there is a decent chance a baby will pop out nine months later"?

In addition to that, they might as well add "Also, sometimes. You use a Trojan and still get a baby brother nine months later. Life's like that."

 

[superbatranger]

Why am I even thinking about this? My parents never even gave me the talk. I figured it out on my own when I was younger(thank you internet).

The closest thing to the talk I had was with my mom.

Mom: So, you've had sex, right?
Me: I'm still a virgin...
Mom: Really?
Me: Uhh, yeah.
Mom: So, Hector(my stepfather)has never gotten you a hooker or anything like that?
Me: What?!?! No!
Mom: Anyways, if you're gonna have sex in college, wear a condom.
Me: Umm, okay.

 

[thedeathscythe]

I was never told by it from my parents, my school had a sex ed class around grade 5, so I wasn't like giggling whenever someone said penis. Around grade 7 I learnt more, grade 9 learnt more about it scientifically (like, about zygotes and fetus' and stuff), and grade 10 I learnt in health class about like safe sex and stuff, so it was my school, and it was gradual. It was first just sciencey, and then it was like "okay, let's sit down and talk about it" kind of learning.

 

[Audemas]

To son: You`ve watched porn right son.
Response: Uhh, um..... yes?
To son: Alright then, good talk son.

To daughter: You better not turn in to the god damn village bike.
Response: What's the village bike Dad?
To daughter: Go watch the first Austin Powers movie, now.

This.

 

[Gravyshanks the Pirate]

From the time it became apparent that they could comprehend English I would constantly speak in metaphor around my child. I wouldn't use my normal voice, either. I would talk like Gollum or something, and homeschool the boy (on the assumption it is a boy, of course), too. Then they would develop those tendencies and I would never have to worry about the birds and the bees for the strange little boy. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

[VicunaBlue]

Next time I see him/her sitting on my bed-

"Hey! Guess what I did there!"

 

[Master_of_Oldskool]

In fact, my parents never actually gave me "The Talk", per se. My grandmother brought me an Usbourne Book of Random Facts (title slightly paraphrased) when I was around eight, and I don't think she realized that it contained a rather...detailed description of how sex works. Since I never went asking any awkward questions, my parents just never thought of it.

Although my dad did eventually give me a talk about how important it is to use a condom. He managed to work it rather skillfully into a conversation about the fact that he was cheating on my mother. Of course, he expected me to be perfectly fine with it, since it was an e-relationship over Second Life. According to him, e-relationships are "just a game" and it wasn't really cheating. I don't think he was expecting me to knock one of his teeth out.

Er... Disregard that paragraph.

Anyways, I think the way I learned about sex was a fairly good introduction to the subject- all the facts with none of the awkwardness between you and your parents. Of course, I couldn't really count on my mother to buy my kid(s) the book, so I'd make sure to buy it myself.

 

[NJ]

In fact, my parents never actually gave me "The Talk", per se. My grandmother brought me an Usbourne Book of Random Facts (title slightly paraphrased) when I was around eight, and I don't think she realized that it contained a rather...detailed description of how sex works. Since I never went asking any awkward questions, my parents just never thought of it.

Although my dad did eventually give me a talk about how important it is to use a condom. He managed to work it rather skillfully into a conversation about the fact that he was cheating on my mother. Of course, he expected me to be perfectly fine with it, since it was an e-relationship over Second Life. According to him, e-relationships are "just a game" and it wasn't really cheating. I don't think he was expecting me to knock one of his teeth out.

Er... Disregard that paragraph.

Anyways, I think the way I learned about sex was a fairly good introduction to the subject- all the facts with none of the awkwardness between you and your parents. Of course, I couldn't really count on my mother to buy my kid(s) the book, so I'd make sure to buy it myself.

Ronnie James Dio avatar, violently attacked your father, sir you are a king in my books.

 

[Jake the Snake]

I never got "the talk" from my parents because I didn't ask. This isn't because it was too embarrassing for me, its just, guess what? My damn classmates beat me to the punch. My innocence was ripped out of me in 6th grade when two girls in my class explained to me in gory detail what a period was. Everything else was through basic logic and urban dictionary and internet porn. Hooray for corrupted youth!

 

[Mimssy]

its easy


personally i had about 10 books dumped in my room completely "anonymously" including The Joy of Sex, the Kama Sutra and pictorial book on sexual diseases i will never forget. a "soft" porn magazine and a whole bunch of leaflets from the family planning clinic and a box of condoms.

My mother did the same thing (except she left a box of tampons instead of condoms). I learned about sex and puberty in the most cold and mechanical terms.

 

[Nouw]

Awww so many jokes, makes me laugh. Good one guys.

Seriously though, I'd just tell them about it when they're young and don't no shit but not too young otherwise they'd grow an interest which I don't want them to have.

 

[Peteron]

I would tell him "C'mon son. I would like to introduce you to the wonders of pornography. Now, which categories do you want to search? I am a fan of all kinds." Then I would put my arm around his shoulder and bring him to the living room. "How bout a beer boy? We can tells stories about what we experienced today."

I would say that just about sums it up.

 

[natster43]

http://www.robandelliot.cycomics.com/archive.php?id=365 This is how.
More seriously I'll probably just explain to the what sex is.

 

[Plurralbles]

its easy

you walk in and say "i need to talk to you about sex..."
and the kid says "sure thing. what do you want to know ?"



personally i had about 10 books dumped in my room completely "anonymously" including The Joy of Sex, the Kama Sutra and pictorial book on sexual diseases i will never forget. a "soft" porn magazine and a whole bunch of leaflets from the family planning clinic and a box of condoms.

that... is... a pretty awesome way to do it. Unless you're a complete weirdo because of it or something... Which I doubt.

 

[Neo10101]

Not tell them, its not really too hard to figure it out on your own. However if I did see them talking about something wrong, or acting wrongly, I would correct them.

 

[Jim From Accounting]

4chan. nuff said.

where just trying to teach them about sex not scar them for life

 

[Kimarous]

I'd probably explain about how men gain the ability to produce seeds, which then get planted into women, which proceeds to grow into a baby. How much detail is given about the specifics would vary depending on the child's age. Little Tommy probably doesn't want to know that Daddy pees the seed into Mommy's peepee quite yet...

 

[Mr. Gency]

I'd just tell them all about it.

First the basics, then going to all the fetishes and making sure they know/think that they're okay with the fetishes(like they know that people are different in many ways, and that while it may be weird it technically is natural(genes and such)).

This, then I follow up with "Son/Daughter, if you're in your room with a girl/boy and the door's closed,[HEADING=1]I'll break the door down like the fucking S.W.A.T.[/HEADING]I'm glad we had this talk, bye..."