I need my best friend to realize his girlfriend is worthless

[RollForInitiative]

Talk to him. Seriously. That's all you can do. At the very least, you can address it on the grounds of everyone having to pull their own weight if she's moving in. That includes cleaning and the like.

If your friend really is your friend, he'll hear you out if you talk to him about it reasonably.

 

[Cain_Zeros]

Question 1 - Is your friend happy with her?
Question 2 - There is no question 2, if the answer to question 1 is yes then it really doesn't matter what you think of her.

 

[EatPieYes]

She is not worthless to him. She touches his penis... Thats worth like at least $50 a hour.

*cough* Sorry...

Dude, if she lives so far away that you only have to see the ***** for a couple days once in a blue moon then whats the issue? Sure shes annoying but she touches your friends penis which clearly makes him happy enough to deal with her so who cares.
Would you want him ripping apart every aspect of whatever skank you drag home?

Were I him I would be more concerned with my judgmental friends who do not even have the guts to talk to me about such issues so bad mouth my missus online.

Love the language in this post. Seriously. And you do have some points.

 

[k-ossuburb]

This probably won't work the same way for you that it did for me but when I was in the same position I just became friends with the girl, got to know her better and eventually convinced her to recognize the signs when I want to be left the hell alone. Sure, your friend will suffer because of this, but at least you'll get some peace.

Note: by the time the girl actually got to know me, she cheated on my friend and he dumped her ass anyway. I got to give a very satisfactory "I told you so" out of that one. Ah, good times.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

She sits on her ass, he works his hands to the bone, to give her money every payday...

Anyway, have you tried being subtley annoying? That's what I did when I was in a similar situation. I wasn't openly hostile, I was just... unhelpful. I didn't really change much, but after a while I guess I really helped his doubts about her flourish. I'm not exactly proud, but she was stopping him paying his part of the rent, and I'm stingy.

 

[k-ossuburb]

That sounds like a great idea!

I wrote you a little ditty, I hope it helps. (Sorry for the tinniness, I didn't exactly take my time. Ha ha)

http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/373520

I downloaded that for its sheer awesomeness. Anyway, loved it and it's now sitting in my music collection ready to be launched at the most opportune moment, I'm sure it'll come in handy at some point, I'm sure. Actually, this would make a great intro for a vlog.

 

[Slick Samurai]

Snip

What true friends do is keep them out of trouble and help them when they need help.

What true friends don't do is judge their girlfriends and try to break them up when the friend shows no signs of wanting it to break up.

It sounds to me like you are jealous of the time your friend is spending with her, and you have gotten into the habit of nitpicking every little thing about her.

 

[Tspoon]

1. Go to Oregon
2. Kill Lady
3. Tell him that somebody killed her
4. ???
5. Profit.

*walks in covered in Oregon Chick Blood*

Oh noooo! Look what totally happened by accident!

Exactly.

 

[General_Potatoes]

sounds likeme with one of my friends. don't worry he'll see the truth soon enough.

 

[370999]

Someone's worth is a value judegement. Your friend likes her so you are stuck with her. That said if you dislike her that much are you sure it's a good idea to be under the same roof as her? Like it could lead to some drama.

You are under no obligation to hang with her. You mention you think she is childish, well don't put up with that stuff. If she doesn't pony up for petrol fuel then don't drive her places, likewise expect her to pay her bills. If she can live her life subsidised by your friend, well that ain't great but your friend can dump her anytime she wents.

Ya'know if films, the guy who's like really against the couple getting together/ Is he the good guy? No, nit usually at all. Same here.

 

[nofear220]

Make him watch "The Hangover"?

Paging doctor ******

 

[Sinisterair]

1. Go to Oregon
2. Kill Lady
3. Tell him that somebody killed her
4. ???
5. Profit.

Wait what? Ok 1...go to Oregon 2. kill the lady 3. confirm she was killed. 4.......... 5. profit

 

[SturmDolch]

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.242699-Demon-Dirge-Defiance

there you go

Aha. I knew you were probably a writer from the way you wrote the first few paragraphs. I could vividly imagine the troll. Great.

I like the idea of slowly planting seeds into your friends head.

"Oh, you know what's so lame? People that don't brush their teeth. What's up with that? Gross!"
"Look at this girl I found online, she's so ugly!" (Bonus points if she's a doppelganger of this girl)

And whenever he displays mannerisms she has, mention that it's lame.

Then, once he's punted out of the honeymoon phase, take him to a club where lots of single girls are. Depending on how drastic you find the situation, get him drunk. Once he starts talking with a girl, leave. This way, he won't blame you if he hooks up with her. He won't wonder why you didn't stop him.

Or introduce him to a girl you like and can see him liking. Get her to hang out with you guys a lot. But watch out that she doesn't develop feelings for you.

Or going off that idea, just get your own girl.

 

[Sparcrypt]

Talk to him about it... I hate one of my friends girlfriends - I've told him I can't stand her and he knows it. When I see her, I act pleasantly and put up with her - his life, his choice.

 

[Lord Beautiful]

How I got rid of a girl I really wanted to just go away without feeling like a dick about it?

I introduced her to a friend of mine, the kind of guy you NEVER trust your girlfriend around because he'll fuck literally anything that moves. Invited him over, then said "Jim, can you keep Audrey company while I go to work?"

Came back from work 9 hours later---Audrey had a guilty look on her face, Jim was nowhere to be found, I had my out, and to add insult to injury Jim gave her herpes. Everybody wins. Especially since the only thing worse than herpes is having a girl like that follow you around. Jim was pissed at me for dumping her on him.

Moral of the story: Find a third guy, one who will fuck anything that moves, even a foul-smelling skank like this Miranda chick, then arrange for them to meet. Hilarity (and herpes?) ensues.

JESUS CHRIST THAT IS BRILLIANT.

I'm not even joking here. That was so damn brilliant it was fucking poetic. Not once did that variety of solution run through my mind.

 

[lightningmagurn]

No idea. Try making her hate you enough to drive a wedge between them. That may backfire and get you kicked out on your butt tho. If you have an attractive friend that doesn't know him try to get them to hook up?