I'm jealous.

[Hanzo Hattori]

Hey guys,

I am not sure if there's another adjective for the kind of feeling I have.
It all is GF related, so I'm not jealous to other guys or whatever.

It's just like that for example I really don't want my girlfriend to talk to other guys (Of course I didn't say anything to anyone) or go out without me.
Well she has been my girlfriend for over 9 months now and it's just great, since she is like the most trusty and loyal person I have EVER met in my whole life.
How I know it? For instance, one time I created a fake facebook profile (I'm sure it seemed legit to her since she isn't quite a IT pro you know...) and tried "talking" (if you know what I mean) to her, not really offensive just a lil more than usual talking, and she instantly told me to GTFO and that she has a boyfriend.
I know this sounds really pathetic but I'm just kind of paranoid for some reason.
She also is by my side most time of the week, except when she's at school and I'm at work of course.
Don't get me wrong, she doesn't really do things that could get me upset or something, it's just the fear, even if I know it...

I do trust her, really. I just don't trust other guys since they have already tried to get "onto" her before we we're together.


I am very concerned that I'm going too far since I really love her and stay together with her...





I'm not quite sure what the discussion value in this thread is, I just felt like I have to shout this out in a kind-of-intelligent community (compared to 98% of the others^^).



So, are you jealous sometimes? How do others deal with that?

Please ladies and gentleman, discuss.

 

[aseelt]

I heard from someone people are paranoid of their partners when they themselves are cheating, or thinking of cheating.

Is that the case? Are you as trustworthy as she is?

 

[Arkhangelsk]

I'd say that the issue here is that you're afraid that your girlfriend would take the offer to go off with some other guy. If you've been together for nine months, I'm sure she doesn't want to leave you for another guy. Believe in yourself and her more.

Also, creating a fake Facebook is going a bit too far. It's okay to be a bit paranoid, but testing your girlfriend like that...I don't think she'd be very pleased if she found out.

You can't stop guys from hitting on her. You can however trust in that she will push them away. If you try to keep her to yourself, she will think you're possessive and clingy.

As for me, I get jealous all the time. But, having OCD, I know how to seal my bad thoughts away and try to not care about them. Doesn't stop me from getting paranoid, but I know enough about how silly my paranoia is that I don't act on it (most of the time).

 

[Flames66]

I personally think you are being far too possessive. If you put the things you love in cages, they will eventually try to escape. Give her space.

 

[Madara XIII]

Hey guys,

I am not sure if there's another adjective for the kind of feeling I have.
It all is GF related, so I'm not jealous to other guys or whatever.

It's just like that for example I really don't want my girlfriend to talk to other guys (Of course I didn't say anything to anyone) or go out without me.
Well she has been my girlfriend for over 9 months now and it's just great, since she is like the most trusty and loyal person I have EVER met in my whole life.
How I know it? For instance, one time I created a fake facebook profile (I'm sure it seemed legit to her since she isn't quite a IT pro you know...) and tried "talking" (if you know what I mean) to her, not really offensive just a lil more than usual talking, and she instantly told me to GTFO and that she has a boyfriend.
I know this sounds really pathetic but I'm just kind of paranoid for some reason.
She also is by my side most time of the week, except when she's at school and I'm at work of course.
Don't get me wrong, she doesn't really do things that could get me upset or something, it's just the fear, even if I know it...

I do trust her, really. I just don't trust other guys since they have already tried to get "onto" her before we we're together.


I am very concerned that I'm going too far since I really love her and stay together with her...





I'm not quite sure what the discussion value in this thread is, I just felt like I have to shout this out in a kind-of-intelligent community (compared to 98% of the others^^).



So, are you jealous sometimes? How do others deal with that?

Please ladies and gentleman, discuss.

I know what you mean.....I can get jealous of myself at times too....*Looks in Mirror* Oh my who is that fine hunk of darkness and evil!?


But seriously, the best thing to do is Trust her! If she is really dedicated to you she won't let the other dudes have at her and shoot there might be times when she even wants to talk to you about it.

Don't let others or even your own jealousy ruin what you have man

 

[ChocoFace]

You "caring" this much will probably be the reason you break up. Just saying.

