I need some social advice

[Royta]

Not a D&D player, but I have a similar friendship with my friends where we all hang out in our close friends basement and just chill... we don't do anything aside from chit-chat and play video games (Sometimes together, often times each of us doing our own thing) and occasionally girlfriends have gotten into the mix. My ex would always beg to come and then get bored because we "Didn't do anything." and disrupted the flow by constantly suggesting we go about doing something outside our dynamic. Eventually I had to tell her she just shouldn't come because it wasn't enjoyable to her.

Another friend in the group, his current girlfriend hangs out with us sometimes, and she's all right. She gets what we do, and for the most part her interest fall inside our parameters... still it gets annoying having her there after weeks straight because well, we're all close friends and having her there requires a degree of self-censorship.

however this gets to my point: If you guys are as close as you say, you should all be able to vocalize your frustration to your friend with out a problem, and encourage him to kick her out of the group (kindly ofcourse, does it seem like she enjoys it at all?)

The thing holding it back is the personality of the DM. He's a really nice guy, but the weakest of the bunch when it comes to backbone. I know him, the second we'll confront him with this (no matter how kindly) he'll lock up and stop talking.
She seems to enjoy it though, though she did express the feeling that she doesn't enjoy it when we are just ourselves. We have to adjust, constantly.

There was one night when she couldn't come, so we bought some beer (she disaproves of alchohol), made some fries and burgers, and had a wonderfull night. We laughed, kicked some demon ass and relived old memories. It was a harsh reminder of how fun it was when it was just the guys.

I respect you for confronting your girlfriend and just saying it, I would have too but it still garners respect. Sometimes you just need an evening of guys being guys with guys doing guy things without the women (not trying to be sexist here).

 

[omega 616]

Snip

To the girl "get fucked".

To your friend "bro's before hoes dude".

Yeah, I am blunt but playing with that kind of person sucks all the fun you have out of the room (not that I have ever played that game) but getting any e mail saying how you have disrespected her is bullshit.

This is way there should be guy time and girl friend time, time spent with one and time spent with the other the two should be treated like beams in the ghost busters they must never cross 'cos this shit always happens.

 

[PotluckBrigand]

I have been there. The way we were able to solve it was to go to the girlfriend (the genders were reversed in our situation) and tell her that her boyfriend was not working out in the party, and we wanted her opinion of how best to handle it. Luckily, our friend was reasonable about it, but she did end up removing herself from the game as well, which was too bad, but ultimately necessary for anyone to start having fun again. We're still friends, she just didn't play in our game anymore.

Obviously, I don't know you or your friend so I don't know what kind of relationship you have. He might freak out if you asked him, but I would say that defending her "no matter what" doesn't make him a good man, it makes him a stubborn one, and unnecessarily so. If he values you as friends, he should be willing to find a compromise.

I tend to not involve my girlfriends in things like D&D or videogames or whatever unless I am DAMNED sure she will fit in (and also that she even WANTS to. Not just targeting women here, since I have known guys to do it too, but I've only dated women, and every single one has, at some point, feigned interest in something because she thought I wanted her to be involved... It's okay, sweetheart. We LIVE together I'll see you when I'm done. Nothing kills the fun of any event like someone PRETENDING to have fun).

Life's too short for shitty role-players, man.

 

[Erana]

I respect you for confronting your girlfriend and just saying it, I would have too but it still garners respect. Sometimes you just need an evening of guys being guys with guys doing guy things without the women (not trying to be sexist here).

The thing is, if it were just guys doing guy things, that's one thing.

But with the way you've spoken of your friends here, and that y'all seem so close, I don't think this is about a guy's night, I think its about you showing a certain side of yourself with these specific people.
If they're important to you, put your foot down: if these DnD sessions are a way to cement your botherly bond, things should stay however is most conducive to your familial relationship.

This is not to say that you should force him to choose between your group and her, its the exact opposite! This fraternal fraternization is part of what makes him him.
I mean, you don't just go around trying to change a relationship between your significant other and their family, after all.

And it doesn't even seem like you don't want to see her ever, just not at that specific time.

 

[McMullen]

Having wasted last friday night in a game with an ass of a DM and a huge number of players that I should have known were going to be unfun, my opinion is that it's just not worth it to spend that much time in a group with a toxic player. You need to tell the DM that he's let a problem player into the group. If he doesn't ask her to leave, then you all should find a different DM or one of you should DM, and leave both of them out of the group.

he'll defend her as any good man would.

