I can't do this anymore

[Lord Trilby]

So I was in a relationship with this girl. Things were going well, and then she randomly breaks up with me for no real reason. I took the breakup too hard, whatever. I apologize, so does she, time to be friends.

I tried to be her friend, and she has a lot of emotional issues that I won't go into but basically she used to be best friends with a girl who basically made her feel like a sub-human piece of trash.

So I try to comfort her, be nice to her, doing everything I can. One day she asks me if I like her or if I love her. I told her the truth, and said I love her. She tells me she loves me too, which I think might've been the happiest or one of the happiest moments of my life. The next day she tells me that she meant she loves me like a brother or a close friend. I got really upset about this because she specifically asked, and she knows how I meant it, and then she basically lied to me and teased me.

So we get into our first real fight.She says I'm being an asshole, I say she's being selfish. (This fight happens after I try and calmly discuss the situation and apologize, which wasn't working.) So I give her a big apology and she says she forgives me.

The we get into another fight, I don't even remember the cause, but basically she calls me an a-hole, crybaby, immature, emo, stupid kid who makes her sick. I say she's never cared about me, and has always just used me for comfort without ever considering how I feel.

So, somehow she convinces me that I'm the one who needs to apologize, so I do. But I suggested that she isn't sorry at all, and she freakin attacks me. She calls me a pathetic a-hole who needs to shut his trap for once. I tell her that all I did was suggest she wasn't sorry because she's never apologized for anything.I tell her I'm sick of apologizing when she's the one who treats me like shit, and then she says I'm being unfair. I'M BEING UNFAIR.

The next day I feel like vomiting every time I look at her, so for the sake of my own sanity, I once again deeply apologize to her, which I'm sure will be shrugged off and not accepted.
I know this whole thing sounds like I'm being a mellow dramatic teenager, and maybe I am, but I can't even sleep anymore. Every day when i get home from school I just lay in bed, sleep for two hours, wake up because I have a dream about her, then go back to sleep. I thought I was over it. I thought I was capable to just hate her and get over it, but I can't. I have to see her everyday and I get worse everyday. Seriously, if I don't get over it, I'm afraid I'll turn to something drastic like drugs or something.

So, I know is probably the single stupidest thing to go to a video game forum to ask for help and especially when in my pathetic condition to ask for help from any forum community, but I don't know where else to turn. I'm slowly losing the will to live and I thought I was stronger than this. So please, I'm sure one of you has been in a midly similar situation.

 

[skitzo van]

It's very sad to see these things unfold. My advice to you (I completely understand if you think this won't work, everybody's different) is to get a lot of postive reinforcement into you life, such as fung shui (I think I spelled that wrong) then what you have to do is get into a very peaceful situation, devoid of anger and stress, and look deep inside you and decide whether or not this is what you really want for a relationship, most relationships go through things like this as a sort of test to see how strong they are. I hope this benefits you in some way

 

[Gxas]

She isn't healthy for you. Don't think about her, don't look at her, don't talk to her. Just try to forget about the fact that she exists. I know it sounds near impossible, but you must get away from this girl.

 

[chronobreak]

I would advise you to focus on your studies, and secondary to that, whatever hobbies you may be interested in. Take time to invest in yourself when you are young, and it will pay off greatly when you are older. This is not the only relationship you will ever be in, they come and go, and each is a learning experience for the mind and soul. There is no reason to rush things, you are young, you have your whole life ahead of you to experience so many different things, and while some will be incredible, some will also be downright terrible. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and hit the dusty trail of life, brother. Every time you start thinking of this girl, stop and think of yourself, and how incredible of a person you are, and will become, and how lucky someone down the line is going to be to be with you, and alternatively how this girl blew it.

This is the only relationship advice I have ever given in this forum, and it will be the last I ever do. Usually, I just direct people to another user who deals with these issues and move on, but I can't seem to remember which person that was. Also, I'm glad to see you admit to being a melodramatic teenager, but we have all been there at some point. Take the advice of those that have been through it, and can see the forest through the trees.

Welcome to The Escapist.

Edit: Damn, you've been here for a long time. Well, in that case, Post more dammit!

 

[Guitar Gamer]

She isn't healthy for you. Don't think about her, don't look at her, don't talk to her. Just try to forget about the fact that she exists. I know it sounds near impossible, but you must get away from this girl.

he's got a point, I don't want to seem like a self righteous prick but she is making you less happy especially when you interact to her and from what I can see has made your quality of living go down ever since you guys broke up,
like the above user said

Just try to forget about the fact that she exists.

