I did somehing rather dumb

[Rawne1980]

So she's upset because you had sex before you got together?

Damn but thats the most pointless reason to be pissed at someone i've ever heard of.

I could understand it if you had cheated on her but that ... I have no words to express how stupid I find that.

 

[iphonerose]

You could make no logical decisions after having 2 or three beers? what a poor excuse...........
not that it should be an issue with this new girl anyway due to the fact that it was before your relationship had started..but if you do feel bad about it, which you shouldn't, then just feel bad, don't be making excuses about alcohol and 'not remembering it' after three beers..i mean come on!

 

[Georgie Auditore]

I have a slight feeling that you broke it to her kinda badly; I do hope, though, that this came from active discussion and not just a "_____, I have to tell you something.." moment.

No, he just said, "I had sex."

I'm the insane girlfriend that had her heart ripped out by this.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

1. You're having sex, so you lost your right to complain about anything ever.

2. It happened before you started dating. You shouldn't have told her, she shouldn't have gotten angry, and you shouldn't feel guilty.

3. I can't believe I'm posting this again so soon, but here goes:

 

[AnarchistFish]

It happened before you were going out with this friend so it should be a non issue.

/thread

 

[idodo35]

if it was before u were dating it shouldnt be an issue if it is... well she is right to be mad...

 

[Racecarlock]

This is a stupid expectation I like to call "Temporal abstinence". It's one of the most impossible expectations in the history of expectations. The expectation that you've never had sex with anyone before her. How any woman can have expectations like that is quite beyond my comprehension. You two didn't even know each other before now, so how the fuck can you be expected to save yourself for someone you weren't even aware of yet? That's just plain fucking stupid, and I think you should tell her that. You were not in the wrong at the time because you had not met her yet. It's not complicated.

Edit: It appears you did know her before, and I really need to stop skimming because I hate it when people do that to me, so I should stop doing the same. But really, the same thing still applies. If she wanted you to save yourself for her, she should have told you before you went on the trip. Not afterward. Future monogram is possible, past monogamy is not.

 

[Owen Robertson]

So I'm assuming you and your "friend" had some chemistry and/or involvement before this trip, because you don't just wake up one morning and say "I'm in love with my friend." So she's probably angry because she feels betrayed. She assumed that life is a fucking manga and you would finally realize your love for each other after years of sexual tension. Show her the responses to this post, or that fact that you posted this at all. She will find out eventually, they always do. And try not to fuck anymore 20-year old Norwegian girls after metal concerts if you have possible up-tight tail awaiting your arrival back home.

 

[Hitokiri_Gensai]

Were you two sort of hinting at a possible relationship previously to going to Norway? If not, then who cares? Is she going to get upset at all your previous relationships and stuff?

 

[Blackmagic1515]

I've been in a similar situation to hers before and I can kinda understand why she got upset. My current boyfriend and I were 'friends with benefits' before we started dating. During that phase he went and had gay sex with a mutual friend. It did hurt me but I said to myself, we're not actually a couple so I can't really stop him. But I got him in the end anyway so I just forget about it now.

And that is what she should do. You slept with someone BEFORE you knew she liked you and BEFORE you started dating. She may not like it, but there's nothing she can do about it. You aren't in the wrong here and she needs to get over it.

 

[Vicarious Reality]

What? Why is she angry that you went with someone else before her?

 

[SnakeoilSage]

It's rough but I think you did the right thing in telling her. You can't build trust keeping secrets like that.

I'm guessing she was mad because she had those feelings for you before you knew it. It might not seem like much to your perspective, because to you she only confessed her feelings after you'd supposedly had a fling in Norway. But from her perspective? She might have been feeling things for you long before that, and had only recently worked up the courage to say as much.

From that perspective it can feel like a betrayal. She'll feel hurt that you were involved with someone else, a natural reaction even if it isn't a rational one. Love rarely is.

Just make it clear that now that you're reciprocating her feelings that she's the only one in your life. If you really love her, then it won't be hard. The trust will grow back as you do.

And no more drinking after a long flight, eh?

 

[ToAsTy McBuTTeR]

do a barrel roll...

or something else less useful cause crazy cannot be stopped with logic...

so you = screwed

 

[OriginalLadders]

You had sex with someone else before you even knew your friend had feelings for you let alone started dating.

Sounds like your girlfriend needs to remove the rod from her arse.

 

[Lionsfan]

People seem to be getting angry in this story for no reason at all.

You got laid. Oh noooooo!

It's a lot more than I'll ever get. I'm of the opinion that I have a privilege to get angry, because this guy's effectively gloating about his relationships.

He isn't gloating at all, I think you may just be bitter and seeing it that way. This guy want's some advice not someone moaning on the internet. Demeaning yourself isn't going to help your situation, try being positive and more confident. Would you buy a game if the devs themselves said it was shit? Advertise yourself better.

I dunno if you know this or not but RAKtheUndead does this on every relationship/love/dating thread that gets put out there. It's an intentional trolling he's doing to try and derail/kill these types of threads. So don't take him too seriously on these

OT: It really depends on how close the two of you were to being a couple before you made this trip. If what your post said is true and she confessed her love and it was out of left field I don't think telling her was the best decision. I mean look at it from her POV; she finally tells you how she feels and is ecstatic you reciprocated the feelings, but hold on right before this you were totally sleeping around with all sorts of sluts and bimbos. It happened just before we got together![footnote]Her Potential POV, not mine[/footnote]. I mean nobody wants to hear about any stuff that happens in someones past, especially not the recently recent stuff.