 

[Estocavio]

Well, my advice is to take a day off work some time - Id go into how to effectively monitor her activity, but no; Im not just going to tell people how to be a stalker

It would put your mind to ease though
This is more concern than paranoia, or paranoid concern if youd prefer

 

[BonsaiK]

Hey guys,

I am not sure if there's another adjective for the kind of feeling I have.
It all is GF related, so I'm not jealous to other guys or whatever.

It's just like that for example I really don't want my girlfriend to talk to other guys (Of course I didn't say anything to anyone) or go out without me.
Well she has been my girlfriend for over 9 months now and it's just great, since she is like the most trusty and loyal person I have EVER met in my whole life.
How I know it? For instance, one time I created a fake facebook profile (I'm sure it seemed legit to her since she isn't quite a IT pro you know...) and tried "talking" (if you know what I mean) to her, not really offensive just a lil more than usual talking, and she instantly told me to GTFO and that she has a boyfriend.
I know this sounds really pathetic but I'm just kind of paranoid for some reason.
She also is by my side most time of the week, except when she's at school and I'm at work of course.
Don't get me wrong, she doesn't really do things that could get me upset or something, it's just the fear, even if I know it...

I do trust her, really. I just don't trust other guys since they have already tried to get "onto" her before we we're together.


I am very concerned that I'm going too far since I really love her and stay together with her...





I'm not quite sure what the discussion value in this thread is, I just felt like I have to shout this out in a kind-of-intelligent community (compared to 98% of the others^^).



So, are you jealous sometimes? How do others deal with that?

Please ladies and gentleman, discuss.

The discussion value here is that you need help. So I've given it, in the relationship problem thread, at the following link: ----> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=53#8804585

 

[BENZOOKA]

Don't be so overly jealous, owning, paranoid and pathetic.

The truth is, in a relationship you can only trust that she will not cheat or leave you. That's just the way it is. There's nothing you can do about it. Obsessively jealous behavior in the other hand is a good long-way term to drive her away.

Relationships are about trust, not owning your partner like an object.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I know how you feel. I get so bad, whenever I see my boyfriend talk to a girl, I silently rage and and get annoyed. There is a good reason why I'm like this though, and my boyfriend only has himself to blame.
It doesn't help half the girls he knows are skanks and don't care if he has a girlfriend or not.
Probably because I think he's way too good looking for me, and every girl he talks to is so much sexier than me.
On the plus side, someone who works at Gamestation keeps giving him free stuff because she wants to bang him, so it's not all bad. :')

I can understand you maybe paranoid if you've had a bad experience before, but this is a new girl who obviously hasn't accepted any of the offers she's gotten from men. A little jealousy is healthy, it shows you care.

 

[lolmynamewastaken]

i think you need to actually trust her more... its all well saying you do but if you still feel like, clearly you don't...

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

That whole fake facebook thing was a bit much man. Don't be doing all this stuff in the name of "love" and "caring". To me it shows you're a bit insecure about the relationship.

 

[Vern]

I'm sure she's savvy enough to find your browser history, find out you've posted on the escapist, and connect the dots from your post. Creating a fake facebook profile to try to seduce your girlfriend is extremely creepy and over protective of your own emotions at the cost of hers. Wanting to make sure the person you love loves you in return is normal, creating a false identity to do it is not. Basically creating a false profile to find out if she's faithful is spying on her. If you feel that insecure about the relationship, or you don't trust her enough then it might not be a good relationship. She responded GTFO, and that's a good start, she cares about you. So stop being a paranoid/jealous person, because she will catch on. Enjoy what you have right now, and be yourself, just cut back on the on-line stalking.

 

[knhirt]

I don't know if you want advice or something, but I've written something up which I hope will help a little:

I'd recommend that you just chill out.
The Facebook thing was going too far, to be honest, and you should really stay away from tactics like those in the future.

Here's my advice: If you can't get this out of your head by yourself, just tell her how you feel (I wouldn't go admitting the Facebook thing, though). To be safe, make sure you make it explicitly clear how stupid you feel for feeling jealous. Ask her to tell you whatever you need to hear from her to put yourself at rest ("We're all right", "I would never cheat on you", "You're my top guy, guy", whatever), and then get on with your relationship.

It'd be best if you could get over this stuff by yourself, though.

