lazy_bum said:
Basically what i mean to say is that sleeping with someone doesnt mean you lose something, but you gain something, experiance, which, when you meet the person you want to settle down with you can properly connect with them sexually without any awkwardness.
I completely disagree.
I fully know (First hand) that sex can be awkward the first time, but if people who waited for sex until marriage found their first sexual encounter to be awkward, and then they
end the relationship because of it, then they were far too immature to be married. Sex is far from the end-all-be-all of a relationship, and if a few awkward first couple times causes a relationship to end, then the problems with that relationship run much deeper then their awkward sexual encounters.
I mean, if I just got married to my wife, whom I just told the world through our wedding that I loved enough to spend the
rest of my life with, and then we get to the honeymoon suite and I'm not comfortable, then there is a deeper problem there.
I'm all for educating people about sex so help make thing easier for first timers. My wife, actually, read a great book that helped her
immensely at the beginning of our marriage. That, I think, is a great idea. But you don't need to sleep with a bunch of people to get the information. That's like saying I need to get hit by a bus to know it's not good for me. There is plenty of information out there that can educate people to help them with their 'first time'. And the exploration is part of the beauty of a relationship! Things might be awkward at first, but as you grow in your love for each other, you'll learn what your partner likes and dislikes and vice versa.
It's a great learning and growing experience that you share with your spouse, and it's something I wouldn't trade the world for. I'd gladly give up all my past 'experience' if I could. It didn't do anything for me.
EDIT:
SikOseph said:
What doesn't seem to come through at allis how any of this relates to past sexual experiences. You're talking about trust and faithfulness, but this doesn't really relate to your actions prior to your current relationship. Why should/do you regret past sexual experiences in the context of loving your wife?
My example of the relationship with the man and the woman and the affair wasn't merely focused on the bond, though indeed it is there. Sex is often thrown out as something that isn't a big deal. 'It's just sex' I hear so often. And what I'm saying is that it's not 'just sex', if it was, the wife certainly wouldn't have got mad, since it doesn't mean anything. But people do get mad, and marriages to get destroyed because sex carries with it a deeper and greater weight the is given credit these days. You mentioned kissing on the cheek, or lips, or holding hand, and I agree completely. We are in a society with an ever increasing apathy and indifference for the physical realm within (Or without) a relationship, and I think it's a dangerous and slippery slope we tread.
Also, quickly and for the record, I stopped using the term 'gift' because I felt I sufficiently made my position known in previous posts. I certainly still stand by the statement, but since we were having a bit of an issue in making our positions clear to each other, I opted to use slightly different language for the sake of clarity. Fair enough?
As for your final question, and at the risk of sounding redundant, since I view sex as a gift, then I regret my past experiences because I cannot give all of me to my wife. My first time was thrown away, as was a bunch of times after that. And what does my wife end up with? What's left. And, for me, that's not good enough. She deserves everything. Now, she loves me regardless, and it is not a strain or issue in our marriage, but it's certainly a regret that I hold.
