I think I'm about to be dumped.
- Thread starter Squilookle
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It has FAR more to do with her age than her uni status. To be honest, she's a kid. You've got enough age on her to be ready to settle into a stable relationship but she may not be ready for something as serious as this relationship has turned into.Squilookle said:
S'why I've always tried to date older women (26-28) to be honest. Whenever I've been with younger women, they've powerbombed my face into the ground repeatedly. Not a good look.
I know that probably doesn't make you feel any better, but I agree with the guyzos on here...just talk to her. Seriously, be straightforward and just communicate.
So... update?Squilookle said:
Did you talk with her? If so, what happened? If not... sorry, I don't have anything for if not.
If she's going to dump you, it's already made upin her mind and NOTHING you do or say will stop it. When it comes, don't beg, plead, or try to reason with her that she should stay. Drop her like a bad habit. Block her from FB, delete her from your phone, erase her form your email. Move on. Get out and find some new chicks to hit on; go drink with your buddies. DO shit you couldnt do because she was taking up your time.Squilookle said:After nearly four years of what I thought was a loving, caring and genuinely happy relationship, my girlfriend said 3 days ago that she loves me, but she doesn't know if she's in love with me.
Wow.
She tells me, somewhat out of the blue, that lately she's been feeling like she's drifing away from me, that our relationship seems based on convenience, and that it isn't going anywhere.
The thing is though, that as far as relationships go, we've had it pretty good: we see each other often, get on well with each others' families, we're openly affectionate with each other (in public, after nearly 4 years!!), have sex frequently, and hardly ever fight. And when we do fight, we listen to and respect each other's point of view.
She tells me she's had phases of doubt in the past that have dissapated, but this one is more solid.
A few weeks ago she was chatting casually to her boss about us, when he abruptly told her it wouldn't last. She's also been catching up with a friend of hers more recently, and he's just come out of a long, stable relationship. I'm worried that she's hearing so many tales of woe about other's relationships that she thinks the same must apply to us, and I'm scared. I'm really, really scared.
I asked her if I had (or hadn't) done anything to make her feel this way and she said no. I told her to think about it, and now I'm going over to her place tomorrow, and I just can't shake this feeling of impending doom.
TLR Has anyone, especially guys, had this sense of 'about to break up' doom too? And is there any way to prepare for it or make it easier?
If you want her back later, wait about a month or so, then text her and ask her how she's doing in a non-aggressive, casual sort of way. If you play your cards right, and you dont talk to her or see her for that whole time period, she may just fall back into your arm.
I got the same it's-not-you-it's-me routine from my girlfriend of 2 years. At first you have a dismal step by step realization process (I'm not with her anymore > what did I do wrong > I've wasted all those years > there's no going back > now I have to tell my whole friends 'n family > etc). But you'll move on. It's no worth being with someone who isn't in love with you, it's that simple. You feel your emotions betrayed, and the helplesness of not being able to do anything about it. And then you move on.
I've had 2 relationships in my adult life. That is, not counting teen years because that shit isn't serious. One relationship ended because we couldn't cope with the distance. It was a mutual break-up, and we parted on good terms. She's married and even got a kid now. My second girlfriend died, which I think damaged me a bit. Parting on good or bad terms is one thing; you've got a sense of conclusion either way, even if it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. But when someone you love just disappears, without any real warning, being on awesome terms... I just felt so empty. Maybe I still do, because I've had absolutely zero interest in any kind of relationship during these 3 years since.
I'd have preferred being dumped.
I'd have preferred being dumped.
What I meant by this is that in my experience, it's not that they've stopped loving you, more that there is someone else and instead of being honest and saying "I found someone more attractive than you" they say things like "I've fallen out of love" or "this wasn't working" and so on.Anoni Mus said:
It's a lot easier to hear that someone just started to loose feelings for someone rather than "Hey, I've been planning on banging another guy for a while now so...see ya"
**blink blink**Anoni Mus said:
Um, what?