If he's dating someone like that, is blind to her obvious personality issues, and inflicting her on his friends this way, then no, he's not a good man. Well, okay, he may be a good man, but he's letting some ***** he's infatuated with wrap him around her finger. I guarantee you that inciting a break up between them would be doing him a favor, but he probably wouldn't be your friend afterward.

Anyway, you all need to explain to both of them that you've had enough of this bullshit and are not as willing to put up with her childlike behavior as he is. Seek a good campaign elsewhere.

 

[Royta]

The thing is, if it were just guys doing guy things, that's one thing.

But with the way you've spoken of your friends here, and that y'all seem so close, I don't think this is about a guy's night, I think its about you showing a certain side of yourself with these specific people.
If they're important to you, put your foot down: if these DnD sessions are a way to cement your botherly bond, things should stay however is most conducive to your familial relationship.

This is not to say that you should force him to choose between your group and her, its the exact opposite! This fraternal fraternization is part of what makes him him.
I mean, you don't just go around trying to change a relationship between your significant other and their family, after all.

And it doesn't even seem like you don't want to see her ever, just not at that specific time.

Yeah we weren't going to make him choose between us or his girl, that's not a position we want to push him into. But that final line you say, is a good one.
She's a fun person, outside of the group. It just doesn't work in this situation.
Thank you!

 

[Macgyvercas]

She's a Homebrewed Oracle class also. With:
- a benifitial curse that allows her to get inflicted by all cast mind-inflicting spells (good and bad, but mostly good)
- druid spell list
- cleric spell list
- oracle spell list
- 3 custom made spells that give either +3 AC or +3 damage
- no preparation needed for spells.

Just typing all this made me realise how out of hand this has gotten.

Also we started with 3.5 but are slowly edging towards Pathfinder. We're playing a sort of hybrid.

Thank you all for the advice, I read it all and took it to heart. Hopefully the next session will go smoothly.

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

 

[PotluckBrigand]

She's a Homebrewed Oracle class also. With:
- a benifitial curse that allows her to get inflicted by all cast mind-inflicting spells (good and bad, but mostly good)
- druid spell list
- cleric spell list
- oracle spell list
- 3 custom made spells that give either +3 AC or +3 damage
- no preparation needed for spells.

Just typing all this made me realise how out of hand this has gotten.

Also we started with 3.5 but are slowly edging towards Pathfinder. We're playing a sort of hybrid.

Thank you all for the advice, I read it all and took it to heart. Hopefully the next session will go smoothly.

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

There should be a special word for that feeling you get as a DM when you find a legitimate way to totally shaft a player who is trying to break your game by obsessively min-maxing and taking advantage of obviously OP stuff. Yeah, I know it isn't professional to up and change something in your own campaign to specifically screw with one player, but to hell with them. It feels good. Also, it's never fun to play in a party with those people.

 

[fenrizz]

She's a Homebrewed Oracle class also. With:
- a benifitial curse that allows her to get inflicted by all cast mind-inflicting spells (good and bad, but mostly good)
- druid spell list
- cleric spell list
- oracle spell list
- 3 custom made spells that give either +3 AC or +3 damage
- no preparation needed for spells.

Just typing all this made me realise how out of hand this has gotten.

Also we started with 3.5 but are slowly edging towards Pathfinder. We're playing a sort of hybrid.

Thank you all for the advice, I read it all and took it to heart. Hopefully the next session will go smoothly.

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

There should be a special word for that feeling you get as a DM when you find a legitimate way to totally shaft a player who is trying to break your game by obsessively min-maxing and taking advantage of obviously OP stuff. Yeah, I know it isn't professional to up and change something in your own campaign to specifically screw with one player, but to hell with them. It feels good. Also, it's never fun to play in a party with those people.

Indeed.
The few times I have been DM (although we play New World of Darkness) and anyone tried to pull shit like that, I had them have a series of unfortunate "mishaps".

I also give extra experience points for good role playing at the end of the session.
It's a nice incentive for my players.

 

[Sonicron]

You've known your friend for over 10 years, I think you should be able to openly talk to him if there's a problem, even if it involves his girlfriend.
As for the girl, apparently she wanted to join your pre-existing group, and whenever you take this kind of step in life you're rightly expected to adhere to the group's rules. I've been a GM for several years now (though not for DnD), and whenever someone joined our group who displayed the kind of behaviour you describe I booted them to the curb so fast it'd make your head spin.

