If You Were Admin of the Entire Internet ...

[similar.squirrel]

If over 60% of any post is misspelled or grammatically incorrect, the poster will be issued a 6-month ban. If the ip is in a different region to the language used in the post, this will be raised to over 75%.

That would weed out a significant proportion of the assholes inhabiting this realm.

 

[The Virgo]

... Um, no. I didn't say that, actually. But I've yet to play with a person below the age of 15 who didn't do write in "textese", wasn't a general pain in the ass, or didn't have that annoying squeaky voice. If they acted mature, I wouldn't mind them.

I'm curious to know, are you saying you understand that people under the age of 15 can be mature and etc but you just want to see one for yourself or are you saying that because you haven't seen one, they all act the same? There's a very heavy implication of the latter but I'm just checking that's all.

The first one. I'm positive that there are mature 15-year-olds, but I've yet to play with one of those. I have only met the stereotypical ones. Like one that was on a Trouble in Terrorist Town server (Gmod gamemode) was doing super annoying things and he ended up insulting the admin for no real reason and he got banned. As the Heavy Weapons Guy once said, "Not big surpise". And in a free game called "Ace of Spades", most of the player-base are 12-year-old Call of Duty players who, in game, call you a hacker if you're a good player and use textese (let's not also forget large amounts of griefing) and, on the forums, talk about how the game needs killstreaks, achievements and other things from Call of Duty that, while they think it would make the game great, would ruin it for the rest of us. (I fear what the next update will bring. D:> ).

Like I said, that's not to say they are all bad, far from it, but my experiences with them have been rather unpleasant.

Not all users. Who have I insulted? I guy who sticks up for 4Chan, of all places,

I'm also curious to know what caused your loathing of 4chan.

Furries (I was once on a Trouble in Terrorist Town map that was a de_rats style map, and the mousepad was a furry picture. Once seen cannot be unseen. (o)_(0) ), but mostly this ... [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sOT36CmUbk]

Hello, you've met one now. I'm sure there's many like me, you just don't realise that we are a MLP fan unless we mention it on a thread.

Yeah, but it's different for you because you're a Virgo too, and that makes everything you do okay. XD

But on a little more serious note, you're the second person to do say that on this thread and, since we're on the subject, what is it about the show that makes you like it? I have many reasons for hating it, because of ponies, cheery colors, the false idea that "friendship is magic", etc., but I've yet to actually hear from a brony what is so great about the show.

I'm actually interested as to why, and I don't mean that in a sarcastic or derogatory way.

 

[Nouw]

The first one. I'm positive that there are mature 15-year-olds, but I've yet to play with one of those. I have only met the stereotypical ones. Like one that was on a Trouble in Terrorist Town server (Gmod gamemode) was doing super annoying things and he ended up insulting the admin for no real reason and he got banned. As the Heavy Weapons Guy once said, "Not big surpise". And in a free game called "Ace of Spades", most of the player-base are 12-year-old Call of Duty players who, in game, call you a hacker if you're a good player and use textese (let's not also forget large amounts of griefing) and, on the forums, talk about how the game needs killstreaks, achievements and other things from Call of Duty that, while they think it would make the game great, would ruin it for the rest of us. (I fear what the next update will bring. D:> ).

Like I said, that's not to say they are all bad, far from it, but my experiences with them have been rather unpleasant.

Good to know! And yes I agree they're hard to find but they're out there.

Furries (I was once on a Trouble in Terrorist Town map that was a de_rats style map, and the mousepad was a furry picture. Once seen cannot be unseen. (o)_(0) ), but mostly this ... [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sOT36CmUbk]

I hardly think that an internet fetish and a meme, which they don't like, is enough reason to hate an entire site. Half of which doesn't even like or care about the two. But whatever floats your boat I guess. I just think it'd make more sense to you know, hate those two things?

 

[The Virgo]

First of all, take down EVERY screamer on the internet, if you don't know what they are, play the scary maze game and get back to me with your reaction. and then afterwards mod tools for the internet!

Not all screamer videos are horrible ... to an extent. At least this one has a story based around the screamers! But like the video says, please turn down the volume and remove headphones, because it does get a bit loud!

 

[Brotha Desmond]

I'd probably perma-ban this website, to be quite honest.

Why would you o that? This site has Yahtzee. I always look forward to coming home after work to watch zero punctuation.

