"I wish people would stop hitting on me" - What it actually means, and why it is still insulting.
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I have a few female friends who say something similar. I also know them well enough to know that deep down they actually love it immensely but feel the need to vaguely protest so they dont come across as sluts. Its not always so clear cut as the op makes it sound.
I doubt it. To me it sounds like plain ol' bragging. She's letting you know how popular and pretty she is, and wants affirmation by communicating it to you. Putting it in negative terms is a way of making you think she doesn't care, which, of course, she does otherwise she wouldn't be telling you. It's exactly like the example you gave of the wallet being 'too heavy'.Realitycrash said:
I know the feeling, I used to be horribly uncomfortably self hatingly not confident around women, and any time I heard that kinda thing it made me cringe...
I still find it funny sometimes when some people will say that even after being hit on, gently, by guys who are decent and obviously not creepers, because usually the woman who says it, I've known her previous BFs and they're all sleazy assholes.
I myself got flirted with a lot and hit on at work a fair number of times, I worked at a little gas station, as a cashier, I'm kinda good looking, if a bit outa shape, not like super hot though, and I was poor as hell, still am, so I guess it musta been how I carry myself, how I talk, and my attitude, I tend to make fun of stuff in life, cuz it's all one big joke, and I like to tell jokes, situationally, and usually in such a way that leaves me looking smart, AND funny... Might be something in that...
Capcha "can I love?"... Ok capcha, you can stop gaining awareness now, you're starting to creep me the fuck out.
I still find it funny sometimes when some people will say that even after being hit on, gently, by guys who are decent and obviously not creepers, because usually the woman who says it, I've known her previous BFs and they're all sleazy assholes.
I myself got flirted with a lot and hit on at work a fair number of times, I worked at a little gas station, as a cashier, I'm kinda good looking, if a bit outa shape, not like super hot though, and I was poor as hell, still am, so I guess it musta been how I carry myself, how I talk, and my attitude, I tend to make fun of stuff in life, cuz it's all one big joke, and I like to tell jokes, situationally, and usually in such a way that leaves me looking smart, AND funny... Might be something in that...
Capcha "can I love?"... Ok capcha, you can stop gaining awareness now, you're starting to creep me the fuck out.
When a girl or guy says they wish people would stop hitting on them, they're politely covering up that they with "unattractive" people would stop hitting on them.
I don't think it's possible to insult others simply by complimenting yourself. Insult implies intent. If a girl really is just sick of being hit on, then...That's the end of it. It has nothing to do with you.
Now me? Well, I just turned 21 a day ago (*party whistle*) and I haven't set foot in a bar yet. And when I DO start going to bars, I don't expect to be hit on. It certainly doesn't happen to me anywhere else. Ever. But that being said, I can still see how it would be annoying after a while. I don't even think it's the "creepy" factor, I think it's just that if a girl(or guy, I suppose) just wants to hang out with her(his) friends and keeps getting interrupted...Yeah, it's pretty self-explanatory. That would be really annoying.
Now me? Well, I just turned 21 a day ago (*party whistle*) and I haven't set foot in a bar yet. And when I DO start going to bars, I don't expect to be hit on. It certainly doesn't happen to me anywhere else. Ever. But that being said, I can still see how it would be annoying after a while. I don't even think it's the "creepy" factor, I think it's just that if a girl(or guy, I suppose) just wants to hang out with her(his) friends and keeps getting interrupted...Yeah, it's pretty self-explanatory. That would be really annoying.
Many people are idiots. They say and do dumb things. Careless, foolish things without realizing the concequences. Some deserve to be smacked for it, even. That complaint's only viable if you're being hit on by the gender you don't want the attention of, for reasons of not swinging that way.
Man, you have hit the nail on the head OP.
You see, unwanted attention from the opposite sex (or in some cases, the same) can be incredibly unpleasant. It can even reach the frightening level. And it's not just women that have to deal with that. And it's not just girls. Men, myself included, have to deal with this as well.
