I got Ebola, what do I do? D:

[AkaDad]

We have a worse epidemic on our hands.

Derp is highly contagious.

 

[Varrdy]

Guis

I got Ebola and I dunno what to do. Am I gonna die? ;_;

I knew I shouldn't have trusted that nice nurse but mah dick has a mind of it's own sometimes, I swear >.>

OT: I'm running out of time, what do you people think is the best course of action now?

Spoiler: Joke Ruiner

No, I don't actually have ebola but #TakeBackEscapistForums

Well when you have Ebola, you should do what most people tend to do when they have Ebola:

1) Sit around in some discomfort as their internal organs liquefy

2) Take bets on which of your now jelly-like organs will exit your body first

3) Have a massive fit, which usually also involves spraying your entire supply of blood (which is infectious) all over the room you happen to be in and over anyone unlucky enough to be close by

4) Die

Have a nice day!

 

[Grouchy Imp_v1legacy]

You have ebola? Then there is no time to lose, you must finish your bucket-list as quickly as possible! In case you haven't written a bucket-list, here are a few helpful suggestions:

Go out into your local highstreet and hand out free hugs.
Go to your local orphanage and high-five all the kids.
Buy a day-tripper ticket and ride the buses all day long.
Travel to famous landmarks and get your photo taken with groups of tourists.
Go back to the orphanage and high-five all the kids again. Just to be sure.

#RememberWhenCreatingAThreadAboutATopicAlreadyBeingDiscussedInAnotherThreadWasAgainstForumRules

 

[Varrdy]

Oh I forgot one thing from my list - stay the f**k away from me! Cool?

Go on about your day, try not to lick anyone.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

Do not stare directly into the flash

Also, remember that in shadow from the light flash is also in shadow from the heat flash coming shortly afterwards.

But then again, I've been told that you shouldn't wait to see what's in shadow, you just duck and cover and hope for the best because you won't know how long the interval between them will be.

I've heard somewhere that if you layer on clothes enough that if you're out of ground zero and survive the washover and the backblast that follows, you can live with little to no radiation burns... you may have some flaming clothing but insulated you stand a chance of surviving without fall-off-the-bone human bbq for what used to be your flesh....
And of course somewhere to wait out the fallout...

CAPTCHA sayeth: face the music.
Well I believe Lord Inglip agrees with me that ground zero is probably your best seat in the house.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Do not stare directly into the flash

Also, remember that in shadow from the light flash is also in shadow from the heat flash coming shortly afterwards.

But then again, I've been told that you shouldn't wait to see what's in shadow, you just duck and cover and hope for the best because you won't know how long the interval between them will be.

I've heard somewhere that if you layer on clothes enough that if you're out of ground zero and survive the washover and the backblast that follows, you can live with little to no radiation burns... you may have some flaming clothing but insulated you stand a chance of surviving without fall-off-the-bone human bbq for what used to be your flesh....
And of course somewhere to wait out the fallout...

Oh sure, depends on any number of factors, but there's a "nope, you're stuffed" distance, followed by a large "really not good, but you can do things" range.

You don't even need the right clothes (though long white cloaks should come into fashion during threats of nuclear war), just a certain level of knowledge. In Nagasaki, the police were told a little about what happened at Hiroshima, and survived in disproportional numbers. Just knowing not to go to the window and look out if you see a weird bright glow in the sky saves you from a faceful of broken glass when the window blows in.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

Do not stare directly into the flash

Also, remember that in shadow from the light flash is also in shadow from the heat flash coming shortly afterwards.

But then again, I've been told that you shouldn't wait to see what's in shadow, you just duck and cover and hope for the best because you won't know how long the interval between them will be.

I've heard somewhere that if you layer on clothes enough that if you're out of ground zero and survive the washover and the backblast that follows, you can live with little to no radiation burns... you may have some flaming clothing but insulated you stand a chance of surviving without fall-off-the-bone human bbq for what used to be your flesh....
And of course somewhere to wait out the fallout...

Oh sure, depends on any number of factors, but there's a "nope, you're stuffed" distance, followed by a large "really not good, but you can do things" range.

You don't even need the right clothes (though long white cloaks should come into fashion during threats of nuclear war), just a certain level of knowledge. In Nagasaki, the police were told a little about what happened at Hiroshima, and survived in disproportional numbers. Just knowing not to go to the window and look out if you see a weird bright glow in the sky saves you from a faceful of broken glass when the window blows in.

