I need a bit of help...

[Judgement101]

it's a relationship thing but before you go "Oh look, another one of these *moves cursor over Back button*" There is a bit of a twist.
Here is the story:
About three years ago I met this girl that I instantly fell in love with. She seemed different than the other girls. I acted like a gentleman around her and acted really nice. She got me out of my extreme depression that basically reduced me to a psycopath. Eventually we started dating and everything was going perfect. But everything comes to an end eventually and we broke up. I still had feelings for her and I still acted nice and we remained friends. She then went out with a guy that abused her and cheated on her. Eventually they broke up and I helped her recover from it. Then they started dating again. That is the moment where I snapped and I cut off all contact with her. Then it poped into my head: Girls never date the good guy, they always date the jerks that will eventually cheat on them. Her boyfriend cheated on her again and she was hoping for me to help her recover again.

I'm not sure if I should help her again or not. Please help, it's bothering me.

 

[Jark212]

I'd recommend that you leave her in that hole that she's been digging herself, maybe she'll learn something...

You deserve better my friend...

 

[Skorpyo]

Do not help her.

There is no reason for you to get involved in a problem that will only cause harm to you or her. Stay away, and stay safe.

Hell, even if you didn't get hurt, this would cause some sort of emotional damage to everybody involved.

 

[Judgement101]

Who do you call in a situation like this? You call..

BonsaiK! [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=1]

Is he really that helpful?

 

[Treeinthewoods]

Move on bro, if she calls you for help tell her you are busy because you have a date with someone else. Then, never call her back.

 

[Kalida]

She's a friend first, a girl second. Don't be afraid to tell her she's being an idiot, sometimes it takes a slap to wake someone up.

 

[Judgement101]

There are always people who'll date abusive partners, she'll continue to be hurt until she realises her fault.

You could try reasoning with her I guess.

Also, no, girls don't always date jerks, please refer to what I said in the first line.

Sorry, I have a very sterotypical view on the dating thing because personal experiences have lead me to believe so. I apologize for my thoughts.

 

[Judgement101]

Who do you call in a situation like this? You call..

BonsaiK! [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=1]

Is he really that helpful?

Yes. Seriously, the guy is ridiculously helpful. Even if he doesn't give you any advice you would necessarily follow or want to hear, it's still beneficial to have an other opinion from someone who by this point must have read and responded to about fifty things dealing with a similar issue.

Who do you call in a situation like this? You call..

BonsaiK! [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=1]

Is he really that helpful?

He's also kind of a meme on The Escapist too.

Based on the amount of credit people give him, if he can't help me with this, walk on water, and turn water into wine, I will be very disappointed.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Been there, and the answer is no. Believe me, it wont end well for you at all.

Cut the ties and leave.

Also, girls date 'bad boys' because their far more interesting than 'nice guys.' Its not because their bad or the nice guy has low self esteem (Well, sometimes it is, but thats another issue): Its because a nice guy, willing to bend over a bit for you, and who doesn't argue constantly because he knows someones got to give eventually and it might as well be him, well...

That's just boring. Why do you think guys usually end up dating crazy women? Its not just the sex.

 

[Serenegoose]

So... was the 'twist' your little bit of misogynistic nonsense at the end? Because I mean bitter guys spouting stuff about how girls only date jerks is like M Night Shyamalan levels of twist.

You can see it coming a mile away and it stinks.

 

[Judgement101]

So... was the 'twist' your little bit of misogynistic nonsense at the end? Because I mean bitter guys spouting stuff about how girls only date jerks is like M Night Shyamalan levels of twist.

You can see it coming a mile away and it stinks.

Again, personal experiences have lead me to think this way, I may be wrong and I probably am but what you wrote really doesn't help solve the problem.

 

[P-mac]

My suggestion? Let her shoot herself in the foot again. Then when she realized that she made a massive mistake, you'll be too busy seeing other people.

 

[Serenegoose]

So... was the 'twist' your little bit of misogynistic nonsense at the end? Because I mean bitter guys spouting stuff about how girls only date jerks is like M Night Shyamalan levels of twist.

You can see it coming a mile away and it stinks.

Again, personal experiences have lead me to think this way, I may be wrong and I probably am but what you wrote really doesn't help solve the problem.

Alright, here's my serious suggestion. Your generalisation that 'all women are X' implies that you don't think women are real people, but automatons built on a consistent response mechanism. This is invariably going to colour how you treat them, as all prejudices will, which will almost always lead you to having less successful relationships, especially when your prejudice is so unfavourable as to suggest that women are stupid, and so can't see what's good for them, unlike you (obv) and so will always end up with assholes.

Drop that opinion, refine your beliefs into something that recognises the essential humanity of the person you're trying to charm, and maybe you'll find people who -don't- try and get away from you.

 

[Judgement101]

Spoiler

it's a relationship thing but before you go "Oh look, another one of these *moves cursor over Back button*" There is a bit of a twist.
Here is the story:
About three years ago I met this girl that I instantly fell in love with. She seemed different than the other girls. I acted like a gentleman around her and acted really nice. She got me out of my extreme depression that basically reduced me to a psycopath. Eventually we started dating and everything was going perfect. But everything comes to an end eventually and we broke up. I still had feelings for her and I still acted nice and we remained friends. She then went out with a guy that abused her and cheated on her. Eventually they broke up and I helped her recover from it. Then they started dating again. That is the moment where I snapped and I cut off all contact with her. Then it poped into my head: Girls never date the good guy, they always date the jerks that will eventually cheat on them. Her boyfriend cheated on her again and she was hoping for me to help her recover again.

I'm not sure if I should help her again or not. Please help, it's bothering me.

You have to decide if you can handle that she may not want to go out with you, and again may go out with someone else who may be a 'jerk' in general. I personally don't believe that stereotype, but I do know a lot of girls who go for the bad boy type or image in a guy just because it's more exciting for them. To me it's a personal choice, but not all girls go for that. You know? A lot sure. Not all though. Deep down most girls and women learn the hard way that the bad boy isn't right for them, for whatever reasons. Cheating, lying, being neglected, or whatever specific issue. It does work sometimes, but usually it doesn't.

Now here's where you must decide. Knowing she may go back to him a third time (trust me, it can happen...) if you choose to help her and be her friend, there is a chance she may see you as the better choice. When it comes down to it though, you guys are friends, so you have to ask yourself, will love interfere with that friendship? Would you cut her off because you want her to choose you but she may not? It all depends on what you choose there. Either you help her and put your feelings aside, or you don't and stick with your feelings. :/

You could help her, then ask her straight up on why she won't choose you. Be prepared for the truth though in any case. Her answer might not be what you want to hear, and it's always good to be prepared for that in any case.

I hope this post helps! If you want to talk more, go ahead and PM me!

I think she is trying to use the though. She knows I could ruin her ex's life very easily and I think she wants to use me as a revenge tool so that when her ex is in a bad place she could then help him and he would then be with her and never cheat on her. Clearly I over think stuff too much. Also, I apologize for that extremely inappropriate sterotypical view that I stated earlier.