I think I found the most pretentious video game review site ever.

[Zyxx]

Hmm. For me, the biggest problem is one of categorization, i.e. this is mislabeled as a "review". This isn't so much a review as it is just an article discussing a different way of looking at the game which might help it make a little more sense. I thought it was sort of funny.
I haven't actually played L.A. Noire, but I'm no stranger to the basic principle expressed here.

Yahtzee apparently likes to believe that one guy from Heavy Rain is a time traveler, Metroid: Other M is a bit more palatable when you tell yourself that it's just an inaccurate historical simulation or that its Samus isn't really Samus but a bad clone or something, I attribute the bizarro economy and dearth of males in MLP:FiM to Equestria being at war with a distant country, and I'm determined to believe some things about the plot and mechanics of the Myst series which run counter to stuff said by developers of the later games (who seemed to have forgotten what they were doing anyway.)

I say, if perceiving L.A. Noire as some sort of purgatory makes it more fun, or at least grants you a moment of amusement, then go with it. If not, don't take this not-review so seriously. Pretentious blowhards are a dime a dozen here on teh Interwebz: this guy doesn't even rate the top 100.

 

[BreakfastMan]

Snips...

Interesting perspective. I had never known that other people thought of them that way. I had always thought of it as an op-ed piece written by a guy who has some experience and knowledge with the industry, not as reporters talking about the state of the industry. It helps me to understand why other people think about them the way they do. Thanks for the good post!

 

[Truly-A-Lie]

If this was an article, I'd probably have no problem with it. As an examination of how open worlds can go wrong by focusing too much on the player, it's not a bad analogy by talking about The Truman Show.
However, as a review it scores the entire game based solely on this one, usually minor, issue and as such isn't really very fair. If it was in a larger review like "Gameplay is solid, graphics are nice, animation is impressive, but clues feel a bit too easy and the open world didn't convince me like it should. Whatever/10" I'd be fine with this kind of analysis.

 

[thenumberthirteen]

That is definitely a very distinct writing style. I'd say that's what a game review would sound like on BBC Four, but then they had Charlie Brooker's Gameswipe.

 

[AgentNein]

Meh, to each his own. I actually dug the review. Interesting perspective.

 

[Epic Fail 1977]

LOL
This thread title on the escapist? Really?
Anyway, I read some of the review and thought it was okay. Maybe I like pretentious, I dunno.

 

[DefunctTheory]

That review...

It was a horrible review.

But an excellent piece of writing.

 

[artanis_neravar]

I mean I have no problem with the fact that they gave L.A. Noire a 50, but just read how this review is written.

It's more about the writing than the review itself. Yuck.

http://killscreendaily.com/articles/reviews/review-l-noire

NOOOOOO spoilers damn it now I have to re-evaluate everything I knew

 

[penguindude42]

That's even worse than this site.

And I find this site epically pretentious.

When you beat out Yahtzee, you really need to step down off of your high horse.

There we go, all better.

No need to thank me, it's what I do best.

~tom

 

[AgentNein]

I literally have never seen a more pretentious person. I think we can all accept when someone tries to break into reviewing by developing a unique style, e.g. Yahtzee, but this guy's trying way too hard. Seriously, innovate, don't be Ebert.

Huh? Don't be like one of the most successful and well respected film critics of the last fifty years? Horrible advice IMO.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

I liked it...

I don't agree with the verdict, but an enormous amount of what he's saying rings true. Having said that, if I hadn't played the game already, I probably wouldn't know what to make of it.

It's odd that it's appeal kinda demands for you to have played the game already, but I've seen worse here and elsewhere.

 

[Kraj]

Huh. Yeah, he's an arrogant pretentious prick.

I kinda liked it. In actuality, I thought he made some good points.

Unfortunately, not good points involving LA Noire. Just good points about video games in general, but then again, if video games pale in comparison to real life, go play real life.
Stop writing the same review over and over again ranting about pseudo existentialism.

Screw him. . . But I still kinda liked it.

 

[The Wykydtron]

Wow... It's um certainly unique shall we say. Where was the review part of the review anyway?

All i saw was someone trying really really hard to be poetic and unique but just came off as an arrogant twat making an ass of himself.

Protip: it's not a review if noone can understand your points!

 

[BreakfastMan]

I have always meant to ask: Why do you think Extra Credits is pretentious? They never seem to act pretentious from what I have seen. Can you expound upon your opinion?