 

[The Virgo]

I'd probably perma-ban this website, to be quite honest.

Why would you o that? This site has Yahtzee. I always look forward to coming home after work to watch zero punctuation.

Agreed. Yahtzee gives meaning to Wednesdays. And I still have no idea why he would bother to post here if he hates this website so much. Yeah, he may not be *AS* funny as the older ones, but they are still enjoyable to watch. Enough so that last Wednesday felt empty without a new review. <:-(

He says he got the 100 Zero Punctuation badge because his brother uses it, but that still doesn't explain why he is here currently, or why he is using an account he gave to his brother.

 

[RedMage]

Well, I would look at it as meaning that someone out there has enough authority to make people admins of the internet. My first goal would be to investigate that. My second goal would to strive for internet equality wherein enterprising groups weren't disadvantaged.

 

[Psychedelic Spartan]

First of all, take down EVERY screamer on the internet, if you don't know what they are, play the scary maze game and get back to me with your reaction. and then afterwards mod tools for the internet!

Not all screamer videos are horrible ... to an extent. At least this one has a story based around the screamers! But like the video says, please turn down the volume and remove headphones, because it does get a bit loud!

nope, still scared the fuck out of me. I guess that's what I get fro watching the exorcist 2 years ago when I was 12.

 

[Dogstile]

Lets see, there's a news reporter on here i'd probably give a time out for until he stopped trolling the very people he's reporting to, in fact, there's probably one on every news site i'd go on. There's also a user on this site that could do with a time out for trolling, and probably one on every other site i...

Yeah, it goes on like this for a bit,

Or I could just shut down the entire internet for a day and watch everyone riot.

 

[Callate]

Create a kind of internal sub-internet loop where all e-mail sent by spammers would only go to spammers.

 

[The Virgo]

Lets see, there's a news reporter on here i'd probably give a time out for until he stopped trolling the very people he's reporting to...

Hmmm, I would guess that would either be the guy who posted the article that there was no Half-Life ARG as "VALVE: There is no Half-Life 3" or Jim Sterling ... or is it Serling? Regardless, I do enjoy most of the Jimquisitions ... most of them ...

And actually, taking the internet down for a day would result probably result in a lot of people rioting, especially Anonymous, who would then realize that, now they don't have the internet, they are nothing more than geeky nerds without girlfriends and with too much angst. I don't know, I mean, they do sometimes do good things, but to me it just looks like a bunch of cowards hiding behind the internet who, without it, would be powerless.

Some of us would probably just enjoy not having it for a day and could relax.

 

[Dogstile]

Lets see, there's a news reporter on here i'd probably give a time out for until he stopped trolling the very people he's reporting to...

Hmmm, I would guess that would either be the guy who posted the article that there was no Half-Life ARG as "VALVE: There is no Half-Life 3" or Jim Sterling ... or is it Serling? Regardless, I do enjoy most of the Jimquisitions ... most of them ...

And actually, taking the internet down for a day would result probably result in a lot of people rioting, especially Anonymous, who would then realize that, now they don't have the internet, they are nothing more than geeky nerds without girlfriends and with too much angst. I don't know, I mean, they do sometimes do good things, but to me it just looks like a bunch of cowards hiding behind the internet who, without it, would be powerless.

Some of us would probably just enjoy not having it for a day and could relax.

I actually like Jim, he steps on toes on purpose, not just because he's a dick. He is a dick of course, but its the funny kind.

And Greg? I was actually kidding but thinking about it he could use a day to reflect on why posting misleading titles on stories is bad. I mean, it used to be ok as it was jokey but lately every article of his i've read has made me go "hang on, somethings not right here". So hey, looks like you were right and I wasn't even being serious

Edit: And of course anon without the internet is powerless. Take guns away from the IRA and they become quite powerless too. Taking away your main weapon usually does that

 

[MaxwellEdison]

Lets see, there's a news reporter on here i'd probably give a time out for until he stopped trolling the very people he's reporting to...

Hmmm, I would guess that would either be the guy who posted the article that there was no Half-Life ARG as "VALVE: There is no Half-Life 3" or Jim Sterling ... or is it Serling? Regardless, I do enjoy most of the Jimquisitions ... most of them ...