 

[Guffe]

The next tiem you're doing this and she does something that ruins the game take it up as a topic. Just like: "wait a minute, this isn't exaclty right..." and get it discussed with everyone around. I mean if you have a few solid examples of when she's done this and just say straight out that she can't be this overpowered and the game needs to be balanced etc so everyone knows. If it fucks it up I'm sorry but going on a game that isn't fun isn't worth playing. According to me anyways, best of luck.
A few of the hints up there were good too so try and make the best out of the situation!
Good Luck!

 

[DiMono]

If you don't like what's happening, change it. Easiest way in this case is for you and your friends to tell the DM that you're quitting his campaign because you can't stand playing with his girlfriend. And then stick to it, and don't show up this week. Start another game with someone else as DM, maybe; just make a point of not playing in any campaign that contains her.

This is exactly how the NHL got started, actually: there used to be a different hockey organization (I can't remember its name), but everyone in it hated one of the owners, so they all left that organization and started the NHL as a replacement. When he asked if he could join, they told him no. And that's the origin story of the NHL.

 

[370999]

From the sound of ti OP you are a reasonable guy. However I will say this, I get the impression she doesn't really want to play DnD but rather feels that she has to so she can ahng out with her boyfriend. Now have you ever gone shopping with a bunc of girls and listen to them natter on about stuff you couldn't care about? Imagine that every week. So I can sympathise with her being testy and not enjoying it.

So I don't think this situation is fun for anyone so you should change it. Prehaps suggesting to your friend, by yourself, that is might be better if he talked to her about not playing the game with you guy and instead he prehaps comes up wtih a date night time for her.

Couples need time to be couples and people in couples need time to alone with their friends. Doesn't make him or her a bad guy/girl for not getting that and it's not wrong for you to want your game night back.

 

[Johnmw]

And no, a good man would acknowledge that there's a problem, not expect everyone to bow down to her just because she's his girlfriend =/

This really! Get your group together and just chat it out, you said everyone shared your opinion. She either doesn't understand the difference between the the person and the character or, she is just being selfish because she can. Either way, your DM is (probably) not and idiot and may well agree with you and want to raise it with her himself, If he doesn't just show him the 5 page email of complaints - he has to respond to that.

 

[Macgyvercas]

She's a Homebrewed Oracle class also. With:
- a benifitial curse that allows her to get inflicted by all cast mind-inflicting spells (good and bad, but mostly good)
- druid spell list
- cleric spell list
- oracle spell list
- 3 custom made spells that give either +3 AC or +3 damage
- no preparation needed for spells.

Just typing all this made me realise how out of hand this has gotten.

Also we started with 3.5 but are slowly edging towards Pathfinder. We're playing a sort of hybrid.

Thank you all for the advice, I read it all and took it to heart. Hopefully the next session will go smoothly.

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

There should be a special word for that feeling you get as a DM when you find a legitimate way to totally shaft a player who is trying to break your game by obsessively min-maxing and taking advantage of obviously OP stuff. Yeah, I know it isn't professional to up and change something in your own campaign to specifically screw with one player, but to hell with them. It feels good. Also, it's never fun to play in a party with those people.

I suppose we could call it nerfing, but I'm fairly certain that term is taken.

 

[PotluckBrigand]

She's a Homebrewed Oracle class also. With:
- a benifitial curse that allows her to get inflicted by all cast mind-inflicting spells (good and bad, but mostly good)
- druid spell list
- cleric spell list
- oracle spell list
- 3 custom made spells that give either +3 AC or +3 damage
- no preparation needed for spells.

Just typing all this made me realise how out of hand this has gotten.

Also we started with 3.5 but are slowly edging towards Pathfinder. We're playing a sort of hybrid.

Thank you all for the advice, I read it all and took it to heart. Hopefully the next session will go smoothly.

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

There should be a special word for that feeling you get as a DM when you find a legitimate way to totally shaft a player who is trying to break your game by obsessively min-maxing and taking advantage of obviously OP stuff. Yeah, I know it isn't professional to up and change something in your own campaign to specifically screw with one player, but to hell with them. It feels good. Also, it's never fun to play in a party with those people.

