I was twenty-six when I lost my virginity and not for want of trying for the decade prior. (I've since made up for lost time, and then some.)
I suffer from major depression, and was, in my young adulthood, crazy enough to scare away everyone, man or woman, who might want to associate with me. With time, I've learned to manage my symptoms.[footnote]If you haven't yet, check out DBT [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy]. CBT is a robust (if a bit rough) treatment process towards reducing your symptoms in response to triggers. DBT is a set of tools to help one manage their symptoms. If your insurance doesn't cover it, you may have to get proactive and learn these tools online and search locally for a peer support group. But hopefully, you'll be able to get into a program. If nothing else, PM me, and I'll provide what interpersonal sponsorship I can.[/footnote]
As a secularist, I'm one to encourage sexual activity -- with the same degree of regard for safety that one should have when driving a motor vehicle or handling firearms[footnote]You can contract STIs. You can get pregnant (or get someone pregnant). You can get heartbroken if your partner is untrustworthy. Make sure you take precautions to protect yourself from these outcomes.[/footnote] -- because it is a means by which we better know ourselves, because it's a lot of fun, and it mellows us out and is generally a healthful thing to be sexually active.[footnote]I hypothesize that Islamic extremists would quickly run out of volunteer suicide terrorists if their recruits were getting laid on a steady basis. The severe restrictions on sex in Shariah law [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharia], and the allowance, even encouragement of polygynous households headed by wealthy men makes for a general dearth of girlfriend material. Things as they are paint very pretty the promise of 72 virgins[footnote]Though, make mine seventy-two classically-trained tantrika courtesans, please.[/footnote] in an afterlife to a young, sexually desperate man.[/footnote] [footnote]The tradition of saving one's self until marriage was a device in olden times to make arranged marriages more effective at procreation, for times when women were chattel and male heirs were important. A young couple denied sexual satisfaction would go at each other like starved rats at peanut butter, despite how otherwise incompatible they were. These days, women are regarded as persons in their own right. Labor shortages are less a concern, as are heirs, and female children pass along more of the father's genetic code, anyway. And marriage is generally for love, not an arrangement.[/footnote]
That said, the best thing you can do is get yourself out there, no matter how anxiety-inducing such a proposition is. I suggest group activites you enjoy. (e.g. Tabletop card and board games are my own preference.) School study groups are excellent, as are church or community activities. The first step is to use this as per exposure therapy to get used to the idea of being around people, after which anxiety will reduce in time. The second is to make friends and expand your social network. (That is, people with whom you share face time. People you only know on Facebook or The Escapist don't count here.)
When it comes to notching the bedpost, my method is a bit different than is typical in the mainstream, which is good, since I'm not particularly into drinking, the nightclub scene or spectator sports. So by all means feel free to try methods other than mine:
The Uriel-238[footnote]Patent Pending, 1993[/footnote] surefire seduction technique that always scores is to treat a woman exactly the same way you would treat any other person who doesn't (necessarily) have a working vagina. I've noticed that in every single case that I've used this technique, provided a) she was available, b) we were basically attracted to each other (e.g. healthy, shared good chemistry) and c) we had enough time to share, that she'd ride me like a pony I'd score with her like a champion that something quite pleasant would happen between the two of us.
I'd apologize about the wall of text, but that's just what I do.
238U