It's either because the person is creepy, persistant, or you don't want to hurt their feelings, or any combination thereof.
What I want you to do is, imagine you're at a party (this is something that happened to me the other week). And there's this guy (I assume you're a guy, but if you're a girl/woman reading this, imagine it's another girl or woman) and he/she is incredibly unpleasant, and in addition to this is the same sex as you so you simply can't have the same feelings regardless.
Well this guy follows you around for half an hour and tries to make small talk with you. You keep trying to get away and he keeps showing up. When you try to talk to other people, he stands a few feet behind you and glowers threateningly at them. He keeps trying to get personal info, where you live, phone number, email, etc.
Eventually you tell him to knock it off. At which point he stalks off for a bit and glowers at you for the next hour from a corner. Then, he (I suspect he was drunk) grabs you and drags you to the middle of the room, and starts sobbing and professing how strong this 2 hour old love for you is. In front of a room full of your peers. I left and called the police.
So I was left not just humiliated buy also concerned for my own safety- that is what it can feel like when you have the attention of someone you don't want. Maybe not quite to that extreme, but it's the same: embarrassed and a little nervous or afraid.
But going back to the original topic, when someone says "I wish these people would stop hitting on me" it doesn't mean "LIKE OMG, I have more opposite sex attention than I know what to do with! I simply cannot choose!" It means " I wish these guys would at least try to be a little more graceful and respectful when talking to me, and not treat me like a pickup and (most importantly) know how to take a hint that I'm not interested."
You see, unwanted attention from the opposite sex (or in some cases, the same) can be incredibly unpleasant. It can even reach the frightening level. And it's not just women that have to deal with that. And it's not just girls. Men, myself included, have to deal with this as well.
It's either because the person is creepy, persistant, or you don't want to hurt their feelings, or any combination thereof.
What I want you to do is, imagine you're at a party (this is something that happened to me the other week). And there's this guy (I assume you're a guy, but if you're a girl/woman reading this, imagine it's another girl or woman) and he/she is incredibly unpleasant, and in addition to this is the same sex as you so you simply can't have the same feelings regardless.
Well this guy follows you around for half an hour and tries to make small talk with you. You keep trying to get away and he keeps showing up. When you try to talk to other people, he stands a few feet behind you and glowers threateningly at them. He keeps trying to get personal info, where you live, phone number, email, etc.
Eventually you tell him to knock it off. At which point he stalks off for a bit and glowers at you for the next hour from a corner. Then, he (I suspect he was drunk) grabs you and drags you to the middle of the room, and starts sobbing and professing how strong this 2 hour old love for you is. In front of a room full of your peers. I left and called the police.
So I was left not just humiliated buy also concerned for my own safety- that is what it can feel like when you have the attention of someone you don't want. Maybe not quite to that extreme, but it's the same: embarrassed and a little nervous or afraid.
But going back to the original topic, when someone says "I wish these people would stop hitting on me" it doesn't mean "LIKE OMG, I have more opposite sex attention than I know what to do with! I simply cannot choose!" It means " I wish these guys would at least try to be a little more graceful and respectful when talking to me, and not treat me like a pickup and (most importantly) know how to take a hint that I'm not interested."
I keep telling my ex she is cursed with being too beautiful for her own good, she attracts a lot of jerks so I can kind of understand where you are coming from in all of this.
I do have to say I miss getting hit on, I'm 25, and I did gain a few pounds since my high-school/college days (I was in great shape as an Army reservist then.), but I really think it's my beard that keeps the women away. But hey I'm not single anymore either lol.
OT: Yeah I agree, and more so people really need to learn personal boundary space, or at least be able to figure out that you aren't interested in them or their advances.
I do have to say I miss getting hit on, I'm 25, and I did gain a few pounds since my high-school/college days (I was in great shape as an Army reservist then.), but I really think it's my beard that keeps the women away. But hey I'm not single anymore either lol.
OT: Yeah I agree, and more so people really need to learn personal boundary space, or at least be able to figure out that you aren't interested in them or their advances.
