I Don't Understand: Pain is Love

[Ushiromiya Battler]

I dunno... Some people like hurting others, some people don't...
It's just the way it is.
I myself prefer pain over hurting others, as I view pain as a sign that you are alive.
It actually reminded me on how paramedics work at crash sites, they should never go for the screaming people, as they are conscious enough to feel pain.

Sorry if my sentences looks weird...
I'm Norwegian.

 

[willsham45]

Everyone is different and everyone has different likes and dislikes.
I think I get the basic idea of it going though pain to make the pleasure of sex feel even better though the contrast of the 2 acts. there is probally some sort of adrenilin rush in there too, another reason for doing it.
It does not really matter what others do, its usually all pretty harmless and both sides agree to do it and there usally have safe words and all that to keep it from going too far.
At the end of the day you cannot say anything about it until you try it yourself.

I will add there are other things people do that looks a lot more painful than some of these sex act things look at this for example.
http://www.suspendc.com/details.php

 

[Gigano]

There is no need to understand; only to accept whatever goes on between sane consenting adults.

Understanding one's own wants and desires, and pointedly when not to impose them on others, is all that really matter.

 

[Captain Bobbossa]

Have you ever seen fight club by any chance? If no then watch it 1) because it's a good film 2) because it kind of explains this a little bit.
If yes then have you then ever gone and done that thing that they did outside the pub? Just randomly start a fight between you and a mate for the sake of it? If you havn't then it is harder to understand.

 

[valkeminator]

I would probably say its the thrill of having sex in a relatively different way. Come to think of it, once you do the same thing over and over and over again, wouldn't you want to try something different? But then again some people have different taste/like/dislike. This would probably the case.

As in understanding how can Pain = Love its probably because of the thrill of doing something outside of normal behavior.

Now about foot fetish... that is one thing I truly do not understand.

 

[binvjoh]

I guess the line between intense pleasure and excruciating pain might be blurry for some.

I won't say that I can't understand it, but it's certainly not for me.

 

[Zaik]

In the craziest concept since the dark ages, some people have preferences and enjoy certain things which most people would not.

You're not supposed to actually understand it unless you have some sort of degree in neuroscience.

 

[Silva]

Psychologically, I believe that sadomasochism has some links to depression and past traumas. Some people take on pain as a pleasure through a conscious or semi-conscious choice, as a way of moving through or passively dealing with extreme traumas (after all, if you enjoy pain, you can in theory withstand more of it). The effect this has on sex is easily explained by the fact that sex is often as much of an emotional release as a physical one.

I'd tend to agree...but I'd be wary of saying that, cause it will likely lead to endless ranting.

Good, that's the fun part.

I remember reading psychological studies where that was pretty much refuted. Repeated studies of BDSM clubs in different continents showed the same rate of childhood abuse/trauma/sexual-assault as found in the rest of the community - i.e. they were no more likely to have been victims of trauma than anyone else. That kind of shoots down the whole 'they're doing it to get through trauma' theory.

I'll take your word for it on this one, however I was definitely working within a theory that was widely believed once. You need only look at all the posters concurring with me to see that these studies you mention are not wide knowledge.

I think the mistake that leads to that theory is that people look at it and think 'gee, what on earth would have to happen to me to find THAT arousing!'. The only thing that they can think of is something that would change their perception of sex drastically, hence they think 'trauma'. They're not thinking 'how would these people, who have different views on sex and see it differently to me, and who find this stuff arousing, be motivated by it'.

I was more inclined to see that it was both answers, that is that it could be both a trauma thing or a conformity-makes-norms system. But if it is the latter, it still has to have started somewhere. At which point, the cause may have been trauma. But that's a "chicken or the egg" question since it's such an old practice.

It also conflicts with how victims of sexual assault actually react to circumstances that resemble those of the assault. Most will avoid those circumstances, going to great lengths if necessary.

I was not referring to sexual traumas as a cause at all, only emotional ones. If anything I'd say that sexual traumas would create reactions like those you mention here.

Going by most schools of psychology all sexual activity has some links to past traumas. What are you basing that one on?

Past reading. I have no claim to current sources to link, as the above post demonstrated. I was merely going by what I thought I knew at the time. I'm sure the first person to bother will help the discussion immensely.