I Don't Understand: Pain is Love

[Azrael the Cat]

Psychologically, I believe that sadomasochism has some links to depression and past traumas. Some people take on pain as a pleasure through a conscious or semi-conscious choice, as a way of moving through or passively dealing with extreme traumas (after all, if you enjoy pain, you can in theory withstand more of it). The effect this has on sex is easily explained by the fact that sex is often as much of an emotional release as a physical one.

If people are emotionally inclined towards enjoying pain to show their strength in resisting it and/or inflicting it on others to express it, then they are also inclined to enjoy these things at a sexual level as well.

A lot of people lead terribly hard lives so it's not surprising that a lot of people end up dealing with trauma in this way and make it popular. And who, beyond the most judgemental and controlling of people, can call these personal preferences "wrong"? It may be unhealthy, and it may cause societal issues regarding passive and not-so-passive aggression and continue to regenerate a culture of pleasure through pain, but as an action at the fundamental level I don't think it is.

I remember reading psychological studies where that was pretty much refuted. Repeated studies of BDSM clubs in different continents showed the same rate of childhood abuse/trauma/sexual-assault as found in the rest of the community - i.e. they were no more likely to have been victims of trauma than anyone else. That kind of shoots down the whole 'they're doing it to get through trauma' theory.

I think the mistake that leads to that theory is that people look at it and think 'gee, what on earth would have to happen to me to find THAT arousing!'. The only thing that they can think of is something that would change their perception of sex drastically, hence they think 'trauma'. They're not thinking 'how would these people, who have different views on sex and see it differently to me, and who find this stuff arousing, be motivated by it'.

It also conflicts with how victims of sexual assault actually react to circumstances that resemble those of the assault. Most will avoid those circumstances, going to great lengths if necessary.

I'd say that it forms the same way as any other fetish. People always find fetishes (or just different hobbies, flat out) hard to understand - most people can't understand why people would 'trainspot' (old hobby in England where you keep track of the train numbers going through a station) either, but different people like different things. Sexual fetishes often have a lot to do with the circumstances that one first found arousing, and like all sexual practices they tend to escalate as people look new things to do.

Personally, I've never suffered any real trauma, and both myself and every single partner I've gone out with for >3 months (I'm married and in my mid-30s) have always been into SOME degree of BDSM - handcuffs, tying up, that sort of thing. I've had several partners of both genders who have been into having fingernails dug into them - much lighter than what the BDSM club fetish types would be into, but I can see how it starts. They'd be introduced to it in a light way by a sexual partner who they happen to click with, the sex is good, so they want to try the same thing again, and over time it just takes more and more extreme BDSM to produce the same effect.

 

[VaudevillianVeteran]

The pain is a stimulant. Though suffice to say, a lot of people aren't into it. But it's just what some couples are into. The same way some couples are into cuddling afterwards but others are into giving the other cigarette burns. C'est la vie.

 

[Mikkaddo]

I dont understand why people can get aroused and feel good when there in alot of pain?

i watched a foreign film about this Doctor who faked his death so he could leave his wife too look for sexual experiences like BDSM , Crossdressing Sex, Incest, Rape and take Drugs. His brother and wife go in search of him but find out his dirty secrets.

i cant recall the country of origin it may have been Austrian or was it Hungarian?

anyway there was a scene on which there was video of the Doctor getting whipped by a female, he was enjoying it and even admits to it later on in the film even saying it was like 'paradise'.

I looked into but apparently there is this whole sub culture of sex and pleasure but i simply couldn't understand.

Why do people feel good for hurting other's?

shouldn't sex be less painful?

Shouldn't pain be a thing to avoid not embrace as a sexual thrill?

IS it wrong?

i have been searching for 2 hours the title of the film but with no success.

just so you know the movie wasn't porn there was lots of nudity and disturbing thing

[he kisses his brother and tries to rape him but leaves because he needs to kill his Mentor for 'Sexual pleasure'] Good Film though.

my personal thought's are i don't think people should enjoy pain. Pain shouldn't be a pleasure and showing affection by hitting someone just doesn't seem right. Im sorry if i offend but it just doesn't seem right too me.

I understand pain in sex but not the whole Whipping and Spanking part

EDIT: But Why? shouldn't something trigger in your head like 'oh hang on this will be painful i better not do that' or 'I might injure this girl/guy if i do it that'

Im Trezu those are my thoughts of the week.

It's not something that can be easily explained in a simple sentence. But sufice it to say, some people want to avoid that pain, others enjoy it . . . I myself am a sadist, one of them that enjoys hurting others.

The important thing to remember about it, something you wouldn't see in a movie (especially not one where a man fakes his own death to get out of a marriage)with BDSM especially, it's consensual. It's two adults that both agree to it getting together for it. The movie sounds like it just sort of says "hey this is BDSM!" with no explanation . . . then again, it wouldn't look nearly as edgy if they DID explain it.

The thing is, BDSM isn't about the pain itself, at least to a degree it's about giving up power to another person. Or having that power over another person. The pain brings them pleasure because they've given themselves completely to that person. They've given all control to that person.

 

[DeathWyrmNexus]

Sadism, I can't really explain as I am not a sadist. Perhaps it is a feeling over power over another. I have known a couple of sadists and despite how it would appear, they were both decent people. They have their kink but they didn't believe or even enjoy the idea of randomly hurting other people.

