How would you tell your kids 'bout them birds & bees?

[The Afrodactyl]

If they ask, I will tell them.

If they don't, well it's up to them.

I was never given a sex talk, but I was given a "Girlfriend talk" when I got my first proper girlfriend.

My dad knew me and her were "messing around", so one day he sat me down for a talk.

We sat in an uncomfortable silence for 5 minutes, then he declared "Do what you like, just don't get her pregnant" then left the room.

 

[Outright Villainy]

Well I was never really told about it. I'd probably just give them a book that's pretty comprehensive in the whole thing. I know I'd be way too freaked out to take anything in if I actually had "the talk."

 

[Odbarc]

If I had kids at 14 who didn't understand sex by then, I'd slap them in the face for being so dense.

Kids at 7 were making sex jokes in our school. Heavily metaphoric but we all knew what was being said. Hotdog & bun, y'know? Ha ha ha!
I also remember bashing a kid's head in with a rock.

Give them all the details. Why not?

Son; Penis goes into vagina.
Daughter; Husband will explain it to you.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

Erm, I sort of figured these things out on my own, so I didn't really need a "sitdown" with my parents discussing the subject.

However, if my son or daughter asked me about it, I'd give them a straight answer and not try to explain it in a bunch of silly metaphors.

The more uncomfortable I seem discussing the subject, and the more "taboo" I try to make it, the more the kids will develop and unhealthy obssession about it and probably make a few seriously bad choices when it comes to sex.

So, I'd just treat it as being no more special than wiping your ass after taking a dump...

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

To all the boys on this thread saying 'let them ask/find out themselves:' like to see you explain periods. A lot. That would be hilarious.

What's to explain?

Women have ovaries that produce eggs, after a period of time the eggs get rejected by their bodies, which cause bleeding. This entire process can be more or less painful depending on the individual, and it is regulated by hormones in the womans body so it can affect her mood and disposition to a certain extent during this particular time of the month.

 

[Mr. Google]

never told about it. *reads comments* Wait thats what i do with my penis!!!!! No im kidding. But i learned from friends and then learned more from porn then health class and obviously TV and movies. But i dont like talking to my parents about it

 

[Kermi]

My father explained it to me when I was 7 or 8. I didn't really grasp it at the time (I was only half paying attention - I actually thought I was being told all this as punishment for something because he was being so serious) but the conversation stuck with me. I would approach it the same way if I ever had a kid.
Honesty. Real facts. Benefits. Consequences.

 

[Shock and Awe]

When he is 10

"Hey Alex come here for a minute"
"What is it daddy?"
"Do you know how babies are made?
"Jimmy said that when a man has an extra 50 dollars he can-"
*Slaps Alex in the back of the head*

OT: Seriously though, I will just give it to him straight when he seems mature enough not to be like,

 

[Regular Guy]

Show them a porno.

/thread

 

[blankedboy]

This picture should do.

Spoiler: NSFW unless your boss has a good sense of humour

Paheal has saved me again!

Oh, Paheal! Wait, on the Escapist, which is PG-13? I wonder what it could b--HOLY SHIT!

Seriously, that is disturbing. I think you've put me off any sexual thoughts for a decade.

I did warn you...

 

[Eumersian]

I plan on being a doctor by then, so I will go off and say things like "penis" and "vagina" with relative ease and plainness.

 

[LogicNProportion]

I'll tell them the truth, albeit delicately.

Put some emphasis on the 'love' aspect of it, and hopefully have the mother around to put an arm around and hug and kiss on the cheek to help give a positive image.

 

[Ishamel]

I'm assuming you're a virgin.

On topic, I'd tell my son not to have sex until he can afford to have an abortion, you know, to be on the safe side.

If luck should go to shit and I had a daughter, I wouldn't need to have 'the talk' with her, because she'd be wearing a steel chastity belt so I wouldn't have to worry about Mary-Sue hooking up with Billy down the street.

Seeing as you speculate, I'm not a virgin, I've been shagging the same guy silly for four and a half years. The rest of that is just misogynist internet bullshit, so... let's just hope you never have children.

 

[Ishamel]

To all the boys on this thread saying 'let them ask/find out themselves:' like to see you explain periods. A lot. That would be hilarious.

What's to explain?

Women have ovaries that produce eggs, after a period of time the eggs get rejected by their bodies, which cause bleeding. This entire process can be more or less painful depending on the individual, and it is regulated by hormones in the womans body so it can affect her mood and disposition to a certain extent during this particular time of the month.

I meant that if you leave it up to when she actually has her first period, she's going to come screaming to you thinking she needs to go to hospital. Like to see you calmly explain about hormones then!
Also, your clinical explanation of what happens is pretty inaccurate - it's not bleeding, it's the blood-filled lining of the uterus collapsing. Bleeding is a problem. Probably better leave the explaining to your significant female other.

 

[Secret world leader (shhh)]

I'd give them the same books that my mum gave me: "the diary of adrian mole aged 13 3/4" and "the growing pains of adrian mole" not a very subtle move but those books were fucking funny.

well actually they're less about sex and more about the whole puberty buisiness. She just let me find out at school about it in sex ed. however i already learned about the basics from freinds.

I'd let the kid learn about it at school and gently and gradually inform them about it from a less informational way.

...unless it's a girl... i'd leave my nonexistant future wife/girlfreind to deal with it.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

I meant that if you leave it up to when she actually has her first period, she's going to come screaming to you thinking she needs to go to hospital. Like to see you calmly explain about hormones then!

No problem.

Also, your clinical explanation of what happens is pretty inaccurate - it's not bleeding, it's the blood-filled lining of the uterus collapsing. Bleeding is a problem. Probably better leave the explaining to your significant female other.

Yes, it is BLEEDING, since "bleeding" isn't a clinical term. If I meant to describe i in clinical terms as in if she was leaking blood from an open wound or ruptured blood vessel under a persons skin, i'd use the term haemorrhaging, not "bleeding".

Bleeding is just "blood leakage". It CAN be from an open wound and be more or less serious, but it can also occur due to a natural process... Like menstruation.