Was that supposed to be sarcasm? Or... I'm not even sure.
IF that was a failed attempt at humor [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/columns/moviebob/10212-Calling-a-Kid-the-C-Word] then I understand. It can be hard to land that sort of humor.
If not... then it's something else.
Quickly, fake your own death.
Then you'll never technically have to *end* the relationship. (Probably...)
Then you'll never technically have to *end* the relationship. (Probably...)
Now, I've never even HAD a relationship-If I can say one thing from the experiences I've had watching and counseling my friends who have had troubles, it is this: First, go and discuss with an open mind- ill omens are ill for a reason, but they are not a death certificate.
Second, the peoplke who have advocated total removal of her from your life should thw worst happen are absolutely correct. I watched one of my best friends ruin a couple years of his life because he still talked to a woman who clearly wasn't right for him and didn't respect him or his affection despite a damnable number of words to the contrary. If it's over, it's over- from that point on you can afford to give her precisely zero percent of the considerration you would have given at one time. She needs to be demoted from "Girlfriend" to "Standard Social Courtesy" status as soon as you can make it happen.
Second, the peoplke who have advocated total removal of her from your life should thw worst happen are absolutely correct. I watched one of my best friends ruin a couple years of his life because he still talked to a woman who clearly wasn't right for him and didn't respect him or his affection despite a damnable number of words to the contrary. If it's over, it's over- from that point on you can afford to give her precisely zero percent of the considerration you would have given at one time. She needs to be demoted from "Girlfriend" to "Standard Social Courtesy" status as soon as you can make it happen.
Most things I'd say have been said, but I thought I'd just put in this (from the perspective of my 40th birthday today). In my opinion, once a relationship's been going more than three or four years, if you're not both absolutely positive you want to spend the rest of your lives together, it's time to break up - *even if you're fine together*. Fine just doesn't cut it. Don't chug along in a kind-of-okay relationship, then end up marrying because you feel like you ought to, or worse, have kids - that way lies unhappiness and/or divorce. I know several people who went down this path and it rarely ends well. Some of them divorced within a year of marrying, often after several years together beforehand.
Life is short and youth is shorter. Don't be scared, part amicably and start looking for someone else. Certainly from my experience (without wanting to sound like a smug married) when it's right, you know within a few months.
Life is short and youth is shorter. Don't be scared, part amicably and start looking for someone else. Certainly from my experience (without wanting to sound like a smug married) when it's right, you know within a few months.
Buddy, I'm going to say the most difficult thing you will hear on this subject, and the thing that you want to hear the least:
Tough luck, but there's no good advice to be found that will make her come to a decision quicker or decide to stay with you.
I don't mean to be curt, I don't mean that you don't need support, or that his doesn't hurt because it does. But that's the way the shit rolls down the hill. My advice: don't pressure, don't push it. If this is just a moment of doubt, than it will pass. If it isn't (Which, to my experience it probably isn't) and you push you will either expediate it and end on bad terms, or you will force her to stay with you when she doesn't want to. If you love her, you don't want that.
The thing is, it dounds like you're about college age, and in that time you and her are going through a lot of changes and she maybe questioning whether or not you belong in those changes. And that sucks. But your job right now is to give her the amount of space she needs, but not to abandon her because you're afraid of being hurt. The only thing you can do right now is Buck Up and wait, and I'm sorry, that's all you can do. Best of luck.
Tough luck, but there's no good advice to be found that will make her come to a decision quicker or decide to stay with you.
I don't mean to be curt, I don't mean that you don't need support, or that his doesn't hurt because it does. But that's the way the shit rolls down the hill. My advice: don't pressure, don't push it. If this is just a moment of doubt, than it will pass. If it isn't (Which, to my experience it probably isn't) and you push you will either expediate it and end on bad terms, or you will force her to stay with you when she doesn't want to. If you love her, you don't want that.
