If you were president..

[Saskwach]

Well I'm jumping on the Werepossum '12 campaign right now: a mostly very appealing platform.

Wait.. Wait... You're betraying Cthulu? You?

Werepossum is a temporary thing; my divinations tell me Cthulhu won't be contesting the '12 Democratic ticket.

 

[Cheeky Rascal]

If I were president, pirates would roam the seas. ;_;

 

[John Galt]

By the way, what's your stance on the internet? Will you kill Anonymous with your own hands to aid your own rise to power?

Ugh, I knew that'd come up. From my brief contact with the chans, I'd guess that a Neo-Nazi regime would be something they'd like, seeing as how they're comprised primarily of like-minded sociopaths. I wouldn't be surprised if a couple /b/tards showed up to a rally.

The thing about fascism and the Internet is that you can't go too fast with it. Sure I guess I'd like to censor it for the good of the nation but really, there's little risk from Internet-based groups. I'd hurt my nation's international image if I were to begin cracking down on the Internet. Something that I couldn't have while I was trying to distance myself from the UN. Worst case scenario is that we use agent provocateurs to incite dissidents to running straight into a government building armed with whatever homemade weapons I haven't explicitly outlawed.

If you want to see a wonderful example of Internet impotence, just take a gander at the ill-fated campaign of Ron Paul. It was gonna be the Ron Pual Revolution! Ron Paul was gonna fix our economy with his magic wand of deregulation! He'd be the white man's Obama! But no, Internet popularity didn't amount to more than a hill of beans in the primaries.

Agreed. We can duel for who get's what job once we've won. Sabres, pistols or armoured corps?

I prefer proxy war. We each get our own faction in the secret police and have them quietly kill each other, and at the end of the Five-Year Plan, loser gets sent to Canada to coordinate Party-funded uprisings.

Place a speaker's corner in every major city, so the voices of dissent canbe heard. And written down. And dragged away, brutally tortured and exectuted by porcupine if neccesary. and I have a broad definition of 'neccesary'.

Exactly, free speech will be one of our core convictions. We just need to include a broad definition of sedition in the new constitution.

 

[TheKnifeJuggler]

Hmm...

I'd behave in a ridiculous manner, and do ridiculous things.

(I.E. Do anything anyone else said on this thread.)

 

[huntedannoyed]

My first act would to make Religious activities or expressions illegal (with a penalty of death) unless performed in a zoned church or home. Religion kills more people than plauges. Then, because the population would soar, Colinization of Mars would come next.

 

[RebelRising]

Strengthen relations with Russia and China.

Funnel private corporations' profits into National Treasury.

Eliminate FCC and other tyrannical censorship organizations.

Promote police power and tighten immigration control.

Make the death penalty universal for all capital offenders.

Cut off ALL ties with Middle East, including Israel and Saudi Arabia.

Illegalize all lobby groups, including Israel.

Set strict regulations for company practices.

Use corporate money to reinforce ex-homeowners, so as to stabilize banks.

Give passionate, exciting speeches.

Hire Hans Zimmer to write a new national anthem.

Spend more on government workers and airport security.

Spend less on foreign humanitarian aid.

Limit private transportation and allow for more buses and trains.

Execute full-out separation of church and state, have them pay hefty fees for publicity.

Create opportunities for other populist parties to get into the system.

I know, I'm a hard-ass, that's just the way I am.

 

[werepossum]

SNIP
Werepossum; I still support you for president, but don't you think us Canadians are getting screwed over enough by NAFTA already? The tariff is too much.

My original thought was that all other countries would enact a similar retaliatory tariff, thereby allowing trade in things which have to be brought in from outside the country but also strenuously encouraging each country to be self-sufficient. If Canada's economy is too small to furnish everything its citizens need, then I suppose we could make an exception for Canada and Mexico, being right next door and all.

Of course, all this is bullshit. Presidents and Prime Ministers don't have anywhere near this kind of power.

 

[Jaythulhu]

Hmmm... I think I'd have to outlaw scientology as a fraudulent cult, eliminate political correctness, and burn something to the ground. Probably hollywood.

 

[John Galt]

Of course, all this is bullshit. Presidents and Prime Ministers don't have anywhere near this kind of power.

*Nervously points to the angry, banner-waving mob behind him.*

We do under fascism.

 

[Mirika_the_warrior]

I would instate a depopulation list, to kill the stupid people....

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

I remember an episode of Sliders I watched a long while back. The crew had entered a parallel Earth where prices were amazingly low and there was an abundance of goods to be had. Why? Because money was free- but withdrawing a dollar from the country's primary bank entered your name into a lottery. The more dollars you withdrew, the more entries you received. Winning the lottery meant you were executed on live television.

Somehow that just strikes me as keeping things equitable between everyone, you know?

 

[TheKnifeJuggler]

Mandatory post-term abortions.
For everyone.
Death penalty to all who don't apply.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

Some more points from Fondant-Galt '12.

All persons not gainfully employed for over a year automatically get conscripted into the GLC (Galt Labour Corps) or the FAC (Fondant Assault Corps). So you beggers can FAC off, then.

All forms of private investment will be carefully monitored by the state:

Industries to be nationalised:

Armaments. (duh)
Aerospace.
All the utilities.
Rail.
Shipping.
Petroleum/Oil. (Most of the Middle East is going up in flames)



Olgiopolies/Monopolies to be broken:

Supermarket chains are to be broken up into a total of one hundred constituant firms (minimum) to prevent the stifling of comeptition. This should also end theneed for farm subsidies (another bonus).

Microsoft. Bill Gates can fuck off and die- all his tech is to be shared with the state computing labs, Linux and all other operating systems. And watch as my version of Windows freezes in 3...3....3.....3....3- ah bugger. Oh yes, and all programs are to be compatible with all existing operating systems by law.