Say whatever you want about this "problem". Bottomline is: if it were an option, every person on this planet would choose to be beautiful. Nothing is 100% perfect, but complaining about your attractiveness, especially when you can do things like dress down or avoid hook-up hot spots, is fucking stupid.
Edit: and for the record, creeps are gonna creep. You're worried about someone fixating on you at a party? What about the ugly girl who walks home alone and ends up getting jumped by someone who doesn't care what she looks like? Sometimes I think a beautiful person complaining about unwanted attention is simply railing against the realization that it's not all upside. Nothing is.
Edit: and for the record, creeps are gonna creep. You're worried about someone fixating on you at a party? What about the ugly girl who walks home alone and ends up getting jumped by someone who doesn't care what she looks like? Sometimes I think a beautiful person complaining about unwanted attention is simply railing against the realization that it's not all upside. Nothing is.
That's an interesting theory OP and I'm sure it contains some truth.
But what I think is that it largely relates to the fact that people, certainly including though not limited to women, just like to complain about shit. You could live in a mansion made of gold and complain it's too glary. (sure it would be impractical but there's the idea.)
Secondly, there's the factor that gender is relevant here. Women tend to want to spread their seed with a worthy partner, which dis-includes most guys when others are available. It would be the equivalent of a man getting hit on most of the time by ugly chicks. Though I think even then, to complain about that is silly, and your heavy wallet metaphor would certainly be of use.
But what I think is that it largely relates to the fact that people, certainly including though not limited to women, just like to complain about shit. You could live in a mansion made of gold and complain it's too glary. (sure it would be impractical but there's the idea.)
Secondly, there's the factor that gender is relevant here. Women tend to want to spread their seed with a worthy partner, which dis-includes most guys when others are available. It would be the equivalent of a man getting hit on most of the time by ugly chicks. Though I think even then, to complain about that is silly, and your heavy wallet metaphor would certainly be of use.
The only time I ever remember being hit on was two years while I was taking classes at a community college. This woman that was in my math class had come over and talked to me a few times on different days. One day when she comes over she tells me she likes me and asked if I ever went on a date before. That made me uncomfortable for three reasons.
1. That was the only time I have ever been hit on and I didn't know how to respond to it.
2. It also weirded me out that she asked me if I had ever been on any dates before. It seemed like an odd question to ask and I also didn't know how to respond to it.
3. Combining all the days this woman had came over and talked to me it would pry equal up to thirty minutes. She hardly knew anything about me and she tells me she likes me. That was what really weirded me out.
I told her no and that I didn't feel like dating. The next day she was with this other guy and they were holding hands and talking to each other. Which I am thankful for because she stopped bothering/annoying me after she met him.
1. That was the only time I have ever been hit on and I didn't know how to respond to it.
2. It also weirded me out that she asked me if I had ever been on any dates before. It seemed like an odd question to ask and I also didn't know how to respond to it.
3. Combining all the days this woman had came over and talked to me it would pry equal up to thirty minutes. She hardly knew anything about me and she tells me she likes me. That was what really weirded me out.
I told her no and that I didn't feel like dating. The next day she was with this other guy and they were holding hands and talking to each other. Which I am thankful for because she stopped bothering/annoying me after she met him.
My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!
There's being hit on, and then there's being hit on. Unwanted attention is unwanted, but while I can easily imagine situations where pushy applicants might become annoying, or even threatening, complaining about attention in and of itself just seems petty, conceited and inconsiderate to me. Then again, I've been asked out exactly once in my entire life (except in kindergarten, where all the girls wanted to marry me), and the greatest compliment I've ever had was when a girl told me she'd kill to have my hair. I'm definitely in the camp of the non-beautiful people, though if anyone in the other camp wants to switch places with me, I'm all for it.
I'm serious. Anyone?
