"I wish people would stop hitting on me" - What it actually means, and why it is still insulting.

[Realitycrash]

You know, people say me and the boyfriend are attatched at the hip because we go everywhere together.
And I fucking love that because I don't have to deal with people coming up to me and talking to me.
I do not like talking to strangers, and I find being hit on a truly weird experience.
I honestly do not enjoy it.
So yeah, socially awkward women exist and they don't like being hit on.

Also this.

Spoiler

You know, that comic..I understand the point, but I (once again) would not feel insulted with several of those comments (It goes over the line when someone physically grabs me, or says 'suck my cock'). And sure, it would probably bother me if this happened every single day, every single hour (as the comic wants to portray), but that can't be realistic for almost anyone.


And oh, practical solution: Mp3-player for the win. I never leave home without it (thought in my case, I just hate having to overhear shit at the tram).

 

[Realitycrash]

Still wish I was beautiful. Regardless of the awkwardness or what have you.

I still wish I thought I was beautiful.

But you have a nice panda ^^

 

[Phasmal]

You know, that comic..I understand the point, but I (once again) would not feel insulted with several of those comments (It goes over the line when someone physically grabs me, or says 'suck my cock'). And sure, it would probably bother me if this happened every single day, every single hour (as the comic wants to portray), but that can't be realistic for almost anyone.


And oh, practical solution: Mp3-player for the win. I never leave home without it (thought in my case, I just hate having to overhear shit at the tram).

Stories from women who have had their headphones yanked off so random dude can creep on them would disagree with you.
Oh yeah and that also doesn't stop dudes pulling their car up behind you and honking at your ass, and with headphones on that just makes you jump. Not pleasant.
I seem to have a link for everything, too! http://captainawkward.com/2012/09/15/conversations-on-a-train/
Try reading that.

It may not annoy you if you had that attention, but that doesn't really matter.
Everyone gets to pick their own limit.
For me, anything is too much, because I am socially awkward and I might just hate people a tiny bit.

 

[Belated]

Seriously? So we're not allowed to hit on people now? How are relationships supposed to happen if hitting on isn't allowed anymore? 99% of us exist right now because somebody hit on somebody else at some point.

There's no such thing as "asking for" rape, but there is such a thing as "asking for" being hit on. And that's what you're doing when you're going to a bar at night looking attractive. There's no other reason to go to a bar if you think about it logically. You can drink at home, and you can watch sports at home. Maybe the food is a reason if it's one of those restaurant/bar places, but otherwise, bars are a place for people to meet people.

If you're afraid of getting raped, get a tazer or some pepper spray, or, for those who are American, a handgun. (Yes, for protection. That's what they're there for. Getting one does not make you a bad person. When somebody is attempting to commit a crime against you, you shouldn't have to just LET them.) I'm not saying that the victim is responsible for avoiding rape, but that doesn't mean that you can't decrease your chances if you want to. I don't think it's my responsibility to prevent people from robbing me, but I still have locks on my doors.

You shouldn't let fear prevent you from having fun. Not every man is a rapist waiting to happen. A woman is generally not in any danger at a bar, and women are stronger than you give them credit for.

Captcha: no means no
How appropriate.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I had to reread the title a few times. I thought it said "I wish people would stop hitting me", which I think is a pretty reasonable thing to want.

 

[Realitycrash]

You know, that comic..I understand the point, but I (once again) would not feel insulted with several of those comments (It goes over the line when someone physically grabs me, or says 'suck my cock'). And sure, it would probably bother me if this happened every single day, every single hour (as the comic wants to portray), but that can't be realistic for almost anyone.


And oh, practical solution: Mp3-player for the win. I never leave home without it (thought in my case, I just hate having to overhear shit at the tram).

Stories from women who have had their headphones yanked off so random dude can creep on them would disagree with you.
Oh yeah and that also doesn't stop dudes pulling their car up behind you and honking at your ass, and with headphones on that just makes you jump. Not pleasant.
I seem to have a link for everything, too! http://captainawkward.com/2012/09/15/conversations-on-a-train/
Try reading that.

It may not annoy you if you had that attention, but that doesn't really matter.
Everyone gets to pick their own limit.
For me, anything is too much, because I am socially awkward and I might just hate people a tiny bit.