--

Since you asked: I don't get jealous towards my girl. She does her thing, I do mine, then we do our thing together and happy times ensue. I don't like having it any more complicated than that. My opinion is: She's free to do whatever she wants, because our relationship is one of mutual friendship and kindness and sexy-times, and what she does when she's not with me doesn't change that.
I do sometimes get a bit jealous when my friends spend time with other people too much and don't have any time for me, though. That's only really when I have nothing to do and haven't seen them for pretty long, so it's not that common. I usually just go trolling around the internet when that happens. ; )

Final word of advice: Stop thinking so much. Thinking is very good when you channel it correctly. When you channel it into wallowing over stuff like this, though, it's self-destructive. I know, 'cause I've been through it (and I still engage in it to some extent, albeit not because of jealousy).
Good luck to you, man.

 

[Erana]

Is this really who you want to be in your relationship?
Is the soul purpose of a relationship to you to possess another person, rather than explicitly enjoying the other's comanionship in a romantic manner?
If not, just stop yourself before you even begin down this thought path next time.
It seems like you're making yourself miserable over this. I mean, what would you have done if she did approach you through the fake Facebook account?

If she cheats, she cheats. Don't go after, don't be in a fit of rage, just leave. She'd be in the wrong, and isn't quite the person you thought her to be. There'd be nothing to argue about.
You're honestly worrying me a bit- how would you handle her not being what you invision her to be? Would you develop a downright obsession with her if the relationship did fall apart?
I understand you're trying to show your affection, but this is not the way to do it. Its not healthy for either one of you.
Trust and patience are some of the greatest ways to show love, but if anyone said it was easy, they'd be lying.
(Jesus Christ, Escapist, let me post!)

 

[Mr.Pandah]

Haha I had complete trust in my ex-gf and she stabbed me in the back. My trust in people has decreased greatly due to this. We went out for about 3 years and while I won't go into details, she started dating another guy the week after she decided to break up with me, all the while she was talking with him throughout the last 4-6 months of our relationship.

Thats what I get for trusting people. This happened about 2 months ago now and the way I've forced myself to look at it is that its better off this way if thats who she really was. What good is a girl who is just going to throw away 3 years of a relationship without so much as a howdy-do?

Disregard Females, Acquire Currency my friend.

 

[RollForInitiative]

A few words from somebody that understands your situation.

When we find happiness, we tend to want to hold onto it as tightly as possible for fear of losing it. It sounds like you've found an appropriate level of happiness to trigger that kind of response. In some ways, I think it's a pretty natural reaction but it's also not a healthy one; I speak from experience.

My best advice to you is to try and relax a little bit. Trust in her. If she appreciates what you have together as much as you do, then you have nothing to worry about. It's not always easy but the best thing you can do is just...let go a bit. Occupy your mind if she's out with other people. If she's flirtatious with other guys and that makes you uncomfortable, talk to her about it -- doesn't sound like that's an issue though.

Above all else, just start trying to put the reins to that fear. You know what it is and you've called it out by name. Now you have the opportunity to bring it under control. People who act the way you do without knowing why will eventually destroy their relationship. By understanding what it is that's making you feel that way, you've given yourself a chance to grow, mature, and protect your relationship.

Use it well, and good luck.

 

[iLikeHippos]

Well, it's a good sign that you care for starters. That she would leave you for another...
Would be quite horrible, I think, If you wouldn't care.

On the other hand, I'd give her some space. She seems to be very happy to be with you, and so far, things aren't going down hill.

All in all, it's all up to you in case this will go straight to hell or stay the same.

 

[Lilani]

This sounds like a problem with you, not her. This has to do with your perception of yourself and of her. You SAY you trust her, but if that is so, how do you explain your behavior?

It sounds like you want to keep her in a bubble, away from everything but you. When you get down to it, that is just selfish of you. So she wants to see a movie with some of her other girl and guy friends while you're away somewhere. So what? She's entitled to some happiness, too. And she is also entitled to privacy.

Remember, not everything is about you. There are other parts of her life that don't revolve totally around you or around other guys, and you have to be able to let her cater to those parts of her life, too.

It sounds like you just need time to establish trust. If you're really that devoted to her there's obviously something there. It just sounds like you need to be more open with her, and she'll be more open with you in return, most likely.