If you could enchant your "gear" in real life, how would you enchant it?

[ICs2Xist]

Hmmm......

Conspiracy hat.
Type: Hat
Material: Tin foil
Buffs: +5 mindreading protection
Debuffs: +200 damage dealt by microwaves, -20 IQ
When equipped, the wearer is able to see through every conspiracy, but this comes at a loss of general intelligence.

Thrower's Shoes
Type: Shoe
Material: Various
Buff: Shoe useable as weapon, +500 damage dealt to presidents
Debuff: -20 accuracy
When equipped, the wearer is able to cast a level 4 projectile based ThrowShoe attack for 500 damage on an important person.

Simply brilliant.

Hm I think I'll be ironic and make a jacket of paradox:
constant 1 frost damage per second on self
constant 1 healing per second on self
(to combat heat while wearing a jacket because I always wear one anyways)

 

[ottenni]

I already have an enchanted item of clothing. Its my +1 singlet of Bogan. Every time a wear it i become a little more bogan.

 

[Tharwen]

Gloves of computer wizardy.

+20 to making the printer do its fucking job.

 

[Shemming]

The gloves of buzzzap +10 shooting lightnings.

Shoes of suck it gravity +1 deify gravity.

Drinking hat of awesome +1 never run out of drinks.

Jacket of i'm mercer suck it! +1 powers of alex mercer.

Ruck sack of crap +10000 useless items and +10000 storage space.

miami shades +5 one-liners

 

[tombman888]

+50 intellect to my necklace.
+5 speed to my shoes.
+9001 Sexy to my underwear =P (nah jk)
and 500% luck and success in everything i do enchanted onto my socks.

 

[tharglet]

Jumper of Muscleyness - allows the wearer to pick up heavy objects
Pendant of Finding - allows the wearer to enchant items with a "beacon" which can be activated by the necklace to find said object. No more running round the house hunting for the various objects I've either dropped outta my pockets or misplaced!
Gloves of Conjure Sandwich - no more making lunch for me every morning
Trousers with Pockets of Infinity - allows the wearer to place any number of small objects inside pockets of said trousers. Pretty much like my current trousers, only bigger.

 

[Mr.Squishy]

Leather Gloves of Acid damage: When equipped, unarmed strike deals additional 1d8 acid damage. Subject must make fortitude save or take ongoing damage.

Cowboy hat of courage: When equipped, grants Immunity to all fear effects.

T-shirt of charisma: When equipped, grants a +6 to charisma.

Hoodie of the ogre: When equipped, grants a +6 to strength

Pants of insight: When equipped, grants +6 to Int and Wis.

Boots of Bluff: Grants +20 on Bluff checks

Sunglasses of Fireball: Wearer can use the spell Fireball 3 times per day at caster level 7.

Monocle of Charm Person: Wearer can use the spell Charm person 4 times per day at caster level 7.

Ring of Dexterity X 2: Grants +3 to dexterity each

 

[Mcupobob]

+5 to Sexterity

Hey someone else who watches the guild!

OT:+10 ring of charm
+10 neckless of charm
+10 hat of Charismia
+20 boxers of suduction.

 

[Kukakkau]

Hat of sleeping knowledge - fall asleep in a lecture/class and anything that you are to learn is drilled into your head with no effort needed

Enchant glasses - anti loudmouth kid effect: causes any user on an internet location that you dissaprove of or can't stand to have their console/computer explode by reading their username out loud. Trolls also have their appearance changed to match their title

I would be unstoppable mwahahaha

 

[ICs2Xist]

fingerless gloves of perpetual tickling:
+9001 attack speed
damage to 0
ongoing paralysis on target while attacking

 

[dark_taint92]

Backbapck of holding
Can hold infinite number of items
-100% Weight Reduction

Dammit that was my idea ¬_¬
other idea's include
Grand ring of the chameleon - 100% invisibility
Grand pants of calming - +20 points temperment
Grand gloves of telekinesis - telekinesis in 50ft radius on self
Grand vest of warding - shield 30% on self

 

[Jinjiro]

Gloves of Air Guitar - gives me the ability to do genuine air guitar solos as seen in Bill and Ted. How freaking awesome would that be?

 

[Cobbs]

dark blue hoodie of protection from the elements: Keeps user comfortable regardless of weather, water and tearproof
black pants of style: +50 style points, also weatherproof
hobo gloves: +200 begging skill, +200 pickpocket skill
Captains Hat: Makes everyone salute me as i walk past.
i also wouldnt mind the sandvich gloves

 

[Brainpalm]

Suit of free running: a full dress suit that grants the "free running" skill and +100 dexterity, agility and speed.

Top Hat of Awesome: A top hat which can never be removed from its wearer and grants massive charisma bonuses.

Jacket Pocket of Holding: A pocket in suit's jacket which has infinite storage space.

Now I have become a man who can free run while wearing a top hat and a suit while carrying anything.

 

[Life_Is_A_Mess]

Pajama of Laziness. +5 to innactiveness, -10 to endurance, -5 to sex appeal, +20 to sleeping.

Flip flops of Athlete's Foot. 10% disease damage, +7 to strenght, -5 to sex appeal.

...yeah, I better get dressed properly...

 

[Vitor Goncalves]

Personally, I'd enchant everything with % money gained increase

I tjink this one is /thread lol
I also think about haste, if you could just do your work faster you would have more free time and could do more stuff during your free time.

 

[tharglet]

+20 boxers of suduction.

Er, going for the foaming boxers look there? Don't think suds are particularly seductive... then again this is a world with "Rule 34"....

 

[tharglet]

ring of ejaculation.

gives +2 feet to cum shots

Are ye aimin' for the bin or something? Lazy.