If someone rips my head-phones off, I'm dialing 911. And I'd be in the right, too. They can seriously go fuck themselves if they want to get physical.
But still, it might happen, but I continue to doubt how often it does.

As for the train-ride..-Shrugs- Some people are morons? I've experienced exactly the same thing, several times. Older ladies, or weird dudes, or crazy hobos. It's equally disturbing.

And sure, everyone gets to pick their own. I agree. However, most would probably prefer to get enough attention to satisfy them, than none at all.

 

[Phasmal]

And sure, everyone gets to pick their own. I agree. However, most would probably prefer to get enough attention to satisfy them, than none at all.

Yep.
And... that kinda renders this thread done in my eyes.

Everyone gets to pick how much/what kind of attention they want and where it crosses the line.
So, if someone says `I wish people would stop hitting on me`, they might mean a certain kind of person or a certain kind of approach or they might be like me and just not want to get the sales pitch from any dude.

But for whatever reason, it should be respected that they don't wanna get hit on.

There are plenty of fish in the sea and one person declaring themselves not in the mood to hear it is not really significant.

 

[Sexy Devil]

You know, that comic..I understand the point, but I (once again) would not feel insulted with several of those comments (It goes over the line when someone physically grabs me, or says 'suck my cock'). And sure, it would probably bother me if this happened every single day, every single hour (as the comic wants to portray), but that can't be realistic for almost anyone.


And oh, practical solution: Mp3-player for the win. I never leave home without it (thought in my case, I just hate having to overhear shit at the tram).

Stories from women who have had their headphones yanked off so random dude can creep on them would disagree with you.
Oh yeah and that also doesn't stop dudes pulling their car up behind you and honking at your ass, and with headphones on that just makes you jump. Not pleasant.
I seem to have a link for everything, too! http://captainawkward.com/2012/09/15/conversations-on-a-train/
Try reading that.

It may not annoy you if you had that attention, but that doesn't really matter.
Everyone gets to pick their own limit.
For me, anything is too much, because I am socially awkward and I might just hate people a tiny bit.

It's really weird to me that people actually do this. Personally if it ever looks to me like some random doesn't want to be in a conversation with me (though being the introvert that I am, I interact with randoms very infrequently) I'll just say "Oh uhhhh sorry for bothering you hehe" in a super awkward way and go back to staring at the floor or out the window or whatever. Even when that doesn't happen I focus more on keeping the conversation entertaining than I do on asking about their life like in that link.

Feeling entitled to interact with somebody is really fucking odd. Then again I do kind of objectively look creepy as hell so I just assume as a baseline that people are going to be creeped out by me and adjust accordingly.

 

[EeveeElectro]

People are different, some people might love the attention, whereas some feel awkward when it happens.

I don't like people hitting on me all the time but it happens much more online than in real life which is much easier to deal with. I wish people wouldn't do it when they're my friends because it makes me feel bad when I don't like them back. The guys that just give me a string of compliments and keep constantly telling me he's interested when I'm not make me feel a bit uncomfortable but I suppose that does for anyone.

As for me, the reason it bugs me a little is that I was bullied so much in high school I couldn't go a day without hearing someone call me fat/ugly/*****/greasy and such.
I suppose I've grown into my looks now and don't look as ugly but I still believe those people, so when someone hits on me I just think they're doing it for a laugh. I don't like the thought of people laughing at my expense, I think whenever someone hits on me, they'll go back to their group of friends laughing and one of his mates will hand him a tenner. It's never happened but when I have been flirted with I will always assume someone is putting them up to it.

That probably sounds odd but I know what I mean. I do appreciate people complimenting me and hitting on me once I don't mind as much (If I've let them know I'm not interested and they still do it, I don't like it) because it's nice to know some people actually find me attractive when I was very much the ugly friend in my group of peers at school.

 

[Phantom Kat]

People are different, some people might love the attention, whereas some feel awkward when it happens.

I don't like people hitting on me but it happens much more online than in real life which is much easier to deal with. I wish people wouldn't do it when they're my friends because it makes me feel bad when I don't like them back. The guys that just give me a string of compliments and keep constantly telling me he's interested when I'm not make me feel a bit uncomfortable but I suppose that does for anyone.

