Warning. We do not take any responsibility if this product causes random bouts of crying and/or self-hatred through fanfic destruction, grammar nazism and game-fueled rage.
If you came with a user manual what would it say?
- Thread starter jane_says
- Start date
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Warning:
Hopeless romantic and a cynic simultaneously. Product not intended for those without black senses of humor.
Hopeless romantic and a cynic simultaneously. Product not intended for those without black senses of humor.
(and this was actually found in a user manual once)
"...remember, you took this thing apart. All the pieces should go back together exactly the way they came off. By any means, do not use a hammer."
also:
"Caution: No redeeming qualities."
"...remember, you took this thing apart. All the pieces should go back together exactly the way they came off. By any means, do not use a hammer."
also:
"Caution: No redeeming qualities."
Oh. I believe I forgot some things. More warning it seems.
"Do not fuel using alcoholic substances. Rapid reduction to a curled up ball of tears or a drunken daze may result if refueled incorrectly. This may also result from sports or heavy lifting. Requires limited sunlight and companionship.
Exposure to Flo Rida, Cascada, hip hop, rave or other forms of "music" may result in mass homicide. Use Meatloaf or rock bands to remedy/slow the problem. Use Journey for best results.
Upkeep for this model is £10 weekly, not including minimal food requirements, though will not leave recharging station for less than £30.
When placed with a task, this model will often do something else for no reason. Boredom levels may reach critical during these times, often causing the model to overload and stare into blank space.
Logic included, but must be run manually to have any effect."
"Do not fuel using alcoholic substances. Rapid reduction to a curled up ball of tears or a drunken daze may result if refueled incorrectly. This may also result from sports or heavy lifting. Requires limited sunlight and companionship.
Exposure to Flo Rida, Cascada, hip hop, rave or other forms of "music" may result in mass homicide. Use Meatloaf or rock bands to remedy/slow the problem. Use Journey for best results.
Upkeep for this model is £10 weekly, not including minimal food requirements, though will not leave recharging station for less than £30.
When placed with a task, this model will often do something else for no reason. Boredom levels may reach critical during these times, often causing the model to overload and stare into blank space.
Logic included, but must be run manually to have any effect."
Thank you for purchasing the Birra-ma-tron 9k1. This unit has, due to a glitch during target practice, had the shoulder-mounted minigun disabled. Please do not attempt to reactivate it. Also, do not stimulate the unit with an internet meme. If you do, he will endlessly spout them at you. Finally, do NOT under ANY circumstances RickRoll the unit. If you do, his power core will detonate, leveling anything in a 50-mile radius.
"can be used as bodyguard
WARNING: if used as one can go into a state of rage where she will just hit the nearest person which might or might not be you"
WARNING: if used as one can go into a state of rage where she will just hit the nearest person which might or might not be you"
"warning will inevitably flip out and go on a killing rampage"
"we have no control whether or not this thing will try to kill you"
200 pages of related warnings later...
"seriously why are you still reading this I can tell you as a fact that he has turned on and has started attacking you I can bet you that"
and that book is always right
"we have no control whether or not this thing will try to kill you"
200 pages of related warnings later...
"seriously why are you still reading this I can tell you as a fact that he has turned on and has started attacking you I can bet you that"
and that book is always right
1) Partial assembly required.
2) Highly flammable.
3) May cause temporary blindness.
4) Will eventually cause permanent blindness.
2) Highly flammable.
3) May cause temporary blindness.
4) Will eventually cause permanent blindness.