if your girlfriend cheated on you with another woman...
- Thread starter disturbed_one
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It's happened to me a couple times. The first time the other girl was very 'man-ish' we broke up, the second time it happened it was with one of the other girls on our track team, that time resulted in a threesome (AWESOME) then we broke up a couple months later.
My bottom-line, if the other girl is as or more hot than my current GF, then I'm cool with it if I can watch or join in.
My bottom-line, if the other girl is as or more hot than my current GF, then I'm cool with it if I can watch or join in.
I would be doubly pissed off; on top of cheating, which, like everyone has said, is just such a big display of mistrust, it also shows that I'm boring her so much she wants to not only have sex with someone else, but experiment at the same time.
Double the hurt if you ask me.
Of course, if we're going non-serious, or if the relationship wasn't that serious then I'd ask to join in/take videos etc.
I mean, I doubt she would've gone off me entirely.
Double the hurt if you ask me.
Of course, if we're going non-serious, or if the relationship wasn't that serious then I'd ask to join in/take videos etc.
I mean, I doubt she would've gone off me entirely.
Cheating is cheating. Lesbian sex is still sex. Betrayal is still betrayal.disturbed_one said:
I'm gonna have to say "this". Anyone who's ever been cheated on will know what Irridium is talking 'bout.Irridium said:
Well, that's all the proof I need to know that the whole Murder the Hypotenuse [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MurderTheHypotenuse] trope is serious business.Suki the Cat said:
She can have as many partners as she wishes, male or female, I quite honestly don't care (I assume this girlfriend is hypothetical, I'm somewhat alone).
I wouldnt really mind, I would be pissed off for a while but that would mostly because I wasnt invited.
I would be really hurt if she cheated with another man, the thought of a my girlfriend cheating on me with another woman doesnt really phase me as much as her cheating with another man. Non the less it is still a betrayal of trust but I would personally be more irritated about the fact that someone was having sex with my woman. (Im quite shallow.)
I would be really hurt if she cheated with another man, the thought of a my girlfriend cheating on me with another woman doesnt really phase me as much as her cheating with another man. Non the less it is still a betrayal of trust but I would personally be more irritated about the fact that someone was having sex with my woman. (Im quite shallow.)
While it sounds like a cop-out, too many people focus on the act of cheating and fail to view it as a passive-aggressive communication within the relationship. We assume the guy cheats because he's a philanderer, and the woman cheats because she feels neglected, so we never investigate the reasons.disturbed_one said:
EXAMPLE FOLLOWS:
There are couples in which communication breaks down, the man feels "mothered" or justifiably pestered by the woman, and because neither of them are able to talk it out, this goes on until finally he just goes ahead and cheats. Then he gets caught, and there's a divorce, and he's the great Satan.
Not saying what he did wasn't bad. However, there are two points of failure here. If you get the (unfortunate) chance to watch this tale unfold, you can start to see it if you don't get too personally involved. A woman treats her man like he's a child, for whatever reason, and he begins to feel less and less like a man. When he tries to tell her how he feels, the conversation spins right back around to how she feels about things and then stops... so he never feels as though he has communicated and been understood. Eventually, some other woman comes along and shows an interest, and he gets to feel like a man again.
Yes, he's wrong to cheat. Yes, it's ultimately his choice. But problems never get solved if we don't look at the root cause--both parties failing to effectively communicate or create an environment in which communicating is even a good idea. It just so happens, in this case, that he caved first, thus giving her the "moral high ground" and absolving her from having to do anything about her part in the precipitating events.
END EXAMPLE.
So, the long and short of it, look into why she's cheating. Communicate about it. See if it's a problem that can't be solved, or whether it's one that can. My fiancée occasionally has an "itch to scratch," so to speak. She needs her "girl time." She's always been up-front about it, and I've always been up-front that I'm not the sort that's going to push to be included. She needs that space and time, she communicated that need, and we're good.
This is because, for her, it's a physical desire. She's not going elsewhere because she's emotionally unfufilled. There's an excitement to it that I'm just not equipped to provide (giggity). And you know what? She comes back every time, and she comes back in a fantastic mood, so I say win-win.
Now, if it were a guy, I'd be hard-pressed to buy that it was purely a physical need. For this problem, I've got the requisite features, no need to outsource. If she were to, instead, communicate to me that she didn't feel I was giving her enough attention, or she didn't feel admired anymore, or something like that, it'd be something we could work on together--because I strive to be open to communication like that.
If it were just a purely physical thing, she wanted the excitement of being with a different guy from me, it would be difficult to accept. I couldn't say impossible, but certainly difficult. My main concern would be that it might be "more than physical" for him, or that at least he would get possessive and start to make trouble or sow seeds of division. Until my fears in that regard were abated, I wouldn't go along.
All of this is just to say that they should talk about why she's doing it--and more importantly, why she's being secretive about it. Treat it as communication (bad communication, but communication nonetheless) rather than a personal attack. Focus on what she's trying to say or show, rather than just on how it makes you feel (there's certainly a place for that, too).
Too many relationships end because we have such a narrow view of cheating. It's always a bad thing, yes, but more accurately it's a grouping of several different bad things, and you ought to at least know which you're dealing with before you 'splode.
My partner (female) does routinely does sleep with other women..
This whole Malthusian argument that if you have affection for more than one person then it diminishes the quality really doesn't work in practice.
Besides, what's worse than cheating to me is assuming that you can ever completely fulfil one persons emotional and sexual needs. That's kind of insulting, it implies people are a lot simpler and more boring than they are.
That said, the male tendancy to assume that lesbian sex isn't really sex, or that it's non-threatening compared to heterosexual sex is a bit fucked up. Unless your partner is literally just doing it for your benefit (which is just sad really) then she's likely getting off just as hard (probably harder in fact, women tend to be better at that) than she would with another man, and I really doubt she'd be thinking of you in that moment.
If fucking a man is betrayal, fucking a woman is betrayal too.. I just don't think either are as long as you have a little respect and follow some basic rules of conduct.
This whole Malthusian argument that if you have affection for more than one person then it diminishes the quality really doesn't work in practice.
Besides, what's worse than cheating to me is assuming that you can ever completely fulfil one persons emotional and sexual needs. That's kind of insulting, it implies people are a lot simpler and more boring than they are.
That said, the male tendancy to assume that lesbian sex isn't really sex, or that it's non-threatening compared to heterosexual sex is a bit fucked up. Unless your partner is literally just doing it for your benefit (which is just sad really) then she's likely getting off just as hard (probably harder in fact, women tend to be better at that) than she would with another man, and I really doubt she'd be thinking of you in that moment.
If fucking a man is betrayal, fucking a woman is betrayal too.. I just don't think either are as long as you have a little respect and follow some basic rules of conduct.
She cheats on you with your pet dog... named Bubbles...
She cheats on you with your dead grandfather...
She cheats on you with a poster of Barack Obama...
Now thats interesting!
But back to the question at hand:
Yes, despite it's awesomeness, it is cheating - however i would still press my luck by asking to be involved.
She cheats on you with your dead grandfather...
She cheats on you with a poster of Barack Obama...
Now thats interesting!
But back to the question at hand:
Yes, despite it's awesomeness, it is cheating - however i would still press my luck by asking to be involved.
Yes, and I think it'd hurt twice as much as if she cheated with another man.
Yeah, that about sums it up. The gender of the person they're cheating with is irrelevant, it's still dishonest, deceitful, and wrong.LooK iTz Jinjo said:
I would be pretty damn pissed. Mainly, because it would make me question myself, as I'm really fucking insecure, but also because it would mean that the other party was someone who my archaic values would prevent me from beating up... 