 

[Gruthar]

Sounds like you two need some serious time apart. I don't know all the details and sides to the story, but the bottom line is if you're feeling this bad right now, maybe it's time to focus on the other aspects of your life. She is not The One, nor is there such a thing. It's silly to base your entire life around her... I say forget about her for a few weeks, perhaps indefinitely. Easier said than done, but that's what I think needs to happen.

Don't apologize, don't accuse her, don't talk to her at all. Get some perspective on your life and what you want to do with it.

My $.02 anyway.

 

[DeadlyYellow]

So, I know is probably the single stupidest thing to go to a video game forum to ask for help and especially when in my pathetic condition to ask for help from any forum community, but I don't know where else to turn.

You're right there. Video game forum does not make the best place to seek relationship advice. Internet forum is not the best place either (debatable on actual purposed sites for it, but the internet is a dangerous place in general.)

For the most part it is teenage melodrama. I've been called callous and remorseless because I have learned not to look back on events. It often just leads to unwanted pain and misery. I'd say adopt a similar stance for the time being, and disjoint any connections to her.

 

[Serge A. Storms]

She's a snot-nosed ***** that "took you back" to use you as a dumping ground for all of her baggage. I'd recommend remembering what she did to you every time you start thinking of her, and start looking for someone with a soul. If you find someone that looks better than her, I'd make sure to rub it it, you'll feel better about all of this afterward.

 

[Dragon_of_red]

I would advise you to focus on your studies, and secondary to that, whatever hobbies you may be interested in. Take time to invest in yourself when you are young, and it will pay off greatly when you are older. This is not the only relationship you will ever be in, they come and go, and each is a learning experience for the mind and soul. There is no reason to rush things, you are young, you have your whole life ahead of you to experience so many different things, and while some will be incredible, some will also be downright terrible. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and hit the dusty trail of life, brother. Every time you start thinking of this girl, stop and think of yourself, and how incredible of a person you are, and will become, and how lucky someone down the line is going to be to be with you, and alternatively how this girl blew it.

Sound slike we should juts copy and paste this into everysingle relationship thread on this site, it seme the best course of action.

 

[OneBig Man]

I remember my grandpa telling me, "Life's a *****, then you die." Just move on with the next faze of your life.

 

[SimuLord]

I can tell you from bitter experience that once someone you REALLY love breaks it off, then trying to remain friends is only going to lead to a world of hurt for whichever one in the relationship still holds onto the strong romantic feelings. I've been on both sides of that, actually. And it sucked. Both times...and it wasn't any better when I was the one rebuffing her professions of love. The look in her eyes still hurt.

When you cross a certain point with a girl, it's the point of no return and you're either going to get married, have babies, and live happily ever after, or you're going to break up and never be able to be anything remotely close to emotionally intimate again. There's no such thing as an in-between...at least, not for long.

 

[chronobreak]

Sounds like we should just copy and paste this into every single relationship thread on this site, it seems to be the best course of action.

I just wish, with some of the kids that come on here, I could do a brain transplant for a minute so they could see that everything will end up ok, and that they will look back on this stuff and in most cases have a good laugh. I know it's hard not to take it seriously when you're in the situation, but if they only knew that they wouldn't care a couple years or sooner down the road.

 

[Ghengis_tron]

Almost everyone has been in this situation. I went through something much worse, it gets a lot more complicated when there is a piece of paper involved. Take this as a learning experience and toughen up. You don't need to apologize for everything because to a woman, that makes you weak and women HATE that. I don't care what they say, if you seem weak, you're done. It will get easier, but stop talking to this ***** and just end it. Trust me you will be much happier if you do, focus on other things to lessen the pain.

 

[Dusty Donuts]

Throw her off a second story balcony and then yell sorry after her. Your conscience will be clear, and she will possibly lose the ability to speak and go to the toilet by herself, leading to hilarious circumstances in which you are kicking her to give her the equivalent of physical pain to your emotional.
Then disconnect her life support, saying you tripped over it.
And you could always tell her she's a dumbass (or worse) and not listen to her after it.

 

[El Cookio]

I signed up literally to reply to this as I have been in a remarkably similar situation and from past experience know that people like that should be avoided, despite what your heart may be telling you. She may have kicked the shit out of your emotions but you need to get a hold of yourself and realise that you're better than this. The whole 'we can still be friends' is an easy way out and you'll soon see that it's a simple cover up so she can run off, if she's anything like the girl from my past. It could be worse, she could then go out with your best mate, which would be nice and didn't happen to me, honest. Basically what I'm saying is love hurts, and when it feels like you're getting nothing back you know it's time to move on because this girl, regardless of your view on her, is taking the piss.

