I present to you a challenge:

[Ninjat_126]

You are a nerd with a crowbar and inexplicable skill with automatic weapons. You somehow survive a teleporter mishap that causes a rift into another dimension and run around a science facility shooting anything that moves and being unkillable. Then you go into the future and cause a revolution against an unstoppable army of giant spider tripods and larynxless people AND WIN.


You are a generic American soldier fighting armies of mutated human/alien hybrids that infect people with a virus, except you are immune to the virus since you were somehow involved in a secret government experiment along with other people. You fight a giant cyborg octopus with drills for tentacles and a floating squid/seedpod/human hybrid, before gaining the ability to make people explode by using the force at them.


And... *deep breath*

You are a multiple times retired special operations soldier with a grudge against mercenaries, his own personal scientist and a somehow adopted daughter who can't cook. You fight giant frog robots that perform cow imitations and shoot generic soldiers with a ten-second memory and who'll drop everything to look at a porn magazine. You have to fight your evil twin/clone brother, who is actually inhabiting someone else's body after possessing them through a robot arm. You also have to kill a group of insane women in skintight suits and robot armour who work as mercenaries and professional models. Near the end of the game, you control a giant robot against another giant robot and then break on to a submersible aircraft carrier to destroy a nationalistic computer with a railgun.


*deep breath*

Right, anyone wanting to redo the last one, that's fine by me.

 

[iFail69]

you walk around an area, spawn objects out of nowhere in order to build pointless and stupid contraptions and have no goals whatsoever, whilst you break every law of physics in existence, plus more that don't even exist

oh and you can fly around through objects...



secondly, you run around a cartoony sort of universe, either capturing points by standing on top of them (especially if you are a skinny runt from boston with a baseball bat) for no reason, or taking a briefcase from other guys who look almost identical to you when you have no idea why you are doing so or what's in the briefcase...

oh and your reasons for hating the other guys who look and sound the same as you is because they wear different coloured clothes to you

 

[Old Man Neck]

You micromanage drunken manic depressive midgets with the worst graphics in any game ever. The physics engine has reached some sort of meta-state where it is incredibly detailed, but incredibly broken as well. The game is extremely buggy, with glitches misnamed as features.Game speed can vary from 100 fps down to 1 frame per minute. The worst one of all is the fact that the single man programmer forgot to program a way to win, because "Winning isn't fun" or some nonsense.

 

[Gralian]

You play as this fat hairy plumber who doesn't actually fix pipes. He runs around collecting coins like the greedy little shit that he is and stomping on anything that gets in his way. He's like a cartoon version of the mafia. The whole world makes no fucking sense. Some of the enemies don't even have arms and they look like mushrooms. Actually, everything looks like mushrooms because it's apparantly a kingdom of mushrooms or someshit. In fact, the whole game promotes shrooms because the team who came up with it must have really been high at the time. The fat hairy plumber is also a sexist that always has to be the brave man to save the helpless woman. He's also misogynistic and doesn't allow said woman contact with any other men and always keeps her locked up 'safe and sound' in her own castle. What a douche. Srsly.

 

[Triangulon]

You are a typical university graduate ie. does not utilise their degree. You have a Phd in physics (or pushing carts) but take up a career as a revolutionary leader. Way to waste taxpayers money. Git.

 

[guntotingtomcat]

I present to you a challenge:
Describe your favorite game in the worst way possible.

I'll start.
You wear grass and follows an Irish guy. He says useless stuff like: "Don't do anything stupid" or "too much radiation, we'll have to go around".
You die in a nuclear explosion and hide in plane ventilation systems.

The multiplayer is even worse. You fight in this place with crates and people use the sniper rifles in very inappropriate ways.

I think the guy's Scottish (national pride)

 

[Squilookle]

I present to you a challenge:
Describe your favorite game in the worst way possible.