It's not that Floyd and friends' themselves act pretentious...but the ideas they can put forward are.

They treat gamers as though we are all one unified group, clamoring for the same ideals as EC.

Just like with movies, tv, and other mediums, there are sub-groups.

EC fails to recognize many of these sub-groups, using the fact that gaming isn't as respected as other mediums as an excuse to lump us together. Like we all want to "rise up and be respected". Some people, like me, think that we have NOTHING to prove to the people who snub us, and should just keep on with the industry as is. And that gaming IS just a hobby.

Interesting. You and I hold similar opinions (we both agree that we don't owe the people who snub us anything), but we look at the show differently. While you don't like how they tend to lump gamers together, and dislike the show because of that, I really don't care and enjoy the show. Different stoke for different folks I guess. Though it was nice to finally sate my curiosity on that. Thanks for the reply!

 

[BGH122]

50 out of what?

Out of what? Out of what?!

"Out of what?" the words coursed their way through my caffeine addled brain until nothing but their haunting echo resounded in my mindspace, reverberating off the boundaries of my cerebrum like a ricocheting bullet twisted with a mystery.

"Out of what?" the words barked their dull cry at me, over and over again, pressing ever harder for an answer to a question that shook me to the very depths of my waking being; the demanding crack of a cocked pistol, the suffocating silence of the aftershock as the question ricocheted on.

"Out of what?" ... A tingling in the depths of my consciousness, a whisper from a flash of thought already lost amidst the depths of my brooding soul. Suddenly an image drifted before my mind's eye, the number 50 lost amidst a sea of digits cloaked in impossible geometry, a colour without form. Red.

With a sudden yearning rush the cogs creaked into action, complying finally with the siren's call. The bullet came to a stop. It had found its home amongst the dessicated wreckage of my subconscious, lost deep beneath the waves of my peripheral thoughts.

"Out of nothing!" I erupted. All at once a wave of dizzy nausea swam throughout my hunched form, neurotransmitters breathing their lifeless breath into my core. My heart sped, racing away from me like the explanation ever ahead of my reach. Always one step ahead of my reach.

The sunken vessel of my subconscious let sway its hold over one survivor, one insignificant morsel in the endless, infinite seas of buried secrets lying tantalisingly just outside my realm of cognizance. The thought bobbed up to crest the waves and, for a glimpse of a second, the rays of my sentience probed its tattered ethereal outline.

My heart now raced like never before, a steady, well oiled machine pumping nicotine and caffeine throughout my shaking system. Numeracy was a lie. The sudden snap of realisation forced the bile up my throat. The bitter taste of the truth burnt ever higher towards my gasping mouth, sucking desperately for air that wouldn't come. Air that was just out reach.

Just out of reach. The thought seemed peculiarly inviting, but I knew at the end of that thought lay something from which I instinctively wanted to turn. A burning bright light too terrifying to look upon for fear of blinding, too bold to ignore.

I faced the light. The world around me squirmed and dissolved like a worm in an acid bath. The clawing, hungering fingertips of the truth beyond eschewing my naive beliefs, my pathetic fantasies of reality.

I turned away. I was too afraid to go on.

"Out of what?" the question squealed.

Maybe now his review company will hire me to do reviews? See? I can type like a paint-huffing paranoid schizophrenic who's just been rejected by a publisher too.

 

[Quazimofo]

Yeah.
But I liked it.

yeah, it was well written. feels like something that would be out of a book. but there lies the problem, this isnt a book. it is a videogame review as to its overall quality, not an over-analysis of the narrative value. (but any literary analysis is kind of an over-analysis. wouldn't get anywhere if it wasnt)

 

[Baradiel]

50 out of what?

Out of what? Out of what?

Snipped for Sanity

Oh dear lord its spreading!

Also, how long did it take you to write that? Good effort.

OT: I didn't think it was too bad. It wasn't so much a review, more pointing out the whole "city revolves around you" aspect, but it wasn't too 'pretentious'.

 

[Torrasque]

I think this guy seems to forget that L.A. Noire DOES revolve around Cole Phelps, because he is the character you're playing.
Every game does that.
Most games make a good job of making it seem like that is not the case, but all games revolve around your character.
I swear I can see this guy wearing a barret and listening to some band I've never heard of on vinyl in the background...

 

[MadarseLizard]

I liked it.

 

[DEAD34345]

My god, my eyes have been opened...

Oh wait, no they haven't.

What the hell did I just read and was I supposed to be laughing my ass off the whole way through?