And actually, taking the internet down for a day would result probably result in a lot of people rioting, especially Anonymous, who would then realize that, now they don't have the internet, they are nothing more than geeky nerds without girlfriends and with too much angst. I don't know, I mean, they do sometimes do good things, but to me it just looks like a bunch of cowards hiding behind the internet who, without it, would be powerless.

Some of us would probably just enjoy not having it for a day and could relax.

I actually like Jim, he steps on toes on purpose, not just because he's a dick. He is a dick of course, but its the funny kind.

And Greg? I was actually kidding but thinking about it he could use a day to reflect on why posting misleading titles on stories is bad. I mean, it used to be ok as it was jokey but lately every article of his i've read has made me go "hang on, somethings not right here". So hey, looks like you were right and I wasn't even being serious

Edit: And of course anon without the internet is powerless. Take guns away from the IRA and they become quite powerless too. Taking away your main weapon usually does that

I object to that post. The IRA will always have home made bombs.

 

[stinkyrobot]

You wake up, groggily get yourself out of bed, walk over to your computer and bring it up. As you load up your internet browser, you notice that it's different. There are all kinds of control panels on the screen, giving you IP addresses and a whole host of other things. You then go to a website and see that you basically have all kinds of control options for it. That one and many more ... in fact, ALL of them!

That's when you notice a small notification that reads that you have been giving Admin powers over the entire internet! You can shut down whatever site you like, ban anybody from any website or forum, or even just prevent them from using the internet at all! You could also shut down servers for any game, and nobody on any site could ban you.

So, what would you do?

As for me, I would go to YouTube and do some deep cleaning of the putrefaction that has accumulated there. From there, I would move on to 4Chan. Then, I would take down Origin, so that EA could remove that site and I could play Battlefield 3 without having to sign up for that spyware site. And then, the internet would be that much nicer of a place.

What about YOU? ...

I'd perma ban you for making stupid threads

 

[General BrEeZy]

destroy stupid lemon party.
stupid f*cker who made that needs to F*CKING DIE, as well as all Spam, advertisements....
and force Nyan Cat upon THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[The Virgo]

I'd perma ban you for making stupid threads

Wow, not only does you post fit the profile of a low-content post, but the word "threads" (plural), implies that you've been stalking me ... staying up late into the night to read all of my threads. (O)_(O)

I actually like Jim, he steps on toes on purpose, not just because he's a dick. He is a dick of course, but its the funny kind.

Agreed. He can be, an often is, an asshole, but he does at least make good points often.

And Greg? I was actually kidding but thinking about it he could use a day to reflect on why posting misleading titles on stories is bad. I mean, it used to be ok as it was jokey but lately every article of his i've read has made me go "hang on, somethings not right here". So hey, looks like you were right and I wasn't even being serious

Uh, thanks, I guess! Oh, and while we're on the subject, if you had total admin powers, I would also consider letting the people of the Half-Life 2: Episode Two section of the Steam Users' Forum have a break for a week or two. Fanbases can usually be described in one phrase, and the phrase that best fits those guys are "borderline schizophrenic". They're good people (well, most of them are), but they are probably the only people who would, after four years, still discuss whether we'll take off in a helicopter and will have threads that get pages of replies based off of a a tee-shirt. Go check them out for yourselves, if you dare. They just need a break from it all for a while, time to go outside, take a deep breath and realize that after this long, "Episode Three" or "Half-Life 3" or "Gordon Freeman's Spectacular Barnyard Appalachian Pancake Fishing Extreme" or whatever they decide to call it cannot possibly live up to their overblown expectations. And I know that they need some time away from the forums because I used to be one of them! D:

... I feel like I'm from that one South Park episode where New Jersey is trying to take over the world and I just admitted that I was originally from New Jersey! XD[/quote]

 

[Tommeh Brownleh]

Hmm... ban any and all SOPA supporters. Also people who let the NDAA slip by while pissing and moaning about internet censorship. It's a big thing, yes. Not as big as being able to be detained and imprisoned for as long as the military pleases with no trial.

Remove any online-pass like gating on online game servers. That, or use their IP's to open a pass-free server list.

Lastly, free stuff. If I have admin internet powers I can access any servers, including Steam's (but I wouldn't do that, Valve kicks ass) XBL's, PSN's, Origin, who's servers will likely have been shut down by the time I first turn my computer on, and... Idunno Amazon's, and fiddle with the prices. National "screw microsoft day!" Everything on XBL is FREE!