As for masochism, I have experience with those folks. Their brain is interpreting it differently than you or I. Also, it isn't all pain either. Most masochists have a form of pain they like. My personal experience is a woman who likes what she calls Thuddy pain. She isn't into pain overall so much as how her body interprets thuds on her back and behind. Do it wrong and it would just as unpleasant for her as it would be for you or I. Do it right and... Damn, it is like she has a literal On switch. It is about body hardwiring for most folks as opposed to a conditioned thing.

But yea, that is the simplified version.

 

[Hosker]

It releases some kind of pleasure chemical into the brain (endorphines?) when being whipped.

 

[StormShaun]

Well Im in a situation that is unrelated to this or not......but im in a situation where I love my best friends sister....yeh

 

[Rayne870]

Most BDSM wont cause permanent injury. IE the whips are less like bullwhips and more like getting spanked.

Just try having your partner spank lightly during your next act of intimacy and you'll get the general idea. Additionally during sex the hormones released dull pain reception and after awhile you associate minor pain with the pleasure of sex.

Anyway it's not for everyone but as I always say with sex it's worth trying everything once.

 

[Lawnmooer]

People like different things... Some people get pleasure from chocolate, whereas I just feel repulsed by the thought of it (I still eat it... but more to do with cravings than actually getting pleasure from it)

My childhood had me getting hurt pretty often, so I now have a high pain tolerance and feel alot of pain as pleasurable (Minor cuts, getting whipped or punched ect). I have not yet tried causing pain during sex to enhance the experience (As I haven't been having it for a while) but I can see how people would like it, not to the extremes but a bit of casual pain during sex doesn't seem too bad.

But then I guess others do like the extremes. Perhaps it enhances their experience? or maybe they can only enjoy it when they're in/causing extreme pain.

 

[nunqual]

Everybody likes something 'odd.' It's just something you'll discover as you learn more about sex.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

Why do people feel good for hurting other's?

That's the domination part of it, looking at people and seeing that they are powerless to your whip when they're chained to the wall. A lot of people get jollies off this, some use those jollies for sex.

Shouldn't pain be a thing to avoid not embrace as a sexual thrill?

Not really. When the body experiences pain it releases endorphins, these endorphins can make you feel good. They're a bit like morphine, especially when there is no immediate danger and people get their kicks off it. [footnote]I didn't do biology and most of this is just what I've read off the internet so I wouldn't go around schooling people on this, but it's accurate enough to explain some of this.[/footnote]

The whipping and spanking stuff is just your basic fetish combined with these two explanations.

 

[chinangel]

masochism sweetie. Some of us are just wired differently.

 

[Leon Last Lord Shyle]

Personally life is about experiences and even bad ones make it more fulfilling who says you have to enjoy something to get derive enjoyment from experiencing it (if anyone understands me)

I would rather live a life of terrible experiences filled with pain and misery cause then i have at least experienced.

 

[Terminal Blue]

There are multiple levels.. it depends how much pain you're talking about.

Mild pain can be highly sexual. If nothing else, most women endure some degree of pain through vaginal sex at some point in their lives. Scratching, love biting, light smacking, restraint and so forth are incredibly common sexual activities, and some form D/s is so common in heterosexual couples that it's generally not even acknowledged as a thing but rather it's just how male/female bedroom dynamics tend to work. Are these things innately enjoyable? No. Does that make them 'wrong', hell no.

You're misunderstanding though. For most people, pain isn't pleasure, and the more severe the pain the more distinct from pleasure it is. There is a word called Aglolagnia which refers to situations where pain and pleasure are difficult to distinguish, such as the aforementioned example of vaginal penetration but those are quite rare. It's not uncommon when BDSM activity is criminalized for defence lawyers to try and claim a literal link between BDSM activity and pleasure, but I certainly don't know anyone who feels that. Enjoyment does not mean pleasure though, and you can very much have a context where something is enjoyable or even sexual without being directly pleasurable. If you really can't get past the Freudian pleasure principle and the idea that everyone should be seeking pleasure all the time, remember that even in that theory deferred gratification is extremely important for establishing and enhancing what people feel as pleasure.

Whipping, for example, assuming you mean a long flexible single-tailed whip, is pretty unequivocally painful. I randomly ended up playing with a friend in a club who was really into whipping, and there's virtually no stimulation in it besides a sudden, intense stinging sensation. There's not even very much impact or pressure really, it just hurts. Still, it expresses a great deal of trust to willingly put yourself in that situation or to take on responsibility for the safety of someone in that situation. Neither side is necessarily really about a selfish pleasure, but more about an interaction, and I think that's where the sexual side comes in (what 'sexual' means being kind of open to debate). On the other hand, I think it can be a very deep way of exploring how you react on an individual level. It can be.. focusing, if that makes sense. It cuts out a lot of the emotional distractions and worries of everyday life and just leaves you feeling completely invincible.

Ugh.. I'm not doing a very good job. I think it's the kind of thing you just have to experiment with. Everyone is slightly different in this regard, I think.

Psychologically, I believe that sadomasochism has some links to depression and past traumas.

Going by most schools of psychology all sexual activity has some links to past traumas. What are you basing that one on?

 

[Joepow]

First of all, you need to remember that, like any other fetish, enjoying BDSM (as a sub, a dom, or both) is not a conscious decision. Also, BDSM is often about control, not pain.
As to weather it is wrong, it isn't. You may find it weird or repulsive, but it is something both parties enjoy and agreed to.

The film was a documentary or fictional? In any case, the guy has severe psychological problems and/or is a total bastard.

Reading the other comments I realize that my post adds fuck all to the thread, but meh...