 

[Dragon_of_red]

Sounds like we should just copy and paste this into every single relationship thread on this site, it seems to be the best course of action.

I just wish, with some of the kids that come on here, I could do a brain transplant for a minute so they could see that everything will end up ok, and that they will look back on this stuff and in most cases have a good laugh. I know it's hard not to take it seriously when you're in the situation, but if they only knew that they wouldn't care a couple years or sooner down the road.

i know, they just have to know that it will be ok, he sys hes in his teens, which i am in so hooray for current experience, so he still has heaps of his life to go, so dont waste it on chasing a girl who see,s bad for you, if you cant get her outta your head, maybe talk to a doctor for a w hile, it helps a lot, ive had to sit through one when i did some work experience.

 

[Lord Trilby]

I signed up literally to reply to this as I have been in a remarkably similar situation and from past experience know that people like that should be avoided, despite what your heart may be telling you. She may have kicked the shit out of your emotions but you need to get a hold of yourself and realise that you're better than this. The whole 'we can still be friends' is an easy way out and you'll soon see that it's a simple cover up so she can run off, if she's anything like the girl from my past. It could be worse, she could then go out with your best mate, which would be nice and didn't happen to me, honest. Basically what I'm saying is love hurts, and when it feels like you're getting nothing back you know it's time to move on because this girl, regardless of your view on her, is taking the piss.

Thanks for signing up just to reply to my stupid emotional problems. Actually I'd like to thank everyone who takes the time to suggest anything. I'm reading every post, and I feel a little better already. The worst part I think is that my birthday's tomorrow, and I've never felt worse in my life.

 

[NoriYuki Sato]

Thanks for signing up just to reply to my stupid emotional problems. Actually I'd like to thank everyone who takes the time to suggest anything. I'm reading every post, and I feel a little better already. The worst part I think is that my birthday's tomorrow, and I've never felt worse in my life.

hey Trilby, check your messages, i sent you one with some advice or rather a question..

 

[Mozared]

First of all, I won't pull the "you're just a teen" trick on you - I know there's a lot of hormonal drama going around at the age of 16 but I also know that it's not unlikely for something really drastical to happen and fuck someone over at that age. That said...

we get into another fight, I don't even remember the cause, but basically she calls me an a-hole, crybaby, immature, emo,

I got really upset about this because she specifically asked, and she knows how I meant it, and then she basically lied to me and teased me.
...
So I give her a big apology and she says she forgives me.
...
I say she's never cared about me, and has always just used me for comfort without ever considering how I feel.
...
So, somehow she convinces me that I'm the one who needs to apologize, so I do. I tell her I'm sick of apologizing when she's the one who treats me like shit, and then she says I'm being unfair. I'M BEING UNFAIR.
...
I once again deeply apologize to her, which I'm sure will be shrugged off and not accepted.
I know this whole thing sounds like I'm being a mellow dramatic teenager, and maybe I am, but I can't even sleep anymore. Every day when i get home from school I just lay in bed, sleep for two hours, wake up because I have a dream about her, then go back to sleep. I thought I was over it. I thought I was capable to just hate her and get over it, but I can't. I have to see her everyday and I get worse everyday. Seriously, if I don't get over it, I'm afraid I'll turn to something drastic like drugs or something.
...but I don't know where else to turn. I'm slowly losing the will to live and I thought I was stronger than this. So please, I'm sure one of you has been in a midly similar situation

Now my friend, don't take this the wrong way, but look at what I quoted. You do come across as 'an emo' who'se feeling sorry for himself. I'm not saying you're wrong and frankly do not know everything that has happened, but the fact remains that you *are* busy feeling sorry for yourself. My advice is, don't.

I've been in a similar situation to you and technically seen, nothing has changed since it started about five years ago. I still love her, we still have contact, she's still with an ex-'friend' of mine, and I've still lost all my friends to what happen. Nothing changed except the fact that I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started enjoying life. I'm not even saying you need to 'move on' or 'work it out', but your priority should be to become happy whilst figuring out in what direction you're going.

On the other hand - it took me about three years to do that. I often think the only reason I started enjoying life again is because I was literally so damn sick of being depressed all the time. If you cannot somehow force yourself into becoming happy before worrying about your life, I do hope you don't have to go through the same before you manage to do so.

Let me repeat the advice I initially gave you: stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don't 'do something drastic like turning to drugs' - it is just another cry for attention that isn't going to change anything.

That said, I also know by experience that sometimes just expressing your feelings and problems can be a relief in itself, no matter how cliché that might sound. If you'd like to talk to me you're welcome to PM. If not - even goede vrienden, as we say in my country.