The thing is, it dounds like you're about college age, and in that time you and her are going through a lot of changes and she maybe questioning whether or not you belong in those changes. And that sucks. But your job right now is to give her the amount of space she needs, but not to abandon her because you're afraid of being hurt. The only thing you can do right now is Buck Up and wait, and I'm sorry, that's all you can do. Best of luck.
Good luck bro, I was in a four year relationship myself that ended during the summer after freshmen year of college. It devastated me to the point I had to drop out of school for a year. Now though im in nyc and feel better than ever. So if it does happen, I know it can be incredibly traumatic but it can pass still. Took me two years though haha Id probably entertain getting together again. GLGLGLLGL
2years ago in July, worse day in my life. The few days before hand I had a similar feeling too. As others ha e said best of luck to you, assuming it hasn't already happened. If it does end find things you love to do but haven't had time. Best you can do is keep yourself distracted, I suggest comedy movies to keep the spirit up.Squilookle said:After nearly four years of what I thought was a loving, caring and genuinely happy relationship, my girlfriend said 3 days ago that she loves me, but she doesn't know if she's in love with me.
Wow.
She tells me, somewhat out of the blue, that lately she's been feeling like she's drifing away from me, that our relationship seems based on convenience, and that it isn't going anywhere.
The thing is though, that as far as relationships go, we've had it pretty good: we see each other often, get on well with each others' families, we're openly affectionate with each other (in public, after nearly 4 years!!), have sex frequently, and hardly ever fight. And when we do fight, we listen to and respect each other's point of view.
She tells me she's had phases of doubt in the past that have dissapated, but this one is more solid.
A few weeks ago she was chatting casually to her boss about us, when he abruptly told her it wouldn't last. She's also been catching up with a friend of hers more recently, and he's just come out of a long, stable relationship. I'm worried that she's hearing so many tales of woe about other's relationships that she thinks the same must apply to us, and I'm scared. I'm really, really scared.
I asked her if I had (or hadn't) done anything to make her feel this way and she said no. I told her to think about it, and now I'm going over to her place tomorrow, and I just can't shake this feeling of impending doom.
TL
Sorry to hear mate, I also know the feeling unfortuently. Some suggestions stated above, also if you need someone to chat to feel free to ask. Or if you want a game too.Dave In A Cape said:
I know what you mean, I wish I took my own advice as well but emotions are evil things that override logic, for better and worse. That situation sucks, my first gf cheated on me as well and its far worse than breaking up. Just don't make the same mistake again, listen to ur own advice, if he's cheating on you then its over (sorry to be blunt but from experience that's what's sometimes needed) . Best of luck, and as I said to the 2 above if you want someone to talk to or play some games, feel free to asksaoirse13 said:
From what it sounds like from your description, it sounds as if she's had the 'perfect' relationship and now other people are telling her that that kind of niceness can't last and so she should get out.
Unfortunately a lot of girls take other people's advice more so than their own thoughts.
If you find that she does break up with you - I would bet any serious money that she goes for someone who is the opposite of you (and from what that sounds like it would be someone who doesn't treat her as nice)
I know you must love her and all that, but if that's how she feels then you should let her go and figure some things out for herself.
If she decides down the line that you are better for her then she will come back, and if she doesn't... then you sound like a good guy who takes care of his girl.
I'm sure plenty of other girls have noticed that.
*Captcha - That's Hot. Relevant
Unfortunately a lot of girls take other people's advice more so than their own thoughts.
If you find that she does break up with you - I would bet any serious money that she goes for someone who is the opposite of you (and from what that sounds like it would be someone who doesn't treat her as nice)
I know you must love her and all that, but if that's how she feels then you should let her go and figure some things out for herself.
If she decides down the line that you are better for her then she will come back, and if she doesn't... then you sound like a good guy who takes care of his girl.
I'm sure plenty of other girls have noticed that.
*Captcha - That's Hot. Relevant