"I wish people would stop hitting on me" - What it actually means, and why it is still insulting.
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I'm not sure how much of it has to do with the inability to resist. I've been known to utter something along the lines "I wish people would stop hitting on me". However, it's not because I don't feel I can resist any physical business that comes up (relatively big guy with martial arts training). It's because the attention, in my case, is 99% unwanted.
Mainly, when people "hit" on me in this fashion, it's at the bar and, typically, they're drunk. My typical experience when this happens goes something like this: My friends and I go out for some pints. We avoid dance clubs because the object of the night is to get drunk and have fun (not to hit on members of the opposite sex). Some drunk girl with a loose connection to one of my friend or myself (usually they were in one of our classes) comes over to chat a little. They then insist that I follow them to a dance club to go dancing. When I refuse, I have had them try to physically drag me away from my friends. I can easily resist, but it doesn't make their pleading and prodding any less irritating.
In reusing your rich person analogy, it's not so much like rich people walking around complaining that they have all the money in their wallet, but like them complaining that the government has taxed their money to X degree. From an outside (poor person) perspective, that X may be more than you make in a year, so people are prone to view the rich person as being greedy. However, EVERYONE would prefer not being taxed. In a similar way, EVERYONE dislikes unwanted attention. Attractive people may get MORE unwanted attention, but that doesn't make them fundamentally flawed for complaining about it.
Mainly, when people "hit" on me in this fashion, it's at the bar and, typically, they're drunk. My typical experience when this happens goes something like this: My friends and I go out for some pints. We avoid dance clubs because the object of the night is to get drunk and have fun (not to hit on members of the opposite sex). Some drunk girl with a loose connection to one of my friend or myself (usually they were in one of our classes) comes over to chat a little. They then insist that I follow them to a dance club to go dancing. When I refuse, I have had them try to physically drag me away from my friends. I can easily resist, but it doesn't make their pleading and prodding any less irritating.
In reusing your rich person analogy, it's not so much like rich people walking around complaining that they have all the money in their wallet, but like them complaining that the government has taxed their money to X degree. From an outside (poor person) perspective, that X may be more than you make in a year, so people are prone to view the rich person as being greedy. However, EVERYONE would prefer not being taxed. In a similar way, EVERYONE dislikes unwanted attention. Attractive people may get MORE unwanted attention, but that doesn't make them fundamentally flawed for complaining about it.
Read the OP but kinda skipped the thread. (Sorry guys)
I can see where you're coming from, being deemed undesirable even toward your older years, but for people that grow up looking good and aren't completely arrogant about it... It's really not so great.
For example; I can't go on a walk at night without some guy stopping his car and asking if I want a ride. I was once walking toward my neighborhood reading a book, and a guy followed me past the gates to comment on my reading while walking, ask if I wanted a ride, etc. I'm constantly followed around in bars, at the fair, in stores and so on.
I didn't always look good either, I was the kid in elementary and middle school that was always picked on, hit, and had things blamed on him he didn't do. Part of my annoyance comes from knowing just how much things change once people think you're attractive. I moved, changed schools, and suddenly I was popular. I never got in trouble for anything I did, everything was handed to me and it pissed me off. Where once I had to prove myself, now everyone took my word for it because I was attractive.
I'll fully admit to often being scared of a guy hitting on me anywhere, because they are confusing me for a woman and I sometimes don't want to tell them otherwise. Suppose that's more my personal problem than a generalized explanation, but eh.
I can see where you're coming from, being deemed undesirable even toward your older years, but for people that grow up looking good and aren't completely arrogant about it... It's really not so great.
For example; I can't go on a walk at night without some guy stopping his car and asking if I want a ride. I was once walking toward my neighborhood reading a book, and a guy followed me past the gates to comment on my reading while walking, ask if I wanted a ride, etc. I'm constantly followed around in bars, at the fair, in stores and so on.
I didn't always look good either, I was the kid in elementary and middle school that was always picked on, hit, and had things blamed on him he didn't do. Part of my annoyance comes from knowing just how much things change once people think you're attractive. I moved, changed schools, and suddenly I was popular. I never got in trouble for anything I did, everything was handed to me and it pissed me off. Where once I had to prove myself, now everyone took my word for it because I was attractive.
I'll fully admit to often being scared of a guy hitting on me anywhere, because they are confusing me for a woman and I sometimes don't want to tell them otherwise. Suppose that's more my personal problem than a generalized explanation, but eh.
Not really.Elect G-Max said:
If I'm gonna consider a man as a relationship prospect, I have to have some level of attraction to a guy. And looks is really the first level of that.