On a serious note, I did go through US Army MOPP training. Standard fullbody chemical/biological and fallout radius rated gear. Not like stuff you'd handle nukes with mind you, just enough to help you survive post-blast. Part of that training also involved how to dig the right type of foxhole (this is all with it in mind that one will more than likely be attacked by said nuke or bio/chemical WMD) to help survive the initial blast and the blowback second blast that comes when all the vacuum that was just created by the nuke suddenly remembers it needs shit to be inside it. While its possible to survive a nuke, you've got to have ample warning, good knowledge of the ground zero radius and damn prepared. Might as well build a Vault if you're going to be preventative at all... So anyone got an EBOLA Vault going yet? I'll volunteer for one of the crazy OculusRift sponsored by Carmack Vaults...

 

[FPLOON]

AHH, you just came home from doin a *****
Tell me whatcha gon do? ACT A FOOL!
Ebola broke in to fukkin wrek ur shit
Tell me whatcha gon do? ACT A FOOL!

But honestly, yo... Get a new dick, man... Your old one can't be trusted since it "gotz teh Ebola and shit"... That way, you won't have Ebola "no mo" and you can still sex up other nurses and shit, especially ones that lack that Ebola-based sex drive like that other one, dawg...

Spoiler

Yeah... I got fucking nothing...

 

[AT God]

(I have no idea what is really going on here so I am going to respond to this sarcastically since I am killing time.)

Make sure to call Jesse Jackson and tell him that you got it because discrimination and blackness, especially if you are not black.
Also, fart on people, I got an email warning that Ebola can be spread through farts and I have reason to believe that the internet, in fact, cannot lie about serious matters.

Deleted idea: Pun about the word ebola, like E-Bowl-Uh what? What do you have a bowl of?

 

[Phrozenflame500]

Stay out of GamerGate threads, because while Ebola's bad, Ebola AND Cancer is worse.

 

[Thaluikhain]

While its possible to survive a nuke, you've got to have ample warning, good knowledge of the ground zero radius and damn prepared.

Well, depends on how bad things are at your distance. Lots of people are likely to be close enough to be in danger, but far away enough to have a decent chance. People survived both Hiroshima and Nagasaki without any real knowledge of what was going on, for example. Tell everyone to hide under the furniture, and it will be useful advice for somebody.

 

[Olas]

You give me all your money, that's what you do. Electronically of course, I don't want your ebola bills.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

While its possible to survive a nuke, you've got to have ample warning, good knowledge of the ground zero radius and damn prepared.

Well, depends on how bad things are at your distance. Lots of people are likely to be close enough to be in danger, but far away enough to have a decent chance. People survived both Hiroshima and Nagasaki without any real knowledge of what was going on, for example. Tell everyone to hide under the furniture, and it will be useful advice for somebody.

The size difference of today's possible blast zone is sooo much larger than the Fat Man's used, so the accuracy of how many folks survived the last bomb of that nature detonated in this world is subject to an order of magnitude. Thermonukes are evil... so glad we've never ever had to use one.

 

[Thaluikhain]

The size difference of today's possible blast zone is sooo much larger than the Fat Man's used, so the accuracy of how many folks survived the last bomb of that nature detonated in this world is subject to an order of magnitude. Thermonukes are evil... so glad we've never ever had to use one.

True, though the bigger ones have been removed from service, not very cost efficient compared to more precise modern devices. Whatever the yield, though, there's going to be somewhere close enough to be in danger, but far away enough to have a chance.

 

[Zantos]

Shit I read this thread, does that mean I have ebola now? I thought I had ebola last week but it turned out to be freshers flu.

 

[Pinkamena]

Water your blood out and put it on a spray bottle. Then go around spraying people in the faces. Trust me, Ebola will be very thankful.

 

[Lucem712]

Shit I read this thread, does that mean I have ebola now? I thought I had ebola last week but it turned out to be freshers flu.

Well, it's highly contagious. Especially through the spidey-webs of the internets. So, take the number of articles you've read about ebola, make a circle with salt, turn off the lights, count your toes, divide by pie, grab a magic 8-ball [http://www.indra.com/cgi-bin/spikes-8-ball] and ask it if you have ebola.

 

[Vault101]

Mind you, if you annoy Taylor Swift, she might immortalise you in song. Have I mentioned I don't much like country music?

Taylor isn't country...she's made the transition into pop...as they all do

 

[Thaluikhain]

Mind you, if you annoy Taylor Swift, she might immortalise you in song. Have I mentioned I don't much like country music?

Taylor isn't country...she's made the transition into pop...as they all do

Good thing, too.

You know if you play a country song backwards, they get a job and move back with their significant other and live happily?

 

[Vault101]

Good thing, too.

You know if you play a country song backwards, they get a job and move back with their significant other and live happily?

I think you're being a little too unfair on country

I mean sure self congratulatory sappy pop-country is....meh

but back in the day country was all about telling the hypocritical slut shaming assholes of the Harper Valley PTA where to stick it and forbidden queer love[footnote/]yeah ok that's just my interpretation of Dolly Partons Jolene BUT STILL[/footnote]

oh and the original Fancey