I suppose we could call it nerfing, but I'm fairly certain that term is taken.

No I mean I want a name for the feeling haha. It's like joy, but... more sinister.

 

[Macgyvercas]

She's a Homebrewed Oracle class also. With:
- a benifitial curse that allows her to get inflicted by all cast mind-inflicting spells (good and bad, but mostly good)
- druid spell list
- cleric spell list
- oracle spell list
- 3 custom made spells that give either +3 AC or +3 damage
- no preparation needed for spells.

Just typing all this made me realise how out of hand this has gotten.

Also we started with 3.5 but are slowly edging towards Pathfinder. We're playing a sort of hybrid.

Thank you all for the advice, I read it all and took it to heart. Hopefully the next session will go smoothly.

Let me get this straight...She's an 8th level character with three spell sets to choose from, dealing 4d6 damage, and has boons to AC or damage output?

Good god, man! Even Monks aren't that OP at 8th level! See, THIS is the exact reason why homebrew is broken as fuck. You want to do some OP shit, that's fine, but at least stick to the prestige classes. I've found from past experience that homebrew and psionics break the game in ways that can not be comprehended.

Hmm, this character is starting to annoy me. If I was a DM and someone pulled this shit, I'd summon Cthulhu.

There should be a special word for that feeling you get as a DM when you find a legitimate way to totally shaft a player who is trying to break your game by obsessively min-maxing and taking advantage of obviously OP stuff. Yeah, I know it isn't professional to up and change something in your own campaign to specifically screw with one player, but to hell with them. It feels good. Also, it's never fun to play in a party with those people.

I suppose we could call it nerfing, but I'm fairly certain that term is taken.

No I mean I want a name for the feeling haha. It's like joy, but... more sinister.

Schadenfreude, maybe? That's the first thing that comes to mind.

 

[Lyri]

Me and a couple of friends have been doing Dungeons and Dragons for a solid 9 months now. Every friday evening. It's fun, we drink, we laugh, we roleplay. We kick some demon ass!
But there's a problem. One of our friend's girlfriend plays with us, and it just doesn't click.

So. A quick rundown.

Our party consists of me, 3 friends from highschool, another friend from highschool as our DM, and his girlfriend as another party member.
It started out decently, but it is slowly going sour. We're all good friends that have known eachother over 10 years, through thick and thin we've stuck together. We have the same humor, everything, taste. It just clicks.
But the girlfriend is different, she doesn't function in our group. Whenever we talk about something that interests us she cuts us off because "she's not interested". We can only really talk about things that interest her, which we try, but we can't always follow her whim.
She's a bad roleplayer and big on metagaming (using knowledge you as a player know eventhough your character doesn't). She just wants treasure, and she gets all of it. She's never attacked. Does more damage. Gets a homebrewed class that is overpowered. All the perks of being the DM's (dungeon master, the storyteller) girlfriend.

Now, the sessions are slowly turning to go worse. She wants to do everything, command the party and gets personally offended if our characters disagree with hers. Going as far as sending a 5 page email my way for "not respecting her" the previous session. To which I reply "it's just a game, my character just wasn't supportive of that action. No need to get personal offended". Now she's mad at me, again. This is the 6th time it's happened. Twice she tried to kill the party, and failed.

Out of the game nobody likes her, we simply tolerate her because she's our good friend's girlfriend and she makes him happy. We tried to like her, but it all has to go her way. Talk about things she likes. Do what she wants. It's all "her her her her her", a very selfish attitude.
So she's really ruining our fun together as friends and splitting us apart.

Now the TL;DR, what do we do? We can't kick her out of the party without her boyfriend and us getting in a fight, he'll defend her as any good man would. I'm really not sure on how to handle it. I really need some advice ;/

Thank you all in advance for reading and your advice! Much appreciated!

Have you actually just tried talking to her?

She seems to have been there for a long time now, perhaps you can just stay to tell her how things are done and properly instead of just giving her the right to always be better than the group.
Do it in front of the group too with her and the boyfriend as a collective effort that you guys want to bring up for the good of the nights.

Inform them both that her antics are getting above and beyond what is necessary, you have a 5 page email that she took up to writing about not being respected well you're not being respected either.
She clearly isn't grasping the idea behind the game and perhaps her Boyfriend hasn't figured out what's going on but he should be made to realise.