No one said you can't hit on people but that doesn?t mean everyone else has to like it and can?t find it annoying. Not liking something that someone else wants dose not somehow make you selfish, at worst you're being a bit inconsiderate by complaining about to someone who does want attention but isn't getting it.Belated said:
And no picking people up is not the only reason to go to a bar. Your friends might want to go to a bar, many bars have nice food, live bands and large screens to play sport. Some like the company of other people but aren?t necessarily looking to be picked up.
Yes, it does. The noble feelings come from affection for their character, not arousal at their female form.Elect G-Max said:
No part of me pointing out this obvious fact of human attraction contradicts that men have feelings and can love women. Just that sexual attraction ALONE is leading to quite a transgressive act that women understandably don't like to be pressured into. It has to come steadily after trust, confidence and assurance. The woman may be trusting, confident and assured with any male's sexual advancements but that is no guarantee.
Love, romance and other fond emotions can be quite separate.
Well it probably doesn't annoy you because you were ugly before. As for me I've always been a pretty guy, I've always worked out and I've had 3 near rape experiences with gay people which left me slightly homophobic.
Don't get me wrong, if someone is hitting on me be it a man or a woman I'll be flattered, but it does get annoying when you are out. Also it's troublesome, I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now and I'm happy there, however, when you go out with single friends and hot girls come over to try and talk to me they get irritated because at that point they see you as competition even though you are completely off the game. I've had some cases where they went "Dude, if we went to a club no chick would go for us with you there lets just go somewhere else."
So Yes, it is troublesome.
Don't get me wrong, if someone is hitting on me be it a man or a woman I'll be flattered, but it does get annoying when you are out. Also it's troublesome, I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now and I'm happy there, however, when you go out with single friends and hot girls come over to try and talk to me they get irritated because at that point they see you as competition even though you are completely off the game. I've had some cases where they went "Dude, if we went to a club no chick would go for us with you there lets just go somewhere else."
So Yes, it is troublesome.
Yeah, I did handle the situation poorly. As I stated in my post I didn't know how to respond since it was the first time someone hit on me. I don't understand how someone can like someone else just after only talking to them a grand total of thirty minutes. I don't do well in social situations such as that.
Plus, since I was in college I wanted to concentrate on my work and dating somebody would have been a distraction.
His words were 'maybe you and me should get together sometime, I always thought geeky girls were hot', sorry I didn't clarify that I'll go do it now ^_^Elect G-Max said:
I probably do do that as I'm rather insecure and have very low self-worth hehe, but most of these guys were pretty sleazy. The type to sleep around and whatnot. There was one guy who seemed genuine and whose message approach seemed sincere and kind rather than sleazy but he was one out of around ten sleazers and too far away for me to ever be able to date him properly.Xiado said:
OP has it right. Don't complain about being beautiful. Don't complain about being hit on. Complain about the jerkbags who turn being hit on from the compliment it should be into an uncomfortable, perhaps even dangerous, situation.
I can't say what it's like to be hit on excessively....or at all. To say that I was awkward and unpopular in my youth would be understatement. To say that I remain awkward and unpopular today would be slightly less understatement. I've been hit on by exactly three women. Each time, it turned out to be a practical joke someone was playing at my expense. If a woman were to come up to me in the grocery store tomorrow and start being nice to me, I would not ask her if I could buy her coffee sometime, or what her name was, or any of the things you're supposed to ask. I would ask her who put her up to it.
Oddly, I think I understand the problem even though I'm coming at it from the opposite side. People who are hit on constantly are bothered by the large percentage of jerkbags, and wish it would stop. I am bothered that every scrap of female attention I've received has been hurtful, and wish it would stop.
I can't say what it's like to be hit on excessively....or at all. To say that I was awkward and unpopular in my youth would be understatement. To say that I remain awkward and unpopular today would be slightly less understatement. I've been hit on by exactly three women. Each time, it turned out to be a practical joke someone was playing at my expense. If a woman were to come up to me in the grocery store tomorrow and start being nice to me, I would not ask her if I could buy her coffee sometime, or what her name was, or any of the things you're supposed to ask. I would ask her who put her up to it.
Oddly, I think I understand the problem even though I'm coming at it from the opposite side. People who are hit on constantly are bothered by the large percentage of jerkbags, and wish it would stop. I am bothered that every scrap of female attention I've received has been hurtful, and wish it would stop.
Never saw it that way, I guess people could feel helpless or unnerved by the attention. As a guy I usually love it, but then again I know I can defend myself.