Now I'll let you off the hook here search bar wise since it's such a hard thing to pin down what this kind of thread is on about, but it has been done at least once before. I'm not trying to gripe- just pointing you to more responses, since you seem interested in people's views on the idea.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.241408-Your-horrible-pitch-for-good-games?page=1

 

[guntotingtomcat]

You sneak around in a jungle, though not really, using cammo, though not really, listening to bullshit about patriots and philosophers and triple agents. Really you just stun everyone, not difficult, and get stuck at an undead boss who has the most stupid and pretentious way of being defeated.
Also, boob lady needs to put her breasts away if she wants me to take her seriously.

 

[TOTL_UNIALAYSHUN]

You play as some unrealistically lucky guy who likes to find treasure and speaks lots of languages. He can do a lot of unrealistic parkour. The online sucks because you have to use your mind to play, and it actually takes effort to be good. Also, the action scenes are too much fun.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

You sneak around in a jungle, though not really, using cammo, though not really, listening to bullshit about patriots and philosophers and triple agents. Really you just stun everyone, not difficult, and get stuck at an undead boss who has the most stupid and pretentious way of being defeated.
Also, boob lady needs to put her breasts away if she wants me to take her seriously.

I'm guessing that's Snake Eater?


Not sure I have a favourite game, but I'll give it a try with a game I like:

You play a whiny manchild who has to try to save the world from a totally-unqualified childminder with the help of two blondes, a Brokeback Mountain understudy, a girl who thinks mini-dress/high heels/uneven footpath is a good combination, and a naive bimbo with daddy issues.

 

[Ldude893]

Okay, so there's this game where you are this guy with glasses sleeping in a subway car when this old guy in a suit wakes him up. Then some random officer guy you know gives you a beer and you suddenly have to run away from cops with gas masks. And then you meet this hot chick and he takes you to this teleporter to a place where your friends are at, but the teleporter breaks so you have to walk all the way there with only a box-opener, and you have to fight gas mask cops, tentacle thingies and zombies. When you meet your friend and the hot chick (who is actually your friend's daughter) at that place, your friend gets kidnapped and then you have to go to the prison where he's kept in. You get this gun which you can use to pick things up and ride to the prison on a car, and you get attacked and chased after by blue electrical soccer balls and giant insects. You finally get there and meet up with the chick, and together you find the chick's dad. But then you get betrayed by this other chick wearing a turtleneck, and takes the chick's father on a teleporter. You go on the teleporter only to find yourself a few days later in time in the middle of a war. You go around the war-zone with random soldiers following you and helping you, and then you have to shoot rockets at War of the World tripods. Then you have to go up this tall tower to find your chick's dad and the chick (who was captured along the way). The turtleneck girl gets an epiphany and decides to help you, and then you have to defeat the final boss before the suit guy appears again and ends the game.

And then there are two sequels after that.

 

[teutonicman]

You play who fights crime in a rodent costume in the name of his mother.

 

[Grouchy Imp_v1legacy]

You play an @ symbol who has to kill the entire alphabet. Except the letter f. Never the letter f. There's something about saving/taking over the world but it doesn't matter because you will die before any of that matters.

EDIT - Also, I'd place large amounts of money on MacMillan being Scottish...

 

[tonyh900]

1. You play as a bad ass ninja fighting off ninjas to save a hot girl. Set in dead or alive universe.
2. You play as an awesome 1940's cop who allegedly did a German chick. Set in Los Angeles.
3. You play as a juiced up douche bag with memorable one liners fighting aliens.
4. You play as an overly sexualized archaeologist that is one of the most badass characters in video games.

 

[tonyh900]

Okay, so there's this game where you are this guy with glasses sleeping in a subway car when this old guy in a suit wakes him up. Then some random officer guy you know gives you a beer and you suddenly have to run away from cops with gas masks. And then you meet this hot chick and he takes you to this teleporter to a place where your friends are at, but the teleporter breaks so you have to walk all the way there with only a box-opener, and you have to fight gas mask cops, tentacle thingies and zombies. When you meet your friend and the hot chick (who is actually your friend's daughter) at that place, your friend gets kidnapped and then you have to go to the prison where he's kept in. You get this gun which you can use to pick things up and ride to the prison on a car, and you get attacked and chased after by blue electrical soccer balls and giant insects. You finally get there and meet up with the chick, and together you find the chick's dad. But then you get betrayed by this other chick wearing a turtleneck, and takes the chick's father on a teleporter. You go on the teleporter only to find yourself a few days later in time in the middle of a war. You go around the war-zone with random soldiers following you and helping you, and then you have to shoot rockets at War of the World tripods. Then you have to go up this tall tower to find your chick's dad and the chick (who was captured along the way). The turtleneck girl gets an epiphany and decides to help you, and then you have to defeat the final boss before the suit guy appears again and ends the game.