There's being hit on, and then there's being hit on. Unwanted attention is unwanted, but while I can easily imagine situations where pushy applicants might become annoying, or even threatening, complaining about attention in and of itself just seems petty, conceited and inconsiderate to me. Then again, I've been asked out exactly once in my entire life (except in kindergarten, where all the girls wanted to marry me), and the greatest compliment I've ever had was when a girl told me she'd kill to have my hair. I'm definitely in the camp of the non-beautiful people, though if anyone in the other camp wants to switch places with me, I'm all for it.
I'm serious. Anyone?
You know, people say me and the boyfriend are attatched at the hip because we go everywhere together.
And I fucking love that because I don't have to deal with people coming up to me and talking to me.
I do not like talking to strangers, and I find being hit on a truly weird experience.
I honestly do not enjoy it.
So yeah, socially awkward women exist and they don't like being hit on.
Also this.
And I fucking love that because I don't have to deal with people coming up to me and talking to me.
I do not like talking to strangers, and I find being hit on a truly weird experience.
I honestly do not enjoy it.
So yeah, socially awkward women exist and they don't like being hit on.
Also this.
My bet: when they say "I hate people hitting on me" they REALLY MEAN:
I hate people hitting on me in that way.
Extending the "being rich" analogy, it's like having a lot of money and constantly being trailed by hobos begging you for money, and showering you with "gifts" you don't want in return for money. Buying someone a drink in expectation of a dance is like a hobo washing your windscreen at a traffic lights - without you wanting them to - and them expecting to get paid.
Remember, being beautiful means guys want to shove their erect penis inside them, not "just shower them with gifts and attention".
And sometimes it goes way too far, like women trying to focus on their job and wandering hands creep up their skirt and under their shirt, usually at a time when they can't do anything like on an important phone-call or telecom announcement so they can't so easily cry out.
Many women are forced to chose between getting justice with Sexual Harassment lawsuits, or dropping them and allowing them to succeed in their career. Right now the BBC is rocked by the revelations of Jimmy Savilles abuse of young women in the 1970's and 80's, and the conduct of other men gratuitously groping and shamelessly coercing women into sex not to mention the cases of forceful rape that came after escalated sexual harassment.
I hate people hitting on me in that way.
Extending the "being rich" analogy, it's like having a lot of money and constantly being trailed by hobos begging you for money, and showering you with "gifts" you don't want in return for money. Buying someone a drink in expectation of a dance is like a hobo washing your windscreen at a traffic lights - without you wanting them to - and them expecting to get paid.
Remember, being beautiful means guys want to shove their erect penis inside them, not "just shower them with gifts and attention".
And sometimes it goes way too far, like women trying to focus on their job and wandering hands creep up their skirt and under their shirt, usually at a time when they can't do anything like on an important phone-call or telecom announcement so they can't so easily cry out.
Many women are forced to chose between getting justice with Sexual Harassment lawsuits, or dropping them and allowing them to succeed in their career. Right now the BBC is rocked by the revelations of Jimmy Savilles abuse of young women in the 1970's and 80's, and the conduct of other men gratuitously groping and shamelessly coercing women into sex not to mention the cases of forceful rape that came after escalated sexual harassment.
To a degree, this can also mean "I wish I could just have a night out and relax, without having people sleaze onto me or try to get into my pants." That said, if someone's saying it while actively courting attention... well, it's hard to be sympathetic.
Speaking for myself, it's never been a problem, due to lack of interest or lack of awareness (i.e. I never assume I'm being hit on unless it's the only half-plausible explanation left).
Speaking for myself, it's never been a problem, due to lack of interest or lack of awareness (i.e. I never assume I'm being hit on unless it's the only half-plausible explanation left).
Pretty much this, actually. Plus, a lot of guys tend to make startlingly unwelcome or awkward advances, for a whole host of reasons.Stasisesque said:
I said "for those of us that rarely get any affection at all". Sure, you might not agree, but I am fairly certain most people do. You live a life where no one of the sex you prefer gives you any attention (and you are not fully asexual) then yes, you will view attention as a good thing. You will most likely crave it very badly.Mortai Gravesend said:
This, of course, might stop as soon as you get enough of it.