As for me, the reason it bugs me a little is that I was bullied so much in high school I couldn't go a day without hearing someone call me fat/ugly/*****/greasy and such.
I suppose I've grown into my looks now and don't look as ugly but I still believe those people, so when someone hits on me I just think they're doing it for a laugh. I don't like the thought of people laughing at my expense, I think whenever someone hits on me, they'll go back to their group of friends laughing and one of his mates will hand him a tenner. It's never happened but when I have been flirted with I will always assume someone is putting them up to it.

That probably sounds odd but I know what I mean. I do appreciate people complimenting me and hitting on me once I don't mind as much (If I've let them know I'm not interested and they still do it, I don't like it) because it's nice to know some people actually find me attractive when I was very much the ugly friend in my group of peers at school.

I'm actually the same way (although male) and mostly for similar reasons. I used to be quite short and got bullied a lot so I had next to know self esteem and thought people hitting on me were doing it for a laugh.

I know for a fact my girlfriend wears a ring on her wedding finger when she goes to bars with friends so that guys don't hit on her.

 

[Realitycrash]

And for those of us that rarely get any attention or affection at all, this seems slightly insulting. It's like you're poor, and this rich guy is walking by going "Oh, damn, my wallet is so heavy, why must I have so much money?".

What's insulting is your comparison. More money can't be bad, you can always do more with more money. It's insulting though that you seem to think people should all view more attention as positive if it isn't outright creepy or something.

I said "for those of us that rarely get any affection at all". Sure, you might not agree, but I am fairly certain most people do. You live a life where no one of the sex you prefer gives you any attention (and you are not fully asexual) then yes, you will view attention as a good thing. You will most likely crave it very badly.
This, of course, might stop as soon as you get enough of it.

I don't care if they agree and find it insulting. Has nothing to do with my point that anyone who thinks that way is the one who is insulting, and self-centered to boot. I don't care if they view attention as a good thing, it's insulting for them, and you, to act like EVERYONE has to see it as a good thing.

Is some attention from ones preferred sex a good thing, or at least until you have hit your "cap"? Yes. Unless you are asexual, I'm gonna go with EVERYONE.
But of course, since there is ALWAYS some exceptions, I might revise my claim to "EVERYONE except A FEW". Happy enough with your nitpicking?

 

[Realitycrash]

And for those of us that rarely get any attention or affection at all, this seems slightly insulting. It's like you're poor, and this rich guy is walking by going "Oh, damn, my wallet is so heavy, why must I have so much money?".

What's insulting is your comparison. More money can't be bad, you can always do more with more money. It's insulting though that you seem to think people should all view more attention as positive if it isn't outright creepy or something.

I said "for those of us that rarely get any affection at all". Sure, you might not agree, but I am fairly certain most people do. You live a life where no one of the sex you prefer gives you any attention (and you are not fully asexual) then yes, you will view attention as a good thing. You will most likely crave it very badly.
This, of course, might stop as soon as you get enough of it.

I don't care if they agree and find it insulting. Has nothing to do with my point that anyone who thinks that way is the one who is insulting, and self-centered to boot. I don't care if they view attention as a good thing, it's insulting for them, and you, to act like EVERYONE has to see it as a good thing.

Is some attention from ones preferred sex a good thing, or at least until you have hit your "cap"? Yes. Unless you are asexual, I'm gonna go with EVERYONE.
But of course, since there is ALWAYS some exceptions, I might revise my claim to "EVERYONE except A FEW". Happy enough with your nitpicking?

You're ignoring the point. It's not nitpicking. I'm not particularly happy with your asinine idea that it's insulting for someone to say they do not want more attention. Because it isn't unless you make some really ridiculous assumptions.

It is not per definition insulting, no. But it will, most likely, be insulting to those that never get any. That would almost kill to get any what so ever. And I have been such a person, and I know such people, and after reading through this thread, many people can relate.
It's simply thoughtless.