And then there are two sequels after that.

half life 2

 

[tonyh900]

You play as some unrealistically lucky guy who likes to find treasure and speaks lots of languages. He can do a lot of unrealistic parkour. The online sucks because you have to use your mind to play, and it actually takes effort to be good. Also, the action scenes are too much fun.

Assassins creed 1-3

 

[Fleetfiend]

A freaking long RPG from a neverending series, that consists of lots of random battles and having to watch cutscenes over and over again as you try to beat the big bosses. Oh, there's also fiends. And

Spoiler

it turns out you were basically a hallucination the whole time. And you dear old dad really loved you.

I think the fun thing about this is guessing what everyone else is talking about. xD

 

[Biosophilogical]

You team up with a kidnapped sky-orphan and your sister as you try to simultaneously, save the world from destruction, destroy the world, and save your parents. All the while, the people who killed your kidnappers are trying to stop you. You meet a blue-haired fellow, and go to his immortal home, where you sail away and doom the world to yet another horrific end, by freezing it. You end up succeeding in saving the world and your parents while simultaneously putting the world on yet another path to destruction by setting fire to a lighthouse that stops the world from freezing.

Oh yeah, and a one-eyed rock creates a three-headed dragon to test you before you light the lighthouse.

 

[mikev7.0]

I can hardly even believe that they made this a game.

It's the typical cop tale, except you play as a complete newbie (seriously, they don't even let you have a simple gun!) apparently the cops hired before you are pissed about the pink slip so they come to wreck holy hell outta' the HQ. Except that's just a diversion and when you start fighting them with the simple tools you do have, which I kid you not are a sword and your fists, you find out that the weapon the other cops gave you has to be recharged. Who recharges a SWORD?? That design flaw is bad enough but even when you recharge, just recharging isn't enough you have to ask it really nicely! What. The. @*^&??

Then there's the mechanics. The game feels like a beat em' up but it's like a fighting game with special moves all assigned to one button each. Now where's the fun of not having to practice hours to pull out the best stuff? It has an RPG quality to it so when you get enough xp you can buy other weapons, and finally even a gun, but big deal! It's a gatling gun with the wind up of a wave motion cannon! In a game where the enemies are numerous and fast, not a big help there! The other "power ups" are just as ridiculous. A whip? A mace? Another hammer? A pair of mechanical boxing gloves? A Battlemech that has no weapons? A weapon that has no Battlemech? Oh! And for the coup de' grace, A %$#%ing fighter jet! You read that right. They expect you to hurl a fighter jet at your enemies!

Needless to say, this game takes some getting used to, amidst the cop on cop fighting there are also puzzles and exploration all to enhance the RPG elements so I'm starting to think this might get pretty good, in fact I'm kinda' starting to get the hang of this and then all of sudden a game that has started to feel like Ultimate Alliance with more puzzles decides it would really rather be Zaxxon!! &%&^. Well at least that sorta' explains how the jet got in there....

There is multiplayer but they even messed that up by making it one of the most unlikable characters in the whole story! Not to spoil anything (right, like any of you are actually going to play this) but it's as if someone made a game where Jesus and Judas go to Hell to kick a little ass, it's a mess! An', not to be a critic or anything, but while I'm on about characterization, all of these new cops seem a bit too obsessed with jewelry. Bling is so very oughtie's if you ask me.

Seriously, whoever made this title was just a bit much into the "green" if you know what I'm sayin....

NOTE: Wow, you guys are right, that's really hard to do for a game you love.