if you had the above avatar tied up in your basement

[AwesomeExpress]

Tickle them with feathers!

 

[Snowden's Secret]

Poke them with...THE SOFT CUSHION.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Let a pillowy soft pillow gently touch them with the greatest of ease.

 

[XThecommander]

*Takes off head and uses as jack-o-lantern, and also puts on the suit.

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

I shall retrieve my power tools.

 

[Dango]

Here I have a cat for you... I just wanted you to know that.

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

Here, I wrote you a song about starfish that does not infringe upon copyright... I just wanted you to know that.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Close the window.

 

[XThecommander]

Wait, what is thi-*notices no driver, and sees a incoming wall* oh my-*Boom*

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

Hire some pirates, because he was ninja'd.

 

[Dango]

Give her a unique book.

 

[XThecommander]

Edit:Oh come on...
*plants explosives on her* This is for beating me to the post... *Boom*

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

Fire the pirates and hire new ones.

 

[Dango]

Dress him up as a pirate ninja, and have him fight a ninja pirate. Damn ironic ninjas...

 

[XThecommander]

Edit:I think im gonna punch the computer now...
Didn't I annhilate you?

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

Fire pirates yet again and hire new ones again.

 

[Dango]

Lend him money to buy some more pirates.

 

[XThecommander]

Ok, enough is enough *Fires hadron cannon*

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

Take it to therapy.