 

[Realitycrash]

And for those of us that rarely get any attention or affection at all, this seems slightly insulting. It's like you're poor, and this rich guy is walking by going "Oh, damn, my wallet is so heavy, why must I have so much money?".

What's insulting is your comparison. More money can't be bad, you can always do more with more money. It's insulting though that you seem to think people should all view more attention as positive if it isn't outright creepy or something.

I said "for those of us that rarely get any affection at all". Sure, you might not agree, but I am fairly certain most people do. You live a life where no one of the sex you prefer gives you any attention (and you are not fully asexual) then yes, you will view attention as a good thing. You will most likely crave it very badly.
This, of course, might stop as soon as you get enough of it.

I don't care if they agree and find it insulting. Has nothing to do with my point that anyone who thinks that way is the one who is insulting, and self-centered to boot. I don't care if they view attention as a good thing, it's insulting for them, and you, to act like EVERYONE has to see it as a good thing.

Is some attention from ones preferred sex a good thing, or at least until you have hit your "cap"? Yes. Unless you are asexual, I'm gonna go with EVERYONE.
But of course, since there is ALWAYS some exceptions, I might revise my claim to "EVERYONE except A FEW". Happy enough with your nitpicking?

You're ignoring the point. It's not nitpicking. I'm not particularly happy with your asinine idea that it's insulting for someone to say they do not want more attention. Because it isn't unless you make some really ridiculous assumptions.

It is not per definition insulting, no. But it will, most likely, be insulting to those that never get any. That would almost kill to get any what so ever. And I have been such a person, and I know such people, and after reading through this thread, many people can relate.
It's simply thoughtless.

No, it isn't thoughtless to assume people aren't self centered. Because that's about the only reason to find it insulting, if you can't look past your own desires.

It isn't thoughtless to assume that others might desperately need what you complain about having in abundance?
Oh, okay.

 

[Phasmal]

It isn't thoughtless to assume that others might desperately need what you complain about having in abundance?
Oh, okay.

It is not the same.
Look dude, if people are desperately needing food or money then we have charities to attempt to help them.
I cannot give you the dudes who honk at my ass from cars or talk weird to me at bus stations.
If I could, I certainly would.
Until then, it's still annoying.

EDIT: Also if we continue down that road we get to `You cant complain about a situation anyone else might possibly have worse than you`.
And that's just darn silly.

 

[Ashannon Blackthorn]

I find in these cases they fall into two categories. 1) The person who is legite about the complaint. They honesty feel stressed about being treated like pieces of meat because they fall into societies view of pretty, or even one individual's view of pretty.
2) Are the vain self absorbed folk who are fishing for compliments, back-handedly telling you they better then everyone or so shallow they don't know any better.

Trick is figuring out which one they are and acting appropriatly.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

To be honest, if I was a pretty woman, I?d be saying the same thing. Unless you were promiscuous (and there are no negative implications in the way I said that, OK? I?m not ?slut-shaming? here), I?d imagine that it?d be quite annoying to constantly be approached and flirted to by complete strangers at a bar whose most likely intention is to sleep with you and never call you again, especially if you were just going there to have a few drinks in the enjoyment of your friends? company. It?s probably even harder for the shy girls who don?t want so much attention, just for their looks. Or if some twat is arrogant enough to grab your ass.

It?s not a problem for guys to be hit on, because?well, there?s guys. They don?t have to suffer routine objectification in real-life, society, the media?whatever name floats your boat. They don?t have to feel the eyes of twenty random men on their legs. And, I?m being a bit hyperbolic here, but they don?t have to fear being raped. Men are normally the ones that do the flirting too, as that?s expected of them. Of course, that doesn?t mean women can?t flirt too, but generally, even if they?re subtle about it, women don?t have to try very hard to bed a guy. Men do (to bed a woman, that is).

People need to understand that annoyance is relative, and it?s all about perspective. Just because someone else may be suffering worse than you doesn?t mean you don?t have the right to be sad about something. That?d be like having all the data on your laptop being wiped by a virus, and then your friend saying, ?You think you?ve got it bad? What about all those starving kids in Africa who don?t even have computers?? It doesn?t help to make the person feel better, and it?s just so condescendingly and illogically dismissive.

At the end of